Friday, July 31, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Moody's Investors Service downgraded two American International Group Inc. (AIG) lending units to the brink of junk territory, saying that without support from the insurance giant, both would already be speculative grade.

The ratings agency lowered American General Finance Corp. and International Lease Finance Corp. by one notch each to Baa3 and their ratings were put on review for further downgrades.

The idea that AIG asset sales will repay the billions that saved Goldman Smith et. al. is becoming more remote by the minute.

AIG (Where's the Bottle)

NYT--In the months since A.I.G. received its $182 billion rescue from the Treasury and the Federal Reserve, state insurance regulators have said repeatedly that its core insurance operations were sound — that the financial disaster was caused primarily by a small unit that dealt in exotic derivatives.

But state regulatory filings offer a different picture. They show that A.I.G.’s individual insurance companies have been doing an unusual volume of business with each other for many years — investing in each other’s stocks; borrowing from each other’s investment portfolios; and guaranteeing each other’s insurance policies, even when they have lacked the means to make good.

Thursday, July 30, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--The government is suspending the explosively popular 'cash for clunkers' program at midnight tonight fearing it would go broke before it could parcel out what it still owes dealers for a huge backlog of sales. Congressman Barney Rubble said: "We will not bailout the cash for clunkers program, but we will proceed with the cash for bankers program."


BANZAI NEWS7--Nine banks that received government aid money paid out bonuses of nearly $33 billion last year -- including more than $1 million apiece to nearly 5,000 employees -- despite huge losses that plunged the U.S. into economic turmoil.

The data, released Thursday by New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, provide a rare window into the pay culture of Wall Street, where top employees typically make 90% or more of their compensation in year-end bonuses.

The $32.6 billion in bonuses is one-third larger than California's budget deficit. Six of the nine banks paid out more in bonuses than they received in profit. One in every 270 employees at the banks received more than $1 million

A Simple Truth: As far as the rest of society is concerned, these people are not worth the paper they $hit on. Who cares if some fancy trader makes a pile of dough. The shareholders, depositors, working employees and taxpayers will never see a dime of it. Big is better alright, for those who run the big bonus game.

"The banking system (betting AGAINST rare events) just lost > 1 Trillion dollars (so far) on a single error, more than was ever earned in the history of banking. Yet bankers kept their previous bonuses and it looks like citizens have to foot the bills. And one Professor Ben Bernanke pronounced right before the blowup that we live in an era of stability and "great moderation" (he is now piloting a plane and we all are passengers on it)."
Nicholas Taleb


During swine flu’s first months, the World Health Organization broke down the numbers of new cases by country to show where the virus was spreading. Then, in July, the WHO quietly announced that it was abandoning its count.


Andrew Cuomo's Bonus Report


Major health insurer Cigna Corporation (CI) on Thursday said its second quarter profit rose 60% from last year...


BANZAI7 News--A Boston police officer who sent a mass e-mail referring to Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. as a "banana-eating jungle monkey" has apologized, saying he's not a racist.

WB7: Oh, but Gates is a "banana eating jungle monkey"?

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--A lawyer for Goldman Smith was caught in a sting operation aimed at Wall Street perverts and compliance jocks who solicit young girls for sex, officials said Tuesday.

Todd Genger, 33, is accused of trying to lure an underage teen with explicit chat on the Internet and then traveling to Westchester to consummate the cyber-affair.

In reality, the "Cyber Lolita" Genger was chasing was an undercover SEC investigator posing as a teen day trader selling credit default swaps in the chat room, the Westchester County district attorney's office said.


BANZAI7 NEWS--America’s automakers have long claimed that it will take major technological breakthroughs to meet the stringent fuel efficiency standards needed to slash carbon emissions and cope with rising energy prices. But Detroit’s new display of muscle cars suggests fuel efficiency is, at this stage, more of a problem of taste and will.

More efficient vehicles are within Detroit’s technological reach. Carmakers must decide to make them and consumers must be convinced to buy them.

The latest hot rod to hit showrooms is the new Chevy Camaro. Chrysler recently introduced a new Dodge Challenger.

WB7: Two more bailed out clunkers, a clunker for muscle clunker riot...can only mean alot more new clunkers on the road.

Good work Washington.


Todays Wall Street jargon word: "price discovery."

Goldman Sachs Managing Director Don Castration said at a hearing on curbing commodities speculation: "Swap dealers play an important role in providing liquidity, price discovery and customized risk management products to end-users on favorable credit terms..."

From today's NYT: The answers that come back from high-frequency trading proponents, also rather too quickly, are “No, we are adding liquidity to the market” or “It’s perfectly safe and it speeds up price discovery.” In other words, the traders say, the practice makes it easier for stocks to be bought and sold quickly across exchanges, and it more efficiently sets the value of shares.

Price discovery is actually a tried and true technique employed by the world's best T-raiders for hundreds if not thousands of years. Savy?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009



BANZAI7 NEWS--The House Financial Services committee voted to ban pay practices at financial firms that encourage "inappropriate risk," one of the government's boldest moves into the private sector.

The bill, approved in a 40-28 vote, authorizes federal regulators to restrict "inappropriate or imprudently risky" pay packages at financial companies, though Goldman Sachs and firms with over $10 billion bonus pools would be exempted.


BANZAI7 BEIJING--Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner pledged to rein in the U.S. deficit as China underscored concern about preserving the value of its $801.5 billion of Treasury holdings.

The U.S. will ensure a “sustainable” deficit by 2013, Geithner said at the beginning of the first round of Strategic and Economic Dialogue talks under President Barack Obama in Washington. China is “concerned about the security of our financial assets,” Assistant Finance Minister Zhu Guangyao said.

