Monday, August 31, 2009


The Quotations

She'll be alone each and every night
While you're trading your ass away, don't forget to write
Bye-bye, so long, farewell
Bye-bye, so long

See you in September
See you when the sucker's rally's through
Here we are (bye, baby, goodbye)
Saying goodbye at Wall Street station (bye, baby, goodbye)
The sucker's defenestration (bye, baby bye, baby)
Is taking you away (bye, baby, goodbye)

Have a good time but remember
There is danger in the sucker's moon above
Will we see you in December?
Or lose you like Michael Jackson's glove
(counting the days 'til you'll be through)
(counting the hours and the minutes, too)

Bye, baby, goodbye
Bye, baby, goodbye
Bye, baby, goodbye (bye-bye, so long, farewell)
Bye, baby, goodbye (bye-bye, so long)

Have a good time but remember
There is danger in the sucker's moon above
Will we see you in December
Or lose you like Michael Jackson's glove

(You'll be on the phone each and every night)
(While you're short term gains are drifting away, don't forget to write)
See you (bye-bye, so long, farewell)
In September (bye-bye, so long, farewell)
We're hopin' We'll
See you (bye-bye, so long, farewell)
In December (bye-bye bonus, so long, farewell)
Well, maybe I'll
See you (bye-bye, so long, farewell)
In December (bye-bye bonus, so long, farewell)

Friday, August 28, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Reuters reports: It’s either a sign of sheer boredom on Wall Street, or an early celebration of the one-year anniversary of Lehman Brothers’ demise, but shares of the fallen invesment bank were red hot today.

The stock rose some 200%. Take that AIG.

WB7: How about concrete evidence that the bailout carry trade is burning a hole in Wall Street's wallet.


BANZAI7 NEWS--R. Allen Scamford’s relationship with the chief regulator of his Antigua bank was closer than most.

At a meeting in 2003, they became blood brothers, cutting their wrists and mixing their blood in a native American “brotherhood ceremony” that Mr. Stanford’s chief financial officer said promoted an elaborate scheme to hide a multi billion-wampum empty teepee scheme from evil whitemen and other frontier regulators.

Thursday, August 27, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--One year ago, as the nation’s financial system was lurching toward catastrophe, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke was having his own personal monetary meltdown.

Someone was trying to draw $16 Billion of cash collateral from an account jointly held by Mr. Bernanke and his wife, Anna, as part of what federal prosecutors now say was a wide-ranging credit default swap transaction.

The nation’s top banker was swept up in the scheme when a swap dealer absconded with Ms. Bernanke’s pocketbook from a Wall Street Starbucks in August 2008.

The Bernankes were among hundreds of counter parties involved in the scheme, which prosecutors initially thought was being run by Nigerian derivatives dealers. An unamed prosecutor said: "We quickly realized that the scheme was too big for the Nigerians to handle."

The ring is still believed to be operating in downtown Manhattan.


BANZAI7 NEWS- Wearing flip-flops, khaki shorts and a green polo shirt, the new chief executive of bailed-out insurer American International Group Inc says he's getting a lot of work done from his massive villa overlooking the Adriatic. He makes no apologies for his passion for Croatia, including his palatial villa with 12 (yes 12) bathrooms and his vineyards on the Pulljerk Peninsula about a two hours drive north of Dubrovnik.

"People criticize me for being on vacation. I actually started my vacation a week before I was actually supposed to," Robert Beanmush (Mr. Bean) told Reuters in an interview. "I do have conference calls with my contractors every day, I have all the drawings sent here. I can work here as well as in the office in New York, where nothing of merit seems to happen."

Other well known AIG executives have worked effectively from remote locations. Most notably Joseph Cassano who managed AIG Financial Products from Knightsbridge in London. Cassano managed to blow up AIG, Goldman Sachs and the global financial system from his townhouse which is rumored to be equipped with 20 "Hail Mary" urinals.

Cassano once said: "People criticize me for working from London. I do have conference calls with Goldman Sachs NY every day, I have all the derivative contracts sent here. I can work here as well as in the office in New York, where nothing of merit seems to happen. Excuse me for a moment..."

Mr. Bean will need all 12 toilets in his villa since the shit at AIG seems to hit the fan every 12 seconds.


BANZAI7 NEWS--The Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation, the owner of the Foxwoods Resort Casino in Ledyard, Conn., said on Wednesday that it was seeking to restructure its debt, as casinos worldwide grapple with slumping business.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--The coffers of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. have been so depleted by the epidemic of collapsing financial institutions that analysts warn it could sink into the red by the end of this year.

That has happened only once before — during the savings-and-loan crisis of the early 1990s, when the FDIC was forced to borrow $15 billion from the Treasury and repay it later with interest. The government agency that guarantees depositors against the loss of their money in a bank failure may need its own lifeline.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Microsoft apologized Wednesday after a Polish version of the company's ad had a black man's head replaced with the head of a white man. The image alteration of the picture was making rounds on the forums last night and Microsoft pulled the picture today.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer explained that the add was to form the basis of a politically correct campaign called Negro Inside and styled after the "Intel Inside" slogan. He further explained that the woman in the photo is actually Bill Gates following a recent trip to Thailand.


The following is a reprint from the Los Angeles Times:

How Bernanke Failed Us

While much or most of Wall Street seems to believe that Ben S. Bernanke deserves a second term as Federal Reserve chairman -- even if the reasoning is of the devil-you-know variety -- veteran economist Stephen Roach makes the case that Bernanke is responsible for much of the mess he’s now being paid to clean up.

"It is as if a doctor guilty of malpractice is being given credit for inventing a miracle cure," Roach, the chairman of Morgan Stanley Asia, wrote in the Financial Times after President Obama renominated Bernanke on Tuesday. "Maybe the patient needs a new doctor."

