TODAY'S QUOTE

"So here’s the situation. We’ve been through the second-worst financial crisis in the history of the world, and we’ve barely begun to recover: 29 million Americans either can’t find jobs or can’t find full-time work. Yet all momentum for serious banking reform has been lost. The question now seems to be whether we’ll get a watered-down bill or no bill at all. And I hate to say this, but the second option is starting to look preferable."--PAUL KRUGMAN

Read the rest here.

WB7--This is a very sad state of affairs. The banksters would have everyone believe that nothing is wrong. "True the government saved us from our own folly, but we have repaid our debt to society." The system works, nothing needs to be changed.

Right?

Wrong...forget about shadow bailouts and FDIC/Fed life support systems, what of the social cost of their  folly. How about all the unemployed and the foreclosed? How about the schools that are forced to cut back? How about those who have no access to basic medical services.  How about all the debt being shoveled to the next generation?

Everything is not ok and the people responsible for doing something about it are either incompetant,  on the payroll or both.

It is time for a political reset. That reset has nothing to do with Republicans or Democrats or Tea Party nitwits. The reset is a clean house. Get rid of as many incumbents as possible and make sure they are replaced with people who are not on the payroll and understand that there is more to America than transfering wealth to the corporate state.

CITI LOVE

BANZAI7 NEWS--CITIGROUP'S biggest individual shareholder on Saturday showed his affection for the banking giant’s chief executive, Vikram S. Pandit, as the firm struggles to regain its footing.

Prince Wally bin Talal of Saudi Arabia said in a love note, issued through his Kingdom Kong Holdings investment vehicle, that he treasures his close relationship with Mr. Pandit. Prince Walid also hosted a nightcap for Mr. Pandit.

VIOLENT EUROPEAN STORM

BANZAI7 NEWS--A violent storm is causng chaos in Europe. The intense low pressure system is tracking Northwest. The first major causalty is expected to be the EURO.

GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS

BANZAI7 NEWS--Several of the 26 suspects sought by Dubai police for the alleged killing of a top Hamas leader appear to have entered the U.S. shortly after his death, according to people familiar with the situation.

BEHAVIORAL FINANCE SIMPLIFIED

EXIT STAGE LEFT

BANZAI7--It is the perfect way for Bankster high-fliers to escape pitchfork and torch carrying mobs. A company is set to produce the first commercial JETPACKS – and one could be yours for just $70,000.  The populist beating packs will be manufactured after a  deal was signed with an international aircraft company this week.

Martin Aircraft Company, in Christchurch, New Zealand, aims to make 500 packs a year allowing first-bankster emergency escape propulsion through the skies.

DAY OF THE JACKALS

FINANCIAL TIMES--Prudential’s proposed mega-bid for American International Group’s coveted pan-Asian insurance assets has added to a feeding frenzy among global investment banks and advisory boutiques hungry for a slice of the action.

American International Assurance, the Asian unit in the Pru’s sights, is in advanced planning for a Hong Kong initial public offering expected to raise up to $20bn. However, that may be scrapped in favour of an outright sale to the UK-based insurer.

The IPO would generate hundreds of millions of dollars of fees and rabid global investment banks had fought ferociously to win the mandate.

Earlier this year, seven other banks were named in the lesser role of book-runners to the listing.

They included the rogues gallery of UBS, Goldman Sachs, Bank of America, Merrill Lynch, Citigroup and Credit Suisse.

The absence of JPMorgan, the only major global bank not on the list, sparked rumours that the bank had fallen out with AIG and that the insurer had taken its revenge by excluding it.

However, JPMorgan appears to have wanted to keep its powder dry and instead, it is advising and financing Prudential’s bid for AIA. If this deal goes through, justice will be served, at least as between JPM and Goldman Squid.

WB7--Take your prey and tear it to pieces the Wall Street way.

REUTERS UPDATE-- American International Group Inc's (AIG.N) board approved the sale of its Asian life insurance business to Britain's Prudential Plc (PRU.L) for $35.5 billion, a source familiar with the matter said on Sunday.

FANNIE NEWS

BANZAI7  NEWS--Fannie Mae reported a staggering $72 billion net loss for 2009, underscoring the challenges that still face the nation's largest mortgage financier.