Secretary Geithner, a devoted Arnold Schwarzenegger fan, has been studying weight lifting and California's IOU program following a very unpleasant meeting during his last China visit. Geithner: "I won't let them do that to me ever again."


BANZAI7 NEWS-- Gallup recently polled Americans about how they rated nine relatively high-profile government agencies. The Federal Reserve came in dead last.

You done one heckuva job Brownie!


BANZAI7 VIEWS--As more states consider outright bans of talking on cell phones or texting while driving, a new study indicates sending and receiving text messages while driving dramatically increases the likelihood of an accident.

WB7: How can this be? Don't we all read the newspaper while we are driving? I thought the telephone operators made road accidents impossible.

Monday, July 27, 2009


WSJ--Many investors celebrated Monday after June's "surge" in U.S. new-home sales. Alas, it was largely wishful thinking.

True, the Census Bureau reported sales up 11% from May. That's a big number, at first glance justifying Monday's 4.5% leap in the Dow Jones U.S. Home Construction Index. But it fails a close inspection.

First, home sales quite often jump in June, the height of the spring selling season. When trying to gauge the strength of home sales, then, it makes more sense to compare them to the same month a year ago. That comparison is less kind -- sales were down 21.3% from June of 2008.

Seasonally unadjusted data show a total of 36,000 new homes were sold last month, the lowest June total since 1982, notes Richard Moody, chief economist at Forward Capital.

And the Census Bureau warns against assuming too much precision in these numbers, which are based on a sample survey.

Going once, going twice, gone, gone, gone.....


BANZAI7 NEWS--The provincial government of Jilin ordered Jianlong Group of China to abandon a buyout of state-owned Tonghua Iron & Steel Group after workers protesting job losses killed a manager, state-run Beijing News said Monday.

The instruction, announced via Jilin’s television network last night, also ordered Beijing-based Jianlong to never again take part in any restructuring plan of Tonghua, Bloomberg News reported. Closely held Jianlong had been Tonghua’s second-largest shareholder since 2005, Xinhua News Agency said separately.

Asked to comment on this Chinese style anti-takeover tactic, M&A doyen Martin Lipton said: "Simple, but effective nevertheless. I am not certain I would recommend it to my clients since it leaves the question of who signs off on legal fees somewhat hazy."

SHEILA BAIR (The Terminator)

"We must find ways to impose greater market discipline on systemically important institutions. In a properly functioning market economy there will be winners and losers, and when firms — through their own mismanagement and excessive risk taking – are no longer viable, they should fail."

Sheila Bair Systemic Rist Testimony 072309


OUR TRADING HOUSE (Ode to Goldman Sachs)
(Our House, Crosby Stills, Nash, Paulson, Friedman, Geithner, Blankfein and Young)

Sing along:

I'll light a fire
You place the orders just in case
We need to dump the crap we bought today

Staring at the fire
For hours and trading hours
While we pitch a new riskless hedge to those counter party fools
Play those songs of greed and wealth
All night long for me
Only for me

Come to me now
And rest your hedge for just five minutes
Everything is good
Such a cozy trading room
The screens are illuminated
By the opacity and leverage shining through them
Trading gems for us
Only for us

Our house is a very, very, very fine trading house
With many many fat cats in the yard
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
'Thanks to TARP handouts and the FDIC
And our la,la,la, la,la etc

Our house, is a very, very, very fine trading house
With many many fat cats in the yard,
Life used to be so hard
Now everything is easy
'Tales of bailout greed

And our

I'll light a fire
While you place the order just in case
We need to dump the crap we bought today...

Saturday, July 25, 2009


Toxic Equity trading takes money from genuine investors and gives it to the high frequency traders who have the best computers. It is called algorithmic trading providing a bogus impression of volume that is traded, and in reality doesn’t exist.

"Wall Street is dominated by some of the brainiest and shrewdest men in the country, natural born sharpers and schemers, and before the average man can get the better of them, except through the merest chance, he will have to eat brain food for a long time."

Franklyn Keyes, Esq.

Enjoy the read:

Toxic Equity Trading on Wall Street

Don't Mess With The Police


Have you studied this?


Have you studied this?

VERBAL JUDO is a tactical communication training course. The principles and tactics taught enable Verbal Judo Academy graduates to use "Presence and Words" to calm difficult people who may be under severe emotional or other influences, redirect the behavior of hostile people, defuse potentially dangerous situations, perform professionally under all conditions and achieve the desired outcome in the encounter.

As they say in Thailand: Don't mess with the Police.

Friday, July 24, 2009


ABC NEWS REPORTS--In these troubled economic times, it seems as if it's impossible to turn on the radio without hearing an ad for debt settlement.

After having children and going through a divorce and moving two years ago Ms. X found herself deep in debt. That's when she saw something about Credit Solutions of America on TV. When she looked into it, the program sounded promising.

"You can likely become debt-free within three years or less," stated Credit Solutions on one of its videos. On its Web site, the company claims it can help clients reduce their debts by up to 50 percent of what they owe.

Ms. X signed up, and said that the first thing Credit Solutions told her to do was stop paying her credit card bills, which, according to a study by the National Consumer Law Center, is standard advice in the debt settlement world. Instead, she said the company told her to put a chunk of money that could be used to make a settlement offer to the credit card companies into a safe special investment vehicle (SIV).

But that SIV account didn't accrue fast enough, Ms. X said, because, in the meantime, Credit Solutions was automatically deducting its own fee -- 15 percent of Ms. X's total debt -- from her account. In the first three months, the company deducted roughly a third of the fee from her bank account and then the ensuing balance over the course of the next 14 months.

