Tuesday, May 19, 2009
CAPITALISTIC LOBOTOMY
THIS ECONOMY/CAPITALISTIC LOBOTOMY
(Teenage Lobotomy, The Ramones)
WilliamBanzai7
This economy, lobotomy, this economy, lobotomy!
Wall Street did a job on thee
Now you are a real sickie
Guess I'll have to break the news
That we got not much more to lose
All the uptown girls love Wall Street greed
Now we're living a capitalistic lobotomy
FBI and SEC are after me
FWMD keeps me happy
Now I guess I'll have to tell 'em
That I got no economic cerebellum
Gonna get my Ph.D.
I'm a capitalistic lobotomy
GENEROUS_MOTIVES.COM
NYT Dealbook--"General Motors may be trying to stay out of bankruptcy, but it’s taking all precautions. That apparently includes the purchase of a Web address for its potential bankruptcy filing.
An alert Ray Wert at Jalopnik reported on Monday that the domain name gmrestructuring.com is now taken. It’s blank right now, but a WHOIS search shows that it was created April 6 and is now registered to G.M."
Not to worry, the Banzai7 organization has determined that the following domains remain available:
Bail_me_out_please.com
Clunkers_to_go.com
Generous_motives.com
Auto_numbskulls.org
Joe_Toyota_wins.com
Shmo_town.edu
An alert Ray Wert at Jalopnik reported on Monday that the domain name gmrestructuring.com is now taken. It’s blank right now, but a WHOIS search shows that it was created April 6 and is now registered to G.M."
Not to worry, the Banzai7 organization has determined that the following domains remain available:
Bail_me_out_please.com
Clunkers_to_go.com
Generous_motives.com
Auto_numbskulls.org
Joe_Toyota_wins.com
Shmo_town.edu
SUBPRIME MONOPOLY BAILOUT EDITION
See more at:
http://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=7620783937287630988
WELCOME TO THAILAND
This just arrived from the Banza7 correspondent in Thailand.
For all you depressed citizens enraged about the bailout craze, here it is what it is like to get schtupped in public.
Monday, May 18, 2009
SCREWLESS LEWIS BAC PIMP MOBILE
Here is a picture of Ken Screwless Lewis' pimped out Lincoln Navigator (c/o DealBreaker).
We asked Ricardo Montalban (is he still alive?) to help describe this fine example of four wheeled Charlotte/Wall Street banker wannabee vanity.
Ricardo:
He knows his own needs, and what he knows he needs from an automobile, Ken "Screwless" Lewis gets from this pimped out Lincoln Navigator Custom Bailout Special. I Ricardo (Fantasy Island) Montalban could ask for nothing beyond the quality of a timeless Chrysler Cordoba. But, for a two bit bailout bandito like Ken, much more is necessary to satisfy his manly desires.
Behold, the Bailout Special. Notice the lack of fine Corinthian leather, notice the tacky chrome detailing, the sky bailout blue finish and truly pitiful vanity plate which announces the arrival of a triple AAA CEO dimwit who thinks he is a true swinging Wall Street "cahone" ....but, whose brains are barely the size of my trusted friend Tattoo's left cahone (sorry Tattoo).
What more can I say, the man's taste is as questionable as his judgement as a CEO, and is rivaled only by the caballero who keeps a commode in his office.
THE GREAT OBAM-PUSCAT
THE GREAT OBAM-PUSCAT
(The Pekes and the Pollicles, Old Possums Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
The GO-Pekes and the DEM-Pollicles, everyone knows,
Are proud and implacable passionate foes;
It is always the same, wherever one goes.
And the GO-Pugs and the DEM-Poms, although most people say
That they do not like fighting, will often display
Every symptom of wanting to join in the fray.
And they
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK
Until you can hear them all yapping over the Mall Park.
Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a 8 weeks
(And that's a long time for a DEM-Pol or a GO-Peke).
The big Police Dog was away from his beat -
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He'd slipped into the Hawk n Dove for a drink -
And no one at all was about on the street
When a GO-Peke and a DEM-Pollicle happened to meet.
They did not advance, or exactly retreat,
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet,
And started to
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK
Until you could hear them all over Monument Park.
Now the GO-Peke, although people may say what they please,
Is no average Dog, but a Heathen Neo-con Geek.
And so all the GO-Pekes, when they heard the uproar,
Some came to the White House window, some came to the Capital door;
There were surely a doyen, more likely a score.
And together they started to grumble and wheeye
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Neo-Con jive.
But a terrible din is what DEM-Pollicles like,
for your DEM-Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke,
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog-jack of them notable fighters;
And so they stepped out, with their campaign pipers in order,
Playing When the Blue Dunces Came Over the Border.
Then the GO-Pugs and the DEM-Poms held no longer aloof,
But some from the balcony, some from the roof,
Joined in
To the din
With a
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK
Until you could hear them all over Monument Park.
Now when these bold heroes together assembled,
The traffic all stopped, and the Beltway corps trembled,
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Election Fire Brigade.
When suddenly, up from a small basement flat,
Why who should stalk out but the GREAT OBAM-PUSCAT.
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,
He gave a serious yawn, and his jaws were amazing;
And when he looked out and reconnoitered the area,
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier.
And what with the glare of his eyes and his impressive yawning,
The GO-Pekes and the GO-PUGs quickly took warning.
He looked at the District sky and he gave a great leap -
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep.
And when the Police Dog returned to his Election Day beat,
There wasn't a single GO-PEKE left in the street.
Note: I know this is not directly about Wall Street Fat Cats, but I thought this was the proper subject matter for this poem.
WilliamBanzai7
(The Pekes and the Pollicles, Old Possums Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
The GO-Pekes and the DEM-Pollicles, everyone knows,
Are proud and implacable passionate foes;
It is always the same, wherever one goes.
And the GO-Pugs and the DEM-Poms, although most people say
That they do not like fighting, will often display
Every symptom of wanting to join in the fray.
And they
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK
Until you can hear them all yapping over the Mall Park.
Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a 8 weeks
(And that's a long time for a DEM-Pol or a GO-Peke).
The big Police Dog was away from his beat -
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He'd slipped into the Hawk n Dove for a drink -
And no one at all was about on the street
When a GO-Peke and a DEM-Pollicle happened to meet.
They did not advance, or exactly retreat,
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet,
And started to
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK
Until you could hear them all over Monument Park.
Now the GO-Peke, although people may say what they please,
Is no average Dog, but a Heathen Neo-con Geek.
And so all the GO-Pekes, when they heard the uproar,
Some came to the White House window, some came to the Capital door;
There were surely a doyen, more likely a score.
And together they started to grumble and wheeye
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Neo-Con jive.
But a terrible din is what DEM-Pollicles like,
for your DEM-Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke,
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog-jack of them notable fighters;
And so they stepped out, with their campaign pipers in order,
Playing When the Blue Dunces Came Over the Border.
Then the GO-Pugs and the DEM-Poms held no longer aloof,
But some from the balcony, some from the roof,
Joined in
To the din
With a
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark BARK BARK
Until you could hear them all over Monument Park.
Now when these bold heroes together assembled,
The traffic all stopped, and the Beltway corps trembled,
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Election Fire Brigade.
When suddenly, up from a small basement flat,
Why who should stalk out but the GREAT OBAM-PUSCAT.
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,
He gave a serious yawn, and his jaws were amazing;
And when he looked out and reconnoitered the area,
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier.
And what with the glare of his eyes and his impressive yawning,
The GO-Pekes and the GO-PUGs quickly took warning.
He looked at the District sky and he gave a great leap -
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep.
And when the Police Dog returned to his Election Day beat,
There wasn't a single GO-PEKE left in the street.
Note: I know this is not directly about Wall Street Fat Cats, but I thought this was the proper subject matter for this poem.
WilliamBanzai7
RUM DUM TRADER FAT CAT
THE RUM DUMB TRADER
(Run Tum Tiger, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
The Rum Dumb Trader is a greedy Fat Cat:
If you offer him $tock he would rather have bond$.
If you put him in a fund he would much prefer a bank,
If you put him in a bank then he'd rather be in a boutique.
If you $et him on a mouse call then he only want$ a rat put,
If you $et him on a rat call then he'd rather chase a mouse put.
Yes the Rum Dumb Trader is a greedy Fat Cat -
And there isn't any call for me to $hout it:
For he will do
As he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
The Rum Dumb Trader is too incorrigible to ignore:
When you let him be Mr. In$ide, then he wants to be Mr. Out$ide;
He's always on the wrong $ide of every revolving door,
And as $oon as he's in, then he'd like to get out.
He likes to lie on the trading room floor,
But he makes such a fu$$ if he can't get more $!.
Yes the Rum Dumb Trader is a greedy Fat Cat -
And there isn't any call for you to doubt it:
For he will do
As he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
The Rum Dumb Trader is a curious beast:
His disobliging ways are a matter of trader habit.
If you offer him easy take home fi$h then he always wants a bonus fea$t;
When there isn't any easy fish then he won't eat investor rabbit.
If you offer him $tock option cream then he $niffs and $neers,
For he only likes what $ he can take home for him$elf;
So you'll catch him in it right up to the ears,
If you put it ($) away on the rainy day $helf.
The Rum Dumb Trader is conceited and all knowing,
The Rum Dumb trader doesn't care for a hug or a $nuggle;
But he'll leap on your back no matter what your undergoing,
For there's nothing he enjoys like a horrible $$$ muddle.
