TEN REASONS WHY A.I.G.=F.U.B.A.R.

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Reason 1: Instead of remaining focused on selling substantial assets to pay down its debt to the US government, its managers are constantly whining about retention bonuses and compensation caps.

Reason 2: Hank Greenberg wants his toy back and thinks litigation is better than sex. He thinks the government should unilaterally reduce its stake to 20%.

Reason 3: CEO Beanmush has a mouth bigger than the firm's derivative exposure.

Reason 4: The backdoor bailout was so mismanaged that there is enough chicken poop to keep a mongol hoard of Congressional and other public investigators busy for years.

Reason 5: Elliot Spitzer just won't let it go and is leading a crusade to make all of the companies meltdown emails public (a good idea).

Reason 6: No one seems to know what the stock is worth. AIG executives apparently think it is worthless.

Reason 7: Those fancy asset spinoffs are on indefinate hold because unrealistic marketexpectations will never be met.

Reason 8: The company keeps phony books. How else can you keep a secret vault full of billions of dollars of bonds and other negotiable securities.

Reason 9: The company is full of mini-fiefdoms and corporate governance is a quagmire.

Reason 10: Would you buy insurance from a bailout basketcase?

FUBAR=Fucked Up Beyond All Repair