JUSTICE FOR ALL

BANZAI7 NEWS--Federal regulators accused Maurice R. Greenberg, the former chief executive of the beleaguered American International Group, on Thursday of overseeing deals that fraudulently overstated A.I.G.’s financial position, charges that came after a four-year investigation.

Mr. Greenberg, 84, will pay $15 million to settle the suit, an agreement that was announced simultaneously as the government described the charges against him. A former chief financial officer at A.I.G., Howard I. Smith, will pay $1.5 million to settle similar accusations.

In related news, OJ Simpson has offered to sign a consent decree and assign the remainder of his football memorabilia collection to the government in exchange for a reduced sentence.

Asked for her thoughts on these developments, Martha Stewart said: "I offered an unlimited supply of cookies and homemade Christmas decorations, but that was not good enough."

Meanwhile Greenberg is probably wondering why he is paying a $15 million fine and GE got to pay $50 million. "I am certainly more opaque than they are!" He is also probably wondering why he is paying while Cassano (the derivative mastermind that found a way to sink the whole company) is busy wind surfing in Hyde Park.