WORLD'S LARGEST SKIMMING VESSEL ARRIVES IN GULF

BANZAI7 NEWS--In a dramatic development, the world's largest skimming vessel has arrived in the Gulf. Although the "skimmer", also known as the Bailout Whale, has only been field tested skimming clients and Uncle Sam's wallet, government scientists are hopeful that it will be equally effective skimming oil. Cleanup engineer Gus S Tarball said: If this thing sucks oil anywheres near how it sucked money out of AIG, we will be sittin purdy in no time a'tall.

If this latest plan fails, BP scientists have suggested that Barney Frank and Christopher Dodd could also be effective skimmers if they can suck oil like they suck lobbyists.