Ms X remained in the Credit Solutions structured settlement program for 20 months, and paid the company's full fee, yet Credit Solutions did not initiate a single debt settlement for her. And because she wasn't paying her credit card bills, the late fees and penalties piled up, causing her debt to soar from $13,000 to $18,000. Meanwhile, her AAA credit rating plunged.

Credit Solutions has now asked for permission to repackage her credit card debts in a special securitized pool backed by the rest of her savings.

The owners of Credit Solutions are anonymous and the Company maintains a mailing address at Broad Street New York.


BANZAI7 MOSCOW BUREAU--Vice President Joe Biden is optimistic that Russia will warm to the West, given that its economy is "withering," he said in an interview with the Wall Street Journal.

"Russia has to make some very difficult, calculated decisions," Biden said. "They have a shrinking population base, they have a withering economy, they have a banking sector and structure that is not likely to be able to withstand the next 15 years, they're in a situation where the world is changing before them and they're clinging to something in the past that is not sustainable."

Russian President Vladimir Putin is also gratified that the USA has already warmed to the East, given that its "withering" economy has survived thanks to bailout style socialism, he said in an interview with Banzai7 News.

"America has to make some very difficult, calculated decisions," Putin said. "They have an exploding population of boomer retirees, they have a withering economy, they have a banking sector and structure that is not likely to be able to withstand the next 15 years, they're in a situation where the world is changing before them and they're clinging to something in the past that is not sustainable."


BANZAI7 NEWS--A two-year federal probe into a money laundering operation taking place between the New York area and Israel ballooned into the biggest bribery and corruption sweeps in New Jersey history, netting three northern New Jersey mayors, two members of the New Jersey Legislature, a raft of local officials, five rabbis, five rollerskating Mullahs, a Hare Krishna fencing operation, an Iranian counterfeit rug dealing operation, a ring of clandestine North Korean derivative salesmen, 6 Somali car dealers, the E Street Band, Paulie Walnuts, Christopher Moltisanti, Junior Soprano, Crazy Eddie Antar, OJ Simpson and a Brooklyn man accused of trafficking in counterfeit human kidneys and conspiring to sell the complete collection of Jimmy Hoffa's cement shoes, U.S. prosecutors said today. Surprisingly, the operation did not manage to snare any Republican Congressmen in the mens room of Newark International Airport.

New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine was quoted as saying: "I love working for vibrant organizations like the State of New Jersey and my former firm."

What size cement shoe do you wear?


BANZAI7 NEWS--Toyota's dreaded moment is finally here: The Japanese automaker is set to shutter a major factory for the first time in its 73-year-old history, pulling the plug on a joint venture with General Motors.

American Express Co.'s customers reduced spending by 16% in the second quarter, sending the company's quarterly net income down 48%.

WB7: More fabulous news. The jobless recovery is marching onward.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Michael Jackson wore a prosthetic nose, according a report — and it was missing from his surgically mangled face as he lay in an LA morgue.

Left behind was a small, dark hole surrounded by bits of cartilage, Rolling Stone magazine said, citing witnesses who saw the King of Pop's body on the autopsy table.

Jackson, who was notoriously shy about his appearance, wore the prosthetic to mask the effects of decades of plastic surgery, according to the magazine, due to hit newsstands today.


Tired of sitting around watching Wall Street scumbags get rich? Ready to put you money where your mouth is? Interested in buying Dow Jones Put Options? Here is what Yahoo Answers will tell you >But first read this:

and this:

and then this:

Then if you are feeling brave go on and read this:


If you want to trade options on the Dow Jone Industrial Average index itself, you can use the DJX index option contract, which is based on 1/100th (one-one-hundredth) of the current value of the Dow Jones Industrial Average, or the "Jumbo DJX" Index (symbol DXL), which is based on 1/10th the value of the Dow Jones Industrial Average ("DJIA"). Both of these are cash-settled European-style options.

If you want to trade options on the DIAMONDS ETF the symbol is DIA. These are American-Style options settled by physical delivery of 100 shares of the ETF.

Note that some brokerages will require a higher trading authorization level to trade index options than ETF options.


Other than a free trial, probably the only place you can get free real-time quotes of options is from your brokerage. You can get free 20-minute delayed quotes for all these options from…

Just enter DJX, DJL or DIA as the "Stock or Index symbol" where requested.


If you click the box labeled "List all options, LEAPS, Credit Options & Weeklys if avail" at the quote site mentioned you will see all the expiration dates.

Note that the DIA options have "quarterly" expirations as well as the regular monthy expirations. Quarterly options expire on the last business day of each calendar quarter, not on the Saturday following the third Friday of the month. The symbols for the DIA quarterlies are BQQ, HLK and OVG.

And now a word from Goldman Sachs:

"We have experienced the brief euphoric one-month “pop” phase of the typical equity market recovery from a bear market low (27% rally from 667 to 850), endured the characteristic several-month long range-bound “stall” period (10% range from 850 to 940), and now we anticipate a more extended “sustained rally” in the U.S. equity market during the second-half of 2009.

Goldman scribes say, “although earnings, valuation, and money flow offer support to our view that the S&P 500 will experience a more sustained rally during the second-half of 2009, the fourth pillar of our analysis — the U.S. economy — is the shakiest part of the foundation.”

Economy? We don't care about no stinkin economy!!!!


