AIG--THEY'VE SCAMMED EVERYWHERE

"I've Scammed Everywhere"
(I've Been Everywhere, Johnny Cash, Hank Snow)
WilliamBanzai7 Blog

I was totin' my luggage along the airport security line,
When along came a pinstriped dude with a high Louis V load.
"If you're goin' to Mayfair London, Jack with me and AIG you can ride."
And so I climbed into the jet and then I settled down inside.
He asked me if I'd seen a jet with so much financial contraband to hide.
And he said, "Listen, I've traveled n done every scam in this here bailout land!"

[Chorus:]
I've bailed everywhere, man.
I've scammed everywhere, man.
Stripped my shareholders bare, man.
I've schtupped the taxpayers yeah, man.
Oooooh derivatives I've done my share, man.
I've scammed everywhere.

I've

I've scammed in:
Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota,
Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota,
Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma,
Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, La Paloma,
Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo,
Tocapillo, Baranquilla, and Perdilla, I'm a killer.

[Chorus]

I've been bailed with:
Goldman Sachs, Credit Suisse, RBS, Merrill Lynch,
BAC, JP Morgan, HSBC, CITI, RFC, Danske Bank, Bank of M, SocGen
Dresdner, Deutsche Zentral Genossenchafts, Paloma,
Wachovia, Paribas, see what I mean-a

[Chorus]

I've scammed with
Calyon, Credit Agricole, Dresdner Kleinwort, DZ Bank,
KFW, Banco Santander, Landesbank Baden Wuertemmburg,
ING, Barclays, S&C, Citadel, Deutsche Bank, Rabo Bank yeah I've robbed a Bank

[Chorus]

I've scammed:
Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado,
Ellisburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado,
Larimore, Admore, Haverstraw, Chatanika,
Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika,
Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City,
Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City, what a pity.

[Chorus]

JIGABOO JONES KNOWS HOW TO MANAGE RISK THE WALL STREET WAY

WHO KILLED THE ECONOMY?

WHO KILLED THE ECONOMY
(Who Killed Davey Moore, Bob Dylan)
WilliamBanzai7 Blog

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not I," says Greenspan and Bernanke,
"Don't point your finger at me.
We could've stopped it before it was too late
An' maybe kept the markets from this fate,
But the crowd would've booed, I'm sure,
At not gettin' their bubble's worth.
It's too bad it had to pop,
But there was a pressure on we two, you know.
It wasn't we that made the economy fall.
No, you can't blame we at all."

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not us," says the short selling bear market crowd,
Whose screams deflated the subprime cloud.
"It's too bad the economy tanked that September night
That Lehman was left to its sorry plight.
We didn't mean for Fuld's bank to meet its death,
We just meant to see some sweat,
There ain't nothing wrong in that.
It wasn't us that made Lehman fall.
No, you can't blame us at all."

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," says the Politician,
Puffing on a big cigar.
"It's hard to say, it's hard to tell,
I always thought Wall Street was a bottomless well.
It's too bad for our wives an' kids the Bull is dead,
But if he was sick, someone else should have said.
It wasn't we that made him fall.
No, you can't blame me at all."

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," says the gambling man,
With his 401k Statement still in his hand.
"It wasn't me that knocked the Bull market down,
My hands never touched it none.
I didn't commit no ugly sin,
Anyway, I put all my money on it to win win win.
It wasn't me that made it fall.
No, you can't blame me at all."

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

Not us said the clowns over at AIG
We sell insurance to those in need
Our risk models run infallibly
It was a financial tsunami worse than any natural calamity
How big is our hole we just can't see
We're too big to fail
So bail us out Uncle Sam if you please]

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," says the feckless financial news writer,
Pounding print on his digital typewriter,
Sayin', "CNBC ain't to blame,
There's just as much danger in the finance game."
Sayin', "Wall Street greed is here to stay,
It's just the old American way.
It wasn't me that made it fall.
No, you can't blame me at all."

