STAIRWAY TO BAILOUT HEAVEN
(Stairway to Heaven, DEBT Zeppelin IV)
WilliamBanzai7

Here's one for all you Bankers out there....

There's a banker who's sure all that his bonus is gold
And he's buying the Stairway to Bailout Heaven.
When he gets there he knows, if the doors are all closed
With a scheme he can get what he came for.
Ooh, ooh, and he's buying the Stairway to Bailout Heaven.

There's a sign at Wall and Broad read it close to be sure
'Cause you know opaque words have two meanings.
Getting fleeced by pinstriped crooks, there's a jailbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get when I wish to invest,
And I'm trying to avoid innovative thieving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke in the breeze,
And the voices of those who were taken by Ponzi scheming.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the regulator's tune
Then the piper will lead fear and greed to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who buy and go long
And the markets will echo with laughter.

If there's a bust in your hedge, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the market queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the trade you're hooked on.
And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The market piper's calling you to join him,
Well now laddy, can you hear the DOW blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering winds of greed and irrational exuberance.

And as we wind on down the mythical Alpha Road
Our shadows taller than our NAV soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines transparent white light and wants to show
How every get rich quick scheme can never turn to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And he's buying the Stairway to Bailout Heaven.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

DAVOS, SWITZERLAND
WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM
January 28, 2009

KLAUS SCHWAB, FOUNDER OF WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM ANNOUNCES SURPRISE PANEL

GLOBAL PONZINOMICS: THE VIEW FROM WALL STREET

The following are excerpts from today's surprise panel discussion:

KLAUS SCHWAB: Distinguished guests, today we have arranged a surprise panel to lead us through the cutting edge of Global Ponzinomics. As you all know, the modern day version of Ponzinomics has its origins on Wall Street. I know you are all keen to hear directly from the leaders of Wall Street as well as the regulators all of whom made this remarkable feat of financial wizardry possible. The organisers of the Forum have spared no expense in bringing you a first rate panel. I would like to thank the United States Marshall Service for its cooperation in making it possible for Mr. Madoff to attend the Forum. That is a custom designed Cartier bailout bracelet Bernie is wearing. It is designed to explode if he gets within 50 yards of any UBS Branch in Davos. Mr. Madoff requires no introduction. His genius and modesty is well known. We thought it would be appropriate for Bernie to lead today's panel discussion. At this time I would also like to thank Citigroup for providing special air transport services to bring the panel participants straight to Davos on such short notice. Without further delay, I turn the discussion over to Bernie.

BERNIE MADOFF: "I would like to express my sincere gratitude to many of the participants in this forum. Without their undying support for so many years, my achievements would not have been possible. They deserve much of the credit for making the modern paradigm of this fascinating art possible. As you all know, Ponzinomics were invented by Charles Ponzi some 100 years ago. Who would have thought that the genius of this humble man would become the driving force behind today's global financial markets. Dick, before I forget, would you please be good enough give me the number of that Real Estate lawyer in Palm Beach."

DICK FULD: "We thought we had all the bases covered. We were hedged up the wazoo. I was certain that we managed to make ourselves too big to fail. In the end I was wrong. I underestimated the financial tsunami of 2008. My big mistake was not finding a way to put a Lehman banker in the Treasury Department. Lloyd you snookered me on that one."

JOHN THAIN: "I would like to start by saying three things: First, I have posted my French Commode along with my resume on Craig's list and Monster.com, Second, Ken you can take that faux hand Grenade sitting on your desk and shove it you know where. As we shall see, BAC is one big live hand grenade and Ken has already pulled the pin, Third, can anyone tell me where I can find a reputable antique dealer in Davos? Oh, and one more thing, Stan O Neal owes me my bonus."

KEN LEWIS: "John, you and I both know that I'm the CEO of BAC and you are not. You did not jump on the bailout hand grenade like a good bailout soldier. For this you must suffer the consequences. If this is not good enough, I will meet you on the top of the Weissfluhgipfel at O-700 hours for a Chinese downhill. The downhill will decide everything."

HANK GREENBURG: "You are all a bunch of rascals, give me back my Company so I can lose it fairly!"

LLOYD BLANKFEIN: "As I have said on many occasions, the Goldman investment banking model remains sound. We concentrated our efforts on putting men of Gold in the halls of power. This has paid off handsomely. Hank Paulsen saved us from the AIG explosion. The primary purpose of TARP was to save Goldman Sachs and this goal was achieved magnificently. Hopefully, the hiccups we are experiencing will dissappear in due course. Then we can all get back to business as usual."

VIKRAM PANDIT: "In response to yesterday's negative press we have decided to divide the Citigroup jet fleet into two halves consisting of good jets and bad jets..."

JIMMIE CAYNE: "Anyone know where I can find a decent bridge game around here?"

STEPHEN SCHWARZMAN: As you all know, I am CEO of the Flintstone Group, a humongous (2big) financial (systemic) juggernaut ready to (fail) implode (risk). I don't mean to sound self serving or pedantic, but the reason we are in this mess is very simple, not enough leverage. Remember--Flintstone Group, not enough leverage, systemic risk.

PHIL GRAMM: "If we could just stop all the whining."

ALAN GREENSPAN: "Where am I?"

BOB RUBIN: "Shut up Al, your giving me a headache."

CHRISTOPHER COX: "I just did what I was told to do."

VLAD PUTIN: Gentlemans, you are all cordially invited to spend a few days with my Dacha in Chita Sibera, following this Summit. We Russians would like to thank you (the Russian way) for the financial Chernobyl engineered by your kind selves and the damage to Vodkanomics.

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION:

Go to the WilliamBanzai7 Blog

MAMAS DON'T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE WALL STREET COWBOYS
(MaMa's Dont Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys, Waylon Jennings)
WilliamBanzai7

Wall Street cowboys ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold.
They'd rather give you a tin cup than diamonds or gold.
Gucci belt buckles and Hermes ties,
And each night begins a new trading day.
If you don't understand him, an' he don't die young,
He'll prob'ly just fade away.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Wall Street cowboys.
Don't let 'em carry blackberries, watch Bloomberg or drive Lexus SUV trucks.
Let 'em be doctors or even lawyers and such.
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Wall Street cowboys.
'Cos they'll trade you out of house and home and they're always alone.
Even with someone they pretend to love.