Yes the Rum Dumb Trader is a Curious Fat Cat -
And there isn't any call for me to $pout it:
For he will do
As he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
(Run Tum Tiger, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
The Rum Dumb Trader is a greedy Fat Cat:
If you offer him $tock he would rather have bond$.
If you put him in a fund he would much prefer a bank,
If you put him in a bank then he'd rather be in a boutique.
If you $et him on a mouse call then he only want$ a rat put,
If you $et him on a rat call then he'd rather chase a mouse put.
Yes the Rum Dumb Trader is a greedy Fat Cat -
And there isn't any call for me to $hout it:
For he will do
As he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
The Rum Dumb Trader is too incorrigible to ignore:
When you let him be Mr. In$ide, then he wants to be Mr. Out$ide;
He's always on the wrong $ide of every revolving door,
And as $oon as he's in, then he'd like to get out.
He likes to lie on the trading room floor,
But he makes such a fu$$ if he can't get more $!.
Yes the Rum Dumb Trader is a greedy Fat Cat -
And there isn't any call for you to doubt it:
For he will do
As he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
The Rum Dumb Trader is a curious beast:
His disobliging ways are a matter of trader habit.
If you offer him easy take home fi$h then he always wants a bonus fea$t;
When there isn't any easy fish then he won't eat investor rabbit.
If you offer him $tock option cream then he $niffs and $neers,
For he only likes what $ he can take home for him$elf;
So you'll catch him in it right up to the ears,
If you put it ($) away on the rainy day $helf.
The Rum Dumb Trader is conceited and all knowing,
The Rum Dumb trader doesn't care for a hug or a $nuggle;
But he'll leap on your back no matter what your undergoing,
For there's nothing he enjoys like a horrible $$$ muddle.
Yes the Rum Dumb Trader is a Curious Fat Cat -
And there isn't any call for me to $pout it:
For he will do
As he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!
WELFARE QUEENS UNITE
NYT---“Analysts at Goldman raised BofA from “neutral” to “buy” and added the company to their so-called conviction list of recommended stocks.”
Professional courtesy among financial welfare queens.
Professional courtesy among financial welfare queens.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
SEC CESSPOOL
Chairman Cox demonstrates his command of Sarbanes Oxley Act.
Big Money--The Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post lead with explanations of the insider-trading probe at the SEC. A recent report alleges that employees of the SEC traded stocks of certain companies that, at the time, were under investigation by the agency.
No wonder Mac-Madoff never got nailed, SEC Enforcement Division was too busy day trading!
Yup, you done one heckuva job Commissioner Cox!
SPITZ-TIGER'S LAST STAND
SPITZ-TIGER'S LAST STAND
(Growl-Tiger's Last Stand, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
Spitz-tiger was an AG Cat, who traveled on a prosecutorial barge:
In fact he was the roughest toughest AG Cat that ever roamed at large.
From Battery Park to Park he pursued his aim,
Rejoicing in his title of `The Terror of the Financial Services Con Game'.
His manners and appearance did not calculate to please;
His coat was torn at the sleeve, he was baggy at the knees;
One ear was somewhat missing, no need to tell you why,
And he scowled upon a hostile financial world from his forbidding blue eyes.
Those FAT Cat codgers Hank Greenberg and Sandy Weil knew something of his fame;
At AIG and CITI Fat Cats shuddered at his name.
They would fortify the pent-house, lock up the golden goose,
When the rumour ran along the shore: SPITZ-TIGER'S ON THE LOOSE!
Woe to the Wall Street canary, that fluttered from his cage;
Woe to the pampered Pekinese banker cheat, that faced Spitz-Tiger's rage;
Woe to the crooked banker rat, that lurks on investment banking ships,
And woe to any wiley Fat Cat with whom Spitz-Tiger came to grips!
But of the Wall Street Fat Cats that his hatred had been vowed;
To Fat Cats of avarice and greed no quarter was allowed.
The NYSE and Merrill regarded him with fear -
Because if Wall Street mice were at play Spitz-Tiger'd be the first to hear.
Now on a peaceful summer night, all nature seemed at play,
The tender moon was shining bright, the barge at South Street lay.
All in the balmy Brooklyn moonlight it lay rocking on the tide -
And Spitz-tiger was disposed to show his sentimental side.
In the forepeak of the vessel Spitz-tiger sat,
Concentrating his attention on "Kristan" or Ashley Alexandra Dupre, a working Kitty Kat
And his raffish crew were sleeping in their barrels and their bunks -
As the Spitz-Tiger's foes came creeping in their sampans and their junks.
Spitz-tiger had no George Fox eye but for Kitty,
And the Lady seemed enraptured by his courtroom baritone,
Disposed to relaxation, and awaiting no surprise -
But the moonlight shone reflected from a hundred bright enemy eyes.
And closer still and closer the sampans circled round,
And yet from all the enemy there was not heard a sound.
The lovers sang their last duet, in danger of their lives -
For the foe was armed with Fat Cat pitch forks and Republican carving knives.
Then US Attorney GARCIA gave the signal to his fierce prosecutorial horde;
With a frightful burst of firework they swarmed aboard.
Abandoning their sampans, and their pullaways and junks,
They battened down the hatches on the crew within their bunks.
Then Kitty Cat Kristan she gave a screech, for she was badly skeered;
I am sorry to admit it, but she quickly disappeared.
She probably escaped with ease, I'm sure she was not drowned -
But a serried ring of flashing Fed steel Spitz-Tiger did surround.
The ruthless foe pressed forward, in stubborn rank on rank;
Spitz-Tiger to his vast surprise was forced to walk the Federal plank.
He who a hundred Fat Cat victims had driven to that drop,
At the end for all their crimes he was forced to go ker-flip, ker-flop.
Oh there was tasty schadenfreude cream on Wall Street when the news flew through blog land;
At Nantucket and East Hampton there were Fat Cats dancing in the sand.
Rats were roasted whole on Park Avenue, and at Larchmont Dock,
And a day of swindling Fat Cat celebration was commanded from NY to Bangkok.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
THE ADDRESSING OF FAT CATS
The Ad-dressing of Fat Cats
(The Ad-dressing of Cats, Old Possums Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
You've read of several kinds of Fat Cat,
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
to understand their shady character.
You now have learned enough to see
That Fat Cats are unfortunately much like you and me
And other people whome we find
Possessed of various types of irrationally exuberant mind.
Some are sane and many are mad
And some are good and even more are bad
And some are better, some still worse -
But all may be described in satirical verse.
You've seen them work their con games,
And learnt about their proper and improper names,
Their habits and their habitat:
But
How would you ad-dress a Wall Street Fat Cat?
So first, your memory I'll jog,
And say: A FAT CAT IS NOT AN AVERAGE DOG.
Now Average Dogs pretend they have financial foresight;
They often bark, more often not right;
But yet an Average Dog is, on the whole,
What you would call a regular soul.
Of course I'm not including day trading geeks,
And some other fantastic canine quant freaks.
The Average Dog seen hanging around lower downtown
Is much inclined to play a wealthy rich clown,
And far from showing a keen trading eye
Is frequently totally undignified.
He's very easily taken in -
Just chuck him underneath a power point pitch
Or slap his back or shake his paw,
And he will gamble and guffaw.
He's such an easy-going clueless lout,
He'll answer any hail or shout without nary a "due diligence" bout.
Again I must remind you that
A Dog's a Dog - A FAT CAT'S A FAT CAT.
With Fat Cats, some say, one rule is true:
Don't speak till you are spoken to.
Myself, I do not hold with that -
I say, you should ad-dress a Fat Cat.
But always keep in mind that he
Resents investor familiarity.
I bow, and keeping on my hat,
Ad-dress him in this form: Hello FAT CAT!
But if he is the Fat Cat next door,
Whom I have often met many times before
(He comes to see me on the Street)
I greet him with a YO FAT CAT!
I've heard them call him Jesse the "Fat Cat" James-
But we've not got so far as names.
Before a Fat Cat will condescend
To treat you as his trusted friend,
Some little financial token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of finders fee cream;
And you might now and then supply
Some OTC fee caviare, or Strassburg Commission Pie,
Some potted syndication fee grouse, or book runner salmon paste -
He's sure to have his personal taste.
(I know a Cat, who makes a habit
Of eating nothing else but brake up fee wabbit,
And when he's finished, licks his paws
So's not to waste the toxic asset fee sauce.)
A Fat Cat's expected to expect
These evidences of monetary respect.
And so in time you reach your aim,
And finally call him by his FAT CAT NAME.
So this is this, and that is that:
And there's how you AD-DRESS A FAT CAT.
(The Ad-dressing of Cats, Old Possums Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
You've read of several kinds of Fat Cat,
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
to understand their shady character.
You now have learned enough to see
That Fat Cats are unfortunately much like you and me
And other people whome we find
Possessed of various types of irrationally exuberant mind.
Some are sane and many are mad
And some are good and even more are bad
And some are better, some still worse -
But all may be described in satirical verse.
You've seen them work their con games,
And learnt about their proper and improper names,
Their habits and their habitat:
But
How would you ad-dress a Wall Street Fat Cat?
So first, your memory I'll jog,
And say: A FAT CAT IS NOT AN AVERAGE DOG.
Now Average Dogs pretend they have financial foresight;
They often bark, more often not right;
But yet an Average Dog is, on the whole,
What you would call a regular soul.
Of course I'm not including day trading geeks,
And some other fantastic canine quant freaks.
