"The possibility that these SWAPs will sustain a loss is close to zero. Our models have proven to be very reliable and provide AIG with a high level of comfort""
Sunday, March 8, 2009
AIG THE BAILOUT QUEEN (Billy Jean, Michael Jackson) WilliamBanzai7
Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En-cHBv7UpA
1st verse Like a horror Queen from a scary bailout movie scene Bernanke said I dont mind, but what do you mean this is just the first time? Who will dance on the floor when the tax bill comes around She said I am the one who will dance in bailout number one
2nd verse She told them her name was AIG Effigy, as she caused a scene Then every head turned to the sound of bailout screams As they opened her books not a single good asset could be found
Bridge People always said be careful don't get stooged And don't go around dancing with those European counterparty fools And mother moral hazard always said be careful of who you love And be careful how much you lose cause in the end it will cook your goose
Chorus AIG the bailout Queen Just a girl who says I am the one But Goldman Sachs is the real bailout bum
3rd verse For ninety days and ninety nights The Congress let her slide But who can stand when she demands Her derivative schemes and bailout plans cause they danced on the floor as the subprime contagion went round So take my strong advice, just remember to always think thrice (do think thrice)
4th verse She told em maybe, we will dance till bailout 3 Then she looked at them, and said I'm AIG Effiigy Everyone cried, cause shes one big AAA blackhole in disguise
Bridge People always said be careful don't get stooged And dont go around dancing with those European counterparty fools And mother moral hazard always said be careful of who you love And be careful how much you lose cause in the end it will cook your goose
Chorus AIG the bailout Queen Just a girl who says I am the one But Goldman Sachs is the real bailout bum
Thursday, March 5, 2009
JIM "Bear Stearns is not going down" CRAMER
Debt and Hybrid Decoupling: Derivative Doomsday in Corporate Workouts
Here is a well written article discussing the impact of the decoupling of equity governance and contractual creditor rights from the ownership of underlying securities, on borrower refinancing and workout scenarios. This so called "decoupling" has been enabled by the advent of all manner of equity swaps and credit derivatives such as CDSs, CDOs and other securitised forms of debt.
The gist of the article is that the traditional dynamics of debtor/creditor workouts have been skewed by so called "empty creditors" and "empty voters".
The long or short of this is that corporate debtors are facing a tactical exercise that is much more complicated and in many instances asymetrical, given the plethora of derivative hedging strategies. It is no longer a textbook exercise to read the motives driving your shareholders and bondholders.
The end result will probably be more bankruptcy filings.
Here is the link: http://www.scribd.com/doc/13023646/Debt-and-Hybrid-DecouplingHu-and-Black
BANZAI7 NEWS: The following document has been obtained from a confidential source by the BANZAI7 NEWS SERVICE.
CONFIDENTIAL: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY
AIG: THE RISK IS SYSTEMATIC
TIME: DOOMSDAY MINUS 72 hours
TO: MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, BEN BERNANKE, TIMMY GEITHNER
CC: Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman Sachs & Co.
AS YOU ARE AWARE THERE HAVE BEEN NUMEROUS PRESS REPORTS THAT A.I.G. (hereinafter branded the "Outfit") will be reporting a combined quarterly loss somewhere North of $60 Billion (yes SIXTY BILLION). This is a rough cut number. It could easily be higher should we decide it to be. In addition our current burn rate for legal expenses, public relations advisers, clandestine junkets and cash retention bonuses has been estimated to exceed $400,000 per second. We have a black hole that is getting bigger by the second. Moreover, our massive global financial services flea market has not delivered the proceeds we projected to you during the immediately preceding TARP crisis.
Rumors have been circulating that the Outfit has amassed enough weapons grade credit default SWAP material to build a financial doomsday device. Make no mistake, these rumours are not unfounded. Our handler's led by Gabathon Kekst et al have been quietly disseminating this information on our behalf.
We have indeed amassed enough financial WMD to take out (i) Goldman Sachs, (ii) the entire European Banking System, (iii) the entire United States insurance industry, (iv) each and every one of your Congressional and government pensions,(v) the entire Chinese gaming economy and (vi) all Federation economic activity in this galactic quadrant. The risk we are talking about is not systemic, it is truly intergalactic.
Attached to this cover are 30 more pages of detailed schedules outlining (i) all of the terrible things that can happen and (ii) all of the embarrassing bi-partisan information we have amassed during the course of our extensive political intelligence activities to date.
We respectfully submit that it will be better for all concerned parties if each of you will pull up your socks and/or pantie hose before Monday AM, bite the bailout bullet and provide the Outfit with not less than $30 billion of additional TARP loot.
How these monies are to be provided is not a matter of great concern to us, since as we all know, in our system, contracts are only valid and enforceable when expedient and when our high priced lawyers Sullivan & Crumble so decide.
If the Outfit does not hear from you before the open of business Monday AM, God help all of us.
We Mean Business
The Outfit (formerly AIG)
BARNEY WALNUT FRANK
"I don'know nuttin."