Wall Street Cowboys like smokey old strip clubs and bull market runs,
Gullible lambs to fleece and girls of the night.
Them that don't know him won't like him and them that do,
Sometimes won't know how to tolerate his delusions of grandeur.
He thinks he's invincible, he's not different but his pride won't let him admit it,
Don't do things to make him think he's right.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Wall Street cowboys.
Don't let 'em carry blackberries, watch Bloomberg or drive LEXUS SUV trucks.
Let 'em be doctors or even lawyers and such.
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be Wall Street cowboys.
'Cos they'll trade you out of house and home and they're always alone.
Even with someone they pretend to love.

WALL STREET NEVER CHANGES

"Wall Street never changes. The pockets change, the suckers change, the stocks change, but Wall Street never changes because human nature never changes." Jesse Livermore

The noxious news spewing from the marble cesspools of Wall Street continues to get more incredible by the day. In less than a year American's have witnessed a historic melt down in the financial markets, the humbling of the Wall Street Investment banks, a mega housing bust, a mega Ponzi scheme, the mother of all government funded bailouts, compensation greed and excess run amuck, mega regulatory ineptitude, mega layoffs and record unemployment...the list goes on and on.

Those Wall Street scions who figured at the center of this this fiasco have inflicted immeasurable pain and suffering on ordinary Americans. They have sabotaged the engine that drives the American economy and jeopardized the global preeminence of the United States.

Now we are witnessing the complete breakdown of civility amongst these modern day robber baron thieves and their bagmen. The shameless public display of "cover your ass" by the likes of Gramm, Cox, Thain, Lewis, Fuld, Greenspan and company is too nauseating to behold. This week's cat fight between John "Complain" and Ken "Screwless" is the latest example. All who are implicated in this sorry mother of all financial meltdowns refuse to take responsibility.

Comically some expect us to take pity on people like Dick (the "Gorila") Fuld or the thousands of financial spinners the pied pipers of greed led into the financial vortex.

Wait with bated breath for the culprits to be held duly accountable. In the meantime, it is the duty of every right thinking American to hold these scoundrels up to public scorn and ridicule. They deserve to be verbally tarred and feathered. All who exercise their right of free speech by holding these conniving rascals up to the light and exposing them as the despicable Ivy League con men that they are to be congratulated for fulfilling their civic duty.

In 1902, Franklin Keyes, a prominent Wall Street lawyer once said: Wall Street speculation "fosters a ring of idle gamblers, parasites upon society, who prey upon the fortunes of the honest and industrious; such people are a menace to the legitimate business interests of the country and an element of danger to the republic."

Some things never change.

WilliamBanzai7
http://williambanzai7.blogspot.com/

Upright Commode with Safety Rails: Spotted in John Thain's office

P.O.N.Z.I. IN THE U.S.A.

P.O.N.Z.I. SCAMIN in the U.S.A.
(R.O.C.K. in the USA, John Mellencamp)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=99DH5Eg-VcQ

They came to New York City
To become banksta scamsta financial clowns
MBAs, PhDs, Huckstas and Cons
Smokin securitized crack boom bam

Chorus:
PONZI SCAMIN in the U.S.A.
PONZI SCAMIN its the Wall Street way
PONZI SCAMIN in the U.S.A., yeah, yeah!
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.

Said goodbye to ethics
Said goodbye to common sense
With dreams of bonus treasure in their heads
And lots of cheap debt and hopium in their hands
Some are black most are white
Ain't to proud to colocate on the NYSE floor tonight
With the blind faith in Croesus you know that they just might, be
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
Hey!

Voices from Friedman, Greenspan
And the rest of those Chicago School clowns
Filled their heads full of dreams of limitless greed
Turned the world of finance upside down

There was DICKIE FULD--JIMMY CAYNE--JOHNNY THAIN
(they were SCAMIN')
CITIGROUP--AIG--BAC
(they were SCAMIN')
Spotlight on MADOFF
Let's don't forget CHUCKIE PRINCE, STAN O NEAL and PANDIT THE CLOWN
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
Hey!

Chorus:
PONZI SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
PONZI SCAMIN' its the Wall Street way
PONZI SCAMIN' in the U.S.A. yeah, yeah!
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.

KENNY THE BAILOUT MOOCHER
(Minnie the Moocher, Cab Calloway)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http: KENNY THE BAILOUT MOOCHER
(Minnie the Moocher, Cab Calloway)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://hk.youtube.com/watch?v=8mq4UT4VnbE&feature=related

Hey folks here's the story bout Kenny the bailout moocher
He was a low down Charlotte BAC hoochie coocher
His was the roughest toughest banking sob tale
But Kenny had an appetite as big as a securitized whale

Hidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodeho (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehedehe (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehideho (hidehidehideho)

One weekend he messed around with a bloke named Thain
He wanted the Merrill Bulls or he'd go completely insane
Thain took him round the block to Chinatown
And showed old Kenny how Wall Street gangstas kick the gong around

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Whoah (whoah)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
A hidehidehideho CDO (hidehidehideho)

Kenny had a dream bout yet another financial supermarket
It would give him things that he was needin
It would give him a home built of gold and steel
A diamond studded learjet with platinum wheels

A hidehidehidehidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho (hodehodehodehodehodehodeho)

Thain sold Ken a herd of sick cows and a boatload of subprime losses
Each meal Ken ate was full of surprising new derivative courses
Had a billion dollars worth of taxpayer nickels and dimes
He sat around and counted them all a million times

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehode-CDO (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehide-HOSED (hidehidehideho)

POOOOOOR MAN
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR MAN
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR MAN

Hey folks here's the story bout Kenny the bailout moocher
He was a low down Charlotte BAC hoochie coocher
His was the roughest toughest banking sob tale
But Kenny had an appetite as big as a securitized whale

Hidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodeho (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehedehe (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehideho (hidehidehideho)

One weekend he messed around with a bloke named Thain
He wanted the Merrill Bulls or he'd go completely insane
Thain took him round the block to Chinatown
And showed old Kenny how Wall Street gangstas kick the gong around

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Whoah (whoah)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
A hidehidehideho CDO (hidehidehideho)

