Wednesday, September 30, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--As more drivers keep one eye on the road and the other on their phone, texting at the wheel is coming under attack.

Cars have become rolling rooms. We balance food in our laps, fiddle with the radio, take a quick shave or slap on some blush.

Add iPhones and BlackBerrys, and the road no longer has our full attention.

``Distracted driving is an epidemic and it seems to be getting worse every year,'' Transportation Secretary Ray Da Hood said.

Meanwhile, Detroit engineers are working on yet another form of automotive multi-tasking.


BANZAI7 NEWS--The super-rich are getting poorer with the 400 wealthiest Americans losing $300 billion of net worth in the past year, hurt by sagging capital and real estate markets, according to the annual Forbes magazine ranking.

The Forbes 400 list of wealthiest Americans, released on Wednesday, said Warren Buffett was the biggest loser, with the famed investor shedding $10 billion in net worth as shares in his firm Berkshire Hathaway tumbled.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Less than a year ago, Bank of America’s chief executive, Kenneth D. Lewis, celebrated his daring takeover of Merrill Lynch as the crowning triumph of a long career. On Wednesday, that conquest proved to be his downfall, as he announced his resignation after months of legal and political scrutiny over the star-crossed merger.

(Minnie the Moocher, Cab Calloway)

Hey folks here's the story bout Kenny the bailout moocher
He was a low down Charlotte BAC hoochie coocher
His was the roughest toughest banking sob tale
But Kenny had an appetite as big as a securitized whale

Hidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodeho (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehedehe (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehideho (hidehidehideho)

One weekend he messed around with a bloke named Thain
He wanted the Merrill Bulls or he'd go completely insane
Thain took him round the block to Chinatown
And showed old Kenny how Wall Street gangstas kick the gong around

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Whoah (whoah)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
A hidehidehideho CDO (hidehidehideho)

Kenny had a dream bout yet another financial supermarket
It would give him things that he was needin
It would give him a home built of gold and steel
A diamond studded learjet with platinum wheels

A hidehidehidehidehidehidehi (hidehidehidehidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehodehodehodehodeho (hodehodehodehodehodehodeho)

Thain sold Ken a herd of bonus cows and a boatload of subprime losses
Each meal Ken ate was full of surprising new derivative courses
Had a billion dollars worth of taxpayer nickels and dimes
He sat around and counted them all a million times

Hidehidehide-LEVEL 3 (hidehidehidehi)
Hodehodehode-CDO (hodehodehodeho)
Hedehedehede-GREED (hedehedehedehe)
Hidehidehide-HOSED (hidehidehideho)



BANZAI7 NEWS--Harper Collins has agreed to delay the electronic-book release of Sarah Palin's Book: "I'm Going to Disrobe" because the author says her core readers believe E-books are actually blogs. Palin said: "Am I also unconvinced that E-books are not actually blogs? You betcha!!! Blogs threaten American values and I want nothing to do with them. Furthermore, you can't use Blogs for fire starter."

The publisher said it is issuing 1.5 million copies of the Alaskan Trailer Queens firestarter, which is priced at $28.99. But the electronic (blog) edition won't have coloring pages.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--As promised, BANZAI7 NEWS has obtained the following excerpt from Sarah Palin's much anticipated autobiography: "I'm Going to Disrobe: The Diary of a Neocon Nitwit."

CHAPTER 560.5: Moose Hunting

We GOP hunters are an odd lot. Our skill requires the patience of a saint, legs of an experienced pollster and a keen sense of political direction. This chapter will attempt to demystify national politics based on my experience hunting wild moose in Alaska.

While Alaskan moose (acles alces gigas) are a bit different from Republican neocons and right winged nut jobs, the ideas presented here should apply to those hunting all moose species (alces alces americana, alces alces shirasi, acles acles andersoni and asshole Republic-anus) as well as lunatic fringe voters in states like Idaho, Colorado, Utah, Montana, New Hampshire, Crawford Texas, Las Vegas, Anchorage, Wasilla, Moscow, Hong Kong and some of the Canadian Provinces (ooops I forgot, Canada does not count).

Voters are crepuscular creatures, meaning they are most active in the early morning hours before work and late day after work, much like bats and insects. They have a great sense of hearing and any conservative right wing gibberish you create will cause them to become focused upon the words you are saying. Add to their merit a sense of political smell that is also acute and now you have an animal that will put any Republican big game politician to the test.

The terrain which voters inhabit is most important in planning and executing your campaign. Hunting waterways such as the Bering Straights by boat is a great way to cover distances that you could not cover otherwise and common sense dictates that the more territory you cover the more likely you will run into a voter who does not care about substantive issues and facts. Did you know moose can actually swim. I first learned this when I first saw my husband Todd at the beach.

Know your wind direction at all times since nothing spooks a newspaper reporter (yes, I am a serious reader of the National Enquirer) more than the cheap perfume of a camoflaged Alasakan trailor gal coming out of the woods. At times it is impossible to be in the right wind direction when you observe a reporter, therefore it is advisable to become part of the landscape, freeze! Nothing will alert a reporter more than the movement of campaign donations and expensive receipts from designer label fashion boutiques. Many times I have come across a reporter unexpectedly and if I freeze in my tracks, they usually spook and run off.

It's rather remarkable that a truly sympathetic reporter can be so hard to but it's true. When making a public speech, don't make yourself a silhouette by standing on the ridge line, stay just below it in order to gain a vantage point but not to become highly visible to the press.

When speaking in public, stay low and try to shield their line of vision to you by natural obstacles such as any trees, vegetation, rocks, tables, bar stools, motor bikes, propane tanks, running mates, etc.

In the erection season (I learned a little Cantonese on my trip to Hong Kong) big political bulls are concerned about breeding and fighting, period. They are at their most vulnerable but never come to the belief that you are going to just walk right up on them and say "howdy"!

Just because in your stalk you see a bunch of friendly political cows, like rich lobbyists, campaign donors, friendly right wing bloggers and media icons ala Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh, does not necessarily mean there are no bulls in the area.

Heavily financed bulls will habitually lag behind the cows, perhaps making sure it's safe passage before they present themselves. I suggest you wait at least 10-15 minutes after seeing cows before you make your move. If you spook the cows there is a good chance the bulls will give you the golden hoof.

[For detailed information on Moose hunting go to]


Straight from Banzai7 studios...

Can you name all the douche bags?


Felix Salmon of Reuters has crunched some numbers from the OCC and reports the following results of a comparison of nominal derivatives exposure of end users — the people for whom derivatives are meant to exist — and for dealers.

"[W]hile end-users have pared their derivatives exposure to a seven-year low, dealers have increased theirs to yet another all-time high. And as the OCC notes, when we say "dealers", we really mean four banks in particular: JP Morgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, and Citibank.

Oh, and did I mention? The amounts here are in trillions.