BANZAI7 NEWS--The NYT reports "a thriving subculture of men and women in Japan who indulge in real relationships with imaginary characters. These 2-D lovers, as they are called, are a subset of otaku culture— the obsessive fandom that has surrounded anime, manga and video games in Japan in the last decade. It’s impossible to say exactly what portion of otaku are 2-D lovers, because the distinction between the two can be blurry. Like most otaku, the majority of 2-D lovers go to work, pay rent, hang out with friends (some are even married). Unlike most otaku, though, they have real romantic feelings for their toys. The less extreme might have a hidden collection of figurines based on anime characters that they go on “dates” with during off hours. A more serious 2-D lover, like Nisan, actually believes that a lumpy pillow with a drawing of a prepubescent anime character on it is his girlfriend."

A similar phenomenon has taken hold on Wall Street where there is a thriving subculture of men and women who have real romantic feelings for their collection of deal toys.



BANZAI7 NEWS--On Thursday, the world’s largest software company reported its worst fiscal year since it initially sold stock to the public in 1986. Year-over-year revenue and full-year sales of Microsoft’s flagship Windows software dropped for the first time.

“Clearly, Microsoft is not immune to the economic downturn,” said Brendan Barnicle, a pirate with Pacific Crest Securities.

Many prominent companies tied to the PC industry have watched about one-fourth of their revenue vanish as business customers in particular have scaled back new PC purchases.

More good news to send the markets soaring. Don't worry about that missing one fourth of revenue fellas, its in good hands.


BANZAI7 NEWS -- A ban on “naked” trading in the $26.4 trillion credit-default swaps market being considered by U.S. lawmakers would have the unintended consequence of making it more difficult to speculate, gamble, and bring the global financial system to its knees traders said.

“It will deprive Wall Street banks of their primary means of hooligan toolery, significantly reduce liquidity in trader bonus pools, and further reduce the opacity” of other wealth diversion techniques that rely on credit swaps, said Tim Nutball, chief strategist at hedge fund adviser Credit Derivatives Research LLC in Swap Nut Farm, California, in an interview yesterday.

“The question of banning or not bannning naked swapping is up for sale,” Barney Frank, a Massachusetts Democrat, said in a Television interview yesterday.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Bubbly news, the Dow is over 9000, NASDAQ is up, stocks trading above 200 day running averages, unemployment is up, foreclosures are at record highs, earnings reports (ex-Wall Street and accounting games) are negative, commercial mortgage backed securities are teetering on the brink, big banks still loaded with toxic waste, bonus fever is back, lots of Federally funded bailout liquidity sloshing around...etc. etc.

Now some people are openly wondering how this can be possible when history tells us otherwise.

Its simple. There has been yet another magical paradigm shift. Down is up, up is down, jobs and earnings are irrelevant!

Guess what. The same people who wanted you to believe the internet, globalization, securitization, unlimited real estate demand and derivatives have changed the laws of finance want you to believe we are in a new Bull Market. Come on in folks, Join the fun!

You know something ain't right. It's time to start thinking short folks. We are in a new Bull Shit market.

Last Summer the fuses were burning at Lehman, Merrill, CITI, Goldman Sachs and AIG.

This Summer the fuses are burning. Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.


NYT--It is the hot new thing on Wall Street, a way for a handful of traders to master the stock market, peek at investors’ orders and, critics say, even subtly manipulate share prices.

It is called high-frequency trading — and it is suddenly one of the most talked-about and mysterious forces in the markets.

Powerful computers, some housed right next to the machines that drive marketplaces like the New York Stock Exchange, enable high-frequency traders to transmit millions of orders at lightning speed and, their detractors contend, reap billions at everyone else’s expense.

These systems are so fast they can outsmart or outrun other investors, humans and computers alike. And after growing in the shadows for years, they are generating lots of talk.

Nearly everyone on Wall Street is wondering how hedge funds and large banks like Goldman Sachs are making so much money so soon after the financial system nearly collapsed. High-frequency trading is one answer.

WB7: Any questions? Good now lean over.


Is there anyway we can outsource the United States Congress to the PRC?

Downsizing Wall Street: Are We Making Any Progress Yet?


BANZAI7 JERSEY BUREAU--A US rabbi accused of kidney trafficking is among dozens of politicians and other rabbis held in a major corruption sweep.

A pie for a pie?


BANZAI7 NEWS--The Senate will not vote on health care legislation before leaving for its summer recess, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said Thursday as he acknowledged out loud the inescapable political reality that has been clear for several days.

Here is another inescapable realty. Apparently, 14,000 Americans are losing their coverage every day. At that rate, roughly 450,000 will lose their coverage while the feckless morons that pretend to be Senator's take their vacation.

(Who Killed Davey Moore, Bob Dylan)

Melody link:

Who killed healthcare reform,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not I," says the greedy insurance CEO,
"Don't point your finger at me.
I could've stopped it before it was to late
An' maybe kept it from this fate,
But the Wall Street crowd would've booed, I'm sure,
At not gettin' their money's worth.
It's too bad quality care had to go,
But there was a pressure on me to keep my loss ratios low,
It wasn't me that made it fall.
No, you can't blame me at all."

Who killed healthcare reform,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not us," says the pharmaceutical crowd,
Whose screams filled the Capital rotunda aloud.
"It's too bad it died alright
But we just like to see our profits sky high.
We didn't mean for it to meet this death,
We just meant to hedge our R&D bets,
There ain't nothing wrong in that.
It wasn't us that made it fall.
No, you can't blame us at all."

Who killed health care reform,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," says Baucus, the ring leader of the Senate healthcare caucus
Puffing on a big insurance industry cigar.
"It's hard to say, it's hard to tell,
I always thought that healthcare reform was just swell.
It's too bad for everyman's wife an' kids it's dead,
But if it was sick, the lobbyists should've said.
It wasn't me that made it fall.
No, you can't blame me at all."