Kenny had a dream bout yet another financial supermarket
It would give him things that he was needin
It would give him a home built of gold and steel
A diamond studded learjet with platinum wheels

A hidehidehidehidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho (hodehodehodehodehodehodeho)

Thain sold Ken a herd of sick cows and a boatload of subprime losses
Each meal Ken ate was full of surprising new derivative courses
Had a billion dollars worth of taxpayer nickels and dimes
He sat around and counted them all a million times

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehode-CDO (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehide-HOSED (hidehidehideho)

POOOOOOR MAN
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR MAN
POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR MAN

HIT THE ROAD JOHN THAIN
(Hit the Road Jack, Ray Charles)
WilliamBanzai7

Woah Ken, oh Ken, don't treat me so mean,
You're the meanest and dumbest banker CEO that I've ever seen.
I guess if you said so
I have to pack my French commode and go. (That's right)

(Hit the road Thain and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Thain and don't you come back no more.)
What you say?
(Hit the road Thain and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Thain and don't you complain no more.)

Now Ken baby, listen, don't ya treat me this-a way
Cause I'll be back to my slippery Wall Street ways one day.
(Don't care if you do 'cause it's understood)
(your pre-merger shennigans just ain't no good)
Well, I guess if you say so
I'd have to pack my French commode and go. (That's right)

(Hit the road Thain and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Thain and don't you come back no more.)
What you say?
(Hit the road Thain and don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more.)
(Hit the road Thain and don't you come back no more.)

you must be joking?
(don't you come back no more.)
what you trying to do to me Ken?
(don't you come back no more.)
Didn't you understand it was a sale "as is"?
(don't you come back no more.)
You can't mean that,
(don't you come back no more.)
Oh, now Ken baby, please
(don't you come back no more.)
What you tryin' to do to me?
(don't you come back no more.)
Oh, Ken don't treat me like that
(don't you come back no more.)

FROM: CAPITAL DEFORMATION--Banker Conversations
(WilliamBanzai7)

KEN: Nice carpet John, should I take of my shoes?

JOHN: Use the slippers by the door.

KEN: I hear their selling Bernie's fleet. Some nice hardware there.

JOHN: The guy is a seedy low life crook, he belongs behind bars.

KEN: Come on John, don't be so hard on the man. He's like all of us in a sense.

JOHN: Have a seat KEN (Pointing to COMMODE ON LEGS)

KEN: Man this place make my digs look like a Japanese bankers office.

JOHN: (Sitting in George the IV Chair) Dozo Ken-san. Every Wall Street Shogun has his castle.

KEN: So you got your bonus after all?

JOHN: How so?

KEN: You gave it to all your friends down the hall and spent the pre-installment on this fancy french hardware.

JOHN: You like that eh? It's what we in the business call an AIG omelet.

KEN: You know John, I think I am going to go over and have a look at Bernie's fleet.

JOHN: Shall I join you. You know China Fun is just down the block from his place.

KEN: No John, you stay here and pack this stuff up while I'm gone.

JOHN: Pack?

KEN: Yes, pack. I want you on the street by 5 PM.

JOHN: I don't even have any shrink wrap!

KEN: The only shrink wrap you need is Dr. Schadenfreude rapping the "Bailout shuffle"

JOHN: See you in bailout hell Ken.

KEN: We are already there John. We are already there.

[One hour later]

BERNIE: Ken, you have my sympathy. People just don't appreciate the Ponzi business model in all its subtle manifestations.

KEN: Skip the sermon Bernie, I'll take em all.

WHY I WANT US AIR CAPTAIN SULLENBERGER TO BE THE CEO MY BANK
WilliamBanzai7

On a cold January day when they would have been focused on the incredible
stream of bad news spewing from Wall Street, New Yorkers
were instead treated to the enthralling news that a US Air Flight was averted from disaster by
a brave crew lead by Pilot Chesley Sullenberger III. The
event has been dubbed "The Miracle on the Hudson" and Captain
Sullenberger has been hailed as a hero. He is a modest
man and is evidently reluctant to assume this new status.
What is becoming clear from the news reports is the character of
the man. The passengers of Flight 1549 were fortunate to have
Captain Sullenberger as their pilot. The miracle on the Hudson, it would seem,
was preceded by many many years of dedication, training and "worst case scenario" preparation.

Lets contrast the attributes of Captain Sullenberger with the attributes
of the CEO's piloting the financial institutions attempting to recover from
the so called Black Swan events plaguing the financial markets. After all,
Captain Sullenberger apparently recovered from the mother of all "Black Swan" flight
events, two of them knocking out both engines over a densely populated city.
It would appear that Wall Street has much to learn.

First of all, Captain Sullenberger spent a great deal of time studying and
preparing for a disastrous low probability event. Pilots assume and prepare
for worst case scenarios even though the chance of
occurrence is an outlier. A double engine failure from a bird strike is just such an event.

Lets contrast that with Wall Street CEOs. Its a good thing they are not
airline pilots. They were all totally unprepared for the events leading to the
current bailout debacle. They would argue that these were Black Swan events of
of highly unlikely probability. Nouriel Roubini and Nicholas Taleb would beg to differ.
There was plenty of adequate warning. Instead of cooly preparing to ditch like
Captain Sullenberger, they continued their assent on a tank filled with fumes. Now their instituitions are crashing in flames.
They can be compared to Icarus flying too close to the sun with their wax wings melting in mid flight.

Next, Captain Sullenberger trained and knew how to fly his aircraft with both engines
knocked out. Gliding is one of his side pursuits and this apparently figured positively
in the perfect Hudson landing. Lets contrast this with Wall Street CEOs.
They have no idea how to fly their institutions with their primary economic engines
knocked out. Lloyd Blankfein insists that Goldman Sachs can fly the same investment banking
model it has been flying for years. What if Captain Sullenberger had flown Flight 1549
as if both engines remained fully operational?

Onward, Captain Sullenberger is honest and transparent. His passengers were his stakeholders and
he pulled no punches. His laconic words: "Brace for impact." Wall Street bankers are not
transparent, if they were flying Flight 1549 here is the kind of mealy mouthed
dribble the passengers would have heard: Attention all passengers, we appear to be challenged
by strong headwinds and both our engines appear troubled but nevertheless well positioned to
see us through to a safe landing. We have run a regression analysis on
the relevant data and are 99% confident that this plane is adequately positioned to
exploit future flying opportunities."