Roach lists three strikes against Bernanke, whose reappointment must be confirmed by the Senate:

--- While a Fed governor from 2002 to mid-2005, Bernanke was a cheerleader for Chairman Alan Greenspan's view that the central bank shouldn’t be in the business of fighting asset bubbles by, say, tightening credit to deflate them. "On this count, he stood with his predecessor -- serial bubble-blowing Greenspan -- who argued that monetary authorities are best positioned to clean up the mess after the bursting of asset bubbles rather than to pre-empt the damage," Roach says.

Is there anyone left out there who believes that we're better off because the Fed allowed the housing bubble to inflate to such absurd proportions?

Bernankehill --- Bernanke supported the "global savings glut" defense of the 2001-2007 U.S. debt explosion. That defense held that America’s borrowing binge was in large part the logical result of the unprecedented wealth sloshing around the global financial system, much of which landed here. Roach argues that adherents of the glut defense in effect "exonerated the U.S. from its bubble-prone tendencies and pinned the blame on surplus savers in Asia."

--- Bernanke had little interest in fulfilling the Fed’s role as a regulator of banking-system excess. "The derivatives’ explosion, extreme leverage of regulated and shadow banks and excesses of mortgage lending were all flagrant abuses that both Mr. Bernanke and Mr. Greenspan could have said no to," Roach says. "But they did not."

Overall, Roach asserts, Bernanke "lacked the foresight and courage to resist the most reckless tendencies of the era of excess. The world needs central bankers who avoid problems, not those who specialize in post-crisis damage control."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--A federal judge on Tuesday ordered the Securities and Exchange Commission to explain why it didn't pursue allegations that Bank of America Corp. executives lied in a proxy statement about bonuses for Merrill Lynch employees.

The SEC said it couldn't investigate the bank executives' culpability because they said they had relied on their lawyers' advice, and without the bank giving up its private discussions with its lawyers, the SEC couldn't build a case.

U.S. District Judge Jed S. RakeEmOver called this reasoning "at war with common sense." If that were the regulator's policy, "it would seem that all a murdering Columbian drug dealer who has produced a false proxy statement need offer by way of defense is that he or she relied on counsel, and, if the cartel does not waive the privilege, the assertion will never be tested, and the culpability of both the dealer and the cartel's counsel will remain beyond scrutiny."

The judge seems to be one of the rare sane individuals worrying about the integrity of American capital markets.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Scotland’s biggest police force appeared to cast doubt last night on a key part of the explanation given by the country’s Justice Secretary Kenny MacAsshole for freeing the Lockerbie bomber.

Strathclyde Police said that it was not asked if it could manage the security implications of transferring Abdouche Baset Ali al-Migraine from prison to a secure castle in Scotland. The force said that, if asked, it would have provided appropriate personnel.

In a statement to The Times, the force appeared to contradict Kenny MacAsshole. Abdouche Migraine is said to be suffering from an enlarged haggis and has six months to live. What a pisser.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Beer drinkers beware: The cost of a cold one is going up. Anheuser-Busch InBev., which brews Budweiser, plans to raise prices.

"We plan on taking price increases on a majority of volume and in a majority of markets this fall," the brewer said in an email statement. "The increase helps cover some input costs"

The U.S.-Belgian brewer said prices will go up "across different price tiers" including its high and low-end brands.

Recognizing the negative affect these price increases could have on the well documented jobless recovery, the Obama Administration and Congress are planning a "Cash for Drunkards" program which will stimulate bear purchases by shell shocked consumers. Treasury Secretary Geithner said: "It is unrealistic to expect the banks to finance loans for beverage purchases out of their record breaking bonus pools. That dough is for them to use buying rounds of scotch for their risk managers. The cash for drunkards program will work well in tandem with the cash for klunkers and cash for bankers programs."


What do this cartoon and Glenn Beck have in common?

You know Glenn Beck, he's the television talk show host sparked controversy last month when he said Obama, America's first black president, has a "deep-seated hatred for white people."

"This guy is, I believe, a racist," Beck said during an appearance on another program on News Corp.-owned Fox.

Bill Shine, Fox's senior vice president of programming, in comments to Mediabistro's TVNewser at the time, said Beck had expressed a "personal opinion which represented his own views, not those of the Fox News Channel.

"And as with all commentators in the cable news arena, he is given the freedom to express his opinions," Shine said.

The cartoon was published in the New York Post this past Spring. You know the New York Post, the rag sheet that is published by the same guy who owns Fox News, Rupport Murdoch.

ColorofChange organized an online petition to be sent to the presidents, chief executives and boards of companies advertising on Beck's show urging them to "immediately cease all advertising on the Glenn Beck Program."

Color of Change should really be targeting that asshole whose media organization seems to have a business model that profits by inciting hatred, racism and stupidity.



BANZAI7 NEWS--President Obama made it official Tuesday morning, following the disappointing withdrawal by candidate Benjamin Gono, the President announced that he is reappointing Gideon Bernanke for a second four-year term as chairman of the Federal Reserve.

Mr. Gono, the current Governor of the Central bank of Zimbabwe, said: I am flattered that President Obama appreciates the merits of my monetary theories, however, I am committed to printing Zimbabwe dollars and I believe Mr. Bernanke fully understands how to apply fiscal Gonorrhea in the American situation."

Gono has printed enormous quantities of money against the advice of economists, but with full support from Robert Mugabe. As predicted by the textbook quantitative theory of money, this practice has devalued the Zimbabwean dollar and caused hyperinflation. It is widely known that Mr. Bernanke intends to follow Mr. Gono's Gonorreaic lead.

Mr Gono also said: "The rumors that I am Michael Jackson's doctor are probably false."

Meanwhile: In a chilling forecast, the White House is predicting a 10-year federal deficit of $9 trillion — more than the sum of all previous deficits since America's founding. And it says by the next decade's end the national debt will equal three-quarters of the entire U.S. economy.

Not to worry, its economic Gonorrea time.

MacAsshole Speaks

BANZAI7 NEWS--Scotland’s Parliament held an emergency session on Monday to hear a new statement by the regional government’s justice secretary, Kenny MacAsshole, explaining his decision to release Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi, the man convicted of the murder of 270 people in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which exploded over Lockerbie, Scotland, on Dec. 21, 1988.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Former Vice President Dickhead Cheney says the CIA's interrogations of terror suspects "saved lives and prevented terrorist attacks."