The Washington-based company posted a $15.2 billion fourth-quarter loss and said it asked the U.S. Treasury for another $15.3 billion to stay afloat, bringing its total bailout tab past $76 billion.

PETA IN THE NEWS

BANZAI7 NEWS--The animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has nixed a plan to use Tiger Woods' image on a billboard urging people to spay and neuter their pets.

PETA previously announced it would erect a billboard in Windermere — near Woods' home — with his picture and the words: "Too much sex can be a bad thing ... Always spay or neuter!"

The group, which is known for edgy campaigns, says it decided to put the Woods billboard on hold after talking with the golfer's attorneys.

PETA wouldn't say whether Woods' attorneys threatened to sue.

The group plans to use a picture of celebrity homeboy and taxi driver Paul Goatee and an anonymous model instead.

Too much Sasha Grey could be a better thing.

INGLORIOUS BANKSTERS 2009

You probably heard we in the investment bankin' business; we in the Euro shortin' business. And cousin, Business is a-boomin'. 

BANZAI7 NEWS--A plan led by Germany to bail out Greece with aid of as much as €30 billion has begun to take shape, Greek and banking officials say, but the timing and terms of any rescue remained unclear.

Greek officials hope to steal a deal by Friday, when Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou meets in Berlin with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, but a senior German official insisted that the bailout papers are not in order.  "Who and what is Private Butz Blankfein?"

A BANKERS PROGRESS--DOONESBURY

RESERVOIR HOGS

 

All right gamblers, let's get gambling! 

WHAT DO WE NEED HEALTH INSURERS FOR ANYWAY?

LA TIMES--When the chief executive of gargantuan health insurer WellPoint (parent of Blue Cross of California) went before a congressional subcommittee the other day, she displayed all the smile-through-the-tears pluck of Annie looking to a sunny tomorrow or Scarlett swearing to God she'll never be hungry again.

WellPoint didn't really want to jack up health premiums on its customers by as much as 39%, she said -- it had no choice. "We care deeply about our California customers," she said.

But what she was really telling the committee members was this: "Please put us out of our misery."

Braly explained that her company's premium increases on individual policies were based on several circumstances: One, people are getting older. Two, people are becoming unemployed, and if they're healthy they're dropping out of the insurance pool. Three, the cost of diagnostic testing is soaring.

Implicitly, she begged for the government to help -- put people back to work so they're eligible for cheaper group plans, and clamp down on costs. (Not even the government can stop people for growing older.) Without that help, she intimated, premiums are going to keep rising sharply and WellPoint's already meager profits are going to be hammered worse.

In delivering this appeal, Braly was forced to make an implicit admission that her industry almost never makes explicitly: The nation's health coverage system is so hopelessly broken that even the health insurance industry can't handle it anymore.

Her testimony, and other statements she and other WellPoint executives have made, suggests that insurers can't profitably manage through periods of high unemployment. They can't price policies in a way that keeps healthy young people in the same pool as older people, producing a mockery of the very point of indemnity insurance. Despite a decade of unobstructed consolidation, which was sold to regulators as a way to control healthcare costs by creating mega-insurers like hers, her industry can't control healthcare costs.

Braly's words are a reminder of the most important unasked question in the entire healthcare debate: What do we need insurance companies for, anyway?

Read the rest here.

CFBI TO INVESTIGATE GLOBAL WARMING AND OPTION PRICING FORMULAS

BANZAI7 NEWS--The Nobel Prize-winning international scientific panel studying global warming is seeking independent outside review by the CFBI, for how it makes major reports.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change says it's seeking some kind of independent musical review because of recent criticism about its four 2007 reports.

The CFBI also needs to investigate Norway, Sweden and the Norwegean Nobel Committee to determine why quantitative quacksters such as Robert Merton and Myron Scholes were awarded Nobels.

CFBI USA

BANZAI7 NEWS--Senate Banking Committee Chairman Christopher Dodge abandoned the Obankster administration’s stand- alone consumer financial agency and is proposing a bureau in the Treasury Department, seeking to overcome Republican opposition to legislation overhauling Wall Street.

