Friday, May 15, 2009


Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer the Geek Fat Cats
(Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of geek Wall Street Fat Cats.
As structured finance clowns, quick-change artists, tight-rope walkers and financial acrobats
They had an extensive reputation. They made their real home in Stamford, Los Alamos and MIT
Wall Street was merely their centre of operation, for they were incurably given to rove.
They were very well known in Palm Beach, in Greenwich and in Mayfair -
they had really a little more reputation than a couple of Fat Cats can very well bear.

If the black litter box was found ajar
And the data room looked like a geek field of war,
If a memory chip or two came loose on the risk manager's roof,
Which presently ceases to be waterproof,
If the drawers were pulled out from the CEOs commode chest,
And you couldn't find one of your Saville Row vests,
Or after supper one of the investors
Suddenly missed his cherished red suspenders:
Then the bankers and traders would say: `It's that horrible geek Fat Cat!
It was Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer!' - And most of the time they left it at that.

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a very unusual gift of geek gab.
They were highly efficient financial burglars as well, and remarkably smart at a rehash-and-grab.
They made their home like typical geeks. They had no other preoccupation.
They were implausible fellows, and liked to engage a friendly risk control policeman in convoluted conversation.

When the other bankers assembled for closing dinners [foreclosing dinner?],
With their minds made up that their bonuses wouldn't get thinner
On trading point steak, fee potatoes and commission greens,
And the comp cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
`I'm afraid you must wait and have bonus dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven - like that!'
Then the traders would say: `It's that horrible quant cat!
It was Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer!' - And most of the time they left it at that.

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together.
And some of the time you would say it was luck, and some of the time you would say it was exuberant market weather.
They would go through the bank like a fast buck hurricane, and no sober person could take this oath
Was it Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer? or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?

And when you heard a NAV crash
Or up from the back office there came a loud smash
Or down from the board room came a loud ping
From an asset backed model which was said to be good as Ming -
Then the traders and bankers would say: `Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie! AND Rumpelteazer!' - And there's nothing at all to be done about that!

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