Friday, January 15, 2010

GOLDMAN SACHS REPENTS IN "JESUS MOMENT"


BANZAI7 NEWS--In a surprising turn of events Goldman Sachs announced that it will cancel its bonus payout for 2009. In lieu of receiving year end bonuses, all Goldman executives will receive a $40,000 expense stipend. The record 2009 bonus pool will now be redirected to "productive purposes." $4 billion will be paid out in a special shareholder dividend, another $2 billion will be used to fund a re-education foundation for unemployed blue collar workers. One billion dollars will be sent to Haiti and the balance will be disbursed to the United States Treasury as a special citizen contribution. Goldman executives have also volunteered to return 50% of the compensation paid to them since 2002.

Lloyd Blankfein said: "We recognise all the pain and suffering caused by our errant financial behaviour. Nothing can fully absolve us from collective reponsibility. But we hope these modest actions will signify our sincere regret. We hereby apologize to America."

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