The Average Dog seen hanging around lower downtown
Is much inclined to play a wealthy rich clown,
And far from showing a keen trading eye
Is frequently totally undignified.
He's very easily taken in -
Just chuck him underneath a power point pitch
Or slap his back or shake his paw,
And he will gamble and guffaw.
He's such an easy-going clueless lout,
He'll answer any hail or shout without nary a "due diligence" bout.
Again I must remind you that
A Dog's a Dog - A FAT CAT'S A FAT CAT.
With Fat Cats, some say, one rule is true:
Don't speak till you are spoken to.
Myself, I do not hold with that -
I say, you should ad-dress a Fat Cat.
But always keep in mind that he
Resents investor familiarity.
I bow, and keeping on my hat,
Ad-dress him in this form: Hello FAT CAT!
But if he is the Fat Cat next door,
Whom I have often met many times before
(He comes to see me on the Street)
I greet him with a YO FAT CAT!
I've heard them call him Jesse the "Fat Cat" James-
But we've not got so far as names.
Before a Fat Cat will condescend
To treat you as his trusted friend,
Some little financial token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of finders fee cream;
And you might now and then supply
Some OTC fee caviare, or Strassburg Commission Pie,
Some potted syndication fee grouse, or book runner salmon paste -
He's sure to have his personal taste.
(I know a Cat, who makes a habit
Of eating nothing else but brake up fee wabbit,
And when he's finished, licks his paws
So's not to waste the toxic asset fee sauce.)
A Fat Cat's expected to expect
These evidences of monetary respect.
And so in time you reach your aim,
And finally call him by his FAT CAT NAME.
So this is this, and that is that:
And there's how you AD-DRESS A FAT CAT.
Friday, May 15, 2009
GIVE TWEET A CHANCE
GIVE TWEET A CHANCE
(Give Peace a Chance, John Lennon)
WilliamBanzai7
Ev'rybody's tweetin' 'bout
Monetizationism, Social Graphism, 6 Degrees of Separationism, Crowd Sourcism, Yet Another Distractionism, Old Media Catyclism, New Media Exorcism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
(C'mon)
Ev'rybody's tweetin' 'bout
Info Minister, Kinda Sinister, Digital Barrister and Info Canisters,
Tweet Bishops, Tweet Fishops, Tweet Rabbis, and Tweet Pop Eyes, Bye bye, Bye byes
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
(Let me tell you now)
Ev'rybody's tweetin' 'bout
Web-olution, Evolution, Data Masturbation, Crowd Flagellation, Social Media Regulation,
Conceptual Integration, network mediation, United Nations, congratulations
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
Ev'rybody's tweetin' 'bout
Evan Williams, Biz Stone, Scwarzenegger, Oprah Winfry,
Kawasaki, Calacanis, William Shatner, Ashton Kucher, Britany Spears
John Cleese, Lance Armstrong, John Lennon, John Lennon??!!!! Hare Krishna
Hare Hare Krishna
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
All we are saying is give Twit a chance
(Repeat 'til the tape runs out)
MUNGOJERRIE AND RUMPELTEAZER: THE GEEK FAT CATS
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer the Geek Fat Cats
(Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of geek Wall Street Fat Cats.
As structured finance clowns, quick-change artists, tight-rope walkers and financial acrobats
They had an extensive reputation. They made their real home in Stamford, Los Alamos and MIT
Wall Street was merely their centre of operation, for they were incurably given to rove.
They were very well known in Palm Beach, in Greenwich and in Mayfair -
they had really a little more reputation than a couple of Fat Cats can very well bear.
If the black litter box was found ajar
And the data room looked like a geek field of war,
If a memory chip or two came loose on the risk manager's roof,
Which presently ceases to be waterproof,
If the drawers were pulled out from the CEOs commode chest,
And you couldn't find one of your Saville Row vests,
Or after supper one of the investors
Suddenly missed his cherished red suspenders:
Then the bankers and traders would say: `It's that horrible geek Fat Cat!
It was Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer!' - And most of the time they left it at that.
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a very unusual gift of geek gab.
They were highly efficient financial burglars as well, and remarkably smart at a rehash-and-grab.
They made their home like typical geeks. They had no other preoccupation.
They were implausible fellows, and liked to engage a friendly risk control policeman in convoluted conversation.
When the other bankers assembled for closing dinners [foreclosing dinner?],
With their minds made up that their bonuses wouldn't get thinner
On trading point steak, fee potatoes and commission greens,
And the comp cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
`I'm afraid you must wait and have bonus dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven - like that!'
Then the traders would say: `It's that horrible quant cat!
It was Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer!' - And most of the time they left it at that.
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together.
And some of the time you would say it was luck, and some of the time you would say it was exuberant market weather.
They would go through the bank like a fast buck hurricane, and no sober person could take this oath
Was it Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer? or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
And when you heard a NAV crash
Or up from the back office there came a loud smash
Or down from the board room came a loud ping
From an asset backed model which was said to be good as Ming -
Then the traders and bankers would say: `Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie! AND Rumpelteazer!' - And there's nothing at all to be done about that!
(Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of geek Wall Street Fat Cats.
As structured finance clowns, quick-change artists, tight-rope walkers and financial acrobats
They had an extensive reputation. They made their real home in Stamford, Los Alamos and MIT
Wall Street was merely their centre of operation, for they were incurably given to rove.
They were very well known in Palm Beach, in Greenwich and in Mayfair -
they had really a little more reputation than a couple of Fat Cats can very well bear.
If the black litter box was found ajar
And the data room looked like a geek field of war,
If a memory chip or two came loose on the risk manager's roof,
Which presently ceases to be waterproof,
If the drawers were pulled out from the CEOs commode chest,
And you couldn't find one of your Saville Row vests,
Or after supper one of the investors
Suddenly missed his cherished red suspenders:
Then the bankers and traders would say: `It's that horrible geek Fat Cat!
It was Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer!' - And most of the time they left it at that.
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a very unusual gift of geek gab.
They were highly efficient financial burglars as well, and remarkably smart at a rehash-and-grab.
They made their home like typical geeks. They had no other preoccupation.
They were implausible fellows, and liked to engage a friendly risk control policeman in convoluted conversation.
When the other bankers assembled for closing dinners [foreclosing dinner?],
With their minds made up that their bonuses wouldn't get thinner
On trading point steak, fee potatoes and commission greens,
And the comp cook would appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow:
`I'm afraid you must wait and have bonus dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven - like that!'
Then the traders would say: `It's that horrible quant cat!
It was Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer!' - And most of the time they left it at that.
Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together.
And some of the time you would say it was luck, and some of the time you would say it was exuberant market weather.
They would go through the bank like a fast buck hurricane, and no sober person could take this oath
Was it Mungojerrie - or Rumpelteazer? or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
And when you heard a NAV crash
Or up from the back office there came a loud smash
Or down from the board room came a loud ping
From an asset backed model which was said to be good as Ming -
Then the traders and bankers would say: `Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie! AND Rumpelteazer!' - And there's nothing at all to be done about that!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
The following has been brought to our attention:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banzai_Girl
At first blush it looks like this is what happens when Filipinas decide to become cartoonists instead of domestic helpers.
Rest assured, BANZAI7 News Organization will investigate and report back...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banzai_Girl
At first blush it looks like this is what happens when Filipinas decide to become cartoonists instead of domestic helpers.
Rest assured, BANZAI7 News Organization will investigate and report back...
SONG OF THE JAILABLES
The Song of the Jailables
(The Song of the Jellicles, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Practical Fat Cats
Jailable Fat Cats come out to-night
Jailable Fat Cats come one come all:
The Jailable Moon is shining bright -
Jailables come to the Predator's Ball.
Jailable Fat Cats are never black and white,
Jailable Fat Cat hearts are rather small;
Jailablecle Fat Cats know every con n slight,
And unpleasant to hear when they caterwaul in Capital the halls.
Jailable Fat Cats have decks with five aces,
Jailable Fat Cats have shifty black eyes;
They like to practice their Ponziesque airs and graces
And wait for the Jailable Moon to rise.
Jailable Fat Cats ethics are lowly,
Jailable Fat Cats bonus wallets are too big;
Jailable Fat Cats have a Ponzi mono-poly,
They know how to dance an analyst gavotte and a quarterly jig.
Until the Jailable Moon appears
They make their toilette on a fine French commode:
Jailable Fat Cats wash investors behind their ears,
Jailable Fat Cats hang their shareholders by their toes.
Jailable Fat Cats are opaque but not white and black,
Jailable Fat Cats like leverage of immoderate size;
Jailable Fat Cats jump you from the back,
Jailable Fat Cats make toxic asset surprises.
They're quiet enough in the pre-opening hours,
They're quiet enough in the late afternoon,
Reserving their terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jailable Moon.
Jailable Fat Cats aren't black and white,
Jailable Fat Cats (as I said) hearts are small;
If it happens to be a systemic fright
They will practice a bailout caper or two in the hall.
If it happens the market sun is shining bright
You would say they had nothing to do at all:
They are resting and saving themselves to be right
For the Jailable Moon and the Predator's Ball.
(The Song of the Jellicles, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Practical Fat Cats
Jailable Fat Cats come out to-night
Jailable Fat Cats come one come all:
The Jailable Moon is shining bright -
Jailables come to the Predator's Ball.
Jailable Fat Cats are never black and white,
Jailable Fat Cat hearts are rather small;
Jailablecle Fat Cats know every con n slight,
And unpleasant to hear when they caterwaul in Capital the halls.