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

"Not me," said the Wall Street conman whose securitized risks
Laid the markets low in an opaque cloud of toxic mist,
Who came here from some Ivy League door
Even though Ponzi scheming ain't allowed no more.
"We scammed and we scammed them, yes, it's true,
But that's what we are paid the big bucks to do.
Don't say 'fraud,' don't say 'steal.'
It was destiny, it was God's will."

Who killed the Economy,
Why an' what's the reason for?

SHAOLIN CASTRATION TECHNIQUE

Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao demonstrates ancient shaolin castration techniques.

Jiabao noted that China is now the largest foreign creditor to the United States and as such wants to make sure that U.S. policies dealing with the financial crisis do not damage the value of Chinese holdings.

EDWARD LIDDY: DAZED AND CONFUSED

"How can I go forward when I don't know which way I am facing."

John Lennon

Meet Edward Liddy the CEO of AIG (American Liquidation Group). Mr Liddy was appointed CEO of AIG when Hank Paulsen and company initially bailed out Goldman Sachs, directly and indirectly, by injecting US taxpayer money into AIG. Mr Liddy's first assignment was to commence an AIG financial services garage sale, the proceeds to be used to pay back Uncle Sam. At the time this was characterized as a no brainer. Yes, apparently so, except...the CEO is missing the brains. Six months later the garage sale is in mothballs.

Mr Liddy is having a heck of a time seeing the forest from the trees. Probably because he is confused about who he works for. Is it AIG's shareholders, bondholders, counterparties, Goldman Sachs, AIG's employees? If he was a bankruptcy trustee for AIG there would be no confusion. But as we all know, AIG is not a Chapter 11 debtor in possession. It is a rudderless bailout zombie aircraft carrier loaded down with derivative sputniks and Mr Liddy is the drunken bailout swabby at the helm.

He has no idea where he is piloting his vessel. He is to busy putting out all the fires stoked by his predecessors Willumstead, Sullivan and Greenberg. He has been quoted as saying AIG is full of rocks. Turn one over and you either find a scorpion or another rock.

Meanwhile Mr Liddy continues to think all of AIG's "best and brightest" employees should remain perpetually employed with handsome bonus arrangements to which AIG says it is contractually bound. His ship is infested with Somali bailout pirates.

Yes Mr Liddy is confused alright. He has no idea who he really works for, certainly not the US Government. Why would anyone think that?

Time to show Mr Liddy to the bailout exit door. 1, 2.....

Remember---Shaolin castration techniques.

TARP BAILOUT TUSH

TAKE THE AIG TRAIN DOWNTOWN (aka BAILOUT TUSH)
(ZZ Top, Tush)
WilliamBanzai7

We been up, but now we're way way down.
Take our word, this time around.
We just askin' for a free bailout lunch.
We said, Lord, take the AIG train downtown,
We just lookin' for some TARP bailout tush.

We been bad, longer than good,
Balance sheets, full of subprime deadwood.
We just askin' for a free bailout lunch.
We said, Lord, take the AIG train downtown,
We just lookin' for some TARP bailout tush.

Take us back way back home,
Not by ourselves, you know we're not alone.
We just askin' for a free bailout lunch.
We said, Lord, take the AIG train downtown,
We just lookin' for some TARP bailout tush.

FED BAILOUT WHORE AIG

FED BAILOUT WHORE AIG
(FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS, QUEEN)
WilliamBanzai7

Are you gonna get bailed again tonight
Or will Uncle Sam finally put up a fight
Are you gonna let your losses all hang out
Fed Bailout Whore AIG
You spin the capitalist world upside down

Hey I had just a skinny NAV
Never knew Wall Street good from Wall Street bad
But I knew life before I left my trader nursery
Left alone with AIG's fat bailout fanny
Lord such a mega scammy
Heap big bailout zombie you made market losers out of we
Hey hey!

Ive been seeing TARP bailout scams
Across the Bloomberg wire across the land
I seen every sorry financial service floozy on the way
But their wily bailout guile
Went kind of smooth for quite a while
That low down bailout whore AIG will con you every time

Are you gonna get bailed again tonight?
Or will Uncle Sam finally put up a fight
Oh will you take em for all they got
FED bailout whore AIG
You spin the capitalist world upside down

Hey listen here
Now you bloated bailout bonus pig
Doin the Paulsen bailout bonus jig
Sure aint no AAA beauty queen in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but we still get some pleasure
Watching Geithner fish for subprime treasure
Heap bailout whore you make a circus clown of Bernanke
Now get this

Are you gonna get bailed tonight?
Or will Uncle Sam finally put up a fight
Oh will you take em for all they got
FED bailout whore AIG
Will you ever get out of town?

