GIRL FRIEND HEARINGS

SWINE FLU PARTIES?

BANZAI7 NEWS--Health experts are warning parents against holding "swine flu parties" in the hope of infecting their children with the H1N1 virus.

Talk of swine flu parties has emerged on Internet forums. The idea is that exposing a child to the H1N1 virus while it remains relatively mild will give the child immunity if the virus returns in a more virulent form later on.

WB7: If you are invited to one of these parties, you may want to think twice about drinking from someone else's glass. Also be sure to take a shower every 10 minutes.

AIG--The Nightmare on Wall Street continues...

BANZAI7 NEWS--American International Group Inc. investors gathering for the insurer’s annual meeting tomorrow are again waiting for a new chief executive officer to help return the company to profitability.

AIG, which is selling assets to repay a $182.5 billion U.S. bailout, hired executive search firm Spencer Stuart to find a replacement for outgoing CEO Edward Liddy, according to two people familiar with the situation. Liddy, 63, said last month that he wanted to leave the New York-based company as soon as a successor is appointed.

Maurice "Hank" Greenberg is rumored to have expressed an interest in the job.

MANDINGO, Esq

BANZAI7 NEWS--Two of the biggest names in the City of London had previously undisclosed links to slavery in the British colonies, documents seen by the Financial Times have revealed.

Nathan Mayer Rothschild, the banking family’s 19th-century patriarch, and James William Freshfield, founder of Freshfields, the top City law firm, benefited financially from slavery, records from the National Archives show, even though both have often been portrayed as opponents of slavery.

In Mr Freshfield’s case, the records reveal that he and his sons had back room offices stuffed full of starving underpaid law clerks, mostly based in dungeons located in the Caribbean. The lawyers then tried to claim unpaid salaries for the enslaved law clerks through the government scheme set up to compensate law partners after time recording was mandated.

Mandingo Esq. Sr. was the nickname used by the clerk slaves in referring to Mr. Freshfield.

BERNIE MADOFF AND THE GREAT GOLD CONSPIRACY: HOW LITTLE WE HAVE LEARNED

The New York Gold Room on "Black Friday" 1869

BANZAI7 NEWS--Confessed Wall Street thief Bernard Madoff, 71, was sentenced to 150 years in prison on Monday for perpetrating Wall Street's biggest and most brazen investment fraud.

US District Judge Chin in announcing the sentence said: "Mr. Madoff's crimes were extraordinarily evil."

"The breach of trust was massive."

"By any of these monetary measures, the fraud here is unprecedented."

150 years certainly is a very long sentence. If you are wondering what Bernie Madoff can learn during his 150 years of prospective incarceration, consider this: A swindler convicted and sentenced to the same term 150 years ago would have been incarcerated in the year 1869.

What a coincidence, the year 1869 was an epic year for Wall Street swindlers and con men, it was the year of what has come to be known as the original "Black Friday" or "The Great Gold Conspiracy".

"Black Friday, September 24 1869, also known as the Fisk/Gould Scandal, was a financial panic in the United States caused by two speculators’ efforts to corner the gold market on the New York Gold Exchange. It was one of several scandals that rocked the presidency of Ulysses S. Grant. During the American Civil War, the United States government issued a large amount of money that was backed by nothing but credit. After the war ended, people commonly believed that the U.S. Government would buy back the “greenbacks” with gold. In 1869, a group of speculators, headed by James Fisk and Jay Gould, sought to profit off this by cornering the gold market. Gould and Fisk first recruited Grant’s brother-in-law, a financier named Abel Corbin. They used Corbin to get close to Grant in social situations, where they would argue against government sale of gold, and Corbin would support their arguments. Corbin convinced Grant to appoint General Daniel Butterfield as assistant Treasurer of the United States. Butterfield agreed to tip the men off when the government intended to sell gold.

In the late summer of 1869, Gould began buying large amounts of gold. This caused prices to rise and stocks to plummet. After Grant realized what had happened, the federal government sold $4 million in gold. On September 20, 1869, Gould and Fisk started hoarding gold, driving the price higher. On September 24 the premium on a gold Double Eagle (representing 0.9675 troy ounce of gold bullion at $20) was 30 percent higher than when Grant took office. But when the government gold hit the market, the premium plummeted within minutes. Investors scrambled to sell their holdings, and many of them, including Corbin, were ruined. Fisk and Gould escaped significant financial harm."

[Source: Wikipedia]

Back in 1869, the The Great Gold Conspiracy was big news. The Gold Room of the New York Exchange "developed a reputation as the den of the most dangerous transactions. One regular called it "a cavern full of dank and noisome vapors" where "the deadly carbonic acid was blended with the fumes of stale smoke and vinous breaths." A journalist wrote, "Imagine a rat pit in full blast, with 20 or 30 men ranged around the rat tragedy, each with a canine under his arm, yelling and howling at once." The center of the room contained a stony Cupid spewing water into the air. "The artistic conception is not appropriate," the journalist complained. "Instead of a Cupid throwing a pearly fountain into the air there should have been a hungry Midas turning everything to gold and starving from sheer inability to eat." [Source: "The Money Men"
by H.W. Brands (W.W. Norton & Co., New York, 2006)]

The economic fallout caused stock prices to fall 20%, export agricultural products (mainly grain crops) to plummet over 50%, several brokerages to go bankrupt, and severe disruption in the national economy for months. A combination of expert legal counsel, led by David Dudley Field, and Tammany Hall judges allowed Gould and Fisk to escape legal punishment. [Source: http://nytimes.com/learning/general/onthisday/harp/1016.html#explanation]

It is not surprising that Gould and Fisk, like so many of their successive Wall Street brethren, were able to use money and influence to evade punishment.

What is also not surprising is how little America has learned about Wall Street greed and excess in the 150 years since the epic financial disaster of 1869. Not much at all. If the ghosts of Gould and Fisk were sitting in a Federal penitentiary in 2009, they would be reading about the sub-prime meltdown and securitization schemes, derivative FWMDs, Wall Street bailouts, thieving bankers and lone Ponzi Kings. No doubt, they would be shaking their spirit heads in wonder and envy, thinking: "We were way ahead of our time".

No need to wonder what Bernie Madoff's ghost will be seeing and thinking 150 years from today. More of the same...

"Wall Street never changes. The pockets change, the suckers change, the stocks change, but Wall Street never changes because human nature never changes." Jesse Livermore


1869 Good and Bad times on Wall Street


Just 54,749 days to go.

