BERNIE MADOFF SINGS "IF I HAD A PONZI SCAM"
(If I Were a Rich Man, Fiddler on the Roof)
WilliamBanzai7 (Fraudster on the Roof)

If I had a Ponzi scam,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd be sitting in the Palm Beach sun.
If I had a good Ponzi scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I'd buy a big gawdy mansion with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of Palm Beach town.
And a fine Park Avenue Penthouse with a fleet of Mercede's and others below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my office with investor ducks and turkeys and geese to fleece
For all of Wall Street to see and hear.
Squawking just as noisily as they can.
Each loud "cheep" "squawk" "honk" "quack"
Would sound like a golden trumpet on my Ponzi scheming ears,
As if to say "Here is yet another wealthy yutz to schtupp."

If I had a PONZI scam,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see my wife, my Ruth, looking like a rich momzer's wife
With a proper Bloomingdale's grin.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a Park Avenue trophy tuchas.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Screaming at the servants, day and night.

The most important machers in Wall Street town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wiseguy.
"If you please, Bernie..."
"Pardon me, Bernie..."
Posing megillahs that would cross an SEC Branch Chief's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're a Wall Street gonif, they think you really know!

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To hook then slice golf balls and pray.
And maybe have a seat on the NASD Board.
And I'd discuss the holy finance books like a big Wall Street macher, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I had a PONZI SCAM,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam .
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

Lord who made the Wall Street lions and the rich shnooks and lambs,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I built the Mother of all Ponzi scams.