The  Consumer Financial Bureau Investigations unit (C.F.B.I.) would be run by musicians appointed by the president, have power to write parody lyrics for songs (inter alia) about companies offering financial services  and be funded mainly through door fees, according to a two-page summary the Connecticut Democrat circulated this weekend. The CFBI would report to the Treasury Secretary who would continue to be appointed by Goldman Sachs.

"Are you boys from the CFBI? No mam, we're musicians."

BEYOND THE ABYSS

Essentially, the theme of the film is that the rich ruling elite have gamed the system for decades and have destroyed the middle class of this country. Government malfeasance in passing the Community Reinvestment Act, repealing Glass Steagall, and allowing 5 Investment Banks (Goldman Sachs, Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, and Morgan Stanley) to leverage 40 to 1 led to the crisis. When these firms converted from partnerships, with individual liability, to corporations with no personal liability, Pandora's box had been opened.
Jim Quinn

TODAY'S QUOTE

"IF YOU LIE DOWN WITH DOGS, you'll get up with fleas. Goldman Sachs and the Greek government lay down together, and now the European Union suffers from a plague of fleas."
Barrons

RISKY BUSINESS

BANZAI7 NEWS--Billionaire Warren Buffett said Saturday that CEOs and the boards that hired them should pay a steep price if their companies get into trouble with risky investments.

As part of his annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway Inc. shareholders, Buffett encouraged other corporations to develop meaningful penalties for top executives who misjudge risk so they will be more careful. Buffett lamented that shareholders, not chief executives and directors, have borne most of the burden of company failures during the economic crisis of the past two years.

BANKSTA OF AMERICA'S RECORD PAYOUT TO EX-GOLDMAN SQUID PIRATE

BANZAI7 NEWS--Tommy (Dirty Butch) Montag, Banksta of America's investment banking chief, has taken the title of Wall Street's best paid pirate after being awarded a $29.9m  pay package for 2009.

Dirty Butch, formerly global co-head of securities at Goldman Squid before he was hired by Goldman alumnis and former Merrill CEO Johnny (the Loo) Thain, was awarded the pay-out in spite of the fact that, for the majority of last year, Banksta of America owed the US Treasury $45bn in capital payments and had an $118bn loan-loss guarantee from federal regulators.

WB7:  Are you happy that your government put Banksta of America on life support so this scallywagging Wall Street bucaneer can take $29.9 million home off a bad year? Now do you feel like a captive killer whale?

Ok me hearties, here's the secret:

1. Merrill Lynch was one of the leading purveyors  of securitized toxic garbage that came within a nanosecond of sucking it down the same hazardous waste disposal tube as Lehman.

2. Dirty Butch Montag was hired by Johhny the Loo Thain to reconfigure Merrill's investment banking/trading operations.

3. He lead Merrill's traders as they essentially doubled down on Merrill's subprime bets after the meltdown began and the BAC merger was announced.

4. Merrill sustained boatloads of losses which came within a nanosecond of sucking Bank of America down the tubes, absent billions of bailout dollars courtesy of Ben the Money Printer and Hank the Bailout Bank.

5. Butchy is one of the lucky Merrill bankers that got paid a big multi million dollar cash bonus before the merger was consummated.

6. BAC and Ken Screwless Lewis are now being investigated by Andrew Cuomo for lying to the bank's shareholders about this whole squalid state of affairs.

7. Now look which skallywagger is getting paid $30 million (give or take $100 grand) of government financed prop trading loot one year later.

If this tired series of events is not financial piracy, what is it?--'Savy business' acumen according to President Obankster.

Obankster does'nt get it.  Former Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack gets it:

“I still don’t think the industry gets it,” Mack said yesterday during an appearance in Charlotte, North Carolina. “The issue is not structure, it is amount.”

And Dirty Butchy Montag certainly got his. Arghhhhh!

WHY DO WE NEED TO BUY INTERNET ACCESS?

ECONOMIST STORY

A man in a balloon lands in the middle of a field on a cloudy/foggy day.

Another man in a business suit runs up and says can I help?

"Sure sir, can you tell me where I am?"