Year/ End Users/ Dealers/ Ratio
2003/ 2.6/ 62.4/ 24.0
2004/ 2.5/ 76.9/ 30.8
2005/ 2.5/ 96.2/ 38.5
2006/ 2.6/ 110.1/ 42.3
2007/ 2.6/ 138.1/ 53.1
2008/ 2.8/ 163.9/ 58.5
2009/ 2.4/ 187.6/ 78.2

What has happened in recent years that derivatives dealers now need $78 in nominal derivatives exposure for every $1 in end-user exposure?"

See the following post...


BANZAI7 NEWS--According to a study reported in the WSJ, the incomes of the wealthy have become far more variable than incomes for the rest of Americans.

They find that both growth and declines for the top 1% from 1982 to 2006 were more than twice as volatile as the comparable numbers for all taxpayers. The wealthiest of the wealthy had even more volatile incomes, with the top one-10th of 1% experiencing volatility of more than four times the average.

“One might expect that the labor income of higher-end households is more insulated from aggregate fluctuations than that of low-income households, but it in fact is more exposed,” the study says.

“Prior to the last 25 years, high-income households were not more exposed to fluctuations,” the study says.

Experts at the Banzai7 Surfing Institute point out that the generation of American high end wealth has also shifted from less volatile industrial production, to dot com IPO production, to highly volatile ponzi investing and derivative and securitization scheme production/trading bulked on cheap leverage steroids.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Some female politicians love their shoes so much it hurts.

That is the conclusion of a new study that looks at the link between shoe choices, chronic foot pain and political IQs.

Footwear was classified as: good (low-risk shoes, including red, white and blue sneakers) to poor (high-risk shoes that lack support and sound structure, such as red high-heeled strap ons).

Female politicians from Alaska were found to be particularly at risk.


BANZAI7--Woody Allen "demanded the immediate release" of fellow filmmaker Roman Polanski, who was arrested in Switzerland on a U.S. arrest warrant related to a 1977 child sex charge.

Allen also said, "I'm very glad I am not Polish."

(See related post below)


BANZAI7 NEWS--Iran has said it is not willing to discuss its "nuclear rights" during an upcoming meeting with the five permanent UN Security Council members.

The head of the country's atomic energy body also ruled out a suspension of Iran's nuclear enrichment programme.

(Big Yellow Taxi, Joni Mitchell)

They'll pave Tehran and put up a parking lot
No more seedy hotels, cheap rug boutiques, and swinging Islamic disco spots
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They'll pave Tehran and put up a parking lot

They'll take all the missiles and put 'em in a missile museum
And then they'll charge all the Revolutionary Guards twenty-five bucks just to see 'em
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They'll pave Tehran and put up a parking lot

Hey Ayatollah, better quit your nuclear dream right now
Build yourself golden mosques but turnover the WMD and put the reactors where we can see em,
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They'll take Tehran and put up a parking lot

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They'll pave Tehran and put up a parking lot

Late last night I heard a big bomb go kaboooom
And a big yellow taxi carried Mahmoood I'm-a-Nutjob off to the nut job zoo
Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
They'll pave Tehran and put up a parking lot

Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone
It sure ain't no paradise so lets put up a parking lot


Sarah Palin’s publisher announced Tuesday that the title of her eagerly awaited memoir will be “I'm Going to Disrobe: The Diary of a Neocon Nitwit”

The back cover will be fashioned after the folding back cover of Mad magazine and is expected to be a must buy for Palin fans. Fold the cover picture of the Alaskan Trailer Queen and you wind up with a picture of Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh dressed in skimpy camoflaged jock straps.

Publication is being moved up from spring to Nov. 17 in order to beat former Vice President Dickhead's autobiography (Surf's Up) to the holiday book-buying season. The Alaskan goober-notorious quitee has been in humongous demand as a right winged-nut speaker, and continues to harvest a buttload of butthead media retention.

Palin had a deadline of Sept. 15 for her manuscript. During her last trip to the Big Old Apple she scrawled the final chapters on the back of a pile of Ray's pizza boxes and turned it in a teeny tiny bit early. Copy-editing and fact-checking are as good as impossible in the race to meet the crash publishing schedule, which has been accelerated four or five months because of the dearth of humorous reading material.

TEAM BANZAI7 is working to obtain an advance copy for its readers.


Eric Salzman Monkey Business Blog: "I was shocked this morning when I pulled up Zero Hedge and saw the article in New York Magazine The Dow Zero Insurgency

Joe Hagan has written what I can only describe as a paid for hit job on Zero Hedge as well us "lesser" bloggers. Read it yourself because I am not going to paste any of its offensive, sellout gibberish on this blog."


BANZAI7 NEWS--Poland on Friday approved a law making chemical castration mandatory for pedophiles, sparking criticism from human rights groups French diplomats and international film buffs.

Under the law, sponsored by Poland's center-right government, pedophiles convicted of raping children under the age of 15 years or a close relative would have to undergo chemical therapy on their release from prison.

Roman Polanski the French/Polish film director said: I am not a woman, I am not American and I am absolutely positively not Polish.

Monday, September 28, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--The sudden move by Swiss authorities to arrest Roman Polanski for possible extradition to the United States after 31 years as a fugitive – and countless visits to Switzerland in the interim – has roused diplomats, offended supporters of the filmmaker and left more than a few onlookers asking themselves the same question.

If it takes 31 years to catch Roman Polanski, how long will it take to catch Osama Bin Laden?


(Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen)

Is this really your political life-
Is this just a banana democracy-
Caught in a November landslide-
Now no escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look out to the town hall crowds and see-
Im just a poor President,i need no sympathy-
Because I'm easy come,easy go,
Polls a little high,little low,
Anyway the political wind blows,doesnt really matter to me,
To me

Obama, they'll kill the Healthcare plan,
Wall Street's pulled its money gun now bank reform is good as dead,
You'd better get your ass in gear before your green action plan turns red,
Obama, we all thought change had just begun,
But now its almost gone and you've thrown it all away-
Obaama ooo,
Didnt mean to make you cry-
If your numbers don't come back again this time tomorrow-
Carry on,carry on,as if nothing really matters-

Too late, Washington's judgement time has come,
Spending rivers but can't raise a dime-
Budgets aching all the time,
Goodbye everybody-those Capital hill idiots got to go-
Gotta kick their sorry behinds and let them face the truth-
Obama ooo- (any way the Political wind blows)
If you dont want your legacy to die,
We all wish you'd kick some political ass around Capital Hill's halls-

I see a little silhouetto of an angry man,
Rush Limbaugh, Rush Limbaugh will you do the fandango-
Right winged nut jobs and Neocon Talibans-very very frightening me-
Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin
Alaskan trailor trash queen-magnifico-
I'm just a dumb Alaskan gal but all the right wing morons love me-
She's just a dumb Alaskan gal who runs a dysfunctional red neck family-
Spare all our lives from this beehived nitwit monstrosity-
Easy come please easy go-, will she let it go-
Dick Cheney!: no-,we will not let her go-let her go-
Glen Beck!: no- we will not let her go-let her go
John McCain! Hey, I did not let her go-but everyone let me go
Will not let her go-let her go
Will not let her go let her go
Oh no,no,no,no,no,no,no-

Obama mia,Obama mia, Obama mia get up and go go go-
Obama has a Neocon devil to put aside for we,for we,for we-

So you think you can elect me and then spit in my eye-
So you think you can love me but leave my legislative agenda to die-
Oh baby-cant do this to me baby-
We just gotta get out-just gotta get right out there-

Yes we can can can

Nothing else really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing else really matters-, nothing else really matters to me,

Any way the Political wind blows....

