US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE GETS "ACORNED"

BANZAI7 NEWS--The U.S. Chamber of Commerce on Monday said that a press release declaring the group had dropped its opposition to climate change legislation was a hoax.

The fake press release, which declared the Chamber had done an "about-face on climate policy" following the defection of prominent members, was briefly picked up by Reuters and several other media organizations.

But the Chamber sent out a counter-release setting the record straight.

"Acorning undermines our genuine effort to obfuscate the challenge of climate change," spokesman Thomas Call-no-more said. "These irresponsible tactics are a foolish distraction from the serious effort by the Chamber to induce digestive gases."

He said the group would call for law enforcement to investigate.

In related media news, the Bogota Chamber of Columbian Hookers and the Association of Caucasian Street Pimps announced that they have asked law enforcement officials to investigate the duo recently responsible for impersonating a white super fly pimp and Columbian hooker in national Acorn offices.


TEXT OF CHAMBER RELEASE:

October 19, 2009

U.S. Chamber of Commerce Announces Free Enterprise Survival Strategy
Internal Conflict Resolves in Commitment To Long-Term Prosperity

WASHINGTON, D.C.-The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is throwing its weight behind strong climate legislation, a spokesman for Chamber President Tom J. Donohue announced today at the National Press Club.

"We believe that strong climate legislation is the best way to ensure American innovation, create jobs, and make sure the U.S. and the world are on track to reduce global carbon emissions, and to provide for the needs of the American business community for generations to come," said the spokesman, Hingo Sembra.

The new position is an about-face on climate policy for the Chamber, which previously lobbied against government action. The shift comes after the defection of several prominent members of the Chamber, including PG&E, Apple, PNM Resources, and Exelon.

"We believe the Kerry-Boxer Clean Energy Jobs and American Power Act is a good start towards strong legislation," noted Sembra, adding that such legislation "should include a stiff carbon tax and correspondingly strong incentives for industries we wish to foster."

"A carbon tax means less need for legislating by Congress, a surer business environment for companies, and a simpler, competition-friendly mechanism for reducing carbon than the bill's current cap-and-trade approach," said Sembra.

The Chamber announced an immediate moratorium on lobbying and publicity work opposing climate legislation.