"Most certainly, you are in a balloon, in the middle of a field, probably somewhere within a calculable radius of the exact coordinates of your departure."

"Pardon me, but are you an economist at the Federal Reserve Bank?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"Because what you just told me is totally logical, well thought out and within a distributed range of possible outcomes, totally useless."

GOLDMAN AND MEDUSA

 

BANZAI7 NEWS--Federal Reserve Chairman Ben S. Bernanke said the U.S. central bank is reviewing derivatives contracts arranged between Goldman Sachs Group Inc. and investment banks with Greece.

BANANA HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC

BANANA HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC
(America the Beautiful)
WilliamBanzai7
O beautiful and spacious lies,
For fraudulent Wall Street gains,
With pinstriped swindling tragedies
Above your 401k!
America! America!
God won't shed this disgrace from thee
And crown those hoods--the banksta brotherhood
From scheme to ponzi scheme!

O beautiful for thievery and political lies
Whose two faced distress
A thoroughfare of lobbying and greed
Across the populist wilderness!
America! America!
God send thine every corrupt and crony fiend,
Confirm thy soul without self-control,
Their liberties above the law!

O beautiful for heroes screwed
In bungled economic strife.
Those who love themselves above their land
And moral hazard more than life!
America! America!
May God's work Goldman's Blankfein refine
Till all success be Fat Cat nobleness
And bailout gains divine!

O beautiful for patriots reamed
That sees beyond the tears of subprime slime
Thine asset bubble cities gleam
Undimmed by quantitative legerdemain!
America! America!
God won't shed this disgrace from thee
And crown those hoods-- the banksta brotherhood
One big den of Wall Street thieves!

JACKASS JIHAD

BANZAI7 NEWS--Libya's Moronman Gaddafi has called for a jackass jihad, against UBS Bank Switzerland, as an ongoing diplomatic row heats up.

He criticised the performance of his managed portfolio and said Muslims must boycott the Bank the BBC reported.

There have been tensions between Libya and Switzerland since 2008, when one of Gaddafi's sons was arrested in Geneva, accused of sleeping with two pidegree Swiss mountain goats.

A Swiss foreign ministry spokesman declined to comment on the jackass jihad call.

The Libyan leader made his comments while speaking at a meeting to mark the birthday of Ruby Venzuela.

"Let us wage jackass jihad against Switzerland, UBS Bank and financial innovation," he said.

DOOMS DAY SPIRAL POSTPONED

BANZAI7 NEWS--"There are clear signs that AIG has pulled out of what could have been a doomsday death spiral," said David Hairbrains, managing director in credit trading at Nimrod Securities International Inc., of New York. AIG's insurance results have been improving "after dropping off a cliff following the bailout blowout," he said. What he does not realize is that AIG is the doomsday machine that caused the spiral.

EURO OUIJA OUTLOOK

BANZAI7 NEWS--Large hedge funds are betting on a drop in the euro, expecting that the European currency will fall to parity with the U.S. dollar, according to a Wall Street Journal report late Thursday. The report cited unidentified people quoting comments from "all-star hedge-fund managers" representing the likes of SAC Capital Advisors LP and Soros Fund Management LLC at a recent New York gathering. Some of those managers said the euro, which traded at $1.51 in December but was at $1.36 Thursday amid concerns about Greek sovereign debt and other issues, could soon fall to $1.00.

THE CRAZIES: NIGHT OF THE LIVING FEDS

EXCLUSIVE BANZAI7 PREVIEW--Set in a small Iowa town called Mainstreet USA, The Crazies centers around the town’s sheriff, David Dumbass  and his accountant wife.

The town is suddenly afflicted with a mysterious, insane urge to borrow money, mortgage homes and buy toxic securities peddled by zombie bankers and mortgage brokers.

Shortly after the first people are infected, the security wing of the Federal Reserve is sent in to buy up everything and then kill everyone in sight. The couple must face the uncomfortable situation of losing their home in a foreclosure or fighting for their financial lives against the zombie bankers, mortgage brokers and living Feds.

A NITEMARE IN GREECE

SEANCE ENDS IN FAILURE

 

Oh great spirits of political good old days gone by...