Sunday, September 27, 2009


Crisscrossing the country, hundreds of thousands of long-haul truckers use computers in their cabs to get directions and stay in close contact with dispatchers, saving precious minutes that might otherwise be spent at the side of the road.

The trucking industry says these devices can be used safely, posing less of a distraction than BlackBerrys, iPhones and similar gadgets, and therefore should be exempted from legislation that would ban texting while driving.


BANZAI7 NEWS--Officials in southeastern China acknowledged on Saturday that 121 children living near a battery plant had excessive lead in their bloodstreams, according to the state news media.

Last month, health officials in Hunan Province revealed that more than 1,300 children living near a manganese processing plant had lead poisoning.

The disclosure came a few days after 850 children in rural Shaanxi Province were found to have been contaminated by lead levels so high that 174 of them had to be hospitalized.

(Cuban Pete, Jim Cary)

They call me Green China Pete,
I'm the contaminated king of the factory pollution beat,
When I play these synthetic Maracas I sing
China sicky we doomed
Wanna China sicky green boom?

Yes, sir, I'm Green China Pete
I'm livin in the smoggy haze, of my native Shanghai street
When I start to dance, everything goes
China sicky we doomed
Wanna China sicky green boom?

The environmentalists they scream,
And the police swing their rubber hose.
It's not very nice!
But its the economic price
And when the factory workers dance they bring a happy ring,
They're don't care-o, just sing a happy song....
All the day long!

So if you don't like the global warming heat,
Take a lesson from Green China Pete,
And I'll teach you to
China sicky we doomed
Wanna China sicky green boom?
China chicky boom boom!

China is smooooooooookin
Hu Jin Tao: Somebody stop weeeeeeeee!




BANZAI7 NEWS--Citigroup Inc. sued a Morgan Stanley Inc. (MS) Friday for allegedly breaching a credit-default swap agreement covering a busted CDO issue, saying it is owed a shortfall of more than $245 million.

QUESTION: What good are these so called bespoke risk management tools if (a) Morgan Stanley refuses to make good on a valid obligation or (b) CITI is too dumb to realize its hedge is busted.

ANSWER: Commissions for originators and fees for lawyers who make a living arguing about swap agreements drafted by commission generating fools.


BANZAI7 NEWS--AT 79, Wu Jinglian is considered China’s most famous economist.

Wu Jinglian helped to create China's market economy, and now he is defending it against conservative hardliners in the Communist Party.

Last year, China’s state-controlled media slapped him with a new moniker: spy.

He complains that business tycoons and corrupt officials in China have hijacked the economy and manipulated it for their own ends, a system he calls crony capitalism.

Dear Mr. Wu,

Whatever you do, don't hold Crony-USA up as a model for transparent capitalism.

WilliamBanzai7 et al

Is it bonus time yet?

Rubber/ Chicken Trade War

BANZAI7 NEWS--China's Ministry of Commerce said Sunday it is formally starting to investigate some "unfair" imports of rubber chicken products from the U.S., advancing a case it had first flagged two weeks ago. Reports are being investigated that Colonel Saunders is serving rubber chickens in Shanghai.

The US has accused China of dumping tires made of recycled chicken parts.

Friday, September 25, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--For the past 3 decades, former AIG CEO Hank Greenberg has been moving the data from his brain onto computers -- where he knows it will be safe. Gordon Bell of Microsoft said: The technology has been available, Hank wanted to take it to the next level. Although his intentions are not altogether clear, there is speculation that Greenberg intends to replicate AIG in Bermuda. Greenberg has said "I just want to do it all over" without the Cassano virus.


NEW YORK (Reuters) - Dalton Chiscolm is unhappy about Bank of America's customer service -- really, really unhappy.

Chiscolm in August sued the largest U.S. bank and its board, demanding that "1,784 billion, trillion dollars" be deposited into his account the next day. He also demanded an additional $200,164,000, court papers show.

Attempts to reach Chiscolm were unsuccessful. A Bank of America spokesman declined to comment.

"Incomprehensible," U.S. District Judge Denny Chin said in a brief order released Thursday in Manhattan federal court.

G20=G Sachs

BANZAI7 NEWS--The Group of 20 unveiled plans to merge with Goldman Sachs. Following the merger, it will change its name to G. Sachs Unlimited a draft communique said on Friday.

President Obama said: Since we are already employing so many former Goldman executives and since Goldman executives contributed huge wads of bonus booty to my campaign, Timmy assured me this is the next logical move.

Vladimir Putin said: Goldman executed its AIG cover up in a manner even the KGB can admire and learn from.

French President Sarcastic said: They, Goldman, seem to be model global citizens.

Gordon Brown said: I am lucky to still be around.

Chancelor Mercury said: As long as we German's can keep manufacturing and they keep purchasing high-end vehicles, we really don't care what Goldman does on Wall Street.

Japanese Prime Minister Suki Yaki said: When Goldman says "bairu oto", Tokyo listens.

Premier Fu Gin Dow Jones said: Hello, I am Fu Gin Dao Jones...and you are not.

Thursday, September 24, 2009



WE'RE SCREWED:Do Be Do Be Do Be Dooooooooomed!

The rest of the lyrics work fine...


BANZAI7 NEWS--He enjoys generous helpings of red braised pork, collects Chinese fans and keeps an unapologetically patriotic blog. Now Mao Xinyu, the 39-year-old grandson and only surviving male heir of Mao, has become the youngest major general in the People’s Liberation Army, according to the state media.

Perhaps it is high time for an official admission that capitalism beats communism when it comes to putting lots of rice on the table.


BANZAI7 NEWS--NYT: Many people say they believe that a slump in commercial real estate prices will be the next major problem facing the nation’s banks.

It is apparently something that is worrying Senator Bob Porker, the pork barrel Republican of Tennessee. He suggested Thursday that banks might not be adequately prepared for a commercial real-estate decline — partly because they are counting on government bail out programs that may never materialize.

Commercial real estate decline? Federal bailout. Impossible!!!!!


BANZAI7 NEWS--Who is more likely to walk away from a house and a mortgage -- a person with super-prime credit scores or someone with lower scores?

