LAMENT OF HANK THE BAILOUT KING
(Jack's Lament, The Nightmare Before Christmas)
WilliamBanzai7

There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best
For my talents are renowned far and wide
When it comes to surprises in the green trading light
I excel without ever even trying
With the slightest little effort of my hedging charms
I have seen global investors give out a shriek
With the wave of my hand, and a well-placed moan
I have swept the very bravest bankers of their feet

Yet year after year, it's the same routine
And I grow so weary of the sound of Wall Street dreams
And I, Hank, the Bailout King
Have grown so tired of the same old free market thing

Oh, somewhere deep inside of the US financial system
An emptiness began to grow
There's something else out there, far from my Wall Street home
A longing that I've never known

I'm a master of risk, and a demon of market sleight
And I'll scare you right out of your trading pants
To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Mister McLucky
And I'm now known throughout England and France

And since I am with the Fed, I can take off my head
To recite Keynesian quotations
No banker nor trader can scream like I can
With the fury of my recitations

But who here would ever understand
That the Bailout King with the capitalist grin
Would tire of his crown, if they only understood
He'd give it all up if he only could

Oh, there's an empty place in my bones
That calls out for something unknown
The fame and praise that will come next year a
Does nothing for these empty free market tears...