Finally Captain Sullenberger is selfless, he was the last
one to disembark from his vessel only after he checked twice to make sure everyone was safe.
Lets contrast that with Wall Street CEOs. There are two kinds, those who took the money and bailed early
and those who stayed behind to usher their crew out the layoff exit. Need I say more?

Yes its a good thing Wall Street CEOs are not airline pilots. They have much
to learn from Captain Sullenberger. And that is why I want Captain Sullenberger to be the CEO
of my bank. But, guys like Capt Sullenberger only engage in endeavors that they have trained for.

YOU'RE JOHN THAIN
(You're so Vain, Carley Simon)
WilliamBanzai7

You waltzed into the Bail Out party
Like you were sailing on an unsinkable yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was really hiding a mega Merrill subprime surprise
You had one eye on the Level III mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all those second rate Charlotte Bankers dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and

You're John Thain
And yes this song is about you
Don't complain
I'll bet you think B of A can't live without you
Without you? Without you?

You had Ken Lewis several months ago
When he was so naive its hard to believe
Well, you said that the Thundering Herd would make an awesome notch on his sleeve
And that you John Thain would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was a 10 Million Dollar bonus snub
And good ol Ken's grandiose dreams turned out to be clouds in his bailout coffee
Clouds in his bailout coffee, and

You're John Thain
And yes this song is about you
You're John Thain
I'll bet you think B of A can't live without you
Don't you? Don't you?

ALL ALONG THE WALL STREET WATCHTOWER
(All Along the Watchtower, Bob Dylan/Jimi Hendrix)
WilliamBanzai7

There must be some kind of way out of here
Said the investor to the banker thief
Theres too much opaque confusion
I cant get no relief
Wall Street con men they drink my wine
Ponzi rigged investment schemes
None will level on the line
Nobody thinks we've reached the worst
Hey hey

No reason to get excited
The banker thief he kindly spoke
There are many here among us
Who feel that the markets are but a joke but uh
But you and I weve been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely and deceptive now
The market hours getting late
Hey

Hey

All along the Wall Street watchtower
Banker princes kept the view
While those laid off came and went
Back office servants to, but huh
Outside in the cold distance
The mother of all Bears did growl
New Fed Bailout riders were approachin
And the declining market winds began to howl
Hey
Oh
All along the Wall Street watchtower
Hear you sing around the watch
Gotta beware gotta beware
Yeah
Ooh baby
All along the Wall Street watchtower

OH "B of A" FLOAT AWAY
(Oh Shenandoah)
WilliamBanzai7

Oh B of A,
Your Board's retarded,
Float away as your shareholders quiver,
Oh B of A,
Your CEO has screwed you,
Away, your market caps bound away
'Cross the wide Merrill Level III divide.

Oh B of A,
Your market cred's been slaughtered,
Squandered away as your Board twittered,
They'll take her 'cross
The rollin' bailout river,
Away, your bound away
'Crossing Paulsen's rolling TARP highwater line.

'Tis been just one Q,
Since Merrill bent you over,
And on that day
You thought you could win by being bigger,
But your shareholder returns,
Began their downward spiral,
Sucked away, sucked away
In the Bear market's fury.

Oh B of A,
Sorry but we have to leave you.
Away you inept Magilla,
Oh B oa A,
We've all been deceived by you.
Now we're bound away
To escape another sorry mismanaged Mega Bank story.

Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains

(Ode to TARP ACT II)

(to the melody of Big Rock Candy Mountains)
Lyrics By WilliamBanzai7


One evening as the DOW went down and the S&P was burning
Down the track came a banker hiking and he said boys I'm not turning
I'm headin for a land that's not far away from Wall Street's crystal towers
So come with me we'll go and see the Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains

In Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains there's a land that's fair and bright
Where the handouts grow from the bailout pros and you sleep sound every night
Where the ABS books are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the bonus trees
Where the perrier springs where the squawk box sings
In the Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains

In Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains all the FEDs have wooden legs
And the shorts all have rubber teeth and the taxpayers lay golden eggs
The trading books are full of fruit and the bankers play all day
Oh, I'm bound to go where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall and the wind don't blow
In Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains

In Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains you never sell your toxic schlock
And the glimmering streams of origination fees come a-trickling down the rocks
The enforcers have to tip their hats and the bears and shorts are banned
There's a lake of foies gras stew and of champagne too
You can sail all around 'em in your custom yachts
In Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains

In Paulsen's Rock Candy Mountains white collar jails are made of tin
And you can walk right out again as soon as you are in
There ain't no short handled shovels, no axes saws or picks
I'm a goin to stay where you sleep all day
In Paulsen's Big Rock Candy Mountains

Al Jolson sings "Yes we have no bananas"
Uploaded by jonff. - Explore more music videos.

YES WE HAVE BAILOUT BANANAS

(Yes We Have No Bananas)

WilliamBanzai7


Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1Hc80NpL4M&feature=related


There's a financial supermarket on our street
It's called CITI and its run by Pandit the geek.
And he keeps lots of dodgy things for the markets to eat
But you should hear him speak!
''When you ask him anything, he never answers "no".
He just "yes"es you to death, and as he takes Uncle Sam's bailout dough
He tells you
"Yes, we have lots of bananas
We have lots of bailout bananas for sale today.
We've got Smith Barney string beans, and securitized onions
collateralised cabbages, and private label scallions,
And all sorts of rotten over leveraged fruit and say
We have an old ashioned Solomon to-mah-to
And an off balance sheet po-tah-to
But yes, we have lots of bananas.
We have bailout bananas for sale today."


Business got so busy for him that he wrote home today,
"Send me Johnny and Chuckie and Sandy and Bobby; I need help right away."
When he got them in the store, there was fun, you bet.
Someone asked for a "mark down" and then the whole quartet
All answered
"Yes, we have bailout bananas
We have bailout bananas for sale today.
Just try those CDS coconuts
Those Alt-A walnuts and all sorts of asset backed doughnuts
They ain't got FIG nuts like these over at AIG
We'll sell you all kinds of red herring,
Dark brown, and ball-bearing.
And yes, we have bailout bananas
We have bailout bananas for sale today.