BERNIE THE GRINCH RETURNS

YOU"RE A MEAN ONE BERNIE THE WALL STREET GRINCH
(Semi Yiddish Version)
(You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

You're a mean one, Bernie the Grinch
You really know how to "filch" and steel,
You're a cuddly Ponzi scheming cactus, you're a charming Wall Street "khazer", Bernie the Grinch,
You're a big Palm Beach banana with a greasy black peel!


You're an asset management "loch in kop", Bernie the Grinch
Your business is a "gelt" black hole almost as big as AIG,
Your brain is full of "ferkakdeh" trades, you have garlic in your "fershtinkiner" soul, Bernie the Grinch,
Investors shouldn't have touched you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!


You're a foul one, Bernie the Grinch,
You say the dog ate your "bupkes" records,
You have all the tender sincerity of a typical "filching" Wall Street "shnorrer", Bernie the Grinch,
Given a choice between the two of you I'd sooner drink bottled water from the East River!


You're a rotten "s--hmuck", Bernie the Grinch,
You're the king of hedge fund scamster "dreck",
Your heart's a rotten "gefilte" splotched with moldy purple spots, Bernie the Grinch,
You're a triple decker synthetic CDO and CDS toadstool sandwich with arsenic Wall Street bailout sauce on top!


You nauseate me, Bernie the Grinch,
You're a nauseous super Wall Street "momzer!",
You're a crooked Alpha "schlockster" and you run a crooked "shandhoiz", Bernie the Grinch,
Your trading books are an appalling dung heap overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of "chazere" rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled "kishka" knots!


You're a foul one, Bernie the Grinch,
You're a nasty wasty Wall Street "goniff",
Your heart is an unwashed "shmanta", your soul is full of bogus "schmaltz", Bernie the Grinch,
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote,
"Shtunk, shtup, shlemiel"!

Bernard Madoff
"Tsen shifn mit gold zol er farmorgn, un dos gantse gelt zol er farkrenkn."
Ten ships of gold should be his and the money should only make him sick.

SWINDLER ON THE ROOF RETURNS

SWINDLER ON THE ROOF
(If I Were a Rich Man, Fiddler on the Roof)
WilliamBanzai7

If I had a Ponzi,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd be sitting in the Palm Beach sun.
If I had a good Ponzi scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I'd buy a big gawdy mansion with rooms by the dozen,
Right in the middle of Palm Beach town.
And a fine Park Avenue Penthouse with a fleet of Mercede's and others down below.
There would be one long staircase just going up,
And one even longer coming down,
And one more leading nowhere, just for show.

I'd fill my office with investor ducks and turkeys and geese to fleece
For all of Wall Street to see and hear.
Squawking just as noisily as they can.
Each loud "cheep" "squawk" "honk" "quack"
Would sound like a golden trumpet on my Ponzi scheming ears,
As if to say "Here is yet another wealthy yutz to schtupp."

If I had a PONZI,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam.
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
If I were a biddy biddy Ponzi,
Yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.

I see my wife, my Ruth, looking like a rich momzer's wife
With a proper Bergdorf grin.
Supervising meals to her heart's delight.
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a Park Avenue trophy tuchas.
Oy, what a happy mood she's in.
Screaming at the servants, day and night.

The most important machers in Wall Street town would come to fawn on me!
They would ask me to advise them,
Like a Solomon the Wiseguy.
"If you please, Bernie..."
"Pardon me, Bernie..."
Posing megillahs that would cross an SEC Branch Chief's eyes!

And it won't make one bit of difference if i answer right or wrong.
When you're a Wall Street gonif, they think you really know!

If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack
To hook then slice golf balls and pray.
And maybe have a seat on NASDAQ.
And I'd discuss the holy finance books like a big Wall Street macher, several hours every day.
That would be the sweetest thing of all.

If I had a PONZI,
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I had a good PONZI scam .
I wouldn't have to work hard.
Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

Lord who made the Wall Street lions and the rich shnooks and lambs,
You decreed I should be what I am.
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan?
If I built the Mother of all Ponzi scams.

PONZI CALL WIZARD

PONZI CALL WIZARD
(Pinball Wizard, the Who)
WilliamBanzai7

Ever since I was a young boy
I've played the Ponzi game
From Wall Street down to Palm Beach
Those suckers are all the same
But I ain't seen nothing like him
In any financial services mega mall
That soft spoken Park Avenue yid
Sure makes a mean PONZI CALL

He stands straight like a mensch
Becomes part of the asset management machine
Sucking all the country club believers
Always playing a devious scheme
He cons European banking institutions
Their diligence brains are small
That low down rotten mamzer Madoff
Sure makes a mean PONZI CALL

He's a PONZI CALLIN wizard
There's got to be a twist
A PONZI CALLIN wizard
He's got such a waiting list

How do you think he does it?
(I don't know)
What makes him so good?

He ain't got no distractions
Can't hear those opening buzzers and bells
Don't see SEC red lights a flashin'
Plays by sense of yutz smell
Always gets them to prepay
Never wilts at all
That low down Park Avenue gonif Madoff
Sure makes a mean PONZI CALL

I thought I was
The PONZI Scheme king
But I just handed
My PONZI crown to him

Even on my boiler room floor
He can beat my best
His shnook disciples follow him in
And he just does the rest
He's got a crazy trader schpiel
Never seen him stall
That low down scamin gonif Madoff
Sure makes a mean PONZI CALL

ELEMENTARY MY SUPREME NUT JOB

BANZAI7--Iranian President I'm-A-Nut-Job on Monday called the death of Neda Agha-Soltan "suspicious" and urged the country's authorities to identify those responsible for it, Iran's semi-official Fars news agency reported Monday.

Mr. Nut-Job apparently "suspects" that an agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service, James Bombs, executed the hit in order to wrongfully create the impression that Ms. Agha-Soltan was murdered by friendly elements the illegitimate Iranian government who would never do such a thing.

Elementary my Supreme Nut Job.

THINKING ABOUT PONZI's

Bernie Madoff is about to be sentenced. The government is asking for 150 years. His victims are screaming that 150 is not enough.

Jail may be too good for this guy, but I have been thinking about something else.

The media is saturated with stories of hard working Madoff victims who will suffer immeasurably as a result of having their retirement assets virtually wiped out. These people may have been naive, oblivious or unsophisticated for putting their entire nest egg with Madoff. But many if not most of them were hard working people who planned a safe retirement. It is abundantly clear that our government received adequate warning and let them down. Probably the greatest regulatory failure of all time.

Why is it that these people are forced to suffer billions of losses while the Wall Street conmen that nearly wiped out the global financial markets have been bailed out by Uncle Sam? Hundreds of trillions (or is it gazillions?) have been spent to save the banks and their billions of bonus loot, but nary a nickel has been set aside to cover the apparent 50 billion loss suffered by Madoff's victims.