 

BANZAI7 NEWS--A day-long televised Healthcare seance in Washington hosted by President Barack Obankster (you can Obankster on it) and magician Harry O Reidi has ended without summoning the spirits of the New Deal.

Mr Obama outlined his reform plan on a giant overhead Ouija board (Obama Board) but Republicans said it was patently unacceptable and called for a completely new seance led by Newt Garbage.

STANFORD LEE MORGAN

BANZAI7 NEWS--The name "Madoff" is too much of a burden to bear for a daughter-in-law of Wall Street's most notorious fraudster. Chase Madoff, the wife of one of Bernard Madoff's sons, is seeking legal approval to drop the tainted monicker to escape death threats, embarrassment and humiliation.

Legal papers filed in Manhattan reveal that Mrs Chase Madoff wants to formally change her surname, and those of her two young children Jay and Pia, to a less eye-catching "Morgan". She explains that her father-in-law, who is serving a 150-year jail sentence for masterminding a $65bn (£40bn) Ponzi scheme, was "recently featured prominently in the news for defrauding numerous investors in his companies".

If the court approves the petition the family will refer to themselves as....?

Bernie Madoff is also rumored to be contemplating a  name change to Stanford Lee Morgan.

"What's in a name? That which we call a swindler
By any other name would smell as foul?"
Romeo and Juliet

In other unrelated naming news, Trojan is ready to introduce a new gold condom commemorating Wall Street's record bonus bonanza and historic Greek ramjob, to be known as the Gold Man Sach.

CDMs ANYONE?

BANZAI7--Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke says the central bank is looking into Goldman Sachs and other Wall Street firms' use of a sophisticated investment instrument to make bets that Greece will default on its debt, the "credit default mop."

Bernanke says the Fed is looking into companies' use of credit default mops, a form of insurance bet on bond defaults. Bernanke made the comments at the start of a Senate Banking Committee hearing on moping up the economy.

The panel's chairman, Sen. Christopher Dodge, Douche-Conn., says he is troubled that this practice could worsen Greece's debt crisis. He further noted that the mop could soon land in Washington DC.

BLAME THE WEATHER!

BANZAI7 NEWS--The number of Americans filing for initial unemployment insurance surged to just below the 500,000 level last week, and have climbed more than 12% over the past two weeks, the government said Thursday.

"This is certainly not surprising given the very adverse weather conditions for the eastern half of the country, especially in the major population areas," said Robert Dye, a senior economist at PNC Financial Services. "Weather has a huge impact, particularly with things like construction, which remains very soft."

WB7: That's the ticket, blame the weather!

DUBAI LEAK

BANZAI7 NEWS--Emaar Properties was forced Thursday to evacuate part of its giant Dubai Mall after its centerpiece aquarium developed a cash leak.


"It's an insolvency problem," an Emaar security guard at Dubai Mall said. "The aquarium is leaking cash." The aquarium tank features the world's largest viewing panel at 32.8 meters wide and 8.3 meters high, and contains 33,000 fish including sharks, islamic bond investors, Goldman squids, and rays swimming in 10 million liters of water.

RETURN OF TIGER

THE ONION--PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex.

"Not being able to get out there and have sex has really been tough on me," Woods said. "I've missed it. I love screwing with all my heart."

Woods said that during his brief time away from sex, he couldn't stop thinking about one day resuming his daily regimen of sexual intercourse with random women who look vaguely like his wife, only skankier.

"When I am out there having sex, I am in complete control," said Woods, an acknowledged master of the long game who claims he is only truly at peace when he is between the legs of a woman. "It's just me and my thoughts. And a high-end escort. And the lounge dancer. And sometimes [caddie] Stevie. And probably some stewardess I just met."

The rest can be read here.

SHAMU ON US

BANZAI7 OCEANOGRAPHIC INSTITUTE--Imagine, if you will....You are of a highly intelligent and social terrestrial species, but  captured by a strange alien species that lives underwater. They put you in a white room roughly the size of a jail cell at Alcatraz and expect you to work for your daily hot dogs performing silly inane tricks like jumping through hoops and fetching toys 3 times a day. Sometimes the aliens come into your cell and ride on your back. You do this for 10 or 20 years. One day after reading about record Wall Street bonuses in the Wall Street Journal you get a chance to grab one of the little suckers and show them how you really feel.