Get on your bankruptcy bike and ride....

Investment Bandito Joke

The investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman
docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The investment banker complimented the fisherman on the quality of his
fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The fisherman replied, only a little while.
The investment banker then asked why didn't he stay out longer
and catch more fish?
The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's
immediate needs.
The investment banker then asked, but what do you do with the
rest of your time?
The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with
my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village
each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a
full and busy life, senor."
The investment banker scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could
help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger
boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats,
eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your
catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually
opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing
and distribution. You can leave this small coastal fishing
village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding
enterprise."
The fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all
take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
But what then, senor?
The American laughed and said that's the best part. When
the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the
public and become very rich, you would make millions.
Millions, senor? Then what?
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small
coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play
with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the
evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your
amigos."

Source: Wall Street Oasis.com

Investment Bank Balance Sheets

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

RALPH KRAMDEN INC

QUANTITATIVE FINANCE 101

Abott explains the mathematical secret of quantitative finance...

WASHINGTON POST STICKS READERS HEADS IN THE SAND

Here is the news item:

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The Washington Post will stop publishing a business section six days out of the week and move business news to the front section of the paper at a time when finance stories dominate world headlines.

The decision, which the Post's editors explained in a memo obtained by Reuters, means that the paper will save money on newsprint when newspaper advertising revenue is plunging.

The cost-cutting would allow the paper to keep providing readers with what they say they want, according to the memo signed by Executive Editor Marcus Brauchli and other editors.

Here is what WilliamBanzai7 thinks: The Washington Post is the newspaper of choice in our nation's capital. I know that politicians don't read newspapers, but...one would think that with all the game changing financial and business issues flying around and the economy being the basket case that it is, the business section would get more attention in our National seat of government. Apparently, not.

MADOFF EXPLAINS WALL STREET

Listen to his schtick. "Its impossible for a violation to go undetected."

PUMP UP THE VOLATILITY

SUBPRIME PRIMER

This was hilarious when I fist saw it last spring and it is still hilarious today.

AMERICA YOU ONE BIG PONZI SCHEME

Wen Jiabao displays the finger he intends to stick up Uncle Sam's deficit dyke.

BEIJING — The Chinese prime minister, Wen Jiabao, expressed unusually blunt concern on Friday about the safety of China’s $1 trillion investment in American government debt, the world’s largest such holding, and urged the Obama administration to provide assurances that the securities would maintain their value in the face of a global financial crisis.

He's got the tickies and we've got the dirty laundry.

Uncle Sam get ready for...the International Chinese Down Hill!

CNBC GUNFIGHT ON COMEDY CHANNEL

CNBC Gunfight On Comedy Channel
(Gunfight at the Ok Coral, Frankie Lane)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO0qV7aCE10

Comedy Channel, Comedy Channel
there Cramer and the CNBC band made their final stand
Comedy Channel
Oh poor Jim Cramer got poked in both eyes
Lay down you CNBC bums we'll take a chance on losing you forever
Journalistic duty never called
Now Stewart's got your backs against the wall
have you no intelligent words to say
before the Nielson ratings ride away
away
You love you love
Wall Street's ponziesque schemes
you love
Keep the sexy anchor dames, let the rest burn
until the asset bubbles return
for the gunfight on the Comedy Channel
if the lord of satiric comedy is my friend
They'll meet once again
Of the gunfight at Comedy Channel
Comedy Channel
Boot hill Boot hill
so cold so still
There they lay side by side
the CNBC shlock jocks that died
in the gunfight on Comedy Channel
Comedy Channel

MERRILL'S TOM CARVEL DEFENSE

In today's NYT Dealbook:

Just how much of a secret are Merrill Lynch’s bonus numbers? As secret as, say, the recipe for Carvel’s ice cream?