CITIGROUP BITES THE DUST
(Another One Bites the Dust, Queen)
WilliamBanzai7

Rubin, Pandit, Weil and Prince walk warily down the street,
With their brims pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of their slippery conniving feet,
Fed machine guns ready to go
Are you ready, Are you ready for this
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat
Out of the doorway the bust up bullets rip
To the sound of the bailout beat
Chorus

Citigroup bites the dust
Citigroup bites the dust
Another universal bank gone, and another one gone
Citigroup bites the dust
Hey, their gonna get you too
Citigroup bites the dust

How do you think we're going to get along,
Without you, when you're gone
You took us for everything that we had,
And kicked us in the financial groin

Are you happy, are you satisfied
How long can you stand the market heat
Out of the doorway the bust up bullets rip
To the sound of the bailout beat
Chorus

Citigroup bites the dust
Citigroup bites the dust
Citigroup bites the dust
Citigroup bites the dust
There are plenty of ways you can screw a man
And bring his net worth to the ground
You can cheat him
You can fleece him
You can feed him toxic financial garbage and leave him
When its time to mark em down
But we're ready, yes we're ready for you
We're standing on our own two feet
Out of the doorway the bust up bullets rip
Repeating the sound of the bailout beat

TARP, TARP, TARP
(From William Shakespere's Macbeth)
WilliamBanzai7

TARP, and TARP, and TARP,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded waste;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to financial ruin. Out, out, brief bailout candle!
Paulsen's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
Who struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
sold by a panicked idiot, full of sound and fury,
In the end signifying nothing.

PARTY LIKE IT'S 1929

PRINCE "1999"

PARTY LIKE ITS 1929?
(melody 1999, Prince)
The artist: WilliamBanzai7

I was dreamin' when I wrote this
Forgive me if it goes astray
But when I woke up this mornin'
Coulda sworn it was Wall Street judgment day
The S&P was purple and the DOW was gray,
There were traders runnin' everywhere
Tryin' to run from the destruction,
U know I didn't even care

CHORUS
say say Dow headed down to zero Wall Street party over,
oops out of time
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1929

I was dreamin' when I wrote this
So sue me if I go to fast
But Wall Street is just a party, and parties weren't meant to last
Paper losses all around us, my mind says prepare to fight
So if I gotta die I'm gonna watch Cramer tonight

CHORUS
say say Dow headed down to zero--Wall Street party over,
oops out of time
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1929


intro 2x
Lemme tell ya somethin'
If U didn't come to party,
don't bother knockin' on Paulsons's bailout door
It's burning a hole in his pocket,
and baby he's ready to ask for more
Yeah, everybody's got an unhedged bomb,
we could all die any day
But before I'll let that happen,
I'll dance my irrationally exuberant life away

Oh, they say
say bloated leverage party over,
oops out of time
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1929/2009
say say DOW heade down to zero party over,
oops out of time
So tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1929/2009

we gonna, oww

1929/2009
Dont ya wanna go 1929
Dont ya wanna go 1929
Dont ya wanna go 1929

BUSH THE FECKLESS CONMAN BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE GOP
(to the melody of Barack the Magic Negro or Puff the Magic Dragon)
WilliamBanzai7

Bush, the feckless conman brought to you by the GOP
Frolicked with the hypocrites of the grand old party of larceny and dishonesty,
Little Dicky Cheney loved that rascal Bush,
And brought him water boards, illegal wire taps and other fancy stuff. oh

Bush, the feckless conman brought to you by the GOP
Frolicked with the hypocrites of the grand old party of larceny and dishonesty
Bush, the feckless conman brought to you by the GOP
Frolicked with the hypocrites of the grand old party of larceny and dishonesty

Together they would travel on a Presidential yacht filled with felons, child molesters, liars and corrupt political appointees.
Dickie kept a lookout while Dubya huffed and puffed and failed his own country,
Hastert, Delay, Foley, Craig, Vitter, Gonzalez, Libby, Stevens, Brownie, Rummy the list's too long to explain,
Somali pirate ships should all lower their flags to honor the Republican hall of shame. oh!

Bush, the feckless conman brought to you by the GOP
Frolicked with the hypocrites of the grand old party of larceny and dishonesty
Bush, the feckless conman brought to you by the GOP
Frolicked with the hypocrites of the grand old party of larceny and dishonesty

A dragon lives forever but not so the two faced, lying and corrupt
West wings and campaign finance rings make way for boy toys behind bars.
One grey night it happened, Barack came knocking on the White House door
And Bush that cagey conman, ceased his feckless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, the neocons cried in pain,
Dickie could no longer play along the Camp David lane.
Outside the oval office, Dubya could not be brave,
So Bush that feckless conman sadly slipped into his Crawford cave. oh!

Bush, the feckless conman brought to you by the GOP
Frolicked with the hypocrites of the grand old party of larceny and dishonesty
Bush, the feckless conman brought to you by the GOP
Frolicked with the hypocrites of the grand old party of larceny and dishonesty

I'm Bernard Madoff--I'm Telling All. Right Here. Trust Me.: Crawl Backs..What MY lawyer says..

I'm Bernard Madoff--I'm Telling All. Right Here. Trust Me.: Crawl Backs..What MY lawyer says..

"I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (BERNIE MADOFF VERSION)
(I'll Be Home for Christmas)
WilliamBanzai7

I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
All I need is a Reuters screen and blackberry
Underneath the Hannukah tree
The FBI will find me
Where the fraud light beams
I'll be home for Christmas
The world's one big Ponzi scheme!

WALL STREET BAIL OUT WONDERLAND
(Winter Wonderland)
WilliamBanzai7

Opening Bells ring, are you listening,
On the Street, the snow job is glistening
An ignoble sight,
We're happy tonight,
Working in Wall Street bailout wonderland.

Gone away is the old bird,
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings an opprobrious song,
As we go along,
Working in Wall Street bailout wonderland.

We can go and eulogize a subprime snowman,
Then pretend that he is Madoff the clown
He'll say: Whats my carry?
We'll say: None man,
But you can always do a fleece job
In Ponzi town.

Later on, we'll all conspire,
As we dream of not being fired
To face unafraid,
The new scams that we'll make,
Working in Wall Street bailout wonderland.