Banzai7 Productions announces the commencement of project MORPH STREET, a rogue's gallery of the Men of the Financial Meltdown. Any suggested entries will be gladly produced.
LlOYD Hide the "AIG Shrek" Blankfein
"Hey, I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a TARP bailout delivery boy."
Norton, I'm the boss around here and you--had better get used to it!
Ken Kramden
JOHN THAIN NORTON
As we say in the sewer: When the tides of life upset you And threaten to capsize your boat Don't waste those tears on what might have been Just lay on your back and float.
Michael Cayne
WHERE THE TARP MONEY WENT
Here are the six Merrill bankers subpoenaed by Andrew Cuomo.
Andrea Orcel, head of international corporate and investment banking, received $33.8m. David Gu, head of global rates and currencies, received $18.7m. David Goodman, co-head of global commodities, received $16.5m. David Sobotka, head of global proprietary trading, was paid $13m. Fares Noujaim, head of operations in the Middle East and Africa, got a bonus of $15m. And Thomas Montag, global head of sales and trading, received $39.4m.
Draw your own conclusion.
THE ORACLE
ALL WORK NO PLAY MAKES HENRY KRAVIS A DULL BOY
KEN FRANKENTHAIN
LEVERAGED YODA
BERNIE GREENSPAN
KARL BERNANKE
Dick (Chewy) Fuld
Sandy Bandit/Vikram Weill
Sanford Madoff/Bernie Weill
Bernie Greenberg/ aka Hank Madoff
Chew-Bernanke
All Work No Play Makes Hank A Dull Boy
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
THE MOTHER OF ALL ENRONS
"If there is a single episode in this entire 18 months that has made me more angry, I can’t think of one other than AIG”
Ben Bernanke
“AIG is a huge, complex, global insurance company attached to a very complicated investment bank, hedge fund that was allowed to build up without any adult supervision,” Geithner said yesterday during testimony to the House Ways and Means Committee.
Timothy Geitner
Here is the Complaint just recently filed by Hank Greenberg against AIG (irony of ironies). It does a fine job of laying out how AIG management recklessly mismanaged its CDS and and CDO portfolio and then made fraudulent and misleading statements regarding the extent of its exposure to derivative losses, what we now know to be the AIG blackhole. (http://www.scribd.com/doc/12965982/Greenberg-vs-AIG)
Forget about "to Bail or not to Bail" for a moment. Why is the US government not acting to prosecute the perpetrators of the mother of all Enrons? What is the SEC doing? With a complaint crafted by Greenberg's fine Wall Street lawyers, who needs whistle blowers?
Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPnw8Z8Z00E
Is this the real world-
Is this warped bailout fantasy-
Caught in a market dive-
Lets all escape from financial reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the TARP bailout skies and see-
We're just a poorly managed sham, we need financial sympathy-
Because its easy come,easy go,
Trade a little high,little low,
Anyway the market winds blow, doesnt really matter to AIG,
To AIG
Obama, just watched the AIG bailout scam,
Put a derivative gun against Uncle Sam's head,
Pulled the trigger, now the deficits red,
Obama, your Presidential term had just begun,
But now the TARP money's gone and Geithner's thrown it all away-
Obama ooo,
Did'nt mean to make you cry-
If the DOW is not back this time tomorrow-
Carry on, carry on, as if moral hazard dosnt really matter-
Too late, our time may have come,
Spending taxpayer nickels and dimes-
Wallets aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-this bailout scams got to go-
Gotta leave this joke behind and face the truth-
Obama ooo- (any way the market wind blows)
The economy may have to dive,
Sometimes its like Adam Smith was never born at all-
I see a little silhouetto of a bailout man,
Alan Greenspan, Alan Greenspan come and do the bailout tango-
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Asset Bubble
Asset Bubble
Market maestro-magnifico-
Im just a greedy Wall Street con man and nobody loves me-
Hes just a Wall Street con man with an Ivy League pedigree-
Spare him his life from Chapter 11 insolvency-
Bailout easy come easy go-,will you give me bailout dough-
Bismillah! no,we will not give him bailout dough-let him go-
Bismillah! no, we will give him more bailout dough- don't let him go
Bismillah! we will not give you bailout dough-let you go
Will not let you go-let him go
Will let you go won't let him go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Obama mia, Obama mia AIG let them go-
Beelzebub has a devil put money aside for A, for I, for GGGGGGGGG-
So you think you can scam us and spit in our taxpayer eyes-
So you think you can shtup us and leave us to die-
Oh baby-cant do this to us baby-
Just gotta get out-just gotta get right outta here-
In the end
Nothing really matters,
Only AIG and rampant greed,
Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters but greed,
Thats the way the Wall Street wind blows....
Monday, March 2, 2009
LET IT SNOW AS THE DOW GOES UP IN SMOKE WilliamBanzai7
Oh the weather outside is delightful But the markets just so frightful And since it has no place to go but low Let It Snow! As the Dow goes up in smoke!