In a statement Monday, Dickhead said those who carried out the interrogations "deserve our gratitude" and do not deserve "to be the targets of political investigations or prosecutions." He said the questioning "played some kind of warped neocon role in nearly every capture of al-Qaida members and associates since 2002."

(Lets Do the Time Warp, Rocky Horror Picture Show)

Sing along link:

It's astounding, political legacies are fleeting
Madness rules the polls
But listen closely, not for very much longer
We Neo-Con freaks got to keep control

I remember doing the Neo-Con Warp
Drinking those moments when
The blankness would hit me and the intellectual void would be calling
Let's do the Neo-Con warp again...
Let's do the Neo-Con warp again!

It's just a big kick to the moderate left
And then a big step to the radical right
With your hands on your Neo-Con hips
You bring your knobby knees in tight
But it's the public's trust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Neo-Con Warp again!

It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no not at all
In another dimension, with anti-constitutional intentions
Self-deluded, I rule all
With a bit of a legalistic mind flip
You're off water boardin on a Guantanimo surf trip
And nothing can or ever will be the same
You're spaced out on enhanced interrogation sensations, you're under no wimp Geneva sedation
Let's do the Neo-Con Warp again!

It's just a big kick to the moderate left
And then a big step to the radical right
With your hands on your Neo-Con hips
You bring your knobby knees in tight
But it's the public's trust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Neo-Con Warp again!

Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When a snake of a Neo-Con freak gave me an evil wink
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change
Personal freedom meant nothing, never would again
Let's do the Neo-Con Warp again!


Monday, August 24, 2009


NYT DEALBOOK--Senator Ted Kaufman, Democrat of Delaware, has quickly become one of Congress’s most outspoken critics of the Securities and Exchange Commission since being appointed to fill the Senate seat vacated by Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. in January.

On Monday, Mr. Kaufman sent a scathing letter to the S.E.C.’s chairwoman, Mary L. Schapiro, asserting that a broad overhaul of the agency is needed concerning a wide array of issues under its jurisdiction, including algorithmic trading and so-called dark pools, which are automated trading systems that do not publicly provide price quotes.

Bobby McFerrin

Here is a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry be happy
Every semi-century we have some Wall Street trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy……

Ain’t got no safe place to lay your little nest egg
One of these days it’ll crumble and you’ll have to beg
Don’t worry, be happy
Wall Street’s full of crooks why investigate?
One of these days you may have to litigate
Don’t worry, be happy
Look at me I am happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Here I give you my cell phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
Don’t worry, be happy
Ain’t got no dark pools, ain’t got no black box or fancy hedging style
Ain’t got no algo trade to make you smile
But don’t worry be happy
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
And that will bring the market down
So don’t worry, be happy (now)…..

There is this little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note for note
Like good little investor children
Don’t worry, be happy
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some market trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don’t worry, be happy……
Don’t worry don’t do it, be happy
Put a smile on your face
Don’t bring everybody down like this
Don’t worry, the jobless recovery is here at last
Whatever it is
Don’t worry, be happy


BANZAI7 NEWS--Two Alabama families that had been fighting for years turned their musical feud into a full-scale kletzmer riot Monday outside a small-town city hall, with up to 150 screaming people hurling tire irons and musical instruments, playing kletzmer music and wielding baseball bats. Eight people were arrested, and at least four were hurt, Trooper John Reese said. Two were taken to hospitals. The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK. Here is what he remembers...



BANZAI7 NEWS--Four hundred protesters burned by Lehman Brothers-linked financial products, took to the streets of Hong Kong on Sunday to voice their anger over the government’s handling of allegations that local banks misled clients about the complex investments. They also called for the resignation of hte territory’s leader, The Associated Press reported.

The 400 protesters, replete with tomahawks, top hats, drums, chanted, “The Lehman issue hasn’t been resolved” and “Donald Tsang step down,” referring to Hong Kong’s chief executive.


BANZAI7 NEWS-- Bernie Madoff had little to lose by confessing to masterminding the world's biggest Ponzi scheme -- he's dying of cancer, sources told The NY Post.

Madoff, who is serving 150 years at a North Carolina federal lockup after pleading guilty to swindling more than $65 billion, has been telling fellow inmates he does not have much longer to live.

After Bernie goes, all that will be left is the mirror...


Who's the next biggest culprit of them all?

Not we, said the Madoff family.

Not we, said the Chairmen of the Fed that fostered the public fixation on bubbly returns and pumped the economy full of the exuberance of cheap leverage.

Not we, said the Chairmen of the SEC, who turned a blind eye to Wall Street excess and a deaf ear to a lone whistle blower.

Not I, said Uncle Sam, the one who collected inflated taxes from duped investors but let the regulatory system wither into a shriveled rag.

Not we, said the Congressman who wrote laws emasculating the finest regulatory system in the world.

Not we. said the NASDAQ shareholders who gave Madoff street cred by electing him Chairman of the Board.

Not we, said the bankers and fund of fund managers who blindly sent their client's monies to a common thief without any effort resembling prudent due diligence.

Not we, said the accountants yet again.

Not we, said the financial media that spent more time pumping the bubbles than investigating the markets.

Not we, said the country clubbers and wealthy idiots who told all their cronies that being a Madoff investor was the most exclusive club of all.

Not we, said the charitable fiduciaries that allowed their precious endowments to be managed by a scoundrel.

Not we, said the pseudo-sophisticated investors who allowed themselves to be duped into thinking that monthly and annual absolute returns are the norm and not the exception, let alone a fantasy.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Fox-Pitt Kelton expects Citigroup Inc (C.N) to face another $44 billion in loan losses over the next 18 months.

Citi's large exposure to problem securities could once again be a threat, should the global economy dip again, the analyst said, adding that loan losses could end up closer to $68 billion.