Research using a massive sample of 24 million individual credit files has found that homeowners with high scores when they apply for a loan are 50% more likely to "strategically default" -- abruptly and intentionally pull the plug and abandon the mortgage -- compared with lower-scoring borrowers.

The Los Angeles Times reports: With foreclosures, delinquencies and loan losses at record levels, "strategic defaults and walkaways" are among the hottest subjects in residential real estate finance. Unlike in earlier academic studies, researchers were able to tap into credit files over extended periods to identify patterns associated with strategic defaults.

Among researchers' findings are these eye-openers:

* The number of strategic defaults is far beyond most industry estimates -- 588,000 nationwide during 2008, more than double the total in 2007. They represented 18% of all serious delinquencies that extended for more than 60 days in last year's fourth quarter.

* Strategic defaulters often go straight from perfect payment histories to no mortgage payments at all. This is in stark contrast with most financially distressed borrowers, who try to keep paying on their mortgage even after they've fallen behind on other accounts.

* Many strategic defaulters are likely to be well to do bankers, mortgage handlers, real estate brokers and Congressional Committee Chairmen.

* Strategic defaulters are just doing what common sense dictates.

* Having the money and deciding to default on an underwater mortgage is much more acceptable than being unemployed, starving and homeless.

* "Strategic defaulter" is a euphemism for a well healed deadbeat.

And yes, this is swell news for the economy.


BANZAI7 NEWS--A NASA spacecraft orbiting Mars has spotted exposed ice in five different spots on the Red Planet.

After years of speculation and last year's intensive hunt, NASA scientists reported today that they've found frozen water just a few feet below the planet's surface.

NASA believes most of Earth's water will rapidly evaporate from global warming. Hence the recently expanded search for water on the Moon and on Mars. Scientists are busy designing giant water transporters. The plan is to send humongous rocket vehicles loaded with unemployed Americans, before they return home loaded with much needed Martian and Looney H20.

Questioned about the actual need for water on Earth, NASA officials said: "The unemployed Americans will be very busy on Mars. Free tickets will also be offered to VIPS such as Self Presumed Iranian President I'm-a-Nutjob. "

In a related development:

The Air Force began its third effort to award a $35 billion contract for aerial water tankers on Thursday, with Congressional leaders saying the proposed water tanker fleet could go a long way towards solving the unemployment problem.



BANZAI7 NEWS--Japan Airlines has asked for a government bailout ("Bairu Oto"), the company’s chief executive said Thursday, as the struggling carrier battles for survival by canceling flights and laying off workers. The company is also considering a name change to Kamakazee Airways.

And what does a bailed out Japanese executive yell....BANZAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!


BANZAI7 NEWS--Tom DeLay, the former Texas Republican congressman, made his debut Tuesday night on ABC’s "Dancing With the Stars." With partner Cheryl Burke, he danced the cha cha cha to — "Wild Thing."

On the show’s busy website, DeLay is quoted as saying, “One thing I wasn’t prepared for in learning to dance was getting in touch with my feminine side.”

(WILD THING, The Troggs)

Vile made Capital politics stink...
You made everything
Rotten anchovies?
I said vile thing...

Vile thing, I think we can do without you
But this we know for sure
Come on, you'll screw every ethical rule in sight
The GOP still loves you

Vile made politics stink...
You made everything
Taste so scurvy
I said vile thing...

Vile thing, I think your just a moron with weak knees
And this we know for sure
So come on, please get out of our sight
You piece of GOP dead meat

AND NOW......


BANZAI7 NEWS--Closely following the recent guerilla news expose of ACORN employees offering tax and business advise to two Republican burger flippers posing as a white superfly pimp and a Columbian hooker who actually speaks English, a team of Somali entrepreneurs posing as pirates reportedly obtained assistance from a Fort Lauderdale ACORN office on how and when to hijack a cruise vessel loaded with young Republicans training to become BORAT-ilists.


BANZAI7 NEWS-- An unemployed man has unearthed the largest hoard of Anglo-Saxon gold ever found with the help of his metal detector. Experts are now calculating its value—a process that could take more than a year because of its size.

Terry Herbert from Burntwood, Staffordshire, stumbled on the hoard in a private field with his trusty 14-year-old metal detector.

Running out of new ideas to stimulate the economy and reduce the health care costs of fast food obesity, Timmy Geithner has reportedly recommended an emergency order of 100 million metal detectors from Chinese manufacturers.


BANZAI7 NEWs--Using data collected by three different missions studying the doors of outhouses, researchers have their strongest evidence yet of possible signs of water on the moon.


BANZAI7 NEWs--Ringing abandoned pyramids are nine palaces "frozen in time" that may help unravel the mystery of the ancient Maya, reports an archaeological team.

Hidden in the hilly jungle, the ancient site of Kiuic (KIE-yuk) was one of dozens of ancient Maya centers abandoned in the Puuc region of Mexico's Yucatan about 10 centuries ago. The latest discoveries from the site may capture the moment of departure.

"The people just walked away and left everything in place," says archaeologist George Bey of Millsaps College in Jackson Miss., co-director of the Labna-Kiuic Regional Archaeological Project. "Until now, we had little evidence from the actual moment of abandonment, it's a frozen moment in time.

But we suspect arrogance, corruption and greed played an important part."

BANZAI7 NEWS--Ringing gigantic abandoned pyramid schemes are nine investment banking palaces "frozen in time" that may help unravel the mystery of the ancient bankers, reports an archaeological team.

Hidden in the canyons of lower Manhattan, the ancient site of Wall Street was one of dozens of ancient banking centers abandoned about 10 centuries ago. The latest discoveries from the site may capture the moment of departure.

"After the sucker investors just walked away, the bankers walked and left everything in place," says archaeologist Georgie Boy. "Until now, we had little evidence from the actual moment of abandonment, it's a frozen moment in time.

One thing is certain, arrogance corruption and greed were the major cause."


BANZAI7 NEWS--Fresh out of Gaddafi's Big Top goat harem, Iranian Self Pressumed President I'm-a-Nut-Job has called on the US media to shift their focus away from the Holocaust into other massacres that have taken place in the world.

Nutjob said: "For example, did you know California state authorities are hunting for the perpetrators who killed 15 goats being used as part of a fire prevention brush-clearing exercise. The infidel bastard who did this shot them all with a small-caliber gun inside a portable corral in Oakland's King Estates Recreation Area.

I am half goat, my mother is a goat and I love goats. So this is very distressing news to me."


BANZAI7 NEWS--For the first time in Saudi Arabia’s history, men attending a university north of Jeddah will have special classmates – women.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009



BANZAI7 NEWS--As a senior House Democrat announced an ambitious schedule to complete legislation overhauling the nation's financial system, the Obama administration on Wednesday abandoned a symbolically significant provision in the face of widespread political and industry opposition.

At a hearing before the House Financial Services Committee, Treasury Secretary Timothy F. Geithner announced that the administration had dropped a provision in its plan for a consumer financial protection agency that would have required banks and other financial services companies to offer so-called "plain vanilla" products, such as 30-year fixed mortgages and low-interest, low-fee credit cards.


