BANZAI7 NEWS: The following document has been obtained from a confidential source by the BANZAI7 NEWS SERVICE.


CONFIDENTIAL: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

AIG: THE RISK IS SYSTEMATIC

TIME: DOOMSDAY MINUS 72 hours

TO: MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, BEN BERNANKE, TIMMY GEITHNER

CC: Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman Sachs & Co.

AS YOU ARE AWARE THERE HAVE BEEN NUMEROUS PRESS REPORTS THAT A.I.G. (hereinafter branded the "Outfit") will be reporting a combined quarterly loss somewhere North of $60 Billion (yes SIXTY BILLION). This is a rough cut number. It could easily be higher should we decide it to be. In addition our current burn rate for legal expenses, public relations advisers, clandestine junkets and cash retention bonuses has been estimated to exceed $400,000 per second. We have a black hole that is getting bigger by the second. Moreover, our massive global financial services flea market has not delivered the proceeds we projected to you during the immediately preceding TARP crisis.

Rumors have been circulating that the Outfit has amassed enough weapons grade
credit default SWAP material to build a financial doomsday device. Make no mistake, these rumours are not unfounded. Our handler's led by Gabathon Kekst et al have been quietly disseminating this information on our behalf.

We have indeed amassed enough financial WMD to take out (i) Goldman Sachs, (ii) the entire European Banking System, (iii) the entire United States insurance industry, (iv) each and every one of your Congressional and government pensions,(v) the entire Chinese gaming economy and (vi) all Federation economic activity in this galactic quadrant. The risk we are talking about is not systemic, it is truly intergalactic.

Attached to this cover are 30 more pages of detailed schedules outlining (i) all of the terrible things that can happen and (ii) all of the embarrassing bi-partisan information we have amassed during the course of our extensive political intelligence activities to date.

We respectfully submit that it will be better for all concerned parties if each of you will pull up your socks and/or pantie hose before Monday AM, bite the bailout bullet and provide the Outfit with not less than $30 billion of additional TARP loot.

How these monies are to be provided is not a matter of great concern to us, since as we all know, in our system, contracts are only valid and enforceable when expedient and when our high priced lawyers Sullivan & Crumble so decide.

If the Outfit does not hear from you before the open of business Monday AM, God help all of us.

We Mean Business

The Outfit (formerly AIG)