Who killed healthcare reform,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," says the gambling fund manager,
With his Annual Reports still in his hand.
"It wasn't me that knocked it down,
My hands never touched it none.
I didn't commit no ugly sin,
Anyway, I put money on the insurance industry to win, win, win.
It wasn't me that made it fall.
No, you can't blame me at all."

Who killed healthcare reform,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," says the feckless medical news writer,
Pounding lame print on his medical news typewriter,
Sayin', "The health care industry ain't to blame,
There's just as much danger in any Wall Street con game."
Sayin', "rescission, purging and reneging is here to stay,
It's just the profitable insurance industry way.
It wasn't me that made it fall.
No, you can't blame me at all."

Who killed healthcare reform,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," says the AMA whose fists
Laid it low in a cloud of faux socialist mist,
Who said reform came here from Cuba's back door
Where private profits ain't allowed no more.
"We hit it, yes, it's true,
But that's what the Docs paid us to do.
Don't say 'murder,' don't say 'kill.'
It was free market destiny, it was God's will."

Who killed healthcare reform,
Why an' what's the reason for?




Senate Democratic leaders on Thursday abandoned plans for a vote on health care before Congress' August recess, dealing a blow to President Barack Obama's ambitious timetable to revamp the nation's $2.4 trillion system of medical care.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., delivered the official word on what had been expected for weeks, saying, "It's better to have a product based on quality and thoughtfulness rather than try to jam something through."

"Quality and thoughtfulness" is not something we can expect from a bunch of ignorant morons controlled by special interest lobbyists. But just like the French, they need their Summer August break.

Let the Good Old Boys have their good one, shall we.


Wednesday, July 22, 2009


BANZAI7 VICE--Something fishy's going on in Miami, and police and Florida wildlife officials said they're trying to get to the bottom of it.

After a short ride on Miami's elevated Metromover train, a dead shark turned up in the middle of the street, in the middle of the city, in the middle of the night, police said.

Police were called about 9 p.m. Tuesday and found the 5-foot-long nurse shark lying on Fifth Avenue in Miami's Overtown section. How the shark got there -- and why -- is the subject of an ongoing investigation.

Explanation: If you change the word "shark" to "lawyer" or "investment banker", the story makes perfect sense.


Tell us Captain Nemo, how do you propose to keep this loathsome creature Goldman squid away from our retirement accounts?


If you are wondering why change is taking so long, think about this:



BANZAI7 NEWS-- Moron Stanley reported its third consecutive quarterly loss on Wednesday, the latest indication of the challenges it faces as it tries to pull itself out of the financial crisis.

Moron Stanley has also set aside 72 percent of its second-quarter revenue for compensation and benefits, more than Goldman Sachs Group Inc. or JPMorgan Chase & Co., amid a “war for talent” with rivals that generate more money.

As the French would say, "Our "negative revenues" have set strong but not insurmountable headwinds to our employee compensation schemes."

ANY MORON WHO THINKS WALL STREET firms put their shareholder interests before their employees needs to have his brains re-threaded!

And no it really does not matter if you make money or lose money or crash and burn or get bailed out, you get your bonus either way! Remember you are America's best and brightest.


NYT--At Lehman Brothers, everything must go! That seems to be the motto for the fallen Wall Street investment bank these days, as it seeks to generate funds for creditors.

To that end, Lehman has opened “thelehmanstore” on eBay to unload $1.5 billion in leftover corporate merchandise, that in the past would have gone to clients, The New York Post noted.

Nostalgic buyers can pick up items ranging from the apparently incongruous — a Lehman Brothers silver-plated baby rattle, priced at $14.99 — to the old school Lehman Brothers canvas tote bag, going for $24.99.

Other items being hawked by the firm include Dick Fuld's personal collection of Rubber Pencils, Plastic Swords and Rockem Sockem Robots, Dick Fuld's office fan (Lehman's only fan on Wall Street), Lehman branded condoms (CDOs) and copies of the Lehman Annual Report autographed by the Gorilla himself.

Lehman Exotic Credit Derivatives
"Only Fan on Wall Street"

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Darkness fell across parts of the United States on Wednesday as a total solar eclipse passed across the world's most populous Asian countries China and India, bringing throngs of people outside to watch the phenomenon and hail the simultaneous eclipse of American global hegemony.


BANZAI7 SPECIAL REPORT--The outlook for alternative energy in 2009 is terrible.

Revenue, venture capital investment, and stock prices are all down. Financing has dried up. Demand is gone.

Meanwhile, the prices of traditional energy sources--oil, natural gas, and coal--have collapsed, putting "parity" even farther into the future.

Moreover, the financial meltdown of 2008 has created certain unexpected energy efficiencies, such as:

1. Fewer inhabited American homes to air condition and heat.

2. Decreased corporate jet use, excluding Goldman Sachs.

3. 401k Statements used as combustible alternative fuel.

4. Decreased traffic to and from Hamptons.

5. Big law firm associates not penalized for not leaving lights on at night (everyone knows no one is busy).


From New Yorker Magazine:

Internal Memorandum No. 8121b

ATTN: Employees of Goldman Sachs

We did it. Bottom of the ninth, down by three, bases loaded, and we cranked another grand slam to the moon. They may have shot Lennon, but nothing can kill the Beatles.

I admit things looked bleak for a minute there. We had to convert to a bank holding company and were forced to accept a taxpayer bailout. It felt un-American. Terribly unbanksmanly. But we accepted the money, knowing that we could magically weave it into a much larger mountain of money.