“Crackers.” “Insulting.” “Stupid.”

Those epithets and more have been hurled at Adair Turner, the blue-blooded scold of City of London, Europe’s Wall Street.

But after the financial debacles of the past year, Mr. Turner, Britain’s chief financial regulator, refuses to back down. He insists on posing some uncomfortable questions for London financiers — and he is raising a bit of a ruckus in the process.

[Source NYT Dealbook]


BANZAI7 NEWS--Chinese President Fu Gin Tao on Wednesday called for "credible steps" to combat nuclear weapons proliferation and push for nuclear disarmament.

In a first speech by a Chinese president to the 192-member United Nations General Assembly, Hu made no direct mention of Iran and North Korea, two countries with which Beijing has close ties but that have been subjected to UN sanctions over their nuclear programs.

Yup, yuuuuup, yupppp....


BANZAI7--Shunned Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi slept in the Barnum and Bailey Circus Big Top at Coney Island last night as officials in the suburban town of Bedford issued a stop-work order on his palatial four story tent being erected on property owned by Donald Trump. Trump made the last minute circus arrangements after the Libyan leader's tent fell through.

Early this morning the Big Top collapsed when a herd of circus goats enticed into a soiree by Gadaffi and his guest Iranian President I'm-a-Nut-Job, was frightened into a stampede by Trump's goat hair toupee.

The Donald is rumoured to be in discussions to syndicate a new TV show MC'd by Gadaffi: "The Asshole"

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Several world leaders on Tuesday gave the most decisive indication in months that they will work to revive floundering negotiations aimed at securing a new international climate pact.

Yup, Yuuup, Yuuuuuuuuuuuuup!


BANZAI7 NEWS-- Huffington Post Reports: Sarah Palin is planning her first trip to Hong Kong, having accepted one of a over a thousand speaking invitations. She may have chosen poorly.

Business Insider reports that the request from brokerage firm CLSA was made "almost certainly as a practical joke."

In the past, they've polled Asian fortune tellers for index targets, hired anime cartoonists to draw Japanese research, and generally love to push the boundaries between entertainment and analysis. They are a real research firm, it's just that they love to sprinkle in some hilarity every now and then as a smart marketing gimmick.

Sarah Palin is this year's big laugh for them.

Read more at:

(Hong Kong Garden, Siouxsee and the Banshees)

Hair brained nitwit flying here
Spreading necon garbage everywhere
Heaps of GOP brain disease
While the trailer trash population feeds
That junky GOP mama floats on polluted political water
An old custom to sell your daughter
Letterman you like number 23?
Leave your yens on the counter please
Hong kong nut house warden

Tourists swarm to see her face
A CLSA meeting is a puzzling place
Disoriented she enters in
Unleashing scents of wild moose and gin

Slanted eyes meet a troublesome surprise
A political gal with brains smalleer than dim sum size
"Oh, have some Chicken chow mein and chop suey guys"
Hong kong nut house warden puuuuulllease take her away
Hong kong nut house warden


BANZAI7 NEWS--Money management difficulties may be a sign that people with mild memory problems will soon develop Alzheimer's disease, a new study suggests.

Better keep an eye on former AIG management and Wall Street.

Monday, September 21, 2009



BLOOMBERG-- A North Carolina man and a Texas man were arrested on federal charges that they defrauded investors of $80 million in a Ponzi scheme using purported investments in automatic teller machines.

“It was a classic Ponzi scheme,” Joseph Demarest, assistant director in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation in New York, said today in a statement. “The phantom revenue came from new investors. The scheme itself, until discovered, was one giant cash machine.”

According to a newly unsealed conspiracy and fraud investment, Moore, 55, and Netschi, 62, told investors that their money would be used to buy ATMs to be placed in retail locations around the country, and that fees from the machines would repay investors.

“In truth and fact, Moore and Netschi did not use the victims’ funds to purchase ATMs, but rather used the money to further the fraudulent scheme and to enrich themselves,” U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara in New York said in the statement.

BANZAI7 NEWS-- Corporate America has defrauded investors of billions in a giant Ponzi scheme using investments in purported income generating businesses.

“It is a classic Ponzi scheme,” Joe the Dentist, assistant director in charge of the Federal Bureau of Investigation in New York, said today in a statement. “The phantom revenue comes from new junk bond investors. The bond principal is later marked down in Chapter 11. The scheme itself, until discovered, will continue to be one giant cash machine.”

According to a BANZAI7 study, acquisitive corporate executives tell investors that their money would be used to buy businesses generating income that will be used to repay the bonds.

“In truth and fact, executives use the victims’ funds to create giant pyramids of non-performing business assets and to enrich themselves with obscene compensation packages."

Sunday, September 20, 2009


Watchit Simpleton Frozen and Klutz LLP

Memo to our Clients

Recent developments in the BAC/Merrill merger appear to have eroded the great Wall of Wall Street that has heretofore protected corporate America from accountability for greed, criminal negligence, lies and all manner of corporate excess.

We can no longer guarantee that director indemnity clauses, Director and Officer Liability insurance, attorney client privilege, “materiality” mumbo jumbo, Rule 10(b) hide, nolo consent decrees, SEC incompetence, CNN, the Delaware business judgment rules and high priced legal opinions from this firm will be adequate to protect your sorry @$$es from the man.

We advise our clients and all of corporate America to head for them thar

Yours truly,

Martin Simpleton Esq.

Goldman on Wheels

BANZAI7 NEWS--A Goldman Sachs Group private equity fund is investing about $250 million in Chinese carmaker Geely Automobile, a move that could free up capital for Geely's parent to bid on Ford's (F.N) Volvo unit, the Wall Street Journal reported, citing an unidentified source.

Goldman CEO Floyd Blankfart said: Now that we have finished screwing US homeowners it is time we screwed those bailout whores at the US auto industry.

I'm A Nut Job Speaks Out at Rally

BANZAI7 NEWS--Self presumed Iranian President I'm-a-Nutjob attempted to set the record straight on a number items at a rally on Friday. Mr. Nutjob said:

1. The Holocaust is "a false pretext to create Israel."

2. It is absolutely not true that unprotected sex with goats is dangerous.

3. My father married a goat.

4. I am the living proof.

5. Although I am half goat, I'd walk a kilometer for a camel!

Iranian animal rights activists were out in force to protest nutty one's bestial habits.

Saturday, September 19, 2009


OMA JAPAN (NYT)---Fishermen here call it “black gold,” referring to the dark red flesh of the Pacific bluefin tuna that is so prized in this sashimi-loving nation that just one of these sleek fish, which can weigh a half-ton, can earn tens of thousands of dollars.

The cold waters here once yielded such an abundance of bluefin, with such thick layers of tasty rich fat, that this tiny wind-swept seaport became Japan’s answer to California’s Napa Valley or the Brie cheese-producing region of France: a geographic location that is nearly synonymous with one of its nation’s premier foods.