Jailable Fat Cats have decks with five aces,
Jailable Fat Cats have shifty black eyes;
They like to practice their Ponziesque airs and graces
And wait for the Jailable Moon to rise.
Jailable Fat Cats ethics are lowly,
Jailable Fat Cats bonus wallets are too big;
Jailable Fat Cats have a Ponzi mono-poly,
They know how to dance an analyst gavotte and a quarterly jig.
Until the Jailable Moon appears
They make their toilette on a fine French commode:
Jailable Fat Cats wash investors behind their ears,
Jailable Fat Cats hang their shareholders by their toes.
Jailable Fat Cats are opaque but not white and black,
Jailable Fat Cats like leverage of immoderate size;
Jailable Fat Cats jump you from the back,
Jailable Fat Cats make toxic asset surprises.
They're quiet enough in the pre-opening hours,
They're quiet enough in the late afternoon,
Reserving their terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jailable Moon.
Jailable Fat Cats aren't black and white,
Jailable Fat Cats (as I said) hearts are small;
If it happens to be a systemic fright
They will practice a bailout caper or two in the hall.
If it happens the market sun is shining bright
You would say they had nothing to do at all:
They are resting and saving themselves to be right
For the Jailable Moon and the Predator's Ball.
FAT CAT JAMIE OF JP MORGAN
Fat Cat Jamie of JP Morgan Introduces Himself
(Cat Morgan Introduces Himself, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
I once was a young Wall Street Pirate what sailed the 'igh seas -
But now I've rehired as CEO extra-ordin-aire:
And that's how you find me a-taking' my ease
And keepin' the revolving door open for rainmakers in fluent high finance-ese.
I'm partial to repackaged debt partridges, likewise to derivative grouse,
And I favour that rich Devonshire bonus cream in a bowl;
But I'm allus content with a bonus drink on Bernanke's 'ouse
And a bit o' rich FED funded fish when I done me patrol.
I ain't got much polish, me manners is gruff,
But I've got a good coat, and I keep meself smart;
And everyone says, and I guess that's enough:
`You can't but like Jamie of JP Morgan, 'e's got a suave 'art.'
I got knocked about on Paulsen's TARP Barbary Coast,
And me voice it ain't no such melliferous horgan;
But yet I can state, and I'm not one to boast,
That some of the gals is dead keen on old Jamie of JP Morgan.
So if you 'ave frisky business with risk free flavors to savor
I'll give you this tip, and it's worth a lot more:
You'll save yourself time, and you'll spare yourself labour
If jist you make friends with the Magnetar cat in the C Suite of JP Morgan.
JAMIE OF JP MORGAN.
(Cat Morgan Introduces Himself, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
I once was a young Wall Street Pirate what sailed the 'igh seas -
But now I've rehired as CEO extra-ordin-aire:
And that's how you find me a-taking' my ease
And keepin' the revolving door open for rainmakers in fluent high finance-ese.
I'm partial to repackaged debt partridges, likewise to derivative grouse,
And I favour that rich Devonshire bonus cream in a bowl;
But I'm allus content with a bonus drink on Bernanke's 'ouse
And a bit o' rich FED funded fish when I done me patrol.
I ain't got much polish, me manners is gruff,
But I've got a good coat, and I keep meself smart;
And everyone says, and I guess that's enough:
`You can't but like Jamie of JP Morgan, 'e's got a suave 'art.'
I got knocked about on Paulsen's TARP Barbary Coast,
And me voice it ain't no such melliferous horgan;
But yet I can state, and I'm not one to boast,
That some of the gals is dead keen on old Jamie of JP Morgan.
So if you 'ave frisky business with risk free flavors to savor
I'll give you this tip, and it's worth a lot more:
You'll save yourself time, and you'll spare yourself labour
If jist you make friends with the Magnetar cat in the C Suite of JP Morgan.
JAMIE OF JP MORGAN.
HANK: THE AIG FAT CAT
HANK THE AIG FAT CAT
(Gus, the Theater Cat, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
Hank is the Cat at AIG's Back Door.
His name, as I ought to have told you before,
Is really Maurice. That's such a fuss
To pronounce, that we usually call him just Hank.
His coat's very shabby, he's thin as a rake,
And he suffers from a crotchety old palsy that makes his Fat paw shake.
Yet he was, in his youth, quite the smartest of Fat Cats -
But no longer a terror to AIG mice and to Goldman Sachs rats.
For he isn't the mountebank Fat Cat that he was in his prime;
Though his name was quite famous, he says, in its time.
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
(Which takes place at the back of a West Palm Beach pub)
He loves to regale them, if someone else pays,
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest Palm Beach days.
For he once was a Wall Street Star of the highest degree -
He has acted with Henry Kissinger, he's acted with Chinese Premier Zhu Ron---gi.
And he likes to relate his success on Wall Street,
Where the analyst Gallery once gave him seven cat-calls.
But his grandest creation, as he loves to tell,
Was FirefroFWMD, the Fiend of the AIG Fell.
`I have played', so he says, `every possible part,
And I used to know seventy A.R.T. speeches by heart.
I'd extemporize quantitative-guff, I knew how to gag on Banker riff raff,
And I know how to let the quarterly cat out of the bag.
I knew how to cover my tracks and my tail;
With an hour of CNBC rehearsal, I never could fail.
I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of institutional hearts,
Whether I took the lead, or in character parts.
I have stood by that rattle snake Zharb;
When the Curfew was rung, then I swung on the bell.
In the proxy season I never fell flat
Because I once understudied Vander Starr the Fat Cat.
But my grandest creation, as history will tell,
Was FirefroFWMD, the Fiend of the AIG Fell.'
Then, if someone will give him a toothful of cheap Shanghai gin,
He will tell how he once played the part of the global insurance Erroll Flynn .
At a Shakespearean road show performance he once walked on pat,
When some Fat Cat investor suggested the need for a CEO Fat Cat.
He once played a victimized CEO Tiger - could do it again -
Which a zealous hunter named Spitzer pursued down a drain.
And he thinks that he still can, much better than most,
Produce blood-curdling CEO noises to scare the Casper the Bailout Ghost.
And he once crossed the market stage on the Reuter's high wire,
To rescue that fool Cassano before the whole house was on fire.
And he says: `Now, these yupster kittens, they do not get trained
As we did in the days when real Republicans reigned.
They never get drilled in a regular troupe,
And they think they are smart, just to jump through their derivative hoops.'
And he'll say, as he scratches himself with his manicured claws,
`Well, Wall Street Theatre's certainly not what it was.
These systemic time bombs are all very well,
But there's nothing to equal, from what I hear tell,
That moment of mystery
When I made history
As FirefroFWMD, the Fiend of the AIG Fell.'
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
THE GRUMPY OLD FAT CAT
The Old Grumpy Fat Cat
(The Old Gumbie Cat, Old Possums Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
I have a Grumpy Fat Cat in mind, his name is Connect-the-Dots;
His coat is of the shabby kind, with wide chalk stripes and bordeaux spots.
All day she sits in his worn chair or on the Federal Hall steps or at the Battery:
He sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a Grumpy Fat Cat!
But when the day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Grumpy Fat Cat's work is but hardly begun.
And when all the senior MD's are in bed and asleep,
He slips down the stairs to see the trading room geeks.
He is deeply concerned with the ways of the junior geek mice -
Their behaviour's too good and their ethics too nice;
So when he has got them lined up on the matting,
He teaches them front running, churning and insider tit for tatting.
I have a Grumpy Fat Cat in mind, his name is Connect-the-Dots;
His equal would be hard to find, he likes the warm and sunny bull market spots.
All day he sits beside the reuters screen or in the Wall Street sun:
He sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a Grumpy Fat Cat!
But when the trading day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Grumpy Cat's work is but hardly begun.
As he finds that the geek mice will not ever keep quiet,
He is sure it is due to their irregular high finance diet
And believing that nothing is done without trying,
He sets straight to work with them baking and frying, securitized dung and toxic asset surprises.
He makes them a synthetic tranched CDO cake of stale subprime dough and S&P sleaze,
And a beautiful fry of synthetic CDS bacon and toxic asset cheese.
I have a Grumpy Fat Cat in mind, his name is Connect-the Dots;
The curtain-cord he likes to wind, and tie it into hanging-nooses.
He sits upon the window-sill, or anything that's lucite smooth and flat:
He sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a grumpy Fat Cat!
But when the trading day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Grumpy Fat Cat's work is but hardly begun.
He thinks that the backroom cockroaches just need employment,
So he's formed, from that lot of disorderly louts,
A troop of well-disciplined Ponzi scheming boy-scouts,
With a purpose in life and a dire deed to do -
And he's even created a Banker Tattoo.
So for Old Grumpy Fat Cats let us now give three cheers -
On whom well-run toxic shlock houses depend, it appears.
(The Old Gumbie Cat, Old Possums Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
I have a Grumpy Fat Cat in mind, his name is Connect-the-Dots;
His coat is of the shabby kind, with wide chalk stripes and bordeaux spots.
All day she sits in his worn chair or on the Federal Hall steps or at the Battery:
He sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a Grumpy Fat Cat!
But when the day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Grumpy Fat Cat's work is but hardly begun.
And when all the senior MD's are in bed and asleep,
He slips down the stairs to see the trading room geeks.
He is deeply concerned with the ways of the junior geek mice -
Their behaviour's too good and their ethics too nice;
So when he has got them lined up on the matting,
He teaches them front running, churning and insider tit for tatting.
I have a Grumpy Fat Cat in mind, his name is Connect-the-Dots;
His equal would be hard to find, he likes the warm and sunny bull market spots.
All day he sits beside the reuters screen or in the Wall Street sun:
He sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a Grumpy Fat Cat!
But when the trading day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Grumpy Cat's work is but hardly begun.
As he finds that the geek mice will not ever keep quiet,
He is sure it is due to their irregular high finance diet
And believing that nothing is done without trying,
He sets straight to work with them baking and frying, securitized dung and toxic asset surprises.
He makes them a synthetic tranched CDO cake of stale subprime dough and S&P sleaze,
And a beautiful fry of synthetic CDS bacon and toxic asset cheese.
I have a Grumpy Fat Cat in mind, his name is Connect-the Dots;
The curtain-cord he likes to wind, and tie it into hanging-nooses.
He sits upon the window-sill, or anything that's lucite smooth and flat:
He sits and sits and sits and sits - and that's what makes a grumpy Fat Cat!
But when the trading day's hustle and bustle is done,
Then the Grumpy Fat Cat's work is but hardly begun.
He thinks that the backroom cockroaches just need employment,
So he's formed, from that lot of disorderly louts,
A troop of well-disciplined Ponzi scheming boy-scouts,
With a purpose in life and a dire deed to do -
And he's even created a Banker Tattoo.
So for Old Grumpy Fat Cats let us now give three cheers -
On whom well-run toxic shlock houses depend, it appears.
BOILER ROOM JONES, THE WHITE SHOE FAT CAT
BOILERROOM JONES, THE WHITE SHOE FAT CAT
(Bustopher Jones, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Banker Fat Cats
Boiler Room Jones is not skin and bones -
In fact, he's remarkably fat.
He doesn't haunt pubs - he has eight or nine country clubs,
For he's the quintessential crooked banker Fat Cat!
He's the Fat Cat we all greet as he walks down the Street!
In his fastidious old coat with the look of Rogers Peet
No hedge fund mousers have such well-cut trousers
Or such an impeccable back.
In the whole of lower Manhattan the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of crooked banker Fat Cats;
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Boiler Room Jones in white spats!
His visits are occasional to the CFA Continuing Educational
and it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the Chicago School.
For a similar reason, when the con game is in season
He is found, on CNBC, but not PBS;
But he's frequently seen on the game at Four Seasons
Which is famous for serving swinging dick bankers and wannabe wimps.
In the season of fowl he takes his Boss o/u shot guns out
To go hunting on the grounds of his stately North Westchester country house;
And just before noon's not a moment too soon
To drop in for a drink at the local club room.
If he looks full of gloom then he'll lunch at the Tombs
On cabbage, rice and jailhouse grouse.
So, much in this way, passes Boiler Room Jones' day -
At one white shoe club or another he's found.
It can cause no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round.
He's a 250-five pounder, or I am a bounder,
And he's putting on weight every day:
But he's so well preserved because he's observed
All his life a routine, so he'll say.
And (to put it in rhyme) `I shall last out my jailhouse time'
Is the word of this stoutest of crooked banker Fat Cats.
It must and it shall be Spring at Church and Wall
While Boiler Room Jones wears white spats!
(Bustopher Jones, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Banker Fat Cats
Boiler Room Jones is not skin and bones -
In fact, he's remarkably fat.
He doesn't haunt pubs - he has eight or nine country clubs,
For he's the quintessential crooked banker Fat Cat!
He's the Fat Cat we all greet as he walks down the Street!
In his fastidious old coat with the look of Rogers Peet
No hedge fund mousers have such well-cut trousers
Or such an impeccable back.
In the whole of lower Manhattan the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummell of crooked banker Fat Cats;
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Boiler Room Jones in white spats!
His visits are occasional to the CFA Continuing Educational
and it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the Chicago School.
For a similar reason, when the con game is in season
He is found, on CNBC, but not PBS;
But he's frequently seen on the game at Four Seasons
Which is famous for serving swinging dick bankers and wannabe wimps.
In the season of fowl he takes his Boss o/u shot guns out
To go hunting on the grounds of his stately North Westchester country house;
And just before noon's not a moment too soon
To drop in for a drink at the local club room.
If he looks full of gloom then he'll lunch at the Tombs
On cabbage, rice and jailhouse grouse.
So, much in this way, passes Boiler Room Jones' day -
At one white shoe club or another he's found.
It can cause no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round.
He's a 250-five pounder, or I am a bounder,
And he's putting on weight every day:
But he's so well preserved because he's observed
All his life a routine, so he'll say.
And (to put it in rhyme) `I shall last out my jailhouse time'
Is the word of this stoutest of crooked banker Fat Cats.
It must and it shall be Spring at Church and Wall
While Boiler Room Jones wears white spats!
OLD DUBIOUS-ECONOMY
OLD DUBIOUS-ECONOMY
(Old Deuteronomy, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat cats
Dubious-Economy lived a long long time;
He's a Central Banking Fat Cat who has caused many bubbles in his prime.
He was famous in obtuse proverbs and famous in pseudo sophisticated fractional reserve rhymes
A long while before Ben Bernanke's accession.
Old Dubious-Economy buried us many times
And more - I am tempted to say, since ninety-nine;
And his numerous market fundamentalist progeny prosper and thrive
And the Wall Street village is proud of him in his decline.
At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy,
When he sits in the sun by Federal Hall,
The Oldest Inhabitant croaks: `Well, of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... No! ... Yes! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My trader sight may be failing, but yet I confess
I believe it is Old Dubious-Economy!'
Old Dubious-Economy sits in the Street,
He sits by Wall Street on FED meeting day;
The private guards may bellow, the Sihk taxis they may beep,
But the hedgehogs and the bankers will all turn them away.
The cars and the trucks run over the curb,
And the Wall Street villagers put up a notice: NYSE CLOSED -
So that nothing untoward may chance to disturb
rest when he feels so disposed
Or when he's engaged in irrationally exuberant wizardry:
And the Oldest Inhabitant croaks: `Well, of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... No! ... Yes! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
I'm deaf of an ear now, but yet I can guess
That the cause of the trouble is old Dubious-Economy!'
Old Dubious-Economy dreams on the NYSE floor
Of the subprime fox and Buffets FWMD Horn for his afternoon sleep;
And when the busted bankers say: `There's just time for one bubble more,'
then the other Fat Cats from their trading parlours will peep
And say: `Now then, out you go, by the back door,
For Old Dubious-Economy mustn't be woken -
I'll have the FED police if there's any uproar' -
And out they all shuffle, without a dumb word unspoken.
The digestive repose of that feline's flacid free market gastronomy
Must never be broken, whatever befall:
And the Oldest Inhabitant croaks: `Well of all ...
Things ... Can it be ... really! ... Yes! ... No! ...
Ho! hi!
Oh, my eye!
My legs may be tottery, I must go slow
And be careful of Old Alan (the Maestro) 'Dubious-Economy!'
MacMadoff: The Mystery Fat Cat
MacMadoff: The Mystery Fat Cat
(Macavity: The Mystery Cat, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
MacMadoff a mystery Fat Cat: he's called the hidden Ponzi Paw -
For he's the master criminal who can defy economic law.
He's the bafflement of the SEC's canards, the enforcement squad's despair:
For when they reach the scene of crime - MacMadoff's never there!
MacMadoff, MacMadoff, there's no one like MacMadoff,
He's broken every law of fraud, he breaks the market laws of gravity.
His ponziesque powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,
And when you reach the scene of crime - MacMadoff's not there!
You may seek him down on the Lipstick's 17th floor, you may look up in his Park Avenue lair -
But I tell you once and once again, MacMadoff's not there!
McMadoff's a nimble Fat Cat, but he's not even tall or thin;
You would know him if you saw him, for his shifty eyes are sunken in.
His brow is deeply lined with thought, his sliver hair is nicely bouffant;
His schpiel is feisty as heck, each of his sophisticated investors are dumber than a Riviera crossant.
He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a Vegas rattle snake;
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.
MacMadoff, MacMadoff, there's no one like MacMadoff,
For he's a Wall Street fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.
You may meet him on a putting green, you may see him in a Hotel du Cap lounge chair
But when a financial crime's discovered, then MacMadoff's not there!
He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)
And his footprints are not found in any file of those SEC canards.
And when the rich and famous are looted, or the trust account is rifled,
Or when the milk money is missing, or another Ponzi's been stifled,
Or the charity bank is broken, and retirement's beyond repair -
Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! MacMadoff's not there!
And when the SEC Branch Chief finds a monthly statement gone astray,
Or the Palm Beach widows lose it all by the way,
There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair -
But it's useless to investigate - McMadoff's not there!
And when the loss has been disclosed, the FBI men say:
`It must have been MacMadoff!' - but he's thousands of miles away.
You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking caviar off his well manicured thumbs,
Or engaged in doing complicated long-division sums.
MacMadoff, MacMadoff, there's no Fat Cat like MacMadoff,
There never was a Fat Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place - MACMADOFF WASN'T THERE!
And they say that all the Fat Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Ezra Merkin, I might mention Walter Noel)
Are nothing more than agents for the Fat Cat who all the time
Just controls their operations: Bernie MacMadoff, the Napoleon of Financial Crime!