The Bailout madness shows no signs of stopping And AIG's billion dollar losses just keep on popping So turn the thermostat way down low Let It Snow! As the Dow goes up in smoke!
Warren says we can kiss our asses goodbye But how I'd hate going down on the fly! So if we put up a real good fight All through this storm we'll be warm tonight!
The markets are slowly diving And, your ears can hear all the Bulls crying And as your 401(k) goes up in smoke Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!
THE MIGHTY BAILOUT TIM (The Mighty Quinn, Bob Dylan) WiliamBanzai7
Ev'rybody's bailing AIG and the big banks run by dopes, Some are building lucite monuments, Others, jotting down insolent notes, Ev'rybody's in despair, Ev'ry girl and boy But when Tim the Bailout Eskimo gets here, Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy. Come all without, come all within, You'll not hear nothing like Geithners bailout spin.
I like to do just like the rest, I like my portfolio nice and neat, But guarding opaque financial fumes and chump trade waste, It ain't my cup of meat. Ev'rybody's 'neath the lemon tree, Feeding Ponzi pigeons on a limb But when Tim the Bailout Eskimo gets here, All the pigeons gonna run to him. Come all without, come all within, You'll not hear nothing like Geithner's bailout spin.
Now Livermore trading maxims ain't gonna do, I can't recite 'em all, Just tell me where it hurts, And I'll tell you who to call. Nobody can get no sleep, There's financial excrement on ev'ryone's feet But when Tim the Eskimo gets here, Ev'rybody's gonna wanna another bailout dose. Come all without, come all within, You'll not hear nothing like the mighty bailout Tim.
BANZAI7 WORLDWIDE NEWS WATCH
March 2, 2009
WASHINGTON - The following joint statement was issued on Monday by the Treasury and the Federal Reserve on American liquidation Group:
The U.S. Treasury Department and the Federal Reserve Board today announced yet another restructuring of the government's assistance to AIG in order to cover this frightening intergalactic financial blackhole in a manner that yet again extorts the helpless US taxpayer. Specifically, the government's restructuring is designed to prop up this failed sorry excuse of a company while facilitating the orderly completion of the AIG global garage sale.
The company continues to face significant challenges, primarily driven by the rapid deterioration in the financial markets largely caused by its own reckless stupidity and the continued turbulence in the markets also caused by its own reckless stupidity. The additional resources will help stabilize the company until its next quarterly TARP fix, and in doing so further destabilizing the already destabilized financial system.
As significantly, the restructuring components of the government's assistance begin to separate the rotten dog and catfood lines of AIG, as well as unravel the twisted opaque intestinal blockage constituting the company's finances. The long long long long-term solution for the company, its fleeing customers, the fleeced U.S. taxpayer, and the discombobulated global financial system is the rapid recombobulation and capitalist re-education of the firm. This will take a long long long long time and quite probably more and more and more government support, since markets are not going to stabilize or improve in the near near near term.
Given the doomsday risk AIG continues to pose and the fragility of markets today, the potential cost to the economy and the taxpayer of government action will be extremely higher than government inaction. AIG provides insurance protection to more than 100,000 entities (god save their souls), including fledgling small businesses, insolvent municipalities, 401(cents) plans, and Fortune 5 companies who together employ over 100 million furious Americans. AIG has over 30 million policyholders in the U.S. and is a major source of layoff insurance for, among others, underpaid teachers and Madoff fleeced non-profit organizations (god save all of them). Most importantly the company also is a significant counterparty to Goldman Sachs, Goldman Sachs, a number of major European financial institutions as well as Goldman Sachs.
AIG operates in over 130 countries with over 400 dimwitted regulators and the company and its juggernaut of regulated and unregulated subsidiaries are subject to a plethora of impotent resolution frameworks across their broad and diverse operations without a single viable resolution mechanism. Within the few options available, the restructuring plan offers a multi-part approach which we hope and pray every night brings forward the ultimate resolution of the company, has received feeble acquiesence from key stakeholders and the seal of approval of the useless rating agencies that helped create this fiasco, and hopefully provides the possible protection for taxpayers in connection with this commitment of resources at this moment in time.
The steps announced today provide tangible evidence of the U.S. government's commitment to the baiout of AIG time and time again in the face of the certainty of further market dislocations and economic deterioration. Orderly restructuring is essential to AIG's repayment of the ransom it has received from U.S. taxpayers and to hopefully preserving financial stability. The U.S. government is committed to continuing to bail AIG to maintain its ability to generate more and more obligations as they come due.
Treasury has stated that public ownership of financial institutions is not a policy goal but a reality and, to the extent public ownership is an outcome of Treasury actions, as it has been with AIG, it will work to reprivatise State owned enterprises to create business for unemployed bankers as soon as possible.
All content and images depicted on the WilliamBanzai7 Blog are intended solely as political editorial, critique, social commentary, satire and parody concerning current events and public figures.
As such, they should be viewed solely as opinion, comedy and artistic expression rather than factual reports regarding the relevant subject matter.
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