BANZAI7 NEWS--Wall Street traders here call it “fools gold,” referring to the illiquid mortgage backed securities once so prized in this sashimi reeking financial district that just one sleek CDO issue, which can weigh a few billion dollars, can earn tens of millions of dollars of commissions.

The cold waters here once yielded such an abundance of asset backed munching fish, with such thick layer$ of tasty rich fat, that Wall Street became New York's answer to California’s Silicon Valley.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Excellent Read!!!!

What Kind of Judge Stands Up For Truth and Justice?

By Steven Pearlstein (Washington Post)
Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I don't know about you, but I've had it up to here with activist judges who think they can overturn decades of legal precedent and ignore well-established norms of legal behavior in the pursuit of vague ideals like "justice" and "morality."

The latest example comes from the U.S. District Court in Manhattan, a hotbed of judicial promiscuity, where earlier this week Judge Jed S. Rakoff refused to go along with a perfectly good settlement that had been carefully worked out between Bank of America and the Securities and Exchange Commission -- an agreement no different from thousands of similar deals approved by courts over the years. In a brief order brimming with outrage and common sense and references to Oscar Wilde, he rejected the proposed $33 million settlement as "neither fair, nor reasonable nor adequate" and ordered that the case go to trial.

I'll go into the details of the case in a moment, but even without them it should be obvious that this is a flagrant case of judicial overreaching.

A trial? Does Rakoff expect the $750-an-hour lawyers at Cleary Gottlieb to actually go into court and try a case on behalf of the bank rather than simply string things along with endless motions and depositions until they wear down the other side?

And what does fairness -- or as Rakoff defined it, "elementary notions of justice and morality" -- have to do with securities law? Hasn't he learned that securities law is supposed to be about the triumph of form over substance, about generating endless paperwork for lawyers while giving shareholders the illusion of knowing what management is up to?

And can you believe the total lack of judicial decorum in declaring, in simple English, that the largest bank in the America had "lied" to its shareholders? Any first-year law student knows that what he really meant was that there was "a failure to disclose material information in accordance with SEC Rule 10(b)-5."

Bank of America, of course, doesn't see it that way at all. Just because it told its shareholders that, in connection with its purchase of the failing brokerage Merrill Lynch, no bonuses would be paid to Merrill directors, officers and employees without its written consent, that didn't really mean there would be no bonuses. After all, the proxy also had a passing reference to the possibility of an exception to this statement, which could be found in Section 5.2 of something called the Company Disclosure Schedule. All a diligent shareholder had to do was read Section 5.2 to learn that, in fact, Bank of America had already approved $5.8 billion worth of Merrill bonuses. Then again, getting hold of the aforementioned Disclosure Schedule would have been quite a challenge, because, according to common corporate practice, the schedule was never actually disclosed.

Unfortunately for Bank of America, this is one of those subtleties of securities law that even the securities lawyers at the SEC had trouble grasping, particularly after the Merrill bonuses became public and a political firestorm ensued. An investigation was launched, and the SEC decided to bring civil charges against the bank for knowingly misleading its shareholders.

Rather than fight the charges, the bank opted to settle, explaining to the judge that it just wasn't worth the legal expenses and all the attendant bad publicity to establish its innocence at trial. As is customary when entering into such settlements, the company refused to either admit or deny that it had done anything wrong, even while promising never to do it again. It's the sort of logical sleight of hand that judges overlook every day, but this time Rakoff would have none of it. He went so far as to call the injunction against future infractions a "pointless exercise."

Rakoff also balked at imposing the agreed-on $33 million fine on Bank of America. As he explained it to incredulous lawyers from both the bank and the SEC, he just couldn't see the logic of imposing a fine that would effectively be paid by the very shareholders who had been lied to, even as those responsible for the lie got off scot-free. Instead, he embarked on a quixotic campaign to find out who exactly was responsible for the lie, only to meet resistance from both the bank and the SEC. Bank officials had told the SEC that it was their lawyers at Wachtell Lipton who were responsible for preparing the proxy documents, but when the SEC asked Bank of America to waive its attorney-client privilege to interview the lawyers and find out if that was true, the bank refused. It was a legal Catch-22. In the end, the SEC told Rakoff that there was simply insufficient evidence to bring charges against any individuals.

Most judges, of course, have long since come to accept and even embrace such ambiguities, which to those outside the legal system may seem absurd. They embrace the legal notion of immaculate conception, which holds that there can be corporate wrongdoing without there necessarily being any wrongdoers. They hold sacrosanct the attorney-client privilege, particularly when it protects the reputation and livelihood of other lawyers. They understand that their job is not to get to the bottom of things, only to the bottom of their own docket.

But not Jed Rakoff. Despite decades on the bench, he's still naive enough to believe that the laws mean what they say, and that just because everyone does it doesn't mean it's right. He refuses to allow his court to be used to burnish the public reputations of the parties, especially when it comes at the expense of the truth. He cares about outcomes more than process.

Come to think of it, maybe Rakoff is exactly the kind of activist judge we need more of, not less.


BANZAI7 NEWS--California’s unemployment rate in August hit its highest point in nearly 70 years, starkly underscoring how the nation’s incipient economic recovery continues to elude millions of Americans looking for work.

While job losses continue to fall, the state’s new unemployment rate — 12.2 percent, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics — is far above the national average of 9.7 percent and places California, the nation’s most-populous state, fourth behind Michigan, Nevada and Rhode Island. (Reuters)

Earlier this week Ben Bernanke declared the recession is probably over (at Goldman Sachs perhaps).

(Bobby McFerrin, Don't Worry Be Happy)

Here is a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don’t worry be happy
Every semi-century we have some Wall Street trouble
When you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be Bernanke……

Ain’t got no safe place to lay your little nest egg
One of these days it’ll crumble and you’ll have to beg
Don’t worry, be Bernanke
America's hit record unemployment rates why hyperventilate?
One of these days we may have to raise interest rates
Don’t worry, be Bernanke
Look at me I am Bernanke
Don’t worry, be Bernanke
Here I give you my cell phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
Don’t worry, be Bernanke
Ain’t got no jobs, ain’t got no consumer spending or new manufacturing style
Ain’t got no data to make you smile
But don’t worry be Bernanke
Cause when you worry
Your face will frown
And that will bring the market down
So don’t worry, be happy (now)…..

There is this little song I wrote
I hope you learn it note for note
Like good little investor children
Don’t worry, be Bernanke
Listen to what I say
In your life expect some market trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don’t worry, be Bernanke……
Don’t worry don’t do it, be Bernanke
Put a smile on your face
Don’t bring everybody down like this
Don’t worry, the jobless recovery is here at last
Whatever it is
Don’t worry, be Bernanke


BANZAI7 NEWS--On Thursday, speaking to an audience at the Wharton Business School, Mr. Thain addressed the touchy subject of his $1.2 million office renovation, which created quite a buzz when it was first reported in January. “If I had that to do over again,” he said, “I’d furnish it in Ikea.” (NYT)

(You're so Vain, Carley Simon)

You waltzed into the Bail Out party
Like you were sailing on an unsinkable yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was really hiding a mega Merrill subprime surprise
You had one eye on the Level III mirror
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all those second rate Charlotte Bankers dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and

You're John Thain
And yes this song is about you
Don't complain
I'll bet you think B of A can't live without you
Without you? Without you?

You had Ken Lewis several months ago
When he was so naive its hard to believe
Well, you said that the Thundering Herd would make an awesome notch on his sleeve
And that you John Thain would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was a 10 Million Dollar bonus snub
And good ol Ken's grandiose dreams turned out to be clouds in his bailout coffee
Clouds in his bailout coffee, and

You're John Thain
And yes this song is about you
You're John Thain
I'll bet you think B of A can't live without you
Don't you? Don't you?

Thursday, September 17, 2009


NYT--Hammer-and-sickle flags flutter above government offices in central Vientiane, and the entrance to the national museum is decorated with massive sculptures glorifying the workers’ revolutionary struggle.

Officially, this sparsely populated country is still communist — and has been since 1975. But these days, that really depends on whom you ask.

BANZAI7 NEWS--Stars and Stripes flutter above government offices in Washington DC, and the entrance to Federal Hall at the head of Wall Street is decorated with massive sculptures glorifying capitalism.

Officially, this densely populated country is still a capitalist democracy — and has been since 1776. But these days, that really depends on whom you ask. Here we have socialism for the rich and capitalism for everyone else.


BANZAI7 NEWS--American International Group Inc. Chief Executive Officer Robert Benmush was rebuffed by the insurer’s board after saying he should be allowed personal use of the bailed-out company’s aircraft, according to two people familiar with the matter.

This guy Beanmush, who takes vacations on his first day at work, gives Reuter's interviews from his exclusive Croatian Outhouse (equipped with 18 Bathrooms) and calls Andrew Cuomo a criminal, still does not get it. A certified moron...

WSJ--Inside the offices of AIG and its government minders, there is a push to rescue one of AIG's most important units. It is the largest airplane-finance company in the world, known as International Lease Finance Corp., and like much of this country, it can't pay its coming debts.

Here's an idea. Why doesn't Beanmush lease a Croation jet from ILFC on his own dime.

(The Letter, The Boxtops)

Gimme a ticket for a corporate jet plane,
Ain't got time to take a fast train.
Good old days are gone, I'm a-goin' goin' gone,
'Cause AIG's directors just a-wrote me a letter.

I don't care how much bailout money the taxpayers gotta spend,
Got to get back to my Croation bathhouse again
Good old days are gone, I'm a-goin' goin' goin gone,
'Cause AIG's directors just a-wrote me a letter.

Well, they wrote me a letter
Said I could live without a private jet no mo'.
Listen mister can't you see I got to get back
To my Croatian vacation once a-mo'--anyway...

Gimme a ticket for a corporate jet plane,
Ain't got time to take a fast train.
Good old days are gone, I'm a-goin' goin' gone,
'Cause AIG's directors just a-wrote me a letter.


BANZAI7 NEWs--Mary Travers, whose ringing, earnest vocals with the folk trio Peter, Paul and Mary made songs like “Blowin’ in the Wind,” “If I Had a Hammer” and “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?” enduring anthems of the 1960s protest movement, died Wednesday night in Danbury Hospital in Connecticut.

(Puff the Magic Dragon, Peter, Paul & Mary)
WilliamBanzai7 (Sept 2008)

POOF!, the bailout dragon lived by the subprime sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist near a land of Wall Street greed,
Little Hanky Paulson loved that rascal POOF!,
And brought him mortgage backed securities and other fancy finance stuff. oh

POOF!, the bailout dragon lived by the subprime sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land of Wall Street greed,
POOF!, the bailout dragon, savior of all deadbeats,
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land of Wall Street greed.

Together they would travel on a workout boat with billowed sail
Hanky kept a lookout perched on POOF!s gigantic tail,
Finance kings and princes would bow wheneer they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when POOF! roared out his name. oh!

POOF!, the bailout dragon lived by the subprime sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land of Wall Street greed,
POOF!, the bailout dragon, savior of all deadbeats
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land of Wall Street greed.

Wall Street lives forever but not so little boys
Without leverage and quantitative finance you can't make make fancy toys.
One grey night it happened, Hanky Paulson came no more
And POOF! that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, greenbacks ceased to rain,
POOF! no longer wanted to play financial legerdemain.
Without his life-long friend, POOF! could not be brave,
So POOF! that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his bailout cave. oh!

POOF!, the bailout dragon lived by subprime sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land of Wall Street greed,
POOF!, the bailout dragon, savior of all deadbeats
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land of Wall Street greed.

(Blowin in the Wind, Mary Travers)

How many points must the DOW slide down
Before it's safe to buy once again ?
Yes, n how many zombie banks must Uncle Sam bail
Before the Federal budget sinks in the deficit quicksand?
Yes, n how many times must FWMD cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, Warren my friend, is blowin in the wind,
The answer is blowin in the wind.

How many times must investors look up
Before they can see the Ponzi blue sky?
Yes, n how many ears must the SEC have
Before it can hear the whistle blowers's cry?
Yes, n how many financial disasters will it take till it knows
That too many greedy CEO's have lied?
The answer, Warren my friend, is blowin in the wind,
The answer is blowin in the wind.

How many years can a bloated asset bubble exist
Before its washed to the bear market sea?
Yes, n how many years can free markets exist
Before they're consumed by Wall Street hubris and greed?
Yes, n how many times can a man turn his 401(k) head,
Pretending he just doesnt see?
The answer, Warren my friend, is blowin in the wind,
The answer is blowin in the wind.

(Where Have All the Flowers Gone-Pete Seeger)

Where have all the bailout bucks gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the bailout bucks gone?
Long time ago
Where have all bailout bucks gone?
Greedy bankers and AIG Sponge Bobs have picked them every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Where have all the hedge funds gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the hedge funds gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the hedge funds gone?
Exploded every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the investment bankers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the investment bankers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the investment bankers gone?
Gone and laid off every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the investors gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the investors gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the investors gone?
Fled to cash every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the trading profits gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the trading profits gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the trading profits gone?
Covered with toxic mark downs every one
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Actor Henry Gibson, who played roles ranging from loopy poets to vengeful Illinois Nazis and cranky judges during a 40-year film and television career, has died at age 73, his representatives said Wednesday.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Hours after his release from prison, the Iraqi journalist who hurled his shoes at former President George W. Bush said that he had been tortured while in jail, and his family said that he would flee Iraq, fearing for his life.

