MR. BAIL-ME-OUT-PLEASE

Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please
(Mr Mistofelees, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats

You ought to know Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
The Original Conniving Wall Street Fat Cat -
(There can be no doubt about that).
Please listen to me and don't scoff. All this
Fraudulent innovations are straight out of his hat.
There's no such Fat Cat in the financial metropolis;
He holds all the toxic shlock patent monopolies
For performing surprising monetary illusions
And creating eccentric derivative confusions.
With prestidigitation
And opaque legerdemain
He'll defy any SEC examiner
And deceive you again.
The greatest Wall Street magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Pleases' Conjuring Turns.
Presto!
Away we go!
And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!

He is geeky and bald, and his Lob brogues are black
There's a red line from his ears running straight down his back;
He can creep through the tiniest loophole crack
He can balance on the narrowest regulatory rail.
He can pick the canard from any well healed pack,
He is equally cunning with dice;
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting to give prudent advice.
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of caviar-paste;
If you look for a AAA slice for your 401k
And you think it is merely misplaced -
You have seen it one moment, and then it is gawn!
But you'll find it next week fully overdrawn.
And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!

His manner is vague and obtruse,
You would think there was no better shyster -
But his voice was heard under the NY Fed roof
Where he was cowering to hide from the September 2008 fire.
and as he was heard praying for the DOW to go higher
When he was out on the roof -
(At last we all heard somebody whose bailout prayers were heard)
Which is incontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers:
And I have known the Wall Street family to call
Him on his blackberry for hours,
While he was doing something in the Capital hill halls.
And not long ago this phenomenal Fat Cat
Produced 12 Billion Bailout Kittens right out of a hat!
And we all said: OH!
Well I never!
Did you ever
Know a Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!