That was the comparison that Bank of America’s lawyers made Friday morning in a New York courtroom, as they tried to persuade a judge to let them keep information about the investment bank’s top-earning employees private.

The lawyers compared the legal battle over the pay data — which Andrew M. Cuomo, the attorney general of New York, is seeking as part of an investigation — to a lawsuit involving the secret formula for Carvel’s famous desserts, according to an audio feed of the testimony from the Courtroom View Network.

But lawyers for Mr. Cuomo’s office weren’t buying the ice-cream argument.

You be the judge. I think Tom Carvels recipes show more depth than Merrill's lawyers.



Here's some securitized subprime cakes that only Merrill bakes
Their made fresh so we can screw you every trading day
Cause that's the Merrill way
And while your at the store
See Bailout Gus and more
And don't forget about
Mug Me the Bear Market Bear

Buy Low Sell Die!

http://www.thedailyshow.com/full-episodes/index.jhtml?episodeId=220533

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Intro - Brawl Street: Get Read to Buy Low! And Sell Die

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Jon Stewart:

"CNBC could be an incredibly powerful tool of illumination for people that believe that there are two markets. One, that has been sold to us as long-term. … Then there’s this other market, this real market that’s occurring in the backroom where giant piles of money are going in and out and people are trading them, and it’s transactional and it’s fast. But it’s dangerous and ethically dubious and it hurts that long-term market. So what it feels like to us, and I’m speaking purely as a layman…it feels like we are capitalizing your adventure by our pension, and that it is a game that you know, that you know is going on, but that you go on television as a financial network and pretend it isn’t happening."

MADOFF MADOFF ON THE WALL

MADOFF MIRROR ON THE WALL…

Who’s the next biggest culprit of them all?

Not we, said the Madoff family.

Not we, said the Chairmen of the Fed that fostered the public fixation on bubbly returns and pumped the economy full of the exuberance of cheap leverage.

Not we, said the Chairmen of the SEC, who turned a blind eye to Wall Street excess and a deaf ear to a lone whistle blower.

Not I, said Uncle Sam, the one who collected inflated taxes from duped investors but let the regulatory system wither into a shriveled rag.

Not we, said the Congressman who wrote laws emasculating the finest regulatory system in the world.

Not we. said the NASDAQ shareholders who gave Madoff street cred by electing him Chairman of the Board.

Not we, said the bankers and fund of fund managers who blindly sent their client’s monies to a common thief without any effort resembling prudent due diligence.

Not we, said the accountants yet again.

Not we, said the financial media that spent more time pumping the bubbles than investigating the markets.

Not we, said the country clubbers and wealthy idiots who told all their cronies that being a Madoff investor was the most exclusive club of all.

Not we, said the charitable fiduciaries that allowed their precious endowments to be managed by a scoundrel.

Not we, said the pseudo-sophisticated investors who allowed themselves to be duped into thinking that monthly and annual absolute returns are the norm and not the exception, let alone a fantasy.

FRAUDSTER ON THE ROOF



BERNIE MADOFF SINGS "IF I HAD A PONZI "
(If I Were a Rich Man, Fiddler on the Roof)
WilliamBanzai7 (Fraudster on the Roof)



If I had a Ponzi,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd be sitting in the Palm Beach sun.
If I had a good Ponzi scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I'd buy a big gawdy mansion with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of Palm Beach town.
And a fine Park Avenue Penthouse with a fleet of Mercede's and others down below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my office with investor ducks and turkeys and geese to fleece
For all of Wall Street to see and hear.
Squawking just as noisily as they can.
Each loud "cheep" "squawk" "honk" "quack"
Would sound like a golden trumpet on my Ponzi scheming ears,
As if to say "Here is yet another wealthy yutz to schtupp."

If I had a PONZI,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see my wife, my Ruth, looking like a rich momzer's wife
With a proper Bergdorf grin.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a Park Avenue trophy tuchas.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Screaming at the servants, day and night.

The most important machers in Wall Street town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wiseguy.
"If you please, Bernie..."
"Pardon me, Bernie..."
Posing megillahs that would cross an SEC Branch Chief's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're a Wall Street gonif, they think you really know!