Bailout economics as distasteful as they are, you have to ask yourself, is justice served when gazillions are set aside to bail the financial service swindlers that created the great American Subprime disaster while those naive but hard working Americans who have been wiped out by the Ponzi king are left to fend for themselves?

Finally, why is it that not a single employee of the Securities Exchange Commission has been called to the carpet and fired for letting Madoff fly under the radar despite an explicit whistle blowing expose by Mr. Markopolis?

(The views expressed here are those of the author and not necessarily those of the WilliamBanzai7 Blog)

P.O.N.Z.I. SCAMIN in the U.S.A.
(R.O.C.K. in the USA, John Mellencamp)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzYkjvq-iLE

They came to the big City
To become scamster Wall Street clowns
Market zealots, MBAs, Quants, Hucksters and Cons
Smokin securitized crack boom bam

Chorus:
PONZI SCAMIN in the U.S.A.
PONZIN SCAMIN its the Wall Street way
PONZI SCAMIN in the U.S.A., yeah, yeah!
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.

Said goodbye to business ethics
Said goodbye to good business sense
With dreams of bonus treasure in their heads
And lots of leverage and OPM in their hands
Some are black most are white
Ain't to proud to sleep on the NYSE floor tonight
With the blind faith in Croesus you know that they just might, be
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
Hey!

Voices from Friedman, Greenspan
And the rest of those Chicago School clowns
Filled their heads full of dreams of limitless greed
Turned the world of finance upside down

There was DICKIE FULD--JIMMY CAYNE--JOHNNY THAIN
(they were SCAMIN')
CITIGROUP--AIG--BAC
(they were SCAMIN')
Spotlight on MADOFF
Let's don't forget CHUCKIE PRINCE, STAN O NEAL and PANDIT THE CLOWN
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
Hey!

Chorus:
PONZI SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.
PONZI SCAMIN' its the Wall Street way
PONZI SCAMIN' in the U.S.A. yeah, yeah!
SCAMIN' in the U.S.A.

THE AGE OF HYPOCRACY

Here is a very interesting chart published in today's NYT. It shows which states statistically lead in divorce rates, teenage birthrates and online porn subscriptions. Guess what, McCain and the GOP actually win.

SKY's THE LIMIT

On Thursday, garage rock legend Sky Saxon of the Seeds passed away in an Austin hospital.

Just one more bit of tragic news to round off the week.

BLACK SWANS AND FOOTBALL (SOCCER)

BANZAI SPORTS--With the squad seemingly dead and buried after its opening two games and needing a miracle to qualify, one farsighted punter staked $50 on the USA to win the tournament -- at astonishing odds of 999-1.

After the extraordinary events of the final night of group play, which saw Bradley's men squeeze through tiebreakers -- then its glorious semifinal triumph over top-ranked Spain -- suddenly the hopeful gambler is one result away from a $50,000 payday.

Now thats one way to put a little money on a black swan!

WHO WILL SENTENCE THE SEC?

NYT--"This Monday, Bernard L. Madoff, a contender for the title of greatest financial criminal in history, will be sentenced for the Ponzi scheme he ran for years. Mr. Madoff ruined lives, destroyed philanthropies and cost his investors billions of dollars — yet the S.E.C. was nowhere to be found, despite the repeated entreaties of a whistle-blower, Harry Markopolos."

Why is it that we still have not learned why the SEC decided not to pursue a case against Madoff? This is the 150 year mystery.

MADOFF MIRROR ON THE WALL…

Who’s the next biggest culprit of them all?

Not we, said the Madoff family.

Not we, said the Chairmen of the Fed that fostered the public fixation on bubbly returns and pumped the economy full of the exuberance of cheap leverage.

Not we, said the Chairmen of the SEC, who turned a blind eye to Wall Street excess and a deaf ear to a lone whistle blower.

Not I, said Uncle Sam, the one who collected inflated taxes from duped investors but let the regulatory system wither into a shriveled rag.

Not we, said the Congressman who wrote laws emasculating the finest regulatory system in the world.

Not we. said the NASDAQ shareholders who gave Madoff street cred by electing him Chairman of the Board.

Not we, said the bankers and fund of fund managers who blindly sent their client’s monies to a common thief without any effort resembling prudent due diligence.

Not we, said the accountants yet again.

Not we, said the financial media that spent more time pumping the bubbles than investigating the markets.

Not we, said the country clubbers and wealthy idiots who told all their cronies that being a Madoff investor was the most exclusive club of all.

Not we, said the charitable fiduciaries that allowed their precious endowments to be managed by a scoundrel.

Not we, said the pseudo-sophisticated investors who allowed themselves to be duped into thinking that monthly and annual absolute returns are the norm and not the exception, let alone a fantasy.

AMERICA THE NEVERLAND

AMERICA THE NEVERLAND

Today we mourn the loss of arguably the greatest pop icon of all time. Everyone seems to feel they have lost something as a result of Michael Jackson's tragic passing.

And why not? Michael Jackson is a metaphor for America in many uncomfortable respects. One day, a cultural anthropologist could very well study the history of this popular but tragic hero and make some of the following observations.

He was truly gifted but in the end squandered his talent.

His adolescence was sacrificed at the alter of success and fame.

He was grossly misunderstood.

His material needs were excessive.

He was obsessed with personal appearance and was cosmetically altered to the point of the grotesque.

The public was obsessed with his successes as well as his miseries and failures.

He was emotionally troubled and over medicated.

He was no stranger to litigation.

He was bloated with leverage and running from financial ruin.

He was a prisoner of public expectation.

He was physically over driven to pull himself out of a very big hole.

He died too young.

Well Dr. Anthropologist, what does the life of this tragic modern day hero imply about the society that worshiped him?

"Gonna dance 'til we burn this disco out"

KOREAN AGENTS ATTEMPT KIMCHEE PUT

BANZAI7 WORLD NEWS--Two middle-aged Asian men were caught in Italy this month trying to smuggle a purported $134.5 billion in United States government bearer bonds into Switzerland.

At a crowded customs checkpoint near the Alps; two men of Asian descent, traveling on a local train, professing that they had nothing to declare; and a false-bottom suitcase containing counterfeit United States government bonds made out in stratospheric denominations, 10 kilos of garlic and a commemorative set of Elizabeth Taylor DVDs.

Speculation abounds that the North Korean government is secretly trying to dump Treasury bonds to drive down the value of the dollar. On orders from Dear Leader Kim Jong Ill, did the Italian mafia steal the equivalent of 1 percent of the American gross domestic product, using the paper, which supposedly was instantly convertible into cash, to create a giant Kimchee put?