In the meadow we can build another financial snowman,
And pretend that he's an SEC circus clown
We'll have lots of fun shtuping mister snowman,
Until the markets inevitably knock him down.

When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
To aim the hose while pyramiding
We'll frolic and play, the fraudulent way,
Working in Wall Street bailout wonderland.

YOU"RE A MEAN ONE BERNIE THE WALL STREET GRINCH
(Semi Yiddish Version)
(You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

You're a mean one, Bernie the Grinch
You really know how to "filch" and steel,
You're a cuddly Ponzi scheming cactus, you're a charming Wall Street "khazer", Bernie the Grinch,
You're a big Palm Beach banana with a greasy black peel!


You're an asset management "loch in kop", Bernie the Grinch
Your business is a "gelt" black hole almost as big as AIG,
Your brain is full of "ferkakdeh" trades, you have garlic in your "fershtinkiner" soul, Bernie the Grinch,
Investors shouldn't have touched you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!


You're a foul one, Bernie the Grinch,
You say the dog ate your "bupkes" records,
You have all the tender sincerity of a typical "filching" Wall Street "shnorrer", Bernie the Grinch,
Given a choice between the two of you I'd sooner drink bottled water from the East River!


You're a rotten "s--hmuck", Bernie the Grinch,
You're the king of hedge fund scamster "dreck",
Your heart's a rotten "gefilte" splotched with moldy purple spots, Bernie the Grinch,
You're a triple decker synthetic CDO and CDS toadstool sandwich with arsenic Wall Street bailout sauce on top!


You nauseate me, Bernie the Grinch,
You're a nauseous super Wall Street "momzer!",
You're a crooked Alpha "schlockster" and you run a crooked "shandhoiz", Bernie the Grinch,
Your trading books are an appalling dung heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of "chazere" rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled "kishka" knots!


You're a foul one, Bernie the Grinch,
You're a nasty wasty Wall Street "goniff",
Your heart is an unwashed "shmanta", your soul is full of bogus "schmaltz", Bernie the Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
"Shtunk, shtup, shlemiel"!

Bernard Madoff
"Tsen shifn mit gold zol er farmorgn, un dos gantse gelt zol er farkrenkn."
Ten ships of gold should be his and the money should only make him sick.

THESE SHOES ARE MADE FOR THROWIN (the Ballad of Muntazer Al Zaidi)

(These Boots Are Made for Walikin-Nancy Sinatra)

WilliamBanzai7


SING ALONG LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OU7Nezg7Ls


You keep saying troops will soon be withdrawin.
Just like you said something about finding WMD, but confess.


You've been messin' too long in IRAQ where you shouldn't be a messin'
and now everyone is gettin' shafted in the mother of all sorry messes.


These shoes are made for throwin, and that's just what I'll do
one of these days these Vibram Soled Mocs are gonna get thrown right at you!


You keep lying, when you oughta be a truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.


You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.


These shoes are made for throwin, and that's just what I'll do
one of these days these Vibram Soled Mocs are gonna get thrown right at you!


You keep playin' Commander where you shouldn't be playin
and you keep thinkin' that your sorry legacy will never get burnt.


Ha! I just found me a brand new box of Timberlanders yeah
and what I know you ain't HAD time to learn.


These shoes are made for throwin, and that's just what I'll do
one of these days these Vibram Soled Mocs are gonna get thrown right at you!


Are you ready shoes? Start flyin'!

PALM BEACH GOT RUN OVER BY MADOFF'S PONZI REINDEER
(Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer)
WilliamBanzai7

(chorus)
Palm Beach got run over by Bernie Madoff's Ponzi reindeer
Just two weeks before Christmas Eve
You can say there's no such thing as a Wall Street scamster
But as for we in America, we believe

He'd been chalking up bogus Alpha
So the SEC said he had to go
And as he waltzed out of his lair on Third Avenue
Defiant as he was, he said, "Positive returns, hell no!"

When they woke up yesterday morning
It was clear the Palm Beach clique had been attacked
May as well stick a note to their own foreheads
Saying, "Oh Lord, please give us our money back!!"

(repeat chorus)

Now we're all so proud of our regulators
They've been taking this so well
See them crammed in Madoff's office
Knowing that SEC Chairman Cox will soon be sent to pink slip h-e-l-l

It won't be a Merry Christmas thanks to Madoff
Nor a Happy Hannukah as well
And we just can't help but wonder
Dosn't all of Wall Street have that pungent Ponzi smell?

(repeat chorus)

Now that Madoff's books are on the table
See all the other asset managers dance a jig (Ah!)
And the bogus billion dollar earnings
That not surprisingly had been rigged!

Be forewarned all you rich country club investors
Better watch out for yourselves!
You should not make be dreaming of serial Alpha
With hedge fund goofs who play golf better than yourselves!

(repeat chorus)

Nicholas Taleb: Interview with Charlie Rose

http://www.charlierose.com/view/interview/9713

MADOFF THE WALL STREET FAKIR
(Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)
WilliamBanzai7

You know Vesco and Boesky, and Keating and Milken,
Leeson and Mozer, and Ponzi and Wiggen,
But do you recall, the most famous securities fraudster of all?

Madoff the WALL STREET FAKIR
Had a GIANT PONZI SCHEME,
And if you ever saw it,
You could say it was Wall Street's own worst dream.

All of the other Wall Street fraudsters
Used to laugh and call him names;
They never believed poor Madoff
Made a legitimate Alpha trade,

Then one shady Wall Street trading eve,
Madoff spilt his own beans to the SEC
"Madoff oh your scheme's so bright,
Won't you go to jail tonight?"

Then how the Wall Street fraudsters loved him
As they shouted out with glee,
"Madoff the WALL STREET FAKIR,
You’ll go down in securities fraud infamy."

Q: Whats the difference between Bernie Madoff and the CEO of a bulge bracket Wall Street investment bank?

A: Madoff is not asking for a bailout.

