THE NAMING OF WALL STREET FAT CATS
(The Naming of Cats, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
The Naming of Wall Street fat cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one for bank holiday chatter;
You may think at first I'm as mad as Cramer the CNBC mad hatter
When I tell you, a fat cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the trader's use daily,
Such as Jimmy, Dickie, Kenny or Jamie,
Such as Henry or Lloydie, or Johnny or Bernie -
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen gangsters, some for the dames:
Such as Maestro, Gorilla, Bandit and Ace -
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a fat cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more infamous,
Else how can he keep his pinstriped network reticular,
Or save his whiskers, and cover his backside?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Bootstrap, Lucky-me, or Will Con-you,
Such as Ponzo, or Boeski and Screwless Ken Lewis -
Names that never belong to more than one fat cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no financial sleuth can discover -
But THE WALL STREET FAT CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a fat cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of the name of:
His ineffable effable
Latest, deepest and inscrutable CON GAME.