Does this give you an idea of what happened at sea world?

THE MIRACLES OF FINANCIAL INNOVATION

 

It's a miracle!

NYT--Derivative bets by some of the same banks that helped Greece shroud its mounting debts with derivatives may actually now be pushing the nation closer to the brink of derivative generated financial ruin.

Echoing the kind of miracle derivative trades that toppled the American International Group, the increasingly popular insurance against the risk of a Greek default is making it harder for Athens to raise the money it needs to pay its bills, according to scientists, traders, money managers and swimming suit models.

JP MORGAN TIRE HEDGE

BANZAI7 NEWS--Atlanta City Solicitor Raines Carter told CBS Atlanta News that the city has issued an arrest warrant for the person they believe is responsible for a toxic tire dump located at 1462 Memorial Drive.

"We have filed a citation against this entity and it is our intention to prosecute this entity in court for that violation," said Carter.

The city solicitor said a bank executive in New York is the person responsible for cleaning up the hundreds of toxic tires that are piled up on the property. The arrest citation names James Dimon as the responsible person. He's the CEO of JPMorgan Chase Bank. "It is certainly our intention for him to be aware of this because we want these tires securitised and resold as soon as possible," said Carter.

Dr. Gus Gauss of the Banzai7 Institute on Derivatives and Financial Manipulations said: This confirms recent evidence that Wall Street is executing forward trading strategies designed to hedge surplus used tires  against shortages caused by Obankster tariffs on Chinese tire imports.

VOLCKER RULE TO GET THE BOOTY

BANZAI7 NEWS--Senators are expected to scrap President Barack Obama's proposal to prohibit commercial banks from certain risky trading activities, people familiar with the matter said, a setback for the administration's bid to limit the size and scope of the largest U.S. banks.

The proposal, dubbed the "Volcker rule" after former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker, would have essentially prevented any commercial bank with federally insured deposits from owning a division that makes speculative bets with its own capital.

WB7: Just to be clear, anyone who thinks 'prop trading' was not one of the causes of the financial meltdown has their head screwed on completely upside down. Prop trading is where the banks deploy boatloads of leverage to make bets on things like credit default swaps and oil. The rational reason for scrapping the Volcker Rule is campaign finance booty or the lack thereof if the banks get angry.

Are banks supposed to (a) make loans or (b) speculate in the markets? If you answered (a),  Senator Nimrod who knows all about campaign finance, thinks you know nothing about high finance.

Senator Nimrod will be needing a job Wall Street.

DERIVATIVES, THE FINAL FRONTIER

BANZAI7 SPACE NEWS--Skeptical senators are telling NASA's chief that the space agency lacks a proper goal and destination.

Earlier this month, the White House killed the previous administration's plan to land a man in Crawford, Texas. The space shuttles will soon be replaced with gypsy space buses.

NASA Administrator Charles Bolden says his agency has an ultimate goal: Mars. But he says it's more than a decade away and NASA  employees are increasingly more interested in derivatives engineering and destinations like the galaxy AIG (aka, the "Milk'em way").

The Milk'em Way

Shedding further light on this subject, Kenneth Feinberg, in an interview, recounted the conversation he had with an unnamed Wall Street bigwig to highlight something that has surprised him during his tenure as the so-called pay czar.

“You’re only paying me $9 million?” the Wall Street executive asked. “Why don’t you like me?”

“I always expected that Wall Street and Main Street weren’t going to be on the same page,” Feinberg said. “The same page? They’re not on the same universe. Their in the Milk'em Way”

EURO BROTHERHOOD

 

Fraud in the Euro Family

BANZAI7 NEWS--Deputy Prime Minister Theodoros Pangalos lashed out Germany for pushing Greece to undertake painful austerity measures, saying the country never paid adequate reparations for the Nazis' World War II invasion and occupation of Greece.

"They took away the Greek money and they never gave it back," he said in an interview with the BBC's World Service broadcast on Wednesday. "This is an issue that has to be faced."

Peace...