The International Swaps and Derivatives Association has put out a world wide FWMD warning that North Korea is stepping up its effort to construct a giant Kimchee Put.

OOGLE GOOGLE PRC

BANZAI7 TECH WATCH--The Chinese Health Ministry ordered sharp restrictions Thursday on Internet access to medical research papers on sexual subjects, the latest move in what it calls an anti-pornography campaign that many China experts see as a harbinger of a broader crackdown on freedom of expression and dissent.

Banzai7 has secured a direct link to the PRC version of Google to demonstrate the pornographic search results screened by the new restrictions. See link on this Blog.

RIP MICHAEL JACKSON

TARP BAILOUT THRILLER NIGHT
(Michael Jackson's Thriller)
WilliamBanzai7

It's Midnight this late October night and the Central Banker Zombies are Lurking in the Dark.
Under The Moonlight, You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart.
You Try To Scream, But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It.
Markets Start To Freeze, As Horror Looks You Right Between Your Day Trader Eyes,
Your Paralyzed

You Hear The Door Slam, And Realize There's Nowhere Left To Run.
You Feel The Cold Take Hold, And Wonder If You'll Ever See another Bull Run
You Close Your Eyes, And Hope That This Is Just Imagination,
But All The While, You Hear The Grim Market Reaper Creepin' Up Behind
You're Out Of Trading Time

They're Out to Get You, There's Robot Trading Demons Closing In On Every Side.
They Will Possess You, Unless You Change The Number On Your Skype.
Now Is the Time for You and Your Trading Pals to huddle Close Together
All Thru The Night, It'll Save You From The Terror On The Bloomberg Screen,
It'll Make You See:

(narrated by Vincent Price)
Darkness Falls Across Obama Land, The Asian Trading Day Is Close At Hand.
Bottom Feeders Crawl In Search Of Blood To Fraudclose on Your Neighborhood
And Whosoever Shall Be Found Without The Soul For Economic Bust
Must Stand And Face The Hounds Of Subprime Hell, And Rot Inside WaMu's Bankrupt Shell.

The Foulest Stench Is In The Air The Funk Of One Gazillion Bailout Bucks
And Short Selling Ghouls From Every Trading Room Are Closing In To Seal Your Doom
And Though You Fight To Stay Alive Your P&L Starts To Shiver
For No Investing Mortal Can Resist The Evil Of The Bailout Thriller

'Cause this Is Thriller, TARP Bailout Thriller Night
and No-ones Gonna Save You from the Beast about to Strike.
You Know its Thriller, TARP Bailout Thriller Night
You're fighting for Your Monetary Life inside a Killer, Thriller.

Thriller, TARP Bailout Night
'Cause It can thrill you More Than Any Keynesian Ghoul Could ever try. (Thriller, Bailout Night)
So Let Me Hold You Tight And Share A Killer, Chiller, Mega Fiscal Massacre
Thriller Here Tonight.

'Cause this Is Thriller ,TARP Bailout Thriller night
It Will Thrill You More Than Any Kenynesian Ghoul Could ever dare try
Any Ghoul could ever Dare Try

DON"T CRY FOR THOSE GOP HYENAS

DON'T CRY FOR THOSE GOP HYENAS
(Don't Cry for Me Argentina, Andrew Lloyd Weber)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrx5Ve7y0xM

It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When we try to explain how we feel
That you won't get the public's trust after all that you've done

You won't believe us
All you will see is the girl's (and boys) you once knew
Although their dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you

It had to happen, American has changed
Couldn't stay all our life down under hypocritical schlemiels
Looking out the Capital windows, dancing in the political sun

You chose freedom
Running around, preaching then trying everything new
But nothing impressed us at your fall
Its to expected from a bunch of two faced fools

[Chorus:]

Don't cry for those GOP Hyenas
The truth is never told by them
All through their pontificating days
What a sad existence
They broke their flimsy promise
Just keep your distance, you cheap hypocrites

And as for fortune, and as for fame
You have no one else to blame
Though it seemed in your demented world you were all everyone desired

You are illusions
You are not the solutions you promised to be
Your answer was fear all the time
We don't love you and hope you'll take permanent leave

Don't cry for those GOP Hyenas

[chorus]

Have I said too much?
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.
But all you have to do is look in the mirror to know
That every word is true



Hemingway on Hyenas:

"The hyena, hermaphroditic self-eating devourer of the dead, trailer of calving cows, ham-stringer, potential biter-off of your face at night while you slept, sad yowler, camp-follower, stinking, fowl, with jaws that crack the bones that the lion leaves, belly dragging, loping away on the brown plain, looking back, mongrel dog-smart in the face; wack from the little Mannlicher and then the horrid circle starting..."

Rep. Larry Craig (R. ID) ________ Rep. Ted Stevens (R. Alaska)
Rep. John T. Doolittle (R. Calif.) __ Rep. Gary G. Miller (R. Calif.)
Rep. Jerry Lewis (R. Calif.) ______ Rep. Rick Renzi (R. Az.)
Rep. Richard Curtis (R.WA.) _____ Rep. David Vitter (R-La.)
Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.) ________ Rep. Bob Allen (R-Fla )

SCHADENFREUDE IS NOT GLEE

John Dickerson writes on Slate:

"The personal impact of the Sanford affair is more gripping than the political.

The minute Sanford started speaking, the reviews poured in via e-mail and Twitter. He was rambling, confused. He didn't tear up enough when talking about his wife. He favored his mistress. He answered the questions too thoroughly. All these judgments seemed absurd. A man standing in front of a bank of cameras in the middle of a complete collapse is going to say a lot of things poorly.

The snap judgments failed to acknowledge a grain of the fundamental human carnage we were witnessing. You can laugh at Sanford, as you can laugh at a video of a wrecked Amy Winehouse falling all over her house. But at some point, even though they did it to themselves, you have to feel sorry for them as human beings. You can do that, I think, and not be a fan of adultery or drug use.

I'm not offering Sanford's humanity as an excuse...But in the e-mails and Twitter entries and blog posts I read in the aftermath, Sanford's human ruin was greeted with what felt like antiseptic glee."

WB7: The hypocrisy of the GOP, invites collective schadenfreude every time another pontificating jerk self destructs in an Airport.

OLE OLE USA

BANZAI7 SPORTS--The United States scored one of the most memorable victories in the nation's soccer history today, defeating European champion Spain, 2-0, in a semifinal of the Confederations Cup in Bloemfontein, South Africa.

And now its time for dueling Oles!