We had a few hard months there, didn’t we? They regulated our corporate jet so that we could no longer use it to fly from hole to hole on the green. Dave had to drain his money pool to half capacity. I stopped injecting gold into my blood. They don’t call it a recession for nothing. One day, we’ll look back on the year we received only five-figure bonuses and laugh.

Wanting to celebrate our renewed success is natural, but it’s important that we don’t go crazy here. Remember, ten per cent of the non-bank country is unemployed, and even those who are working have “real” jobs, where payment is proportional to the creation of a “product” or a “service.” Those poor bastards. So I ask that, in celebrating our raping of the stock market, we show restraint in the following ways:

* Please limit high-fives and chest bumps to a dozen a day.
* Don’t wear your crowns, except around the office.
* Stop paying for things in Monopoly money—I understand it is the same as real money to us, but there have been some complaints.
* For now, let’s take down the giant scoreboard that reads “Main Street: zero. Wall Street: a billion gazillion bajillion.”

Furthermore, to avoid drawing criticism from the press, this year the bonuses, expected to be comically large, will be distributed in blood diamonds, which can be easily concealed in a briefcase so it looks like we’re working.

I’d like to thank everyone who made this possible—for a second time. Respect to President Obama for keeping us in the green. Thanks to the big guy upstairs (me). And let’s not forget all the ordinary Americans, who, for some unfathomable reason, have refused to put us behind bars. We are literally taking money out of their wallets. Seriously, with these returns we are making Madoff look like a little kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. Amateur!

Yours in money,

Lloyd Blankfein, C.E.O., Goldman Sachs


BANZAI7 NEWS--Neil M. Barofsky, the special inspector general for the Troubled Asset Relief Program set up by the Treasury Department, has uncovered a previously undisclosed communication between Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein and Treasury Secretary Hank Paulsen.


Urgent Proposal For Huge Participatory Financial Transaction
The Most Honorable HENRY ("Hank") PAULSEN
Secretary of Treasury
United States of America

TEL/FAX: 234 90 402604
TEL/FAX: 234 1 5850593
September 2008.

Dear Sir,


I would like to firstly send you the best of wishes of good health and success in your government pursuits particularly through my proposal as contained in this letter.

Before going into the details of my proposal to you, I must first solicit you to treat with the utmost confidentiality, as this is required for its success. Timothy Geithner, a mutual associate has assured me of your ability and reliability to prosecute a transaction of great magnitude involving a pending financial transaction requiring maximum confidentiality recommended you to me. My colleagues and I are senior executives of Goldman Sachs International who are interested in diverting some funds that are presently floating in the accounts of the Central Bank of the United States. In order to commence this transaction, we solicit for your assistance to enable us to temporarily transfer into your account the said floating funds. We are determined to conclude this transfer before the end of the fourth quarter of this fiscal year.

These funds were accumulated through undeclared windfalls from sales of low risk bespoke OTC Credit Default Swaps to American International Group during the second Gulf War.

During the current military regime in America, our good offices set up a series off shore companies and sold CDO contracts that were grossly over-collateralised, over-hedged and rated AAA by Standard and Poors . We have set up our own Contract Review Panel, which has the mandate to use the CDS instruments of payments made available to it in connection with these transactions, to review these contracts and if necessary pay those counter parties who are being owed outstanding amounts.

My colleagues and I have identified quite a "huge" sum of these funds which are presently floating in the Central Bank of the United States ready for disbursement and would like to divert some of it for our mutual purposes.

However, by virtue of the positions of civil servants and members of the Central Bank who are former partners of Goldman Sachs, we cannot acquire these funds in our names or in the names of our offshore companies that are based in Bermuda. I have therefore been mandated, as a matter of trust by my partners and colleagues in the panel, to look for a reliable partner into whose account we can transfer the sum of U.S. $50 Billion. That is why I am writing you this urgent letter.

We have agreed to share the money to be transferred into the US Treasury's account, if you agree with our time sensitive proposition as follows:

(i) 20% to the account holder (the US Treasury).
(ii) 75% for us (the partners of Goldman Sachs).
(iii) 5% to be used in settling all expenses (by both you and us) incidental to the actualisation of this project.

We wish to invest our shares of the proceeds of this project in stock markets and commodities in the United States and other OTC businesses till we are ready and able to have access to them without raising any eyebrows.

Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and risk-free. We intend to effect the transfer within four (4) banking days from the date of receipt of the following information through the telephone/fax number stated above: Your bank's name, address, telephone and fax numbers: your full name, facsimile signature, address, telephone and fax numbers, and the account number into which the funds should be paid.

The above information will enable us to write letters of claim and disbursement description respectively. This way, we will use your name to apply for the payment and backdate the award of the monies to you.

We are looking forward to doing this unique transaction with you and we solicit for your utmost confidentiality in this transaction. Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above telephone/fax numbers. I will bring you into a more detailed picture of this transaction when I hear from you. Do not go through the operator (or AT&T) when lines are busy. Always call direct. This is to further ensure confidentiality.

Best regards,

< scribble >

DR. LLOYD BLANKFEIN PHD, MBA, C.F.A. (you know what it means)


ASTROBANZAI7--NASA has confirmed the discovery of a new bubble like hole the size of AIG in Jupiter’s atmosphere, apparently showing that the planet was hit by a very very very large credit default swap. The impact mark was first spotted by an astro-economist in Australia, who then drew the attention of scientists at NASA’s Quantitative Finance Laboratory to the dark blob on Jupiter’s balance sheet.

It has been proposed that the bubbly blob will be called TARPUS Goldman.


