MacMadoff: The Mystery Fat Cat

MacMadoff: The Mystery Fat Cat
(Macavity: The Mystery Cat, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats

MacMadoff a mystery Fat Cat: he's called the hidden Ponzi Paw -
For he's the master criminal who can defy economic law.
He's the bafflement of the SEC's canards, the enforcement squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime - MacMadoff's never there!

MacMadoff, MacMadoff, there's no one like MacMadoff,
He's broken every law of fraud, he breaks the market laws of gravity.
His ponziesque powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime - MacMadoff's not there!
You may seek him down on the Lipstick's 17th floor, you may look up in his Park Avenue lair -
But I tell you once and once again, MacMadoff's not there!

McMadoff's a nimble Fat Cat, but he's not even tall or thin;
You would know him if you saw him, for his shifty eyes are sunken in.
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his sliver hair is nicely bouffant;
His schpiel is feisty as heck, each of his sophisticated investors are dumber than a Riviera crossant.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a Vegas rattle snake;
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

MacMadoff, MacMadoff, there's no one like MacMadoff,
For he's a Wall Street fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him on a putting green, you may see him in a Hotel du Cap lounge chair
But when a financial crime's discovered, then MacMadoff's not there!

He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
And his footprints are not found in any file of those SEC canards.
And when the rich and famous are looted, or the trust account is rifled,
Or when the milk money is missing, or another Ponzi's been stifled,
Or the charity bank is broken, and retirement's beyond repair -
Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! MacMadoff's not there!

And when the SEC Branch Chief finds a monthly statement gone astray,
Or the Palm Beach widows lose it all by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
But it's useless to investigate - McMadoff's not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the FBI men say:
`It must have been MacMadoff!' - but he's thousands of miles away.
You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking caviar off his well manicured thumbs,
Or engaged in doing complicated long-division sums.

MacMadoff, MacMadoff, there's no Fat Cat like MacMadoff,
There never was a Fat Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place - MACMADOFF WASN'T THERE!
And they say that all the Fat Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Ezra Merkin, I might mention Walter Noel)
Are nothing more than agents for the Fat Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: Bernie MacMadoff, the Napoleon of Financial Crime!

COMMENT ON NYT DEALBOOK:

williambanzai7 — I used to think “you can’t make this stuff up.” but after reading “MacMadoff” I’m rethinking that. Beautiful.

— Posted by moonwell23