HEDGE FUND'S ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE
(The Christmas Song)
WilliamBanzai7

Hedge funds roasting on an open fire
Investors sure to get the hose
Alpha carols being sung by a wealthy choir of the dumb
And regulators dressed up like Eskimos

Everybody knows that burnt hedge hog turkeys and
Madoff's ponzi scheme help to make the seasons blight
SEC examiners with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that billion dollar losses are on the way
The markets are loaded with cows for slaughter
Its the Wall Street way
And ev'ry wealthy grandmother's
Child is gonna spy to see if
Quants, traders and pinstriped conmen really know how to fly

And so, I'm offering this
Simple phrase to investors from
One to ninety-two
Altho' it's been said many times
Many ways
Merry Redemptions to you!

THIS IS AIG
(This is Halloween from the Nitemare Before Christmas)
WilliamBanzai7

[Hank Greenberg's SHADOW]
Boys and girls of every age
Wouldn't you like to see something strange?

[GOLDMAN BANKER]
Come with us and you will see
This, the bailout town of AIG

[CHORUS]
This is AIG, this is AIG
Shareholders, counterparties and taxpayers scream in the dead of night

[AIG LIABILITY GHOSTS]
This is AIG, more hidden liabilities than you've ever seen
Tricks or deceit till the markets die of fright
It's our bailout town, everybody scream
In this bailout town of AIG

[CREATURE IN THE TRADING BOOK]
I am the one hiding in your trading book
Teeth ground sharp and net position glowing red

[MAN RUNNING AIG CAPITAL MARKETS]
I am the one hiding our credit default swaps
Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair

[CHORUS]
This is AIG, this is AIG

[VAMPIRE BAILOUT SUCKERS]
AIG, AIG, AIG, AIG!
In this crooked company we call home
Everyone bail, we turn into a pumpkin before long.

[MAYOR BLOOMBERG]
In this town of busted banks, don't we love it now?
Everybody's waiting for the next Billion dollar AIG surprise!

[CHORUS]
Round that corner, hiding in that ledger
Something's waiting to pounce, and how you'll...

[MANAGEMENT]
Scream! This is AIG, THIS IS AIG
RED RED RED RED and slimey green management team

[HANK]
Well, that's just fine
Say it once, say it twice
Take a chance and roll the dice
Ride with the bailout doomed in the dead of night

[HIDDEN LIABILITY TREE]
Everybody scream, everbody scream

[AIG BOARD]
In our town of AIG!

WALL STREET WISHES YOU A MERRY BAILOUT CHRISTMAS
(We Wish You a Merry Christmas)
WilliamBanzai7

We screwed you with Securitizations;
We screwed you with Quantitative Manipulations;
We screwed you with Derivative Globalization, now we're covering our rears.
Poor tidings we bring to you and your kin;
Poor tidings of Recession and an Unhappy New Year.

Oh, bring us more bailout pudding;
Oh, bring us more bailout pudding;
Oh, bring us more bailout pudding and a tin cup of taxpayer cheer

We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some;
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We wish you a Bailout Christmas;
We wish you a Bailout Christmas;
We wish you a Bailout Christmas and more Turmoil Next Year.

MELE KALKIMAKA WALL STREET
(Mele Kalikimaka, Bing Crosby Christmas)
WilliamBanzai7

SECURITIZED ASSET MARKDOWNs is one way say no bonus will be paid for Christmas 2008
That's the shareholder greeting to be sent to them from the land where no dividends are paid
Here we know that losses are obscenely high
If you think you are underpaid then go take a hike
SECURITIZED ASSET MARKDOWNS is the shareholder way to say no Merry Christmas bonus for you

The Andrew Sisters:
Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say on a bright Hawian Christmas day
That's the island greeting that we send to you from the land where palm trees sway
Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright
The sun to shine by day and all the stars at night
Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas to you

The Andrew Sister's, Andrew Cuomo and Bing Crosby:
There they know that LOSSES are OBSCENELY HIGH
If they think they're underpaid then they should go take a hike
Mele Kalikimaka is the perfect way to say NO CHRISTMAS BONUS FOR YOU

Mele Kalikimaka is what we all should say to WALL STREET BANKERS WHO WANT A YEAR END BONUS PAID
Thats the perfect message to be sent to them in the land where bailouts saved the day
Here we know that LOSSES HAVE BEEN OBSCENELY HIGH
LETS TELL ALL THEM BANKERS TO KISS US WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE
Mele Kalikimaka is the perfect way to say no Christmas Bonus
no very Merry Christmas Bonus , no very, very, merry, merry Christmas Bonus for youuuuuuuuuu

OJ GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER
(Grandma/Osama Got Run Over By a Reindeer)
WilliamBanzai7

(chorus)
OJ got run over by a reindeer
Walking out of his cell Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for the Goldmans and the Browns they believe

He'd been caught robbing football memorabilia
So the jury said he had to go
But as he sat in his cell block
Defiant as he was, he said, "Hell, no!"

When we found him Christmas morning
It was clear he'd been attacked
There was a note stuck to his forehead
It said, "Its over Simpson time for some pay back!"

(repeat chorus)

Now we're all so proud of Johnny Cochran
He's been taking this so well
See him in his office
Knowing that Simpsons going to be joining him in celebrity H-e-l-l

It's bad for business without OJ
No more TV trials and Court TV quacks.
And we just can't help but wonder
Will Ford use bailout money to buy that Bronco back?

(repeat chorus)

Now the famous glove is on the table
See Marcia Clark dance a jig (Ah!)
And the famous blood stained Bruno Magli foot print
That F Lee Bailey claimed was rigged!

Well theres a moral to this story
Celebrity wife murderers watch out for yourselves!
You should not be using guns and two bit hoodlums
Stealing back all the celebrity junk you once had to sell!

(repeat chorus)

williambanzai7.blogspot.com

MEET THE FLINT SHMO
(Flintstones)
WilliamBanzai7

Flint Shmo. Meet the Flint Shmo.
He's the modern GM CEO comedy.
Automotive bedrock,
Now they're headed to insolvency.

Let's ride in that turkey SUV.
Through the courtesy of Wagoneer's two feet.

When you're with the Flint Shmo
you'll have a yabba dabba doo time.
A dabba doo time.
You'll have a bailout time!

The Night Before Bailout Christmas
(The Night Before Christmas)
WilliamBanzai7

Twas a fortnight before Christmas, when there came to the House
A cadre of Detroit clowns doing a sad bailout grouse.
Their company's were hung by years of inept stupidity and greed,
Now there they were standing, the last of a dying breed.