BANZAI7 NEWS -- Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke told lawmakers Tuesday that the economy has started to show signs of stabilization, but added that the housing and labor markets are still not recovering.

Hmmm kimosabe, what sign of recovery you seeing?


Monday, July 20, 2009


BANZAI7--he Japanese cabinet Tuesday endorsed Prime Minister Taro Aso's plan to dissolve the lower house or the House of Representatives later in the day. All cabinet members signed the dissolution document, including Finance Minister ...


NUEVO BANZAI7 MADRID--With unemployment approaching 20 percent, the highest in Europe, and the overall economy expected to shrink by 4.2 percent this year, bank robberies in Spain are running 20 percent ahead of 2007’s pace, according to the Spanish Banking Association.

“In recent months, it has become apparent that Spain is suffering from an increase in bank robberies,” said Francisco Pérez Abellán, head of the criminology department at the University of Camilo José Cela in Madrid.

"The situation is very different from the United States States where unemployment is running close to 10%, the overall economy is sinking faster than a securitised cement shoe and robberies by Wall Street bankers led by the Goldman gang are occurring at a record pace."

The top cop tracking the $700 billion TARP bailout program said Monday that he's concerned federal officials are ignoring his proposals for preventing tax dollars from being wasted or pilfered.

Neil Barofsky, the special inspector general overseeing the Troubled Asset Relief Program, released a 260-page report detailing a long list of concerns about government efforts to prop up hundreds of banks, Wall Street firms and auto companies.

Mr Barofsky is reported to have called Mr Abellan to tell him the situation in Spain is a kindergarden game compared to what he is dealing with.


Apple has approved a marijuana--that's right, marijuana--app called "Cannabis," which lets users find the nearest (don't worry: legal) supplier of medicinal marijuana.


Cox for Sox

BANZAI7 NEWS--Bingham McCutchen LLP hired Christopher Cox, who was chairman of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission under President George W. Bush, to continue the Boston-based law firm’s growth in Southern California.

Cox, 56, will join the corporate, mergers and acquisitions and securities practice of Bingham’s Orange County office in California as a partner on Sept. 1, the firm said today in a statement.

They just hired a Class A Moron.



BANZAI7 NEWS--Apple’s iPhone App Store may be a resounding success. But Google says app stores are a dead end.

Sour grapes? Maybe. It’s no coincidence that Google has placed its money on web-based applications, for its mobile Android operating system as well as its forthcoming Chrome OS.

WB7: I don't know about you, but I have never paid a dime to Google, I don't pay attention to Google Driven Ads, I think cell phone coverage in the US is very spotty even in NYC and I would hate to rely on it for mobile applications.

And.......Bing is not so bad after all.

Maybe Google should stick to its knitting.

Ice Cream Glove

Economics 101



"BNP Paribas announced plans in February to “substantially reduce” its activity in the most complex structured products as the bank reported 1.9 billion euros of “negative revenue” in the equity and advisory business, which includes equity derivatives, in the fourth quarter."

Good bye dirty losses, hello "negative revenue". It even sounds better with a French accent.

Friday, July 17, 2009


The perils of duck hunting are great - especially for the duck.
Walter Cronkite





BANZAI7 NEWS — NASA could put a man on the moon but lacked the sense to keep the original video of the live TV transmission.

In an embarrassing acknowledgment, the space agency said Thursday that it must have erased the Apollo 11 moon footage years ago so that it could reuse the videotape.

Now Hollywood is coming to the rescue.

The studio wizards who restored "Casablanca" are digitally sharpening and cleaning up the ghostly, grainy footage of the moon landing, making it even better than what TV viewers saw on July 20, 1969. They are doing it by working from four copies that NASA scrounged from around the world.

Dr Destructo
c/o: The Goldman Sachs Group Inc.
85 Broad Street


Paul Krugman's editorial in today's NYT is well worth reading:

"The bottom line is that Goldman’s blowout quarter is good news for Goldman and the people who work there. It’s good news for financial superstars in general, whose paychecks are rapidly climbing back to precrisis levels. But it’s bad news for everyone else."

Thursday, July 16, 2009


(the Beatles)

Bernanke is the Pharaoh of the market place
Paulsen's busy clipping Goldman coupons backed with subprime quicksand
Bernanke says to Hank - we’ve got to save this place
And as he says this the two of them shake hands.

[ Chorus: ]
Obladi obla TARP Wall Street life goes on bro
Lala how that Wall Street life goes on
Obladi Obla TARP Wall Street life goes on bro
Lala how that Wall Street life goes on.

Bernanke takes a trolley from the Federal money store
Buys a 700 billion dollar bailout ring
Takes it back to Henry waiting at the door
And as he gives it to him the boys at Goldman start to sing.

[ Chorus ]

In a couple of years they have foreclosed on
all our home sweet homes
With a couple of mega banks running in the yard
And Hank and Ben sitting on the market throne.

Happy ever after in the market place
Bernanke lets the bankers lend a hand
Henry stays at home and keeps his poker face
And in the evening they both like
to sing out with the band.

[ Chorus ]

In a couple of years they have foreclosed on
all our home sweet homes
With a couple of mega banks running in the yard
With Ben and Hank sitting on the market throne.

Happy ever after in the market place
Benrnanke lets the bankers lend a hand
Henry stays at home and keeps his poker face
And in the evening they both sing out with the band.

