SKIMBLE-HANK: THE BAILOUT FAT CAT
(SKIMBLESHANKS: THE RAILWAY CAT, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
There's a whisper down the line at 11.39
When the TARP Metroliner's ready to depart,
Saying `Skimble where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the Gold bailout thimble?
We must find him or the TARP train can't start.'
All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters
They are searching high and low,
Saying `Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble
Then the TARP Metroliner just can't go.'
At 11.42 then the AIG collateral call's nearly due
And the CDS counter party passengers are frantic to a man -
Then Skimble-Hank will appear and he'll saunter to the rear:
He's been busy in the bailout luggage van!
He gives one flash of his glass-blue eyes
And the signal goes `All Clear!'
And we're off at last for the northern part
Of the Bailout Hemisphere!
You may say that by and large it is Skimble-Hank who's in charge
Of the Bailout Express.
From Bernanke the Fed conductor and his guards to the NY Fed bagmen playing bailout chess
He will supervise them all, more or less.
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the investment bankers in the First and commercial bankers in the Third;
He establishes control by a regular patrol
And he'd know at once if anything occurred.
He will watch you without winking and he sees what you are thinking
And it's certain that he doesn't approve
Of hilarity and riot, so the folk are very quiet
When Skimble-Hank is about and on them over.
You can play no pranks with Skimble-Hank!
He's a Fed Fat Cat that cannot be ignored;
So nothing goes wrong on the Bailout Express
When Skimbles-Hanks is aboard.
Oh it's very pleasant when you have found your little bailout den
With your name written up on the door.
And the berth is very neat with a newly folded balance sheet
And there's not a speck of toxic asset dust on the floor.
There is every sort of opaque light - you can make it dark or bright;
There's a button that you turn to shoot the breeze.
There's a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your dodgy assets in
And a crank to shut the subprime window if you sneeze.
Then the guard looks in politely and will ask you very brightly
`do you like your morning bailout tea weak or strong?'
But Skimble-Hank's just behind him and was ready to remind him,
For Skimble won't let anything go wrong.
And when you creep into your cosy bailout berth
And call up your worried counterparties,
You are bound to admit that it's very nice
To know that your won't be bothered by creditor mice -
You can leave all that to the Bailout Railway Cat,
The Fed Fat Cat of the TARP Bailout Train!
In the middle of the night he is always fresh and bright;
Every now and then he has a cup of Goldman Sachs tea
With perhaps a drop of Goldman Sachs Scotch while he's keeping his gold Goldman watch,
Only stopping here and there to catch a systemic flea.
You were fast asleep at two and so you never knew
That he was walking up and down the bank rescue station;
You were sleeping all the while he was busy with Bernanke in deep contemplation,
Then he greets the Capital Hill stationmaster with elation.
But you saw him at Lehman, where he summons the Fed police
If there's anything they ought to know about:
when your lead to the AIG gallows there you do not have to worry -
For Skimbles-Hank will help you to get out!
He gives you a wave of his long pinstriped tail
Which says: `I'll see you again!
You'll meet without fail on the TARP Midnight Metroliner
The Fed Fat Cat of the TARP Bailout Train.'