The union ranks were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of hybrids and plug-ins danced in their greedy heads.
And John Dingell with his big auto ‘kerchief, that old Detroit hack,
Had just settled his brains for some more motown crack.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
It sounded like a vehicle powered by reverse anti-matter.
Away to the window all flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

There on the pavement without snow
With the lustre of well designed objects below.
What to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a brand new Toyota Prius powered by eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
All knew in a moment it must be Bailout St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Toyota! now, Nissan! now, Daihatsu and Honda!
On, Isuzu! On, Suzuki! on, on Mistubishi and Mazda!
To the top of the market! while the big three all fall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before old hurricane Katrina fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the rotunda the coursers they flew,
With the hybrid sleigh full of Bailout Toys, and Bailout St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, there was heard under the Capital roof
The silly prancing and gnawing of each Big 3 auto goof.
As all shook our heads, and made a skeptical frown,
Then through the hearing room doors lept Bailout St Nicholas with a bound.

He was dressed all in red Texaco overalls, and black harley boots,
And his clothes were all tarnished with 10W40 and soot.
And billions of bailout dollars he had flung in his bailout sack,
And he looked like a used lemon peddler, just commencing his attack.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the bailout stockings, then turned to those three Big 3 auto jerks.
And laying his fingers to cover his nose,
While giving a nod, all the taxpayers got hosed!

He sprang to his Bailout sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like one big Detroit bailout missile.
But they heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Bailout Christmas to all, see you next year good-night!"

GREENSPAN GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER

GREENSPAN GOT RUN OVER BY A BLACK REINDEER
(Grandma/Osama Got Run Over by a Reindeer)
WilliamBanzai7

Greenspan got run over by a black reindeer
Walking home from a CITI ATM Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as negative Alpha
As for the Wall Street banks and hedge funds they believe

He'd been drinking too much free market egg nog
So its best he had to go
But he wrote a book full of financial flim flam
Defiant as he was, he said financial WMDs, "Hell, no!"

When we found him Christmas morning
At the scene of the attack
There was a note stuck to his forehead
It said, "Give us all our bail out dollars back!"

(repeat chorus)

Now we're all so proud of Bush and Hank Paulsen
They've been taking this so well
See them in the Oval office
Knowing that global markets have really gone to Hell

It's not Christmas without Greenspan
No free toasters and synthetic asset backeds
And we just can't help but wonder
Can we go bomb Osama Bin Laden with CDSs in a sneak attack?

(repeat chorus)

Now a Detroit bailout's on the table
See Rick Wagoneer dance a jig (Ah!)
And the silver and blue Humvees
That would have matched the hairs in Greenspan's wig

You should warn all your friends and neighbors
Better watch out for yourselves!
They should not be marketing SUVs and mortgage backed securiities
Made of stuff you can't even insure at AIG!

(repeat chorus)

O BAILOUT TREE
(O Christmas Tree)
WilliamBanzai7

O Bailout Tree, O Bailout Tree!
Those Wall Street thieves are vermin!
O Bailout Tree, O Bailout Tree!
They should all be thrown into the trash bin!

Not only is there subprime slime,
In Detroit they think its Miller time.
O Bailout Tree, O Bailout Tree!
Capitalist thieves playing tin violins!

O AIG, O AIG,
The mother of all bailout sieves!
O AIG, O AIG,
Its good to be a systemic titanic!

And every time the Bailout tree,
Brings to us all more gloom than glee.
O Bailout Tree, O Bailout Tree,
Much management malfeasance doth thou bring to me!

O Bailout Tree, O Bailout Tree,
Moral hazard's candle shines out brightly!
O Bailout Tree, Those Bailout Thieves,
Their motto is "Why not me?"!

The dough we've blown is a fiscal fright,
The dough that's thrown without oversight.
O Bailout Tree, O Bailout Tree,
You're a black hole yet undetermined!

Hank's n-u-ts roasting on an open fire.
TARP's not clean says the GAO
It won't be long
Before the money is all gone
and Geitner's left to sweep the crumbs left over from last night

TARP Road Map

We Three Motown Kings
(We Three Kings)
WilliamBanzai7

We three monarchs of Motown are
Here to save our dumb automotive arse.
No more petrol fountain, huge SUV mountain,
Following the Washington bailout star.

Bailout star of wonder, don't say good night,
O Star save us from our greedy idiotic plight,
Balance sheet's are bleeding, losses still proceeding,
Save us from what deep down we know is right.

Born as kings of the gas guzzling domain,
Fool's gold we bring please crown us again,
Lemon Kings forever, ceasing never
Over all American drivers to reign.

O Bailout star of wonder, don't say good night,
Star save us from our greedy idiotic plight,
Balance sheet's are bleeding, losses still proceeding,
Save us from what deep down we know is right.

Frankenstein's bailout plan have I.
Drove to DC in a hybrid all night.
Prayer and praising will send our stock raising,
Our ship is one big pie in the sky.

Bailout star of wonder, don't say good night,
O Star save us from our greedy idiotic plight,
Balance sheet's are bleeding, still proceeding,
Save us from what deep down we know is right.

Plug in mine: it'll run on a dime
Breath fresh air, low emissions and zoom time.
Borrowing, redesigning, union undermining,
Sealed in the stone-cold SUV tomb.

Bailout star of wonder, don't say good night,
O Star save us from our greedy idiotic plight,
Balance sheet's are bleeding, losses still proceeding,
Save us from what deep down we know is right.

Glorious now behold Motown will once again rise,
Bailout largesse and taxpayer sacrifice.
Alleluia, alleluia!
Clunking sounds heard all through the earth and skies.

Bailout star of wonder, don't say good night,
O Star save us from our greedy idiotic plight,
Balance sheet's are bleeding, still proceeding,
Save us from what deep down we know is right.

The Twelve Wall Street Days of Christmas
WilliamBanzai7

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
What did Wall Street send to me ?

Twelve doomsday drummers drumming,
Eleven bailout pipers piping,
Ten investment bankers a-leaping,
Nine Russian ladies table dancing,
Eight brokers a bilking,
Seven hedge funds a skimming,
Six quants hallucinating,
Five overpaid CEOs a blinging,
Four synthetic CDO turds stinking,
Three red pens,
Two free toaster Ov's,
And a mortgage they said was interest free!