COMMENT ON NYT DEALBOOK:
williambanzai7 — I used to think “you can’t make this stuff up.” but after reading “MacMadoff” I’m rethinking that. Beautiful.
— Posted by moonwell23
MR. BAIL-ME-OUT-PLEASE
Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please
(Mr Mistofelees, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
You ought to know Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
The Original Conniving Wall Street Fat Cat -
(There can be no doubt about that).
Please listen to me and don't scoff. All this
Fraudulent innovations are straight out of his hat.
There's no such Fat Cat in the financial metropolis;
He holds all the toxic shlock patent monopolies
For performing surprising monetary illusions
And creating eccentric derivative confusions.
With prestidigitation
And opaque legerdemain
He'll defy any SEC examiner
And deceive you again.
The greatest Wall Street magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Pleases' Conjuring Turns.
Presto!
Away we go!
And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
He is geeky and bald, and his Lob brogues are black
There's a red line from his ears running straight down his back;
He can creep through the tiniest loophole crack
He can balance on the narrowest regulatory rail.
He can pick the canard from any well healed pack,
He is equally cunning with dice;
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting to give prudent advice.
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of caviar-paste;
If you look for a AAA slice for your 401k
And you think it is merely misplaced -
You have seen it one moment, and then it is gawn!
But you'll find it next week fully overdrawn.
And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
His manner is vague and obtruse,
You would think there was no better shyster -
But his voice was heard under the NY Fed roof
Where he was cowering to hide from the September 2008 fire.
and as he was heard praying for the DOW to go higher
When he was out on the roof -
(At last we all heard somebody whose bailout prayers were heard)
Which is incontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers:
And I have known the Wall Street family to call
Him on his blackberry for hours,
While he was doing something in the Capital hill halls.
And not long ago this phenomenal Fat Cat
Produced 12 Billion Bailout Kittens right out of a hat!
And we all said: OH!
Well I never!
Did you ever
Know a Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
(Mr Mistofelees, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7s Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
You ought to know Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
The Original Conniving Wall Street Fat Cat -
(There can be no doubt about that).
Please listen to me and don't scoff. All this
Fraudulent innovations are straight out of his hat.
There's no such Fat Cat in the financial metropolis;
He holds all the toxic shlock patent monopolies
For performing surprising monetary illusions
And creating eccentric derivative confusions.
With prestidigitation
And opaque legerdemain
He'll defy any SEC examiner
And deceive you again.
The greatest Wall Street magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Pleases' Conjuring Turns.
Presto!
Away we go!
And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
He is geeky and bald, and his Lob brogues are black
There's a red line from his ears running straight down his back;
He can creep through the tiniest loophole crack
He can balance on the narrowest regulatory rail.
He can pick the canard from any well healed pack,
He is equally cunning with dice;
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting to give prudent advice.
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of caviar-paste;
If you look for a AAA slice for your 401k
And you think it is merely misplaced -
You have seen it one moment, and then it is gawn!
But you'll find it next week fully overdrawn.
And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
His manner is vague and obtruse,
You would think there was no better shyster -
But his voice was heard under the NY Fed roof
Where he was cowering to hide from the September 2008 fire.
and as he was heard praying for the DOW to go higher
When he was out on the roof -
(At last we all heard somebody whose bailout prayers were heard)
Which is incontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers:
And I have known the Wall Street family to call
Him on his blackberry for hours,
While he was doing something in the Capital hill halls.
And not long ago this phenomenal Fat Cat
Produced 12 Billion Bailout Kittens right out of a hat!
And we all said: OH!
Well I never!
Did you ever
Know a Fat Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Bail-Me-Out-Please!
THE NAMING OF WALL STREET FAT CATS
THE NAMING OF WALL STREET FAT CATS
(The Naming of Cats, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
The Naming of Wall Street fat cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one for bank holiday chatter;
You may think at first I'm as mad as Cramer the CNBC mad hatter
When I tell you, a fat cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the trader's use daily,
Such as Jimmy, Dickie, Kenny or Jamie,
Such as Henry or Lloydie, or Johnny or Bernie -
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen gangsters, some for the dames:
Such as Maestro, Gorilla, Bandit and Ace -
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a fat cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more infamous,
Else how can he keep his pinstriped network reticular,
Or save his whiskers, and cover his backside?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Bootstrap, Lucky-me, or Will Con-you,
Such as Ponzo, or Boeski and Screwless Ken Lewis -
Names that never belong to more than one fat cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no financial sleuth can discover -
But THE WALL STREET FAT CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a fat cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of the name of:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Latest, deepest and inscrutable CON GAME.
(The Naming of Cats, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, TS Elliot)
WilliamBanzai7's Book of Wall Street Fat Cats
The Naming of Wall Street fat cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one for bank holiday chatter;
You may think at first I'm as mad as Cramer the CNBC mad hatter
When I tell you, a fat cat must have THREE DIFFERENT NAMES.
First of all, there's the name that the trader's use daily,
Such as Jimmy, Dickie, Kenny or Jamie,
Such as Henry or Lloydie, or Johnny or Bernie -
All of them sensible everyday names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen gangsters, some for the dames:
Such as Maestro, Gorilla, Bandit and Ace -
But all of them sensible everyday names.
But I tell you, a fat cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more infamous,
Else how can he keep his pinstriped network reticular,
Or save his whiskers, and cover his backside?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Bootstrap, Lucky-me, or Will Con-you,
Such as Ponzo, or Boeski and Screwless Ken Lewis -
Names that never belong to more than one fat cat.
But above and beyond there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The name that no financial sleuth can discover -
But THE WALL STREET FAT CAT HIMSELF KNOWS, and will never confess.
When you notice a fat cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of the name of:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Latest, deepest and inscrutable CON GAME.
Monday, May 11, 2009
THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE GOLDMAN
I just read this news item:
NYT--"Goldman Sachs agreed to pay up to $60 million to settle complaints in Massachusetts about the investment bank’s role in the subprime mortgage business, state officials said Monday.
Goldman has long insisted they were a minor player in the mortgage-backed business, relative to rivals like Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers."
This shortly following last week's resignation by Stephen Friedman from his position as Chairman of the NY Fed, owing to blatant conflicts stemming from his Goldman directorship and inappropriate purchase of Goldman shares as the Fed was busy deliberating over the Wall Street bailout.
I've been thinking (yes once in a while I think about things other than parody lyrics). Maybe Lloyd Blankfein is absolutely right. The current CEO of Goldman Sachs keeps insisting that the vaunted "Goldman model" remains sound, despite the fact that Goldman was forced to convert to a lowly Bank Holding Company in a leverage dry post bailout world.
Most of us think of the Goldman model as some combination of global market foresight, raw capital, flawless trading execution, with a heavy dependence on cheap capital and leverage.
Wrong, wrong, wrong! The Goldman model can be succinctly stated as follows: Pull every lowdown scam everybody else does, execute it flawlessly, but don't get caught!
This is the model Goldman executes flawlessly. Next time you read about the shadow Goldman bailout, Goldman's innocence from sub-prime culpability Goldman's fool proof AIG hedge, or Goldman's sanctimonious outrage when it comes to any implication that its relationship's with alumnis like Friedman and Paulsen, just remember the Goldman model as I have framed it.
I repeat: Pull every lowdown scam everybody else does, execute it flawlessly, but don't get caught!
This will go a long way to explaining everything.
There you have it:
The Good (JP Morgan?), the Bad (Bear Stearns and Lehman!) and the Goldman.
Blankfein is 100% correct, the Goldman model still works.
WilliamBanzai7
NYT--"Goldman Sachs agreed to pay up to $60 million to settle complaints in Massachusetts about the investment bank’s role in the subprime mortgage business, state officials said Monday.
Goldman has long insisted they were a minor player in the mortgage-backed business, relative to rivals like Bear Stearns and Lehman Brothers."
This shortly following last week's resignation by Stephen Friedman from his position as Chairman of the NY Fed, owing to blatant conflicts stemming from his Goldman directorship and inappropriate purchase of Goldman shares as the Fed was busy deliberating over the Wall Street bailout.
I've been thinking (yes once in a while I think about things other than parody lyrics). Maybe Lloyd Blankfein is absolutely right. The current CEO of Goldman Sachs keeps insisting that the vaunted "Goldman model" remains sound, despite the fact that Goldman was forced to convert to a lowly Bank Holding Company in a leverage dry post bailout world.
Most of us think of the Goldman model as some combination of global market foresight, raw capital, flawless trading execution, with a heavy dependence on cheap capital and leverage.
Wrong, wrong, wrong! The Goldman model can be succinctly stated as follows: Pull every lowdown scam everybody else does, execute it flawlessly, but don't get caught!
This is the model Goldman executes flawlessly. Next time you read about the shadow Goldman bailout, Goldman's innocence from sub-prime culpability Goldman's fool proof AIG hedge, or Goldman's sanctimonious outrage when it comes to any implication that its relationship's with alumnis like Friedman and Paulsen, just remember the Goldman model as I have framed it.
I repeat: Pull every lowdown scam everybody else does, execute it flawlessly, but don't get caught!
This will go a long way to explaining everything.
There you have it:
The Good (JP Morgan?), the Bad (Bear Stearns and Lehman!) and the Goldman.
Blankfein is 100% correct, the Goldman model still works.
WilliamBanzai7
TURNING JAPANESE
NYT--The embattled insurer American International Group said Monday that it was selling its Japanese headquarters to the Nippon Life Insurance Company for $1.2 billion in cash.
Does this remind you of the early 90s when Japan Inc kicked off its lost decade with the forced divestiture of trophy assets such as Rockefeller center?
WE’RE TURNING JAPANESE
(Turning Japanese, The Vapors)
WilliamBanzai7
Sing along link: http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=turning+japanese&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=I1SnSeeUCMPDkAX694TJDQ&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&resnum=4&ct=title#
We’ve got a picture, We’ve got a picture,
Of horrendous economic news
You wrote “We love you” We wrote back “we too”
We sit here staring at Bloombergs, there’s nothing else to do
Oh it’s in color the DOW keeps going up n down
Our eyes are glazed And our deficit is flying in the clouds
Now we can kiss our Asset Bubble asses goodbye when there’s no one else around
We’ve got a picture, a real bad picture
Like a million years of stagnant economic hell
We want a doctor to take your picture
So we can look at your Lost Decade from inside as well
You’ve got us turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning ’round
[Chorus]
We’re turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
We’re turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
No loans, no bonus, no jobs, no women
No fun, no sun, no good news, no wonder it’s dark
Everyone around us is in layoff danger
Investors all avoid us like a cyclone ranger
[Chorus]
Does this remind you of the early 90s when Japan Inc kicked off its lost decade with the forced divestiture of trophy assets such as Rockefeller center?
WE’RE TURNING JAPANESE
(Turning Japanese, The Vapors)
WilliamBanzai7
Sing along link: http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=turning+japanese&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&ei=I1SnSeeUCMPDkAX694TJDQ&sa=X&oi=video_result_group&resnum=4&ct=title#
We’ve got a picture, We’ve got a picture,
Of horrendous economic news
You wrote “We love you” We wrote back “we too”
We sit here staring at Bloombergs, there’s nothing else to do
Oh it’s in color the DOW keeps going up n down
Our eyes are glazed And our deficit is flying in the clouds
Now we can kiss our Asset Bubble asses goodbye when there’s no one else around
We’ve got a picture, a real bad picture
Like a million years of stagnant economic hell
We want a doctor to take your picture
So we can look at your Lost Decade from inside as well
You’ve got us turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning ’round
[Chorus]
We’re turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
We’re turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
Turning Japanese
I think We’re turning Japanese
I really think so
No loans, no bonus, no jobs, no women
No fun, no sun, no good news, no wonder it’s dark
Everyone around us is in layoff danger
Investors all avoid us like a cyclone ranger
[Chorus]
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Nice Comments
John Byrne, Executive Editor, Businessweek.com tweeted: All the best financial news fit to sing. That's the ingenious blog of williambanzai7
You are a truly literate satirist William, I doff my hat to you!
Leroy Was Here on Slate.com
NYT--When will Dealbook publish the brilliant collective songs of the great William Banzai the 7th?
— Posted by Ernie Lynch
WSJ--williambanzai7 you are an absolute genius this is one the best sacarstic blog comments in the history of blogging! PEFERCTO it’s funnier than all of the SNL Skits!! You should be on Tv!!!!
Comment by callstreets
NYT--
I’m a huge fan of Banzai’s Christmas Collection.
— Posted by Abby Tucson, AZ
On Floyd Norris' Blog:
Fuzzy Bank 1… 2 … 3…
BTW: It’s William Banzai that can fin-rap… check this out…
http://shopyield.com/2008/10/100-billion-dollar-bills/
— Cate Long
* BW & the guys wrote on WSJ blog re BAILOUT U.S.A.:
Bitchin presntation Mr. WilliamBanzai7, very clever. were stoked. Hawthorne High honors you. I read your revision - in my room. How about this one? The NWO took my T-Bird away, or it’s not real fine my 4-01- K. I remember when the Undertaker use to hang 10 at 26th Street in Manhattan Beach (California) on his Dewey Webber long board. Who is he? I’ll never tell, but he sure gives the globalists hell. Stay cool man.
Yours,
BW
Thank you readers,
WilliamBanzai7
You are a truly literate satirist William, I doff my hat to you!
Leroy Was Here on Slate.com
NYT--When will Dealbook publish the brilliant collective songs of the great William Banzai the 7th?
— Posted by Ernie Lynch
WSJ--williambanzai7 you are an absolute genius this is one the best sacarstic blog comments in the history of blogging! PEFERCTO it’s funnier than all of the SNL Skits!! You should be on Tv!!!!
Comment by callstreets
NYT--
I’m a huge fan of Banzai’s Christmas Collection.
— Posted by Abby Tucson, AZ
On Floyd Norris' Blog:
Fuzzy Bank 1… 2 … 3…
BTW: It’s William Banzai that can fin-rap… check this out…
http://shopyield.com/2008/10/100-billion-dollar-bills/
— Cate Long
* BW & the guys wrote on WSJ blog re BAILOUT U.S.A.:
Bitchin presntation Mr. WilliamBanzai7, very clever. were stoked. Hawthorne High honors you. I read your revision - in my room. How about this one? The NWO took my T-Bird away, or it’s not real fine my 4-01- K. I remember when the Undertaker use to hang 10 at 26th Street in Manhattan Beach (California) on his Dewey Webber long board. Who is he? I’ll never tell, but he sure gives the globalists hell. Stay cool man.
Yours,
BW
Thank you readers,
WilliamBanzai7
HAPPY MOTHERS OF INVENTION 2009
MOVIN TO BERMUDA SOON
I might be movin' to Bermuda soon
Just to write me up a crop of structured subprime dross, Writin it up
Markin it down
In a little black box
That I can sell downtown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no coins to toss,
But I'd be writin my lowly Subprime dross
Writin' my lowly Subprime dross
Well I just might hire me some quantitative geeks
And I'd sell that geek fluff
To somebody else...
but then, on the other hand
I'd Keep take some subprime cheese snacks N' melt it down
Take some greek sauce N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop of crap
An' it'd be on top
(that's why I'M movin' to Bermuda)
Movin' to Bermuda soon
Gonna be a Subprime loss tycoon
(yes I am)
Movin' to Bermuda soon
Gonna be a structured loss flykune
I'm securitizing' the ol' Subprime dross
That's growin' in Greenspan's scary bubble
Pluckin' the dross!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all Afternoon...
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is GAUSS)
He's a good hoss
Even though He's a bit dim witted to strap a hedge straddle or
security blanket on anyway
Any way I'm writin' the ol' Subprime dross
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a derivative counterparty horse
With a brain just about this big
An' ride him all along the inefficient frontier
With a Pair of heavy-duty
Magic alpha-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other structured finance geek would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no coin to toss
But I'd be writin' my lowly Subprime dross
Well I might Ride along the Level 3 border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my CRO a kick in the tush...
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the Subprime dross Bush
N' then I might just Jumb back on
An' ride Like a Wall Street cowboy
Into the dawn to Bermuda
Movin' to Bermuda soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Bermuda soon
EVE OF FINANCIAL DESTRUCTION
EVE OF FINANCIAL DESTRUCTION
(Eve of Destruction, Barry Mcguire)
WilliamBanzai7
Singa along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8SfiCnwF28
The financial world, its explodin,
tempers flarin', subpoenas loadin',
you're 401ks good enough to steal, that's your punishment for gloatin',
you don't believe in greed, what's that jumbo mortgage you're totin',
and even the East river has laid off bankers floatin',
but you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of financial destruction.
Don't you understand, what I'm trying to say?
Can't you see the financial fears that I'm feeling today?
When the FWMD button got pushed, all those welfare financiers came running this way,
There'll be no economy to save with Wall Street's foot in a grave,
take a look around you, boy, it's bound to scare you, boy,
and you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're on the eve of financial destruction.
Yeah, my blood's so mad, feels like coagulatin',
I'm sittin' here, just contemplatin',
You can't twist those Wall Street hoods, they know no regulation,
handful of Capital hill fools don't pass no legislation,
and statutes alone can't control rampant financial innovation,
when free market respect is disintegratin',
this whole crazy world of finance is just too frustratin',
and you tell me over and over and over again my friend,
ah, you don't believe we're suffering the disease of financial corruption.
Think of all the money there is in capitalist Red China
Then take a look around from Detroit to Alabama!
Ah, you may leave here, for four days in space,
but when you return, it won't be the same old place,
the poundin' of the bailout drums, the free riding banker disgrace,
you can bury your NAV, it don't leave a trace,
hate your feckless broker, but don't forget to say grace,
and you tell me over and over and over and over again my friend,
you don't believe we're on the eve of financial destruction.
no no you don't believe we're on the eve of financial destruction.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
CDO HAZE
CDO HAZE
(Jimi Hendrix, Purple Haze)
WilliamBanzai7
CDO's all in my brain
Lately things just don't seem the same
Actin' funny, but I don't know why
'Scuse me while I get my stress test from this guy
CDO's all around
Don't know if their comin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery?
Whatever it is, that trade put a spell on me
Help me help me
Oh no no... no
Yeah
CDO haze all in my eyes
Don't know if it's subprime day or night
Got me blowin, blowin my shareholder's minds
Will the losses end tomorrow or just the end of time?
No, help me aw yeah! oh no no oh help me...
Thursday, May 7, 2009
CRONY USA
This is an outrage!!!!
NYT: "Stephen Friedman, the chairman of the New York Federal Reserve Board, abruptly resigned on Thursday, days after questions arose about his ties to Goldman Sachs.
Mr. Friedman was chairman of the New York Fed at the same time he was a member of Goldman’s board. He also had a substantial stake in the firm as the Fed was crafting a solution to keep Wall Street banks afloat."
Do they have any idea what a conflict of interest is?
NYT: "Stephen Friedman, the chairman of the New York Federal Reserve Board, abruptly resigned on Thursday, days after questions arose about his ties to Goldman Sachs.
Mr. Friedman was chairman of the New York Fed at the same time he was a member of Goldman’s board. He also had a substantial stake in the firm as the Fed was crafting a solution to keep Wall Street banks afloat."
Do they have any idea what a conflict of interest is?
SPOONFUL OF STRESS TEST SUGAR
A SPOONFUL OF STRESS TEST SUGAR
(Spoonful of Sugar, Mary Poppins)
WilliamBanzaiPoppins
Nouriel Poppins:
[Spoken]
In ev'ry insolvent bank that must be redone
There is an element of fun
You find the fun and snap!
Creative destruction is a capitalist game
[Sung by Tim Geithner]
And ev'ry zombie bank you resuscitate
Becomes a piece of Wall Street chocolate cake
A lark! A spree! It's very clear to see that
A Spoonful of stress test sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of stress test sugar helps the medicine go down
In a frightful but delightful way
A CEO feathering his nest
Has very little time to rest
While gathering his elements of bonus twine and twig
Though quite intent in his monetary pursuit
He has a merry tune to toot
He knows a recovery song will move the job along - for
A Spoonful of stress test sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of stress test sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most frightful but delightful way
[Interlude]
Those crafty bankers that fetch the nectar
From investors to their Greenwich homes
Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro
Because they take a little nip
From ev'ry 401k flower that they sip
And hence (And hence),
They find (They find)
Their task is not a grind.
Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h ah!
A Spoonful of stress test sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down-wown
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of stress test sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most frightful but delightful way
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Best Way to Rob a Bank is to Own One
http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/04032009/watch.html
Wall Street went one better. The best way to Rob a bank is to work for one and pay yourself obscene compensation apparently justified by opaque accounting and bubblized share prices.
Wall Street went one better. The best way to Rob a bank is to work for one and pay yourself obscene compensation apparently justified by opaque accounting and bubblized share prices.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
MICHAEL MOORE ASKS A FEW GOOD QUESTIONS
"If Ponzi schemes are such a bad thing, then why have we allowed all of our top banks to deal in credit default swaps and other make-believe rackets? Why did we allow those same banks to create the scam of a sub-prime mortgage? And instead of putting the people responsible in the cell block in Lower Manhattan, where Bernie now resides, why did we give them huge sums of our hard-earned tax dollars to bail them out of their self-inflicted troubles? Bernard Madoff is nothing more than the scab on the wound. He's also a most-needed and convenient distraction. Where's the photo on this list of the ex-chairmen of AIG, Merrill Lynch and Citigroup? Where's the mug shot of Phil Gramm, the senator who wrote the bill to strip the system of its regulations, or of the President who signed that bill? And how 'bout those who ran the fake numbers at the ratings agencies, the lobbyists who succeeded in making sleazy accounting a lawful practice, or the stock market itself — an institution that's treated like the Holy Sepulchre instead of the casino that it is (and, like all other casinos, the house eventually wins)."
Excerpt from Michael Moore in this week's Time Magazine
Excerpt from Michael Moore in this week's Time Magazine
Saturday, May 2, 2009
BAD BAD LUCK
A song idea inspired by the Springsteen heads at the Monkey Business Blog.
BAD MARKET LUCK (Wall Street Version)
(Social Distortion, Bad Bad luck)
WilliamBanzai7
Some traders like to gamble,
But you, you always lose.
Some people like to roll a position over,
But you're always singin' the closing bell blues.
You gotta quantitative risk free superstition.
No one really knows the reason why,
You gotta bad ass unhedged position.
Better hang your trader head down and cry...
chorus:
You got bad, bad luck.
Bad market luck.
You got bad, bad luck.
Bad market luck.
September 2008's Wall Street's unlucky number,
To them it means get bailed or die.
Black cat done crossed the greedy Wall Street scamsters,
For them there's good reason to run and hide.
You're looking through a crooked free market mirror.
No one really knows the reason why.
Cuomo's posse's gettin' nearer.
Gonna hang you till your dead don't cry....
chorus:
You got bad, bad luck.
Bad market luck.
You got bad, bad luck.
Bad market luck.
Some traders go to Church Street on Mondays,
others they trade alone at home.
You tell them that there ain't no gold Wall Street mountain,
that they're better off standin' alone.
You're always scratchin' at the Alpha eight ball,
No one really knows the reason why.
You climb to the top and then you fall,
They gonna hang you till your dead good bye.
Friday, May 1, 2009
AND NOW FOR A MAY DAY MINUTE: THE BAILOUT INTERNATIONALE
ENGLISH VERSION:
EURO BABBLE VERSION:
BANZAI7 BAILOUT VERSION:
THE BAILOUT INTERNATIONALE
(The Socialist Internationale)
Komrad WilliamBanzai7
Sing along:
Euro Babble Version: http://tr.youtube.com/watch?v=GvXBNnpHFDI
English Version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DTbashsKic
Arise ye prisoners of Wall Street blunders
Arise ye victims of Wall Street greed and Wall Street want
For simple reason in revolt now thunders
And at last comes the age of the bailed out banker hunt.
Away with all those quantitative superstitions
Investor masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth the old Wall Street scamster tradition
And spurn the securitised dust to win the prize.
Chorus
So market comrades, come rally
And the Wall Street bailout fight let us now face
The Bailout Internationale unites the investor human race.
So market comrades, come rally
Don't let that TARP dough disappear without a trace
The Bailout Internationale unites the investor human race.
No more deluded by fomulaic hocus pocus distraction
On tyrant CEOs only we'll make market war
The 401k holders too will take evasive action
They'll break ranks and pay their feckless brokers no more
And if those Banker cannibals keep trying
To sacrifice our dwindling wealth to their stubborn Wall Street pride
They soon shall hear the anti-bailout bullets flying
We'll kick those lowdown scheming nitwits in their lowdown scheming backsides.
Repeat Chorus
No free market saviour from on high delivers
No faith have we in principles of self regulating fear
On their thieving banker hands the chains must shiver
Chains of selfish greed and foolish fear
E'er those low down banker thieves will disappear with their bailout booty
And keep it all for their scrappy lot.
Each at the anti-bailout forge must do their duty
And we'll strike while the regulatory iron is hot.
EURO BABBLE VERSION:
BANZAI7 BAILOUT VERSION:
THE BAILOUT INTERNATIONALE
(The Socialist Internationale)
Komrad WilliamBanzai7
Sing along:
Euro Babble Version: http://tr.youtube.com/watch?v=GvXBNnpHFDI
English Version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DTbashsKic
Arise ye prisoners of Wall Street blunders
Arise ye victims of Wall Street greed and Wall Street want
For simple reason in revolt now thunders
And at last comes the age of the bailed out banker hunt.
Away with all those quantitative superstitions
Investor masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth the old Wall Street scamster tradition
And spurn the securitised dust to win the prize.
Chorus
So market comrades, come rally
And the Wall Street bailout fight let us now face
The Bailout Internationale unites the investor human race.
So market comrades, come rally
Don't let that TARP dough disappear without a trace
The Bailout Internationale unites the investor human race.
No more deluded by fomulaic hocus pocus distraction
On tyrant CEOs only we'll make market war
The 401k holders too will take evasive action
They'll break ranks and pay their feckless brokers no more
And if those Banker cannibals keep trying
To sacrifice our dwindling wealth to their stubborn Wall Street pride
They soon shall hear the anti-bailout bullets flying
We'll kick those lowdown scheming nitwits in their lowdown scheming backsides.
Repeat Chorus
No free market saviour from on high delivers
No faith have we in principles of self regulating fear
On their thieving banker hands the chains must shiver
Chains of selfish greed and foolish fear
E'er those low down banker thieves will disappear with their bailout booty
And keep it all for their scrappy lot.
Each at the anti-bailout forge must do their duty
And we'll strike while the regulatory iron is hot.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
LITTLE BAILOUT GTO
LITTLE BAILOUT GTO
(Ronnie and the Daytonas, Little GTO)
WilliamBanzai7
Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44kg0IENTPU
Little GTO, you’re really lookin mighty fine.
Three billion "Duces", a four speed haircut–its Section 363 Bankruptcy time
Listen to her tachin’ up now, listen to her why-ee-eye-ine
C’mon and turn it on, wind it up, blow them bondholders out GTO
You oughta see her on a cash burn course for a quarter mile
This little bailout Pon-Pon has got plenty of high finance style
She beats the union gassers and them greedy hedge hoggers, really drives ‘em why-ee-eye-ild
C’mon and turn it on, wind it up, blow them bondholders out GTO
President Obama sings:
Gonna save some TARP money (turnin’ it on, blowin’ it out) and buy a GTO (turnin’ it on, blowin’ it out)
Get a bailout helmet, an Italian roll bar (turnin’ it on, blowin’ it out) and I’ll be ready to go (turnin’ it on, blowin’ it out)
Take it out to Pomona (turnin’ it on, blowin’ it out) and let ‘em know (turnin’ it on, blowin’ it out), yeah, yeah
That expedited Chapter 11’s the coolest thing around
Greedy little bondholders, gonna shut you down
When we turn it on, wind it up, blow them bonds out GTO
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