Bobby McFerrin

Here is another billion dollar loan loss I wrote
You might want to read it note for note
Don't worry be happy
In every financial supermarket we have lots of trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy......

Ain't got no other way to pay our overhead
Somebody came and took your bonus instead
Don't worry, be happy
The FDIC lords say our rent is late
We may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy
Look at me I am happy
Don't worry, be happy
Here I give you my cell phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
Don't worry, be happy
Ain't got no free cash for a long long while
Ain't got no good news to make shareholders smile
But don't worry be happy
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
So don't worry, be happy (now).....

There is yet another silly email I wrote
I hope you read it note for note
Like good little CITI banker children
Don't worry, be happy
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some market troubles
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
Don't worry don't do it, be happy
Put a smile on your banker face
Don't bring everybody down like this
Don't worry, it will soon past
Whatever it is
Don't worry, be happy


A U.S.-based private equity fund plans on doubling its investments in South Africa by year-end. International Housing Solutions (IHS) is a private sector fund targeting lower to middle-income earners.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Goldman Sachs Group Inc. regularly provides its top clients with stock-trading tips that differ from the firm's published research reports, The Wall Street Journal reported on Monday.

We all know Goldman's published research is written in a room full of monkeys and a typewriter. You know, the same Goldman monkeys that recommended mortgage backed securities while Goldman's position was short; the same ones that said oil would hit $200 a barrel in 2008 and announced last week that the recession is officially over.

Does anyone believe that Goldman racks up billions of trading profits listening to these monkeys?

Did Goldman learn anything the last time Spitzer nailed Wall Street for abusing the research component of their operations? Apparently not.


BANZAI7 NEWS--President Barack Obama has moved more forcefully than ever to abandon Bush administration interrogation policies, approving creation of a special unit supervised by the White House for questioning terrorism suspects, as Attorney General Eric Holder weighs whether to reopen and pursue prisoner abuse cases.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Is the light at the end of the tunnel an oncoming train? That’s the worry of many economists who fret that after a couple of quarters of moderate growth, the U.S. economy will either lapse into a state of torpor or relapse into recession. In a new Financial Times op-ed, Nouriel Roubini says that weak labor markets, weak banks, weak consumers, weak profits and weak trade creates a strong risk of just such a “W-shaped” economic scenario.

"Its a Big W I tell ya!!!!!!!


BANZAI7 NEWS--Japan is expanding efforts to attract buyers to the nation’s growing debt load, flooding the backs of taxi cabs for the first time with pamphlets in the hopes of getting retirees to invest more money in bonds and...


WSJ--The political stakes for U.K. Prime Minister Gordon Brown mounted after a son of Libyan leader Col. Moammar Gadhafi, Saif al-Islam Gadhafi, issued a statement on Saturday thanking "our friends in the British government who played an important role in reaching this day." He said he believed the decision to release Abdel Baset al-Megrahi would further improve relations between the U.K. and the oil-rich North African nation.

A Scottish government official leaked an excerpt of a letter from a British Foreign Office minister to Mr. MacAsshole that some U.K. observers interpreted as a sign the Foreign Office was trying to pressure Scotland into transferring Mr. al-Megrahi to a Libyan jail.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


NYT--It’s a summer Friday, which means lots of Wall Streeters are making their getaways to the Hamptons in Long Island, N.Y. It’s long been the unofficial playground for the finance crowd, but in recent years, there’s been a bit more anxiety amid the manicured hedges and expensive boutiques.

Honey, have you seen this weeks bluebook!


BANZAI7 NEWS--The health-insurance industry is sending thousands of its employees to town-hall meetings and other forums during Congress's August recess to try to counter a tide of criticism directed at the insurers and remain a player -- and not an outsider -- in the debate over the future of the health-care system.

Among the throngs of Americans crowding the sessions across the country, the Healthcare pirates come armed with talking points about the need for bipartisan legislation and the unintended consequences of a government-run health plan to compete with private insurers.

Four words, purge, rescind, withhold, disallow. This is the healthcare pirate credo...

Go ahead and die!!!!!

Saturday, August 22, 2009


WASHINGTON (CNN) -- FBI Director Robert Mueller harshly criticized the decision to release the Lockerbie bomber in a letter released Saturday, calling it "a mockery of the rule of law."

Mueller, in a note to Scottish Justice Secretary Kenny MacAsshole, said MacAsshole's decision to release Abdelbeset Ali Mohmed al Megrahi is "as inexplicable as it is detrimental to the cause of justice.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Economists say — and data is beginning to show — that a significant change may in fact be under way. The rich, as a group, are no longer getting richer. Over the last two years, they have become poorer. And many may not return to their old levels of wealth and income anytime soon.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--What began as a gleeful debate over the disappearance of the Arctic Sea, a Russian-operated freighter that went off the radar for weeks has turned into a serious question of international security. At first, in late July, the notion that a timber-carrying ship was the first victim of European piracy in centuries was dynamite. But as weeks wore on without radio contact, speculation turned to darker concerns. Was it a cover up? A mafia hit? A bungled act of nuclear smuggling?

Now, the CIA believes it has the answer. Samuel Incognito, a Director of the Russian Section of the "company" believes that the Russians are attempting to fill the recent niche demand for klunkers in the United States. It is believed that kar dealerships under the influence of Russian mobsters are using smuggled klunkers to avail themselves of the ka$h for klunkers.


BANZAI7 NEWS--With the one-year anniversary of Lehman Brothers’s collapse fast approaching, prepare to soon see a version of the seminal event on the small screen.

The BBC said on Wednesday that it is producing “The Last Days of Lehman Brothers,” a TV movie “inspired by the real events” of that September weekend, for its BBC Two channel.


Dick Fuld negotiates with Korean bankers for an emergency capital infusion....


BANZAI7 NEWS--Warren Buffett is back with a new piece in the New York Times, but today he's not using the high-profile platform to explicitly urge us all to buy stocks as he did last October.

But there's still a big "buy" recommendation implicit in the dollar doomsday scenario he lays out in his latest op-ed.



BANZAI7 NEWS--Hundreds of auto dealers in the New York area have withdrawn from the government's Cash for Clunkers program, citing delays in getting reimbursed by the government, a dealership group said Wednesday.

The Greater New York Automobile Dealers Association, which represents dealerships in the New York metro area, said about half its 425 members have left the program because they cannot afford to offer more rebates.

They're worried about getting repaid. Chinese Premier Who? said: "Join the line American boneheads."


BANZAI7 NEWS--When former President Bill Clinton landed in Pyongyang on Aug. 4 to win the release of two imprisoned American journalists, senior officials said he met an unexpectedly spry North Korean leader, Kim Jong-Liberace, who welcomed him with a long dinner that night, even proposing to stay up afterward to croon a few Liberace tunes and show Clinton his Kim Chee aftershave collection.

Dear Liberace reportedly asked many questions about Clinton's golf swing, cigar collection, pricing algorithms for credit default swaps and ABC's "Dancin With Fools" TV show.



BANZAI7 NEWS--Exactly what do those symbols on the US dollar signify? The two circular drawings on the reverse of the bill are actually parts of the two-sided Great Seal of the United States.

According to the State Department, which has been the official trustee of the seal since 1789, both the obverse (front) and reverse (back) of the seal are rich with symbolism. The obverse picturing the eagle is easy to explain. The bird holds 13 arrows to show the nation’s strength in war, but it also grasps an olive branch with 13 leaves and 13 olives that symbolize the importance of peace. (The recurring number 13, which also appears in the stripes on the eagle’s shield and the constellation of stars over its head, is a nod to the original 13 states.) The shield floats unsupported over the eagle as a reminder that Americans should rely on their own virtue and strength. [Source: Mental]

The symbolism of the pyramid on the seal’s reverse is more complex. The pyramid symbolizes the pseudo-invincibility of American financial institutions. It has 13 steps symbolizing the 13 tranches of a AAA rated CDO. The designers apparently thought all risk had been sliced and diced from the number 13. The all-seeing Eye of the Federal Reserve Bank at the top of the pyramid symbolizes the divine bailouts the early Americans would need in establishing institutions too big to fail.

The financial overtones don’t stop with the unblinking eye, though. The Latin motto Annuit Ceptis appears over the pyramid; it translates into “He [God] has favored our corrupt and opaque system.” The scroll underneath the pyramid reads Novus Ordo Seclorum, or “A new order of the ages,” which was meant to signify the dawn of asset bubbles, finder's fees and guaranteed bonuses.


BANZAI7 NEWS--China’s stock markets saw another day of steep sell-offs on Wednesday, extending a two-week battering. The Shanghai composite index, China’s main market gauge, slipped into bear market territory, having lost about 20 percent of its value since Aug. 4.

Chinese officials are rumored to be examining state controlled real estate securitization as an alternative method of stimulating wealth. Premier Who? said: "Many are unaware that quantitative finance is really an ancient dialect of Chinese magicians. We have a wealth of empty office blocks, condos and shopping malls. Now we can manufacture paper profits better than the Americans."


BANZAI7 NUT WATCH-- Hard on the heels of the health care protests, another American Taliban movement seems to have sprung up, this one to oppose Washington’s attempts to tackle climate change. Behind the scenes, another industry with even more at stake than the health care industrial complex — Big Oil — is pulling the goat strings.

Hundreds of American Taliban, some reportedly packing registered colt six shooters, Winchesters and Bowie knives, filled a downtown rodeo bar here on Tuesday for a lunchtime rally that was as much a celebration of oil’s traditional role as a giant syphon sucking American wallets to finance the Texas way of life, as it was a political protest against Washington’s energy policies, which many here fear will leave raids on Mexican border towns as the only viable economic alternative.

“The scam we hold dear is in danger, and that’s our future,” said Mullah "Bushani", a rodeo announcer and distinguished Texas mullah, who was the master of ceremonies at the hourlong rally.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--LA TIMES: "Tom DeLay, the former GOP congressman and ABC's newest "Dancing With the Fools" contestant, has -- in addition to his legal woes -- had some controversial opinions. A few of them:

"The EPA, the Gestapo of government, pure and simply has been one of the major clawhooks that the government has maintained on the backs of our constituents."

-- on the Environmental Protection Agency

"To claim that our Founding Fathers were for separation of church and state is either rewriting history or being very ignorant of history. It is simply impossible and it's unwise to try to separate people and their government from religion."

-- on faith-based funding and separation of church and state

"Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence."

-- speaking after the defeat of a gun control bill in the wake of the Columbine High School massacre."

(Dancin Fool, Frank Zappa)

Sing along link:

Don't know much about ethics
That's why I'm dancin to this silly song
You know my brain is smaller than the others
n both my feet's too long
course now right along with em
I got no natural rhythm
But I go dancin' every night
Hopin' one day I might win a TV prize
I'm a dancin' Republican fool, I'm a
Dancin' Republican fool
When I heard the ethical committee beat; I jumped outa my Congressional seat,
Now I can't politically compete, cause I'm a
Dancin' Republican fool, I'm a
Dancin' Republican fool

The GOP folks all dressed up
Like they's fit to steal
I walk on in n see 'em there
Gonna give them lobbyist fools a campaign finance thrill
When they see me comin'
They all steps aside
They has a fit while I commit
My political suicide, I'm a
Dancin Republican fool, I'm a
Dancin Republican fool

The Political beat goes on
And I'm long gone
The Political beat goes on
And I'm long gone
The beat goes on n I'm so gone
The beat goes on n I'm so gone
The beat goes on n I'm so gone
I may be totally wrong, but I'm just a
Dancin' Republican fool, I'm a
Dancin' Republican fool

BANZAI7 NEWS--China reduced its holdings of US government debt by the largest margin in nearly nine years in June, according to data from the US Treasury.

Pacific Investment Management Co., which runs the world’s biggest bond fund, said the dollar will weaken as the swelling U.S. deficit erodes its status as a reserve currency.

Get back on the plane Timmy. Time for more Q time with Premier Hu.


BANZAI7 NEWS--The 50th state turns 50 on Friday, and the strange thing is how wildly and jubilantly the islands aren’t celebrating. There are no official parades. No King Kamehameha on a flowery float, surrounded by his court. No bonfires. No blowout concerts with fireworks, aerial acrobats and hula troupes.

"I think we bet on the wrong horse to win Kono."


BANZAI7 NEWS-- The death of composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart at the age of 35 may have been caused by complications stemming from strep throat, according to a Dutch study published on Monday. Since the composer's death in 1791, there have been various theories about the cause of his untimely end, from intentional poisoning, to rheumatic fever, to herpes simplex, to the diminished scale, to trichinosis, a parasitic disease caused by eating raw or undercooked pork.

On his death certificate it was officially recorded that the cause of death was Hitziges Top40, or "kielbasa fever," referring to a form of Polka music.


BANZAI7 NEWS--About a dozen people carrying guns, including one with a military-style rifle, milled among protesters outside the convention center where President Barack Obama was giving a speech Monday — the latest incident in which protesters have openly displayed firearms near the president.

Gun-rights advocates say they're exercising their constitutional right to bear arms and protest against Healthcare socialism.

Unfortunately, there is a serious problem in this country, and its a bigger problem than Healthcare reform.


Another scene from the funniest movie ever.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Rare battle footage of a Taliban attack...


Too many Custer's are running the show these days.

Monday, August 17, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS - U.S. authorities announced what they believed to be the largest hacking and identity theft case ever prosecuted on Monday in a scheme in which more than 130 million credit and debit card numbers were stolen.

In a surprising policy shift, Secretary Timmy Geithner announced that the government has decided to allow the stolen cards to be used to help stimulate the jobless recovery. "I am certain these cards will be used, said Geithner. Ben Bernanke agreed saying: "These stolen cards are yet another tool we can add to our stimulus tool box."


BANZAI7 NEWS--Shanghai stocks dropped 5.8% Monday, suffering their biggest percentage drop so far this year, as lower commodity prices, persistent worries over tightening in bank loans and weak economic data dampened investor sentiment.

(Photo by WilliamBanzai7 image productions)


SOUTHEAST NY--For years, the exclusive Moronfair golf club here has been shrouded in myth: it was built by Chinese coolies; the sand traps were filled with expensive crushed granite; the privileged men who got to play the course were sometimes flown in on seaplanes, landing on one of the local NYV reservoirs.

So who owns it? There has long been a rumor that it is the private playground of executives with American International Group, the embattled derivatives behemoth.

Asked about the club and its ownership, he said, “You are going to have to dig it up somewhere.”

Easier said than done. But here is what is known:

According to the NYT, the course was opened in 1964 by Cornelius Vander Starr, who in 1919 founded the financial bomb later known as A.I.G. The local lore holds that his ashes are buried near the 14th green.

Moronfar is now owned by a subsidiary of a company called Starr International. According to an A.I.G. spokesman, Starr International “was a sister entity to A.I.G. It is no longer.”

Beyond that former connection to A.I.G., Moronfar is linked to the insurance giant through Hank Greenberg, who ran A.I.G. for about four decades ending in 2005 and still runs Starr International. Mr. Greenberg, who settled with the federal government recently over accusations that he oversaw accounting fraud at A.I.G., was said to use Moronfar to reward capos, clients and executives.

The 18th at Moronfair is a real doozy and is nick named "Hank's black hole" by Moronfair regulars. Hank is known to "restate" every score card handed in before stamping his official signature.


CNBC--What happened to all the optimism?

Less than a week ago, many people, including the dolts at CNBC, were celebrating the beginning of the jobless recovery. The Federal Reserve itself claimed the economy is “leveling out.”

Now some investors and market watchers say the stock market may have grossly overestimated the prospects for an economic rebound — and share prices could be due for a bigger pullback after a 50 percent surge since March.

BLOOMBERG--The U.S. recession is ending “right now,” said Abby Joseph Cohen, a senior investment strategist at Goldman Sachs Group Inc.


Reader's Digest Association Inc, publisher of the widely-read Reader's Digest magazine, said on Monday it would likely file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy for its U.S. businesses to cut its debt load. CEO Mary Burner said: "Sadly, most American's are semi illiterate and can't even read Reader's Digest. Its much too complicated for them, even when it is distributed in MP3 audio format."


BANZAI7 NEWS--Since Sarah Palin first emerged last October, it has sparked panic, political vaccine production and now, a video game.

In an effort to raise awareness, researchers have created a game that challenges players to control a new pandemic, HV-PALIN-N1

"It is actually what is happening now, what is happening in the real world," said Albert Osterhaus, head of political virology at the Erasmus Medical Center, who designed "The Great Flu Con Dame" game with colleagues.

The game can only be played online at and it is free. A World Health Organization spokesman said Monday the agency was not familiar with the game and had not had time to play it.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Tang Jun, the former chief executive of Microsoft China and the only known Chinese victim in the Bernard L. Madoff scandal, has decided that Chinese private banks are a much safer place to invest his assets, China Daily reported.

Mr. Tang delegated his investments abroad to four foreign financial companies, which put large parts of their portfolios in Mr. Madoff’s funds.

The sad thing is he is right.


BANZAI7 NEWS--China’s $200 billion sovereign wealth fund, which has suffered big losses on paper on stakes in Morgan Stanley and Flintstone Group, is set to invest up to $2 billion in United States mortgages as it anticipates that the jobless recovery will cause a tenantless property market recovery, Reuters reported Monday, citing two people with indirect knowledge of the matter. Treasury Secretary Timmy Geithner said: "The Chinese are now realizing that without the bloated American debt ticky, there can be no laundry for all those factories manufacturing salad spinning machines and sticky window toys."