CURVE APPEAL AT AIG

BANZAI7 NEWS--American International Group Inc.’s derivatives unit, which brought the firm to the brink of failure with bets on subprime mortgages, was sued by two ex-vice presidents who said a “boys club” culture discriminated against older women.

One of the women alleged that Joseph Cassano, the genius who ran AIG Financial Products, said he prefers to drink beer with young shapely workers with “curb appeal,” not those who look like his aunt Bea and refused to trade baseball cards with them.

A managing director appointed to handle sexual harassment complaints said AIG should replace some staff with young and attractive workers to entertain Goldman Sachs guests and visiting dignitaries from Greece, according to the complaint filed Feb. 22 in federal court in New Haven, Connecticut.

NOTE: Curb appeal is attractiveness of the exterior of a residential or commercial property. The term was extensively used in the United States during the housing boom and continues to be used as an indicator of the initial appeal of a property to prospective buyers.

MEET THE NEW GRIM REAPER

 

Oscar the cat has an uncanny ability to predict when people are about to die. The nursing home cat, seen here at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island, is the subject of a new book called "Making Rounds With Oscar: The Extraordinary Gift of an Ordinary Cat." Dr. David Dosa, the book's author, says that Oscar has correctly predicted 50 deaths in a five year period. Oscar previously made it into the New England Journal of Medicine after the cat curled up next to 25 patients right before they died. The hospital even gave him a plaque for providing compassionate hospice care. (Stew Milne/AP Photo)

DOOMSDAY COUNTDOWN

BANZAI7--The chief of Britain’s central bank delivered a pessimistic assessment of the European economy and an indicator of German business sentiment fell unexpectedly.

“Recovery in our largest export market — the euro area — appears to have stalled,” Mervyn A. King, governor of the Bank of England, told a committee in Parliament.

WB7: Their principal export seems to be financial stilton cheese: credit default and currency swaps.

Meanwhile back at home we have the following positive news: February consumer sentiment fell unexpectedly, record numbers of banks on FDIC life support, 1761 mass layoffs (50 or more in one chop) by manufacturers in January, layoffs by ABC News and the NYC MTA, China unloading T Bills, lending by banks  remains stalled, foreclosures and bank failures still on the rise and lastly, record 2009 bonuses tallied on Wall Street.

Time to buy one of these?

REGULATING SHORTS

BANZAI7 NEWS--The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission is poised to curb some bearish stock bets, ending a yearlong debate between individual investors and Wall Street with a solution that fails to satisfy anyone.

A majority of the SEC’s five commissioners will vote today to temporarily restrict short sales of a company’s shares once it falls 10 percent, according to two people with direct knowledge of the rule. When the 10 percent threshold is triggered, traders could only execute short sales for the stock at a price above the market’s best bid, said the people, who declined to be identified before the decision.

 There’s no evidence the SEC proposals will reduce abusive short selling or boost investors’ confidence, Paul Russo, the head of U.S. equities trading for Goldman Sachs, wrote in a September letter to the SEC. Bearish bets help expose fraud and prevent companies from becoming overvalued, he added, unless Goldman Sachs shares are being targeted. In the latter instance we recommend a complete moratorium on short selling and derivative bets.

UNSAFE AT ANY SPEED?

BANZAI7 NEWS--Toyota President Akio Toyoda will offer his own apology and accept full responsibility for the growing questions about the quality of his company's cars when he testifies Wednesday before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.

"We pursued growth over the speed at which we were able to develop our people and our organization, and we should sincerely be mindful of that," Toyoda said in testimony released in advance.

WB7: This is what happens when big organizations believe they are infallible and lose touch with their customers. Sound familiar? This quote sure does...

WITH BONUSES LIKE THESE WHO NEEDS LENDING?

BANZAI7 NEWS-- Lending by the banking industry fell by $587 billion, or 7.5 percent, in 2009, the largest annual decline since the 1940s, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. reported Tuesday.

The number of "troubled" banks -- those the FDIC considers at some risk of failure -- increased to 702 at the end of 2009, a 64 percent increase over the end of the previous year.