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To hook then slice golf balls and pray.
And maybe have a seat on NASDAQ.
And I'd discuss the holy finance books like a big Wall Street macher, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I had a PONZI,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam .
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

Lord who made the Wall Street lions and the rich shnooks and lambs,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I built the Mother of all Ponzi scams.

PRINCE WALEED BIN TALEL: YOU BET YOUR NAV

Congratulations Prince Waleed Bin Telel, once again you make a lovely Forbes Billionaire. Now thanks to our sponsor CITIGROUP you get to play "You Bet Your NAV" on the Groucho Marx show....

LETS BAIL HIM OUT



ATLANTA — Travis Henry was rattling off his children’s ages, which range from 3 to 11. He paused and took a breath before finishing

This was no simple task. Henry, 30, a former N.F.L. running back who played for three teams from 2001 to 2007, has nine children — each by a different mother, some born as closely as a few months apart.

Reports of Henry’s prolific procreating, generated by child-support disputes, have highlighted how futile the N.F.L.’s attempts can be at educating its players about making wise choices. The disputes have even eclipsed the attention he received after he was indicted on charges of cocaine trafficking. (Source NYT)

Is there some way we can find some TARP money for this guy?

DISPATCH TO THE "TWITSCAPE"

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

In Cramer We Trust

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Economic Crisis

SUBTERRANEAN SUBPRIME BLUES

SUBTERRANEAN SUBPRIME BLUES (REVISITED)
(to Subterranean Homesick Blues, Bob Dylan)
WilliamBanzai7

Johnny's in the basement
Trading on the internet
Out on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The banker in the trench coat
Kicked out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
And wants his mortgage paid off
Look out kid
It's that bad trade you did
God knows when
But you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin' for a new scam
The man in the red cap
With the the big bailout pen
700 Billion dollar bills
You gotta find some new thrills

Goldman's got a big position to foot
AIG's full of CDS soot
Talkin' that Lehman short put
All of us on same bus but
The markets tanked anyway
Bernanke says that many say
We can go bust anyday
Orders in from Ebay
Look out kid
Don't matter what you did
Walk on your winged tip toes
Don't try economic "No Doz"
Better stay away from those
Carry round a financial fire hose
Hard to keep a clean nose
Watch the men in plain clothes
You don't need a weather map
To know which way your stock goes

Get sick, get well
Hang around a red ink well
Closing bell, hard to tell
If anything their goin' to sell
Try hard, get tarred
Get back, go to jail
Get enjoined, jump bail
Join a hedge fund, if you fail
Look out kid
You're gonna get hit
But losers, cheaters
Crooked subprime PONZI shmoozers
Hang around with Chelsea strippers
Sitting in the toxic asset whirlpool
Lookin' for a new fool
Don't follow market leaders
Watch the Federal debt meter

Ah get burned, keep warm
Shorts dance, lose your pants
Get dressed, sell distressed
Try to be a new success
Please buy, don't sell
Its a steal, need a lift
Twenty years of Wall Street hell
And they put you on the day shift
Look out kid
Try to keep it all hid
Better jump through a loophole
Light yourself a roman candle
Don't get caught wearing greek sandals
Try to avoid the market scandals
Don't wanna be a Wall Street bum
You better chew some new gum
The Fed pump don't work
Cause the vandals stole the handles

HE'S THE SUBPRIME DOUCHE BAG OF THE YEAR...



"It is hard for us with, and without being flippant, to even see a scenario within any kind of realm of reason that would see us losing $1 in any of those transactions."

Joseph Cassano AIG Financial Products August 2007

BERNANKE'S VIOLIN

“Strong and effective regulation and supervision of banking institutions, although necessary for reducing systemic risk, are not sufficient by themselves to achieve this aim.”

Ben Bernanke-March 9, 2009

Mr. Bernanke should know better. By rescuing AIG and CITI, Mr. Bernanke’s policies have encouraged the market to continue to lend and transact business with giant, opaque and uncontrollable financial juggernauts because Uncle Sam can be counted on to bail them out when they fail. The bigger the better. That’s the lesson of Bailout 101.

By eliminating the negative market stigma and economic punishment for of reckless management and financial failure, Mr. Bernanke and company leave us no alternative than to rely on policy wonks and brain dead regulators to pull the levers of financial restraint.

Moral hazard has been relegated to a quaint but outdated idea.

TREASURY SECRETARY DR STRANGELOSS



"Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you *keep* it a *secret*! Why didn't you tell the world, EH?"

DR STRANGELOSS-HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE AIG BOMB






BANZAI7 BREAKING NEWS:

Here is link to the actual draft document circulated by AIG in Washington.

Systemic Risk or Systematic Bull Shit? You be the judge.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/13132146/AIGSYSTEMIC-RISK-OR-SYSTEMATIC-BULLSHIT-YOU-BE-THE-JUDGE

AIG-SYSTEMIC RISK OR SYSTEMATIC BULLSHIT? YOU BE THE JUDGE

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Academic Work system systems

FRANK ZAPPA

"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible"

SUBPRIME LOSS TYCOON

MOVIN TO BERMUDA SOON GONNA BE A SUBPRIME DROSS TYCOON
(Movin to Montana Soon, Frank Zappa)
WilliamBanzai7



I might be movin' to Bermuda soon
Just to write me up a crop of structured finance dross, Writin it up
Markin it down
In a little black box
That I can sell downtown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no coins to toss,
But I'd be writin my lowly subprime dross
Writin' my lowly Subprime dross
Well I just might hire me some quantitative geeks
And I'd sell that geek fluff
To somebody else...
but then, on the other hand
I'd Keep take some synthetic cheese snacks N' melt it down
Take some geek sauce N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop of crap
An' it'd be on top

(that's why I'm movin' to Bermuda)

Movin' to Bermuda soon
Gonna be a structured finance dross tycoon
(yes I am)
Movin' to Bermuda soon
Gonna be a structured dross flykune
I'm securitizing' the ol' Subprime dross
That's growin' in Greenspan's scary bubble
Pluckin' the dross!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon...
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is GAUSS)
He's a good hoss
Even though He's a bit dim witted to strap a hedge straddle or
rating blanket on anyway
Any way I'm writin' the ol' Subprime dross
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a European counterparty horse
With a brain just about this big
An' ride him all across the inefficient frontier
With a Pair of heavy-duty
Magic alpha-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other structured finance geek would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no coin to toss
But I'd be writin' my lowly Subprime dross
Well I might Ride along the Level 3 border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my CRO a kick in the tush...
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the Subprime dross Bush
N' then I might just Jumb back on
An' ride Like a Wall Street cowboy
Into the dawn to Bermuda
Movin' to Bermuda soon

(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)

Movin' to Bermuda soon

MARTIN SULLIVAN (FORMER CEO AIG)

"The possibility that these SWAPs will sustain a loss is close to zero. Our models have proven to be very reliable and provide AIG with a high level of comfort""

AIG THE BAILOUT QUEEN
(Billy Jean, Michael Jackson)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En-cHBv7UpA

1st verse
Like a horror Queen from a scary bailout movie scene
Bernanke said I dont mind, but what do you mean this is just the first time?
Who will dance on the floor when the tax bill comes around
She said I am the one who will dance in bailout number one

2nd verse
She told them her name was AIG Effigy, as she caused a scene
Then every head turned to the sound of bailout screams
As they opened her books not a single good asset could be found

Bridge
People always said be careful don't get stooged
And don't go around dancing with those European counterparty fools
And mother moral hazard always said be careful of who you love
And be careful how much you lose cause in the end it will cook your goose

Chorus
AIG the bailout Queen
Just a girl who says I am the one
But Goldman Sachs is the real bailout bum

3rd verse
For ninety days and ninety nights
The Congress let her slide
But who can stand when she demands
Her derivative schemes and bailout plans
cause they danced on the floor as the subprime contagion went round
So take my strong advice, just remember to always think thrice
(do think thrice)

4th verse
She told em maybe, we will dance till bailout 3
Then she looked at them, and said I'm AIG Effiigy
Everyone cried, cause shes one big AAA blackhole in disguise

Bridge
People always said be careful don't get stooged
And dont go around dancing with those European counterparty fools
And mother moral hazard always said be careful of who you love
And be careful how much you lose cause in the end it will cook your goose

Chorus
AIG the bailout Queen
Just a girl who says I am the one
But Goldman Sachs is the real bailout bum

JIM "Bear Stearns is not going down" CRAMER

Debt and Hybrid Decoupling: Derivative Doomsday in Corporate Workouts

Here is a well written article discussing the impact of the decoupling of equity governance and contractual creditor rights from the ownership of underlying securities, on borrower refinancing and workout scenarios. This so called "decoupling" has been enabled by the advent of all manner of equity swaps and credit derivatives such as CDSs, CDOs and other securitised forms of debt.

The gist of the article is that the traditional dynamics of debtor/creditor workouts have been skewed by so called "empty creditors" and "empty voters".

The long or short of this is that corporate debtors are facing a tactical exercise that is much more complicated and in many instances asymetrical, given the plethora of derivative hedging strategies. It is no longer a textbook exercise to read the motives driving your shareholders and bondholders.

The end result will probably be more bankruptcy filings.

Here is the link: http://www.scribd.com/doc/13023646/Debt-and-Hybrid-DecouplingHu-and-Black

BANZAI7 NEWS: The following document has been obtained from a confidential source by the BANZAI7 NEWS SERVICE.


CONFIDENTIAL: FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

AIG: THE RISK IS SYSTEMATIC

TIME: DOOMSDAY MINUS 72 hours

TO: MEMBERS OF CONGRESS, BEN BERNANKE, TIMMY GEITHNER

CC: Lloyd Blankfein, Goldman Sachs & Co.

AS YOU ARE AWARE THERE HAVE BEEN NUMEROUS PRESS REPORTS THAT A.I.G. (hereinafter branded the "Outfit") will be reporting a combined quarterly loss somewhere North of $60 Billion (yes SIXTY BILLION). This is a rough cut number. It could easily be higher should we decide it to be. In addition our current burn rate for legal expenses, public relations advisers, clandestine junkets and cash retention bonuses has been estimated to exceed $400,000 per second. We have a black hole that is getting bigger by the second. Moreover, our massive global financial services flea market has not delivered the proceeds we projected to you during the immediately preceding TARP crisis.

Rumors have been circulating that the Outfit has amassed enough weapons grade
credit default SWAP material to build a financial doomsday device. Make no mistake, these rumours are not unfounded. Our handler's led by Gabathon Kekst et al have been quietly disseminating this information on our behalf.

We have indeed amassed enough financial WMD to take out (i) Goldman Sachs, (ii) the entire European Banking System, (iii) the entire United States insurance industry, (iv) each and every one of your Congressional and government pensions,(v) the entire Chinese gaming economy and (vi) all Federation economic activity in this galactic quadrant. The risk we are talking about is not systemic, it is truly intergalactic.

Attached to this cover are 30 more pages of detailed schedules outlining (i) all of the terrible things that can happen and (ii) all of the embarrassing bi-partisan information we have amassed during the course of our extensive political intelligence activities to date.

We respectfully submit that it will be better for all concerned parties if each of you will pull up your socks and/or pantie hose before Monday AM, bite the bailout bullet and provide the Outfit with not less than $30 billion of additional TARP loot.

How these monies are to be provided is not a matter of great concern to us, since as we all know, in our system, contracts are only valid and enforceable when expedient and when our high priced lawyers Sullivan & Crumble so decide.

If the Outfit does not hear from you before the open of business Monday AM, God help all of us.

We Mean Business

The Outfit (formerly AIG)

BARNEY WALNUT FRANK

"I don'know nuttin."

Banzai7 Productions announces the commencement of project MORPH STREET, a rogue's gallery of the Men of the Financial Meltdown. Any suggested entries will be gladly produced.

LlOYD Hide the "AIG Shrek" Blankfein

"Hey, I'm nobody's messenger boy, all right? I'm a TARP bailout delivery boy."

MR PANDIT