In a favorable sign that the securitization markets are not dead, manufacturing in the New York region grew in August for the first time in more than a year, reinforcing signs the worst recession since the 1930s is entering a new phase. Mayor Bloomberg said: "Even the Chinese can't manufacture paper profits like we do in New York. This recovery will be just as jobless as Wall Street's paper profits are now paperless."


BANZAI7 WEATHER SERVICE--Hurricane Bill is poised to grow into a major storm as it heads toward Bermuda later this week, while Hurricane AIG may pay retention bonuses this week, the National Derivatives Center said.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Six months after President Obama launched a $787 billion plan to right the nation's economy, a majority of Americans think the avalanche of new federal aid has cost too much and done too little to end the recession.

A USA TODAY/Gallup Poll found 57% of adults say the stimulus package is having no impact on the economy or making it worse. Even more —60% — doubt that the stimulus plan will help the economy in the years ahead, and only 18% say it has done anything to help improve their personal situation. In contrast, 99.9% of Americans employed by Wall Street investment banks believed that stimulus plan is working perfectly.

All hail the jobless recovery!


BANZAI7 NEWS--North Korean leader Kim Jong Il (Dear Liberace) met with Hyundai's chairwoman, who had come from South Korea seeking the release of an employee detained since March, South Korean media reported.

Yon-Sock-Hop, South Korea's official news agency, said Hyundai Group Chairwoman Hyun Jeong-eun traveled to North Korea on August 10 for what was planned as a three-day mission. Yu Seong-jin -- the employee detained since March -- was freed and returned home Thursday. Dear Liberace has apparently requested assistance from Hyundai Golf Construction Services as well as free lessons from YE Yang.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Fresh from nationalizing almost every capitalist enterprise that yields a profit (or used to anyway), Latin American strongman Hugo Chavez has found a new class enemy: golf. Declaring it a "bourgeois" sport, the Venezuelan leader ordered the shut-down of some of the country's best-known golf courses. Sources indicate Chavez has a slice that would turn Che Guevara over in his grave.

Chavez is certainly not a "chip" off the old Eastern block.


BANZAI!!!!!!! Japan's economy has emerged from its recession. Thousands of eager Japanese robots are anxiously hoping that the good news will see them re-employed in the near future. This follows Friday's news that eight of the top-10-selling vehicles under the cash for clunkers program are made by Japanese and South Korean companies, with the Toyota Corolla claiming the top spot as the most popular car in the trade-in program.

Lets see now, we saved the European Banking system when we bailed out AIG and Europe is out of its recession as of last week, we bailed out Wall Street and happy days have returned there and now we have clunked Japan out of its recession as well.

Hurray for America's jobless recovery!!!


BANZAI7 NEWS--The unheralded South Korean Y. E. Yang became the first Asian-born player to win a men’s major golf championship. His final-round 70, two under par, put him eight under for the tournament and gave him a three-stroke victory over Woods (75) at Hazeltine National.

Could this be the demise of the American golf franchise?


Commemorating Woodstock (40 years) and the PONZI BOOMER generation.


People try to write our assets d-down (Talkin' bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
Just because we fly Lear jets around (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
The economy does look awfully c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
I hope I don't die before I spend all my Gold (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)

This is my generation
This is the PONZI Scheming generation, baby

Why don't you all t-trade your 401(k)s away (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
And dig the quantitative guff we shovel your way (Talkin' 'bout the PONZI BOOMER generation)
I'm just trying to cause a derivative s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
I'm just talkin' 'bout asset bubble g-g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)

This is my generation
This is the PONZI SCHEMING generation, baby

Why don't you all t-trade your 401(k)s away (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
And d-dig the quantitative guff we shovel your way (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
I'm not trying to cause an irrationally exuberant s-s-sensation (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
I'm just talkin' 'bout quick fees and bonus g-g-generation (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)

This is my generation
This is the PONZI SCHEMING generation, baby

People try to write our assets d-down (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
Just because we fly Lear jets around (Talkin' PONZI BOOMER generation)
The economy does look awfully c-c-cold (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)
Yeah, I hope I don't die before I spend all my Gold (Talkin' 'bout PONZI BOOMER generation)

This is my generation
This is the PONZI SchemING generation, baby


Whats that spell?????????

Saturday, August 15, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Iran’s clerical leadership on Friday stepped up a campaign to silence opposition claims that protesters had been raped in prison, with prayer leaders in at least three major cities denouncing the accusations and their chief sponsor.

Ayatollah A-madman Katomic said: "Do these infidels not know that there can be no substitute for goats?"


BANZAI7 NEWS--A quirk of Securities and Exchange Commission compensation disclosure rules has left Blackstone Group Chief Executive Stephen Schwarzman at the top of a list of the highest paid executives in 2008.

What is not surprising is that the highest paid executive in America makes his living manufacturing and shuffling piles of paper, none of which has generated any return for Blackstone's IPO shareholders to date.

(Meet the Flintstones)

Blackstones. Meet the Blackstones. They’re a modern Wall Street tragedy.
From the town of Debt Shlock, they’re a page right out of leveraged asset history.

Let’s ride with Steve Schwarzman down the street.
Through the courtesy of Greenstone and Bernanke's monetary feats.

When you're dime's with the Blackstones, you’ll wait a long time. A long long long time.

You'll wait a long long long long time.

Friday, August 14, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--To prove their point, the Sarah Palin PAC has begun circulating images purporting to depict the so called "Death Panels" Palin claims are provided for in the Health Care bill.

Informed sources refute the charge, saying the images were actually taken in CIGNA's claims review and policy rescission unit. "Was ist LOSS?"


BANZAI7 NEWS-- Lynette (Squeaky) Fromme, the waifish acolyte of Charles Manson who tried to kill President Gerald R. Ford in September 1975, was released on parole from federal prison in Texas on Friday morning after spending three decades behind bars, a prison official said.