The vast majority of the decline was the result of lending cutbacks by the largest banks, which have tightened qualification standards and increased the proportion of money that they hold in reserve against unexpected losses in their proprietary trading operations.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain--Mark Twain

MAN BULLDOZES HOME TO AVOID FORECLOSURE

Watch it here

MORTGAGE MADNESS

Here is a link to an article written by a Pakistani law graduate and his battle to prevent a foreclosure action by Wells Fargo against his first client. It is hilariously written and exposes the truth about hamstrung efforts to alleviate the plight of struggling subprime borrrowers and homeowners.

Someone should collect all of the evidence necessary to slap the banks with racketeering class action suits. That will get their attention fast. The banks deserve the same treatment as Big Tobacco, the Gambino Family, Mike Milken and the Catholic Archdiocese.

AL COHIBA

BANZAI7 NEWS--Cuban cigars — that quintessential emblem of high living, celebration and excess — have not weathered the downturn well, according to The Associated Press.

Cuban cigar sales fell 8 percent in 2009. The article attributes the decline primarily to a dwindling demand in Spain (the biggest market for Cuban cigars) and less international travel (and therefore, fewer sales at duty-free shops at airports).

Faced with such challenges, Cuba’s state-run tobacco company is turning its sights to an untapped market: Al Cohiba Terrorists

PREPARE FOR GLORY

 

Prepare for glory

BANZAI7 NEWS--Members of a Spartan union have blockaded the Athens Stock Market to protest government austerity measures aimed at tackling Greece's debt crisis. Protest organizers, backed by the Screen Actors Guild, say they plan to maintain the blockade through Tuesday and have so far prevented the building from opening for business.

CDO RODEO

According to Bloomberg News:

Goldman Squid underwrote $17.2 billion of the $62.1 billion in CDOs that AIG insured — more than any other investment bank. Merrill Lynch & Co., now part of Bank of America Corp., created $13.2 billion of the CDOs, and Deutsche Bank AG underwrote $9.5 billion.

Scuse me hile I absquatulate....

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

BANZAI7 NEWS--The respected American Academy of Paediatrics is calling for sweeping changes in the way hot dogs are designed and labelled to minimise the chances of dying on the back of a motorcycle.

I PLEAD THE FIF

BANZAI7 NEWS--The pressure on Toyota Motor Corp. intensified Monday as the company disclosed subpoenas from a federal grand jury and the Securities and Exchange Commission related to sudden acceleration in its cars, while the leaders of a congressional panel accused Toyota of misleading the public about safety problems.

Hearing sneak preview:

Mr. Toyoda, is it not true that your company willfully misrepresented the hazards of driving in Toyota cars equipped with faulty accelerators and brakes?

GOLDMAN RESTRUCTURES PUBLIC RELATIONS

BANZAI7 NEWS--To help Americans learn to love the blood sucking vampire squid that just destroyed the nation of Greece, Goldman Squid head Lloyd Blankfein is bringing in a media relations firm run by former Bush aide Dan Bartlett.  Bartlett was President Bush's longest-serving aide and, more importantly, the press's official "Senior Administration Official speaking on the condition of anonymity" of 2001-2007.

Here is a preview of Goldman's restructured PR gameplan:

1. Attack your opponents before they attack you, using modern "swiftboat" tactics.

2. Fear is your strongest  ally, induce fear and the public can be neutralised. Fear of the economic armageddon, fear of mass uprising, fear of communism should all be deployed. Suggested slogan: "Goldman Squid, America's Savior."

3. The truth is more irrelevant than you may think. When in doubt do a jig.

4.  Always imply what you can't say directly. Example: Instead of saying "we do God's work" always close statements of intention with the words "God willing."

5. All releases should be channeled through Fox News. Become a paying sponsor of the Glen Beck Show. Prepare daily market briefings for Rove, Limbaugh, Beck and Palin.

6. From here on in only watch Fox News. Don't read books and magazines.

7. Enlist Colin Powell to explain complicated trading positions and FWMD.

8. Never admit you made a mistake and never say "mission accomplished."

9. No press interviews.

10. Dress like cowboys and use folksy cowboy vernacular whenever possible. Financial jargon in cowboy dialect can be found here.

11.  Suggest immediate interdiction and water boarding of Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone.