H1N1 V SWAPS

BANZAI7 NEWS--Employees of some of New York City’s largest financial service employers, including Goldman Sachs and Citibank have been ordered to receive emergency doses of the swine flu vaccine. Other than as originally thought, scientists now believe that the H1N1 swine flu originated from a species of pig known as Swinus Finansus.

New York City officials said that doctors for financial service employers should request the vaccine on a first priority basis. The NYC health officials have also stated that only high-risk individuals such as pregnant women, individuals with chronic illnesses and United States Congressmen can currently receive the vaccine ahead of bankers.

Other large employers to receive doses of the vaccination include Columbia University Business School, Scores Night Club and the Federal Reserve Bank all of whom have recently been in close proximity with Swinus Finansus.

Goldman Sachs is rumored to have commenced a market in H1N1 V Swaps.

Asked whether the vaccine would cure Wall Street excess, farmer Timothy Geithner replied: "That'd be like find'n an H1N1 needle in a financial haystack."