Citing privacy rules, federal officials would not say where Ms. Fromme, whose nickname is Squeaky, intended to live or who had picked her up, though they said she has been boning up on the Health care reform bill and has been urged by Charlie Manson to attend as many Town Hall meetings as possible to express certain lies on the matter.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Regulators on Friday shut down real estate lender Colonial BancGroup Inc. in the biggest U.S. bank failure this year and also closed four banks in Arizona, Nevada and Pennsylvania.


Preserve your precious bodily fluids! Fight Obamacare today!!!!! Stop the Healthcare Preverts before its too late!!!!


Fresh off her successful campaign to save seniors from "Death Panels", Sarah Palin has commenced a campaign to rid the health care system of another scourge, "Penisillin". Said Palin, "I don't think any true American can be happy with the preverse idea that penis' are being used for medicinal purposes. Any-no-how, there's nothing that a bottle of Wild Turkey or gin can't cure for this old gal." Palin has also accused Democrats of inventing Swine Flu for political motives.

Too bad that penisillin stuff won't rid us of Palin in 4 hours.


BANZAI7 NEWS--JPMorgan Chase said this week that it had completed a $140 million conversion of its former Washington Mutual bank branches in Connecticut, New Jersey and New York and was steaming full speed ahead in other parts of the country.

(I am the Walrus, the Beatles)

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like hedge fund bums from a CDO gun, see how they fly.
I'm crying.

Sitting on a write down, waiting for the FDIC man to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Thursday.
Man, you been a naughty bank, you let your loans go wrong.
I am the eggman (woo), they are the eggmen (woo), I am the WaMu,
Coo coo, kachoo.

Mister FED man sitting
Pretty little FED policement in a row.
See how they fly like Bailouts in the Sky, see how they run.
I'm crying.
I'm cry, I'm crying, I'm cry, I'm crying.

Subprime mortgage mustard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker Dick Fuld, pornographic Greenspan,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your risk control knickers down.
I am the eggman (woo), they are the eggmen (woo), I am the WaMu,
Coo coo, kachoo.

Sitting in an Seattle garden waiting for the TARP bailout dough to come.
If the sun don't come, you get a tan from
Standing in the Seattle rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the WaMu,
Coo coo kachoo ka coo coo kachoo.

Expert texpert derivative choked traders,
Don't you think the market joker laughs at you? (ho ho ho, he he he, ha ha ha)
See how they smile like asset backed jackasses in a quantitative sty, see how they trade.
I'm crying.

Semolina mortgage Pilchard, climbing up the corporate Tower.
Ignoramus investor penguins singing Hare Krishna finance.
Man, you should have seen them DC whores kicking Paulson and Bernanke down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the WaMu,
Coo coo kachoo ka coo coo kachoo
(rhythmical speaking along with juba's).
Juba juba juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba juba. Juba juba.....
Everybody hocked up, every body hocked up....


BANZAI7 NEWS--Bernard Madoff's decades-long fraud might not have been his only secret. A new book says he had a two-decade closet affair with one of his investors.

That's in a memoir by Ezra Merkin titled "Madoff's Other Secret: Love, Money, Bernie, and Me." It goes on sale Aug. 25.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Wall Street tumbled near midday Friday, after a weaker-than-expected consumer sentiment report sparked a mass exodus following a big rally.


BUSINESS INSIDER--If there's one thing most American capitalists agree on it's that Europe's economy is a disaster. It never grows, it takes years to fire lazy employees, there's no entrepreneurialism and innovation, they tax they living hell out of you, etc.

And yet look who's recovering first?

And look who didn't even bother with a stimulus (Germany). And look whose citizens enjoy basic services that many Americans can only dream of (Europe). And look whose income inequality just hit an all-time high (U.S.)

Our free market is tuned to encourage maximum growth, maximum competitiveness, and maximum wealth for corporate owners. Europe's economy is tuned to balance growth with employment, services, and wealth distribution.

Over the long haul, the performance of Europe's stock markets hasn't been much worse than ours. Plenty of Europeans have plenty of money, and most of those who don't have any money still have decent healthcare and other social services.


REUTERS--“Investors seem to be overlooking the fact that many of the problems that sparked the crisis are still in place and there still remains considerable doubt about the sustainability of this still tepid almost-recovery,” Cuttone’s senior VP for strategic initiatives Bernie McSherry writes this morning, taking advantage of the anniversary of Woodstock to compare the mood today with the mood during the summer of love.

“As we look back through rose-colored granny glasses, Woodstock has been elevated to near-mythic status as a wonderful, utopian moment.” With the Panic of ‘08 passed, some folks are feeling goovy again, he notes, but ”no amount of tie-dyed optimism can clothe the naked truth that considerable risks remain.”

Foreclosure rates are mounting, banks still have a mountain of bad debt on their books, and the danger of a double-dip still exists. As we’ve have said a few times, there has been no natural, organic recovery of the economy. What there has been is a massive, historic, unprecedented safety net thrown under the economy by the federal government. But that hasn’t erased the issues.


BANZAI7 NEWS--"For the FAA to sit there and allude or make accusations that the controller had anything to do with this accident is absolutely absurd and very insulting," said Barrett Burns, from the National Air Traffic Controllers Association.

An air traffic controller at Teterboro Airport was yakking on the phone with his girlfriend, and his supervisor wasn't in the control tower when the crash took place, the Federal Aviation Administration reported.

WB7: Instead of yakking on the phone he could have been looking at the radar and screaming "Look Out!!!!!!".

Douche Bag of the Day

Douche bag of the day:

Douche Bag Richard Bove of Rochedale Securities (Roch...who?):

"There is a movement in this country to fine, tax, and regulate success in the financial industry," Mr. Bove wrote. "I do not like it."

Arguing bailout cash "was borrowed in the open market and not taken from taxpayer funds" and that "the industry may have been able to handle its problems" had the government not stepped in, Mr. Bove, who speaks for many on Wall Street, seems to believe the bailout didn't carry the baggage of moral hazard that many believe will encourage firms to take risk. In addition, he argues fines, taxes and regulation curtail our financial competitiveness overseas. [Source WSJ]