(These Boots are Made for Walkin, Nancy Sinatra)

You keep saying troops will soon be withdrawin.
Just like you said something about finding WMD, but confess.

You've been messin' too long in IRAQ where you shouldn't be a messin'
and now everyone is gettin' shafted in the mother of all sorry messes.

These shoes are made for throwin, and that's just what I'll do
one of these days these Vibram Soled Mocs are gonna get thrown right at you!

You keep lying, when you oughta be a truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.

You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

These shoes are made for throwin, and that's just what I'll do
one of these days these Vibram Soled Mocs are gonna get thrown right at you!

You keep playin' Commander where you shouldn't be playin
and you keep thinkin' that your sorry legacy will never get burnt.

Ha! I just found me a brand new box of Timberlanders yeah
and what I know you ain't HAD time to learn.

These shoes are made for throwin, and that's just what I'll do
one of these days these Vibram Soled Mocs are gonna get thrown right at you!

Are you ready shoes? Start flyin'!


BANZAI7 NEWS--In a surprise announcement at the Bronx Zoo, President Obama announced a new plan to build a bailout ark...


Twelve months, when the economy was green as green
There was more kinds of Wall Street scoundrels than you've ever seen
They'd run around free while the rest of us was being boned
And the loveliest swindler of them all was the quantitative unicorn

There was green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Some humpty dumpty CEOs and lots of MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but sure as you're born
The loveliest swindler of all was the quantitative unicorn

Lord Prez Obama seen some financial sinning and it gave him pain
And He says, "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain"
He says, "Hey Timmy, I'll tell you what to do
Build me a floating zoo,
and take some of those...

Green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Dump the humpty CEOs but keep some MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but sure as you're born
Don't you forget those quantitative unicorns

Good old Tim was there to answer the call
He finished up making the bailout ark just as the rain started to fall
He marched those swindling banker animals two by two
And he called out as they came through
Hey Chief,

I've got green alligators and pencil necked geeks
No humpty dumpty CEOs but lots of MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but Lord, I'm so forlorn
I just can't find no quantitative unicorns"

And Tim looked out through the driving market rain
Them unicorns were hiding, playing silly quantitative games
Slicing and dicing asset pools while the rain was falling
Oh, them silly unicorns

There was green alligators and pencil necked geeks
A few lucky humpty CEOs and lots of MBA chimpanzees
Tim cried, "Close the bailout door because the rain is falling
And we just can't wait for no quant unicorns"

The bailout ark started moving, it drifted with the market tide
The unicorns looked up from the subprime rocks and they cried
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away
That's why you never see quantitative unicorns to this very day

You'll see green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Even humpty dumpty CEOs and lots of MBA chimpanzees
Some Ponzi cats, derivative rats and hedge fund elephants, but sure as you're born
You're never gonna see no quantitative unicorns

Now you might think this is the ending to the song,
But I'll have to tell you friends that in fact you're wrong
You see, Quant Unicorns are magical, so when the rain started pouring,
They grew themselves some ALGO wings and they took to soaring.

You'll see green alligators and pencil necked geeks
Some humpty dumpty CEOS and MBA chimpanzees
But if you're looking for the quant unicorns, don't be forlorn,
The second door to the right and straight on until you reach the guilded door.

Monday, September 14, 2009


BANZAI7 NEWS--Commemorating the implosion of Wall Street and the failure of Lehman Brothers, President Obama announced that September 14 would henceforth be known as "Dick "the Gorilla" Fuld Day".

“I want Wall Street to hear my words. We will inevitably go back to the days of reckless behavior and unchecked excess at the heart of this crisis, where so many were motivated only by the appetite for quick kills and bloated bonuses. Given Washington's collective inability to pass effective regulations, this is the least I can do.”


BANZAI7 NEWS--After a couple who lost money in Bernard Madoff's Ponzi scheme surrendered their oceanfront home to Wells Fargo, neighbors saw one of the bank's executives spending weekends in the $12 million beach house and hosting parties there, the Los Angeles Times reported Friday.

Federal Marshals have invited the Malibu couple to stay for a week at the Madoff Montauk Beach house which is a naugahyde lovers wet dream.

Osama Bin There Done That

BANZAI7 NEWS--On the first anniversary of the demise of Lehman Brothers, Osama bin Laden, the al-Qaeda leader, has warned the American people over their government’s close ties with Wall Street in an apparently new audio tape posted on an Islamic Finance website on Monday.

“The time has come for you to liberate yourselves from fear, greed and the ideological terrorism of neo-conservatives and the Wall Street lobby,” Mr bin Laden’s latest tape said.

Mr. Bin Laden complains bitterly about his investments in structured notes issued by Lehman.

“The reason for our dispute with you is your support for Wall Street."

The message, titled “A statement to the American people”, was about 11 minutes long.

Its authenticity could not immediately be verified but the website is often used by supporters of al-Qaeda Asset Management.

Mr bin Laden said there had been no real change in US financial regulatory policy because Barack Obama, president, had retained Timothy Geithner, Treasury secretary, and others from the administration of George W. Bush.


Subterranean Dow Jones Blues
(Subterranean Home Sick Blues, Bob Dylan)

Johnny's in the basement
Trading on the internet
Out on the pavement
Thinking about the government
The banker in the trench coat
Kicked out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough
And wants his mortgage paid off
Look out kid
It's that crap trade you did
God knows when
But you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way
Lookin' for a new scam
The man in the red cap
With the the big bailout pen
700 Billion dollar bills
You gotta find some new thrills

Dick's got a big position to foot
Lehman's full of CDS/CDO soot
Talkin' bout that AIG put
All of us on same bus but
The markets tanked anyway
Hank says that many say
We can go bust anyday
Orders in from Ebay
Look out kid
Don't matter what you did
Walk on your winged tip toes
Don't try "No Doz"
Better stay away from those
Carry round a financial fire hose
Hard to keep a clean nose
Watch the men in plain clothes
You don't need a weather map
To know which way your stock goes

Get sick, get well
Hang around a red ink well
Closing bell, hard to tell
If anything their gonna sell
Try hard, get tarred
Get back, go to jail
Get enjoined, jump bail
Join a hedge fund, if you fail
Look out kid
You're gonna get hit
But losers, cheaters
Crooked subprime asset dealers
Hang around with 500 dollar Chelsea strippers
Sitting in the toxic asset whirlpool
Lookin' for a new fool
Don't follow market leaders
Watch the Federal debt meter

Ah get burned, keep warm
Shorts dance, lose your pants
Get dressed, sell distressed
Try to be a new success
Please buy, don't sell
Its a steal, need a lift
Twenty years of Wall Street hell
And they put you on the day shift
Look out kid
Try to keep it all hid
Better jump through a loophole
Light yourself a roman candle
Don't get caught wearing greek sandals
Try to avoid the market scandals
Don't wanna be a Wall Street bum
You better chew some new gum
The Fed pump don't work
Cause the vandals stole the handles...