BAILOUT ARK ANNOUNCED

BANZAI7 NEWS--In a surprise announcement at the Bronx Zoo, President Obama announced a new plan to build a bailout ark...




THE UNICORN SONG (SUBPRIME VERSION)
WilliamBanzai7

Twelve months, when the economy was green as green
There was more kinds of Wall Street scoundrels than you've ever seen
They'd run around free while the rest of us was being boned
And the loveliest swindler of them all was the quantitative unicorn

There was green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Some humpty dumpty CEOs and lots of MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but sure as you're born
The loveliest swindler of all was the quantitative unicorn

Lord Prez Obama seen some financial sinning and it gave him pain
And He says, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain"
He says, "Hey Timmy, I'll tell you what to do
Build me a floating zoo,
and take some of those...

Green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Dump the humpty CEOs but keep some MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but sure as you're born
Don't you forget those quantitative unicorns

Good old Tim was there to answer the call
He finished up making the bailout ark just as the rain started to fall
He marched those swindling banker animals two by two
And he called out as they came through
Hey Chief,

I've got green alligators and pencil necked geeks
No humpty dumpty CEOs but lots of MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn
I just can't find no quantitative unicorns"

And Tim looked out through the driving market rain
Them unicorns were hiding, playing silly quantitative games
Slicing and dicing asset pools while the rain was falling
Oh, them silly unicorns

There was green alligators and pencil necked geeks
A few lucky humpty CEOs and lots of MBA chimpanzees
Tim cried, "Close the bailout door because the rain is falling
And we just can't wait for no quant unicorns"

The bailout ark started moving, it drifted with the market tide
The unicorns looked up from the subprime rocks and they cried
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away
That's why you never see quantitative unicorns to this very day

You'll see green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Even humpty dumpty CEOs and lots of MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but sure as you're born
You're never gonna see no quantitative unicorns

Now you might think this is the ending to the song,
But I'll have to tell you friends that in fact you're wrong
You see, Quant Unicorns are magical, so when the rain started pouring,
They grew themselves some ALGO wings and they took to soaring.

You'll see green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Some humpty dumpty CEOS and MBA chimpanzees
But if you're looking for the quant unicorns, don't be forlorn,
The second door to the right and straight on until you reach the guilded door.