[ Chorus: ]


Have you been wondering how it is that Goldman Sachs has managed to incur massive risks in order to realize the billions of trading profits financed by the Goldman "FDIC Carry trade." The same Goldman Sachs that made an emergency conversion to a Bank Holding Company when it stood at the edge og oblivion last September. Thanks to the Zero Hedge blog (thanks for the heads up Monkey Business blog), the following clue has surfaced:

"The clue may come from a February 5 letter by the Federal Reserve to Goldman CAO Sarah Smith. The letter had come in response to GS requests for "temporary exemptions from the application of certain aspects of the Board's Market Risk Rules for state member banks and bank holding companies and the Board's general risk-based capital rules for bank holding companies." Basically through the end of 2009 Goldman is basically using non-traditional. SEC approved VaR models

The letter goes into detail explaining why a bank needs to follow a MRR VaR methodology. Yet what is not made clear is i) why does Goldman need almost a full year of alternative VaR calculation and MRR exemption and ii) what is the protocol for the SEC to enforce VaR compliance when Goldman's ultimate regulator is the Federal Reserve."

Zero Hedge:

GS VaR Request -

Now this may all seem a bit confusing, so Banzai7 News has asked two distinguished commentators to demonstrate, in plain English, the principles behind Goldman's exemption request.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009


The Investors Perspective

US Investors Working Group Report


BANZAI7 NEWS--Former General Motors Corp. Chairman Rick Wagoner will officially retire from the automaker Aug. 1 with a package worth at least $8.2 million, following months of negotiations after his dismissal by the Obama administration's auto task force.

WB7: Its good to see at least one other undeserving soul
is doing almost as well as Goldman Sachs.

(Living in America, James Brown)

Sing along link:

Yeah, uh! Get up, now! Ow! Knock out this!

Ponzi schemin, coast to coast,
Easy stealin money everywhere
Feelin the transcontinental debt load,
Just get behind the Federal handout deal
How does it feel

When there's no fraudulent innovation - that goes too far
And somewhere on the way,
you might find out how freakin rich you are

Banking in America - pies in the sky, bubble elation
Banking in America - your hand to their hands, the bailout nation
Banking in America - can we have just one defenestration?

Rock your fat capitalist souls

Wall street, fat cats,
many miles of quantitative crap
All night tradin, keep on runnin'
through your hock 'n' stole
Ivy league gamblers keep awake,
high, on risk and a Federal bank roll

You might have to walk past the bread line,
But you can make your bottom line
Cuz everybody's stealing overtime

Banking in America - pies in the sky, bubble elation
Banking in America - your hand to their hands, across the bailout nation
Banking in America - got to have a thieve's celebration

I live in America, bail me out!
but I live in America,
wait a minute

You might not be looking for Wall Street's promised land,
but you might find it anyway
Under one of those old familiar names
Like Goldman Sachs (Goldman Sachs),
JP Morgan (JP Morgan), Bank America(Bank America)
Morgan Stanley (Morgan Stanley),
New York's CITI (New York's CITI)
Wells Fargo (Wells Fargo?),
Bear...Lehman...and Merrill?
What a pity...

Banking in America - hit me
Banking in America - yeah,
Walk on in and bail it out
Banking in America

I live in America - bottom line,
gonna make the subprime, that
I live in America - hey,
I know what it means, I

Banking in America - Vlad Putin, eat your heart out
Banking in America - hit me, I said now, pie in the sky,
bubble elation
Banking in America - so nice, with your bailed self
Banking in America - It feels good!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS-- TYCHY, Poland — For decades, automakers looking for the secret to small-car success would journey to Toyota City in Japan. These days, they are coming to Tychy.

Since Fiat effectively took over Chrysler this year, engineers from Detroit have been making monthly pilgrimages here to see something they can only envy: an auto plant that is hiring workers and earning a profit.

How many Detroit executives does it take to stuff a kielbasa?


There are known knowns. There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we now know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don’t know.
Donald Rumsfeld

Known knowns:

40 years ago America's great triumph was winning the race to the moon.

"That's one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind."
Buzz Aldrin

In July 2009, having earned $3.44 billion in the second quarter, Goldman Sachs announced that it would be setting aside a compensation pool of $11.36 billion for the first half of 2009, or nearly $400,000 each, on average, for its roughly 29,400 employees and temporary workers.

That's one more giant step for Wall Street's favorite corporate welfare queen.

Known Unknowns:

How is it that a firm that is one of the primary causes of the financial meltdown and was one of the biggest beneficiaries of Hanks's bailout at the AIG Corral, has been allowed to let its appetite for trading risk continue to run wild so that it is now in a position to handsomely reward all of the jerks who are responsible for untold American misery?

Unknown unknowns:

“Our model really never changed, we’ve said very consistently that our business model remained the same.”
Goldman Sachs

Do the words "moral hazard" mean anything in today's world of corporate welfare?

Monday, July 13, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Bill Gates, one of the most powerful men on the planet, appears to be taking on one of Mother Earth's most fearsome forces: the hurricane.

An application filed with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office Jan. 3, 2008, lists Gates and 12 others as the inventors of a number of methods to control and prevent hurricanes.

The document describes a process of using fleets of vessels to mix warm water from the surface of the ocean with colder water from greater depths in an effort to cool the surface of the water.

Gates is reportedly looking for innovative methods for disposing of billions and billions of dollars. Pouring money into a hurricane is seen as a promising strategy.



BANZAI7 NEWS--A glass or two of wine a day – but no more -- appears to protect older adults from developing dementia, researchers reported at the WC Fields International Conference on Alzheimer's Disease.

"Among cognitively normal older adults, one to two alcoholic drinks a day is associated with a 37 percent decreased risk of dementia over 6 years." said Dr. Kaycee Sink, a gerontologist at Wake Forest University School of Medicine.