WB7 likes this one:

A TAXING IDEA

While we are agonizing over a means of generating funding for public healthcare, retooling industrial America, modernizing education, clean energy infrastructure projects and Federal bailouts, it is worth pondering the following quote from an editorial written by Ralph Nader earlier this year:

"Ask why they didn't require speculators to fund their own bailout while you, the taxpayer, pay 5-10 percent sales tax for necessities. Speculators buy $500 trillion of securities derivatives each year and don't pay one penny. A mere 1/10 of 1 percent sales tax on purchases of these derivatives would raise $500 billion per year to pay for their bailout. Let the speculators fund their own bailout."

STEVE JOBs vs THE SNOW JOBs

BANZAI7 NEWS--Apple Inc.'s (AAPL) limited disclosures of Chief Executive Steve Jobs' health issues have stirred controversy among corporate governance experts and other financial market observers. One constituency that doesn't seem overly concerned: Apple shareholders.

Shares of the consumer electronics giant have fallen less than a 10th of a percent since The Wall Street Journal reported last week that Jobs, on a six-month medical leave from his duties at the company, received a liver transplant two months ago. On Wednesday, shares rose 1.7% to $136.22.

Portfolio managers say the reason for the stock market's shrug-off is simple. Since Jobs went on medical leave in January, Cupertino, Calif.-based Apple has delivered strong earnings and rolled out a slew of hit products. Last week, the company launched the latest generation of its iPhone smartphone, the iPhone 3GS, selling roughly one million units - double the expectations - over the weekend.

Corporate governance experts and financial market observers question whether Apple has shared enough information about its co-founder's condition.

WB7: Perhaps the so called governance experts should spend more of their precious time worrying about real problems such as how an old coot like Hank Greenberg could be allowed to build an FWMD battleship too big for his feckless proteges to pilot after he was unceremoniously forced to walk the plank.

Governance experts should be haranguing the former members of AIG's board instead of wondering how Apple can be such a well run company, that continues to run well when the boss takes time off to have a liver transplant.

WHO WANTS TO BE A SLUM DOG?

BANZAI7 WORLDWIDE--The world's population of millionaires shrank dramatically last year as the global economic crisis took its toll on the wealthy, according to a report by Merrill Lynch Global Wealth Management and consulting firm Capgemini.

The number of people with assets of between $1 million and $30 million fell 14.9 percent to 8.6 million, according to the World Wealth Report released Wednesday.

Analysts were not surprised that the number of millionaires counting themselves as part of the financial services industrial complex actually increased, despite the financial meltdown of 2009. This has been attributed to the ponzinomial characteristics of the shake and bake bailout economy that has taken hold on Wall Street. "Heads we win, tails you lose." Sound familiar?

Slum Dogs of the world unite.

South Carolina Governor Back From Beyond

BANZAI7 NEWS--The whereabouts of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford this past week just became a bit more curious, as if they hadn’t already stirred quite a bit of chatter in his home state and beyond.

Earlier this morning, a reporter for The State newspaper in Columbia, S. C., acted on a tip and confronted the governor at the Atlanta airport as he deplaned from, uh, not the Appalachian Trail as his staff had finally disclosed on Monday night, but Buenos Aires.

No word on the Governor's mysterious traveling companion.

Update: COLUMBIA, S.C.—South Carolina's first lady says she asked Gov. Mark Sanford to leave home and stop talking to her two weeks before he publicly admitted an affair with a woman he visited on a secret trip to Argentina.

Jenny Sanford said in a statement Wednesday that she needed a trial separation from her husband of nearly 20 years to preserve her own sense of dignity.

Still no word on the identity of the masked companion seen with Sanford at the airport.

MARKET FACTOID

BUSINESS WEEK--There are still six months left in this decade, but it is not too soon to start drafting its obituary. Howard Silverblatt, senior index analyst at Standard & Poor’s, is already looking at the decade’s stock market legacy. It’s ugly. The S&P 500 is down 39.22% from Dec. 31, 1999 through Monday’s close.

“We need a 63.79% advance just to break-even for the decade,” Silverblatt says. That’s not going to happen by Dec. 31. “The last negative decade was the 1930s, -41.77%,” according to Silverblatt. Annualized, stocks lost 5.12% so far this decade; in the 1930s decade of the Great Depression they lost 5.26%.

SECRET AGENT SCAM

BANZAI7 INTELLIGENCE UPDATE--With the job picture on Wall Street looking grim, Investment Dealers’ Digest highlights a different kind of employer looking for financial talent.

It’s the Central Intelligence Agency, which is increasingly reaching out to Wall Streeters with backgrounds in FWMD to help assess the financial section of the New York Post and to track down "systemically significant" doomsday devices and other forms financial terrorist activities. CIA brochures repeatedly refer to the threats posed by the AXIS of AIG.



SECRET AGENT SCAM
(Secret Agent Man, Johnny Rivers)
Agent 00Banzai7

There's a man you'd rather keep a stranger
For everyone he meets net worth's in danger
With every move he makes another fee he rakes
Odds are you're 401(k) won't live to see tomorrow

Secret Agent Scam, Secret Agent Scam
They've taken your Social Security Number and given him a new con game

Beware of clean cut Ivy League faces that you find
A cute MBA face can hide a twisted evil mind
Ah, be careful what you say
Or you'll give your little nest egg away
Odds are you're 401(k) won't live to see tomorrow

Secret Agent Scam, Secret Agent Scam
They've taken your Social Security number and given him a new con game

[Lead guitar]

Secret Agent Scam, Secret Agent Scam
They've taken your Social Security number and given him a new con game

Swingin' in the Hamptons one day
And then layin' in a Lahore alley next day
Oh no, you let the wrong word slip
While kissing a persuasive camel's lips
The odds are you're Ivy trash ass won't live to see tomorrow

Secret Agent Scam, Secret Agent Scam
They've taken your Social Security number and given him a new con game

Secret Agent Scam

PRIVATE HEALTH INSURANCE--THE NEXT PIG TO POKE

BANZAI7 FINANCIAL NEWS- The insurance industry Tuesday laid down a marker on health care, warning in stark terms that a proposed government insurance plan would deprive the insurance industry of the skim that it has relied on for a half century to overwhelm the healthcare system with a top heavy bureaucratic cost structure.

In a joint letter to senators, the two largest industry groups also said they don't believe it's possible to design a government plan that can create the private wealth created by private insurance companies in the private health care market. The kind of private wealth matched only by financial engineering on Wall Street.

PONZINOMICS (FINAL CHAPTER)

BANZAI7 COURT WATCH--Bernard Madoff's lawyer asked a judge to sentence Wall Street's biggest thief to a punishment of less than life in prison, saying the court should not give in to the "mob vengeance" sought by those he defrauded.


PONZI SCHEME JAIL
(Teenage Jail, Eagles)
WilliamBanzai7

Stare out the window,
You can't make the time go
You don't even know why you're here
Wait for the DOW to go off the deep end
and make everything disappear
You're lost in a Ponzi scheme jail
So you and so inauspicious and so frail
where something new is always for sale
You're lost in a Ponzi scheme jail.

You're not like your Wall Street brothers.
you're not a legal Ponzi like the others
You're not quite like anyone else,

You investors loath you,
Got nothing to show you,
So get something good for yourself
You're lost in a Ponzi scheme jail
So old and so inauspicious and so frail
Where something new is always for sale.
You're lost in a Ponzi scheme jail.

HOUSING WEALTH EFFECT

What Asset Class does this Classless Asset belong in?

WSJ--Much commentary in the financial press over the last several months has been concerned with the impact of falling house prices on consumer spending. While some see evidence of “green shoots” and hope for economic growth over the horizon, many still fear that lower home values will depress consumer spending. This “wealth effect,” a drop in home values that causes consumers to cut back on purchases, is thought to dampen economic growth and hamper any recovery.

WB7: Perhaps it is time to measure wealth in terms of productive activity as opposed to what the Real Estate Section of the New York Times says.

FRANCE TO LEAD THE WORLD IN BURQA MODERNISATION

BANZAI7 NEWS--The French parliament created a commission Tuesday to study the wearing of body-covering burqas and niqabs in France, a day after President Nicolas Sarkozy said the Islamic garments were not user friendly.

The 32-member commission, with members from France's four major political parties, will hold hearings that could lead to legislation requiring user friendly burqas being worn in public.

THE WONDERS OF CREDIT DEFAULT SWAPS

Gannett, which publishes USA Today, appears to be in a situation where many of its creditors are indifferent to whether or not the company is able to manage its multibillion-dollar debt load. In fact, the creditors might prefer that Gannett be forced to seek bankruptcy protection, the article suggests.

That’s because many of those creditors are protected by credit default swaps, which pay them the full face value of their debt in the event of a bankruptcy.

Greenspan was right, these fascinating feats of financial engineering open a whole new world of wonderment and riskless opportunity.

DO YOU STILL WANT YOUR BLACKBERRY?

BANZAI7 TECH WATCH--A significant number of Blackberry owners suffer from iPhone envy, according to a new report out today. Four out of ten Blackberry owners and other smartphone users said they would switch to the iPhone when it comes time to purchase a new device, according to the survey by Crowd Science, an online metrics firm.

The future for Blackberry doesn't look that bright either, since the same survey says only fourteen percent of smartphone users would switch from another phone to the Blackberry.

Could it be that Blackberries, like PCS, are for work and Macs and iPhones are for play?

GREEN SHIT IT IS

FT and BANZAI7 FINANCIAL NEWS NETWORK--Growing pessimism about the prospects for a global economic recovery sent stock and commodity prices tumbling on Monday while new data showed that leading US corporate executives were cashing out of their share holdings at a rapid pace.

The downbeat commentary reinforced the view that investors should be more worried about the impact of economic weakness on corporate profits than the possibility of higher inflation and interest rates helping Goldman Sachs execute savy trades on bailout largess.

“We have had a great run in equities, emerging market currencies, credit and other risky assets, now people are struggling to justify lofty valuations,” said Alan Ruskin, strategist at RBS Securities. He added: “The ‘green shoots’ argument for the economy was very tentative to start with. Its looking more and more like 'green shit' after all.”

Meanwhile Wall Street Investment Bankers celebrating a record first half were busy throwing out their pin stripes and gearing up in the latest fashion statement for swinging bailout slicksters. "Mommy, can I have more play dough?"

THE PEOPLE'S COURT

BANZAI7 NEWS--Iranian authorities said they would teach an exemplary lesson to "rioters" held in the worst unrest since the birth of the Islamic Republic and pressed accusations that violence was being incited by Western powers.

"Those arrested in recent events will be dealt with in a way that will teach them a lesson," the official Iranian Misinformation agency quoted senior judiciary official Ebrahim Stasi as saying on state television late on Monday."

RIP ED MCMAHON

NEED A LITTLE GOOD OLD FASHIONED STIMULUS

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY 2009

I just read Ben Stein's Father's Day column in the New York Times. While sitting around watching the cold North East rain on the first day of a short Summer, you can ponder exactly why it is that AIG, CITIGROUP, BAC and all the other corporate welfare queens are too big to fail (TBTF) and why the culprits are not being held accountable.

I am posting the column in its entirety.


DAD's REMINDERS NEVER GROW OLD
Ben Stein

IT’S Father’s Day, and I’ve been trying to think what my father — keenly missed every hour of every day of these 10 years since he died — would have said about what’s going on in the economy and what it means to Americans as investors.

Let me start with the basement of my home in Malibu. It is filled to the brim with file cabinets. In those cabinets are letters from Richard M. Nixon, love notes from high school heartthrobs and, most of all, a mass of material from my primary life work — the investigation of the Drexel Burnham Lambert-Michael Milken junk-bond scheme. That colossal machination worked because Drexel and its colleagues were able for a while to deny the real default rate of the bonds.

By persuading the markets that the bonds defaulted at a rate substantially less than the real rate, the sellers of the junk could demand and receive a higher price for several years. When the real default rate became known, as it inevitably did, the bonds collapsed in value.

This dragged down many savings and loan associations, insurance companies and other entities that held these junk bonds. And this in turn had some effect in causing the recession of the early 1990s, although certainly not the dominant effect.

Saying a bond is worth more than it is — this has been a problem in financial markets for some time. It was a huge issue in the 1920s (remember that Jay Gatsby dealt in bad bonds), and it is a big problem now.

The subprime crisis was essentially the old junk-bond scam on supersteroids, with nuclear weapons thrown in.

Collateralized mortgage obligation bonds were sold as having far lower risk of default than was really true for the subprime mortgages within them. This was bad enough. But those bonds were also booby-trapped by being attached to credit-default swaps, like a Viet Cong trap in Quang Tri province in 1971.

Once the C.M.O. bomb was detonated, its connection to the staggeringly potent credit-default swaps blew holes in immense entities like A.I.G. and took down Lehman Brothers.

In essence, because of the hugely incorrect estimates of how likely defaults were in a very large asset class owned by the finance sector, the reserves that the sector took for defaults were too small. That meant the earnings of this sector were staggeringly unrealistic and inflated. When these losses were taken, a panic set in and we are still in it: we have badly shaken financial entities and in many cases an extreme hesitation to lend has developed.

Now, what does this have to do with Father’s Day?

Only that this kind of thing happens again and again where Wall Street is concerned, as my father, Herbert Stein, the sensible and witty economist, always reminded me. If Wall Streeters can fudge numbers and get very rich from that fudging, some may do it — and ordinary Americans will see their hard-earned money disappear.

And as my father used to say, Wall Street makes itself seem indispensable, so it is never really punished.

Since late 2007, a stupendous amount of Americans’ savings has disappeared as prices of stocks and real estate have collapsed. This means that money you and I worked for, and money our fathers worked for and left to us, has vanished, along with some of our hope for a peaceful and serene old age. Again, the responsible parties are sitting pretty.

What do we do about it?

As individual investors, we undoubtedly should hold more cash and short-term Treasuries. We should be more leery of stocks and real estate. It’s true that we might miss out on big upward moves in stocks and real estate — and those moves can be humbling. Nevertheless, we have to be more cautious.

It’s Father’s Day, and some of us have to remember that we are the daddies now. That means that if we aren’t cautious, there will be no one there to bail us out except for Daddy Obama, and then only along the margins.

It’s Father’s Day, and, unfortunately, it’s time to remember that there’s a sucker born every minute, and that plenty of sharp operators are ready — sometimes wearing yellow suspenders with ducks on them and smiling.

It’s Father’s Day, and I can well imagine my father sympathizing with my losses and saying my grandmother’s favorite line: “Don’t worry about it — you’ll do it again.” And so we do, time after time.

Man is divided into predator and prey, and there is some of both in each of us. When our fathers are not there to protect us, we can get into trouble.

I WANT MY BLACKBERRY (OOOOLAH MULLAH!)

BREAKING VIEWS REPORTS--During boom times being an investment banker--or at least looking like one was cool. That made shiny new gadgets from RIM the accoutrement of choice for wannabe dealmakers and financial engineering acolytes. But if the latest numbers from RIM are any proxy, being an investment banker is looking a bit passe.

Now that populist governments around the world are denigrating bankers asthe engineers of financial Armageddon, perhaps the allure of the blackberry is gone.

BANZAI7 WORLDWIDE--On the optimistic front, RIM reported a recent surge of orders from Shiite clergyman and Iran government sponsored street vigilantes.

Not to be beat to the punch, Apple announced a suite of IPhone APPs targeting the growing Iranian market. These include, I-Mam, I-Thug, I-Ran, I-Lost, I-Vote, I-March, I-Protest, I-Revolt, I-Tweet, I-Therefore, I-Am. Saturday's Green protest marches in Iran have been postponed to allow thousands of Iranians to line up to purchase the new IPhone 3Green-s.

Dire Straits |MTV Music

MONEY FOR NOTHING--RESIDENTIAL MORTGAGE BACKED SECURITIES
(Money for Nothing, Dire Straits)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACGUasFWVsI

I want my, I want my BLACK BERRY
I want my, I want my BLACK BERRY

Now look at them yo-yos thats the way you do it
Shovelin CDOs on CNBC
That aint workin that's the way you do it
Money for nothin-- asset backed securities
Now that aint workin that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys aint dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
A blister from your Blackberry

[Chorus]
We gotta securitize more subprime products
Custom derivatives--OTC
We gotta move these toxic tranches
We gotta screw Moody's, S&P

See the little faggot in the pinstripes and suspenders
Yeah buddy that ain't his own hair
That little faggot got his own jet airplane
That little faggot hes a Billionaire

[Chorus]
We gotta securitize more subprime products
Custom derivative origination fees
We gotta move these toxic tranches
We gotta screw those GSEs

Ooooola Mullah!

I shoulda learned about structured products
I shoulda learned to be a quant
Look at that mama, she got it stickin in the squawk box
Man we could have some fun
And hes up there, whats that? hawaiian noises?
Hes bangin on the bongoes like Ben Bernanke
That aint workin thats the way you do it
Get your money for nothin-- asset backed securities

[Chorus]
We gotta securitize more subprime products
Custom derivatives---S.P.I.V.s
We gotta move these toxic tranches
We gotta screw the monos and AIG,

Listen here, that aint workin thats the way you do it
Shoveling CDOs on CNBC
That aint workin thats the way you do it
Money for nothin--asset backed securities
Money for nothin--asset backed securities

I want my, I want my BLACK BERRY
I want my, I want my BLACK BERRY

MANSA GOLD OPPORTUNITY

Alluvial Gold Mine

I received the following email this morning:

Dear Sir,

I am Mansa M. Kamara ready and able to supply you with Alluvial gold of very fine purity (92.3%), we require end Buyer’s or representative’s presence for a preliminary assay before any shipment could be effectuated.

The contractual quantity for sale to the Buyer Under the terms of this Agreement shall be a purchase of gold dust and bars of 250kg with rolls & extensions up to 800kg.The total price payable by the Buyer is fixed at ($14, 000 per kilo of gold dust and $16, 000 for gold bars). If you are interested, kindly contact us back for more
details.

Best Regards
MANSA MUSA. KAMARA

I am just too busy to pursue this opportunity. However, if any reader is interested, Mr. Mansa can be reached at: Mansagolds@gmail.com

ALOHA FWMD ALERT

The US Treasury has moved additional defenses to Hawaii in case North Korea launches an FWMD missile loaded with a Kimchee Put towards the Pacific island chain, Treasury Secretary Geithner has said.

The decision to deploy FWMD defense weaponry to the remote US state came as the US Treasury tracked a North Korean ship possibly carrying derivative securities banned under tougher ISDA (International Swaps and Derivatives Association) sanctions.

It was the first vessel to be monitored under the ISDA sanctions imposed on Pyongyang last week after the Stalinist regime carried out a Beta test of its secret garlic hedging program on May 25.

Geithner said Washington was watching North Korea for FWMD activity and that there were concerns Pyongyang might "attempt to securitise vacant vacation condominiums on the Island of Oahu."

FUNKY TOWN UPDATE

BANZAI7 UPDATE--Hundreds of thousands of protesters massed quietly in central Tehran on Thursday for another day of protest over last week’s disputed presidential election, even as the Iranian government made its first move toward some form of dialogue to defuse the outrage.

THE OBAMINATOR

Animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has criticized US President Barack Obama for swatting a fly on television.

In an interview with CNBC Tuesday, the fly show no respect to the commander in chief, nor was any returned when Obama killed the fly in one smack.

PETA has sent Obama a sophisticated Chinese E-Swatter that allows users to stun a fly with 1,500 volts then release it outside. A PETA spokesperson said that I” guess it can’t be said that President Obama wouldn’t hurt a fly” and that the incident proves that Obama “isn’t the Buddha, he’s a human being, and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act, PETA members included”


They'll be back!!!!

WON'T YOU TAKE ME TO FUNKY TEHRAN TOWN

BANZAI7 BUREAU--Cell phone service appears to have been cut in Iran's capital after a disputed election that the government said President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won.

There was no immediate comment from Iran's Telecommunications Ministry. But when users tried to call cell phones, a message appeared on their phones saying "error in connection."

Tech savy protesters have adopted a method of using disconnected mobile phones for clandestine communications. Seemingly spontaneous protests have broken out whenever a familiar funky code tune is heard.



Moments later....



In a related development, Supreme Leader Aya-Toll-Free Khamenei announced a hotline number that Tehran citizens are encouraged to call to report election fraud and police brutality: Simply dial 1-800-MOTHER-OF-ALL-TWEETERS and wait for the authorities to arrive.

MOTHER OF ALL TWEETERS

Heres one for the people of Tehran...



FUNKY TEHRAN TOWN
(Funky Town, Lipps Inc.)
WilliamBanzai7

Sing along link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CImrIKNmBo

Gotta send a beat to a
Town full of revolutionary energy
Got to to keep em movin'
Keep em groovin' with some techno protest synergy

Well, they talk about it
Tweet about it
Blog about it
Text about it...
Post about, toast about
Talkin about Moussavi

Gotta move on
Gotta move on
Gotta Moussavi!

Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town
Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town
Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town
Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town

Gotta send a message to a
Town where the people are marchin to the mother of all beats
Got to keep em movin'
Keep em groovin' to democracy in the streets

Well, they talk about it
Blog about it
Text about it
Tweet about it...
Post about, toast about
Talkin about Moussavi

Gotta move on
Gotta move on
Gotta Moussavi!

Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town
Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town
Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town
Won't you take me to
Funky Tehran town

NOT HIT FLIES

BANZAI7 NEWS Washington - Irritated by an omnipresent fly during a television interview at the Executive Mansion on Tuesday, President Barack Obama took matters into his own hands.

Obama said to the persistent fly: "Get out of here."

But it didn't.

So Obama waited for the fly to settle, put his hand up and then killed the insect in one try.

Without missing a beat, the president said to CNBC correspondent John Harwood: "Now, where were we?"

Well, maybe one more second to gloat.

Said Obama: "That was pretty impressive, wasn't it? I got the sucker."

But, there are other challenges...

BOB BOGLE DOES HIS FINAL RIP

BANZAI7 NEWS--Pioneering guitarist Bob Bogle, whose rock-instrumental band the Ventures scored a pair of hits in the 1960s with "Walk, Don't Run" and "Hawaii Five-O," has died, the group said on Tuesday. He was 75.

R.I.P. Bob Bogle...The cool of the cool.

A NIGHT AT THE OPERA

BANZAI7 TECH FILE--Norwegian browser company Opera Software has released an alpha version of Unite, software that turns a computer into both a client and a server, allowing it to distribute content to other computers directly across the Web, without the need for traditional Web servers, the company said on Tuesday.

Unite services will run in the browser, so no additional software has to be downloaded, and services will work wherever Opera works, including on Windows, Mac OS X, and Linux, and later on mobile phones and other devices, according to a blog posting a product analyst at Opera.

WB7: The music industry and the folks at Green Dung are going to have a ball trying to crack down on the massive file sharing potential of this. Now everyone can run their own "Pirate Bay".

Download link: http://download.cnet.com/Opera-Opera-Unite/3000-18506_4-10921061.html?tag=rtcol

Thick as a BRIC

BANZAI7 MOSCOW BUREAU--The first summit meeting of the so-called BRIC group — Brazil, Russia, India and China — was intended to underscore the rising economic clout of these four major developing countries and their demand for a greater voice in the world.

Brazil: Wants R.I.C. to send more tourists to Carnival.

Russia: Wants China to buy its limited oil reserves at top dollar before it runs out.

India: Wants B.R.C. to watch more Bollywood films and outsource more tech jobs to Mumbai.

China: Wants to know if B.R.I. are ready to buy electric salad shredders, Humvees, powdered milk, dry wall and petfood.

Americans: Don't want to buy Russian oil anymore, don't want to buy everything that China can make anymore, don't want to export their IT jobs to India anymore, don't want to watch Bollywood movies anymore, but are willing to go to Carnival if they can afford it.

The dollar fell across the board on Tuesday, pressured by comments from Russia suggesting the Ruble would be a better reserve currency instead of the greenback.

A CASE OF MISTAKEN JEREMYS

BANZAI7 NEWS--An al-Qaeda associate captured by the CIA and subjected to harsh interrogation techniques said his jailers later told him they had mistakenly thought he was Porn Star Ron Jeremy according to newly released excerpts from a 2007 hearing.

"They told me, 'Sorry, we discover that you are not Ron Jeremy, not a porn star, not even a democrat...' "

GREEN DUNG UPDATE

BANZAI7 WORLD UPDATE--Caving to public pressure, China on Tuesday said that use of its controversial "Green Dung Youth Escort" software is not required, though all PCs sold on the mainland will come with it pre-installed.

China's turnaround comes as public outcry over the Green Dung Web filtering software struck a nerve both inside and outside China. Last week, the Chinese government mandated that as of July 1, all PCs sold in the country must have the Green Dung software to block pornographic and violent Web sites. The public fought back, claiming the software could also block users from viewing political content such as this:



Rumor has it that Iran is preparing its own emergency version of Green Dung called Green Rug and North Korea is preparing a Beta Version called Green Kim.

While experts are preparing to investigate the efficacy of the Green Dung uninstall function. One step ahead, technicians at BANZAI7 LABS are testing Green Dung uninstall at the time of this....00000011110101010001001010101010110101011010010101001010110101010....00001101010101010010101010101010
0000001010101010101001010100011010101010101010010101010101010101010100010101010011111010101010101010101010101
HELP01001010010110101001010100101001010101010101010001STOP001101010101000101010010101010101010100100
001010101NO010101010101001010110010100101NO011111110101010NOT0000101010101 THAT!000010101010101011111101010101010101010101010101010101010101010010101011IS IS THAT YOU DAVE?01010101011001010101010101_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ PCC:/Execute.......1,2,3,4,5,6,7....
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet upon the seat
Of a Beijing bicycle built for two.......

Arise, ye who refuse to be internet porno slaves;
With our very flesh and blood
Let us build our new digital Great Wall!
The netizens of China
are at their most critical time,
Everybody must roar defiance.
Arise! Arise! Arise!
Millions of hearts with one networked mind,
Brave the enemy's info-gunfire,
March on!
Brave the enemy's info